Season 2 – Episode 5 – “And It’s Surely to Their Credit”

Episode Summary:

President Bartlet’s (Martin Sheen) controversial — and conservative — new choice for associate White House counsel (Emily Procter) has rough sledding on her first day when she suffers the wrath of her hostile boss Lionel Tribbey (John Larroquette), gets a chilly reception from her co-workers and is humiliated by two other staffers, Mark Brookline and Steve Joyce (Steven Flynn and Paul Perri). Also, when Josh’s (Bradley Whitford) insurance company turns down his claim for his recent life-saving medical bills, Sam (Rob Lowe) tries to convince him to sue the people who shot him — the Ku Klux Klan. In addition, C.J. (Allison Janney) tries to shame the outspoken General Ed Barrie (Tom Bower) who is critical of the President into meeting with her.

Script:

THE WEST WING
'AND IT'S SURELY TO THEIR CREDIT'
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: KEVIN FALLS & LAURA GLASSER
DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO

TEASER

JOSH [VO]
[shouting] Donna!

DONNA [VO]
Don't shout.

JOSH [VO]
[shouting] Donna! Come here!

FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Josh comes out of his office. He walks with Donna.

DONNA
Did you hear me say, 'don't shout'?

JOSH
No.

DONNA
You know why?

JOSH
'Cause you weren't shouting.

DONNA
That's right.

JOSH
That's right.

DONNA
What's the problem?

JOSH
They're still saying that I owe them fifty thousand dollars and that [reads]
'failure to pay will result in a negative report on your credit.'

DONNA
On my credit?

JOSH
On my credit. [sees Sam, shouts] Sam!

DONNA
Don't shout.

JOSH
I got another letter.

SAM
Don't worry about it.

JOSH
I am worried about it.

SAM
I called an insurance guy.

JOSH
They're referring me to insurance code 4336. You know what that means?

SAM
No.

JOSH
Okay. Uh, there's fifty thousand dollars worth of hospital bills they're
saying they don't cover.
You know what that means?

SAM
You may have to get yourself a job mowing lawns after school.

JOSH
Sam.

SAM
Don't worry about it.

JOSH
[shouting] Sam!

DONNA
Don't shout.

Josh drifts away. Donna walks with Sam in the HALLWAY.

DONNA
Sam.

SAM
Hi.

DONNA
I'm doing the radio today.

SAM
What's it about?

DONNA
You don't know what it's about?

SAM
No.

DONNA
You're a speechwriter.

SAM
I'm the Deputy Communications Director. I don't do the radio address.

DONNA
I think this one's about leaves turning.

SAM
Wouldn't be surprised.

DONNA
Will he take it seriously?

SAM
The President?

DONNA
Yeah.

SAM
Why wouldn't he take it seriously?

DONNA
You don't take it seriously.

SAM
I'm not the one who has to read it.

DONNA
I'm saying it's the end of the week. He gets a little punchy.

SAM
It's not live. He can do another take.

DONNA
Remember last April?

SAM
Yeah.

DONNA
Eleven takes.

SAM
I remember.

DONNA
Eleven.

SAM
What did he say? Insurance code 9336?

DONNA
4336. I had to give those people key chains.

SAM
What people?

DONNA
The guests at the radio address with the eleven takes. They were standing
in the Oval Office
for an hour and a half. I sent them home with White House key chains.

They arrive just outside THE MURAL ROOM, where about 20 or so guests for
the radio address
are waiting.

SAM
Knock 'em dead.

DONNA
Oh, stay here for a second.

SAM
Why?

DONNA
I'm gonna do my thing.

SAM
I've seen it.

DONNA
Yeah, but I'm adding a joke.

SAM
I'm sure it's great.

DONNA
Just, you know... [gestures toward the Mural Room]

SAM
Sure.

Donna enters. Sam remains standing outside the door.

DONNA
Excuse me. [clears throat] Good morning.

GUESTS
Good morning.

DONNA
Welcome to the White House. My name is Donnatella Moss. I work here in the
West Wing as an
assistant to Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman. Which, I guess, makes me
Deputy Deputy Chief
of Staff.

There is no reaction from the guests. Donna looks over at Sam, who is still
standing at the door.
He gives her a fake smile and a thumbs up, and quickly turns and walks down
the hall.

DONNA
Okay. Uh, we're gonna go over to the Oval Office now, if you'll follow me.

The whole group follows Donna into THE OVAL OFFICE, where the recording
technician prepares.

DONNA
As you probably know, the President does a regular Saturday morning radio
address, which he
records on Friday. The address is usually two to three minutes in length. When
it's over, the
President will be happy to stand for pictures. Uh, I'm gonna ask you to form
a horseshoe against
that wall. Not an actual horseshoe. That takes special training as a
blacksmith.

Again, the guests have no reaction to Donna's lame attempt at a joke.

DONNA
Okay.

Bartlet enters.

DONNA
Oh, thank God.

BARTLET
How's it going?

DONNA
They didn't laugh at the blacksmith joke.

BARTLET
That's almost hard to believe, Donna. [to the guests] How is everybody?

The guests respond with 'good morning sir' and various other brief answers.
Bartlet sits at his desk.

DONNA
We all set for the speech?

BARTLET
Not quite.

DONNA
What do you need, sir?

BARTLET
The speech.

Donna takes the speech out of a folder and places it on the desk in front
of Bartlet.

DONNA
Right here.

BARTLET
Thank you. Let's do this in one, shall we?

DONNA
Yes sir.

BARTLET
One-take Bartlet. That's what old Jack Warner used to call me.

The guests laugh at Bartlet's joke. The recording technician is ready to
record the radio address.

TECHNICIAN
Here we go. In three, two...

He holds up his index finger on 'one', then points to Bartlet.

BARTLET
Good morning. This month, as autumn is in full bloom in much of the nation,
the weekends will
be devoted by many of you to leaf peeping and football... watch... ing...

He starts to laugh.

TECHNICIAN
Cut tape.

BARTLET
[still laughing] I'm sorry. Leaf peeping? Is that something we do now?

TECHNICIAN
Try another.

DONNA
We better get some key chains in here.

BARTLET
I heard that.

TECHNICIAN
Here we go. In three, two...

The technician holds up his index finger on 'one', then points to Bartlet.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
The taping of the radio address continues.

TECHNICIAN
Okay, let's cut.

BARTLET
Sorry, everybody. This is gonna be it. Four is my lucky number.

DONNA
This is take five, sir.

BARTLET
Five is my lucky number. "Fifth-take Bartlet" -- that's what Jack Warner
used to call me.

DONNA
Did you really know Jack Warner, Mr. President?

BARTLET
Yeah, because I used to be a contract player in Hollywood and I'm 97 years
old.

DONNA
Okay.

BARTLET
Here we go.

TECHNICIAN
In three... two...

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
C.J. is walking. Toby catches up with her. They walk to C.J.'s OFFICE.

TOBY
C.J.?

C.J.
How you doing, Toby?

TOBY
I'm fine. Thanks. Listen...

C.J.
Have you noticed that I'm one of the few people around here whose nose isn't
bent out of
shape over Ainsley Hayes?

TOBY
Yeah. Listen...

C.J.
I'm serious!

TOBY
You heard the news and you slammed the door so hard it broke, okay? You
heard the news and
you broke the White House.

C.J.
Yeah, but I'm over it now and I'm saying other people aren't and they should
get over it.

TOBY
I'll see what I can do. In the mean time...

C.J.
I'm going to tell you something, Toby: I don't think it's that she's a
Republican, I think it's
that she's a Republican woman and she's good-looking.

TOBY
Well, those are three things, when in combination, usually spell 'careerism,'
but...

C.J.
Well, I think it's sexist in a bad way, and I'm coming down on her side.

TOBY
Good for you. Look...

C.J.
Toby, I am serious about this!

He responds quickly, before he's interrupted again.

TOBY
Ed Barrie is doing the Meet the Press on Sunday. Did you know that?

C.J.
No. This Sunday?

TOBY
Day after tomorrow.

C.J.
He's retiring, maybe it's just a farewell retrospective kind of a...

TOBY
He's also doing Sam and Cokie Late Edition and Capitol Beat.

C.J.
Are you sure about this?

TOBY
Sam got it from Mark Gottfried.

C.J.
Has anyone talked to Judy?

TOBY
The DOD press office isn't confirming anything.

C.J.
They won't confirm whether a three-star general is going on television to
beat up the President?

TOBY
No.

C.J.
Carol!

CAROL
[from outside] Just a sec!

TOBY
By the way, you are a beautiful woman. And no one around here has ever
assumed you were either
ambitious or stupid.

Toby turns to walk out of the office.

C.J.
Toby.

TOBY
Yeah.

C.J.
Took two years.

CAROL
[walks in] Yeah?

C.J.
I need to see General Barrie. I want you to go to the Pentagon and get him
and I don't want
him anywhere near a press line when he comes into the West Wing.

CAROL
[writing it down] Earliest possible convenience?

C.J.
I could give a damn if it's convenient or not.

CAROL
He's the Army's Chief of Staff, C.J.

C.J.
And I work for his boss, so get him here.

Carol leaves the office.

TOBY
Want some help?

C.J.
No.

TOBY
Have a nice day. [turns to leave]

C.J.
Hey, has Leo told Tribbey about his new Associate Counsel yet?

TOBY
I'll check the wire to see if any maimings have been reported, but I don't
think he's told him yet.

C.J.
Should be some decent dinner theater.

TOBY
Let me know if you need me on Captain Queeg.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Leo and Ainsley are walking into his office area.

AINSLEY
He was okay with it?

LEO
He thinks it's a great idea. He can't wait to meet you.

AINSLEY
Lionel Tribbey.

LEO
Yeah.

AINSLEY
Lionel Tribbey thinks hiring me was a great idea.

LEO
Why are you surprised?

AINSLEY
Well, because I am a Republican and Lionel Tribbey is... incredibly not.

They walk inside LEO'S OFFICE.

LEO
[turning away from Ainsley] Lionel Tribbey is the White House Counsel. He's
a brilliant and
fair-minded attorney, and he will accept you on his staff because he
is... well, fair-minded
and because...

AINSLEY
You haven't told him yet!

LEO
[turning to her, smiling] I have, in fact, not told him yet, no.

AINSLEY
So you lied to me just then.

LEO
I'm a politician, Ainsley. Of course I lied to you just then.

AINSLEY
My first day is getting off to a great start.

LEO
It's about to get better.

AINSLEY
Why?

MARGARET
[walks in] Leo?

LEO
Yeah?

MARGARET
Lionel Tribbey is on his way over. [leaves]

AINSLEY
Oh, I just want to die.

LEO
This is the White House, you get used to that feeling.

AINSLEY
Maybe I should go.

LEO
Ainsley...

AINSLEY
No, maybe I should go so you two can talk by yourselves...

LEO
You're going to meet him right now. It's going to be fine...

AINSLEY
It's not going to be fine. He's gonna yell, and scream, I've seen him on TV...

LEO
Well, that's TV. He's making a full-throated defense of the President! That's
what we do.
Believe me, in real life, when the cameras are off...

There is a loud crack heard from outside.

LIONEL TRIBBEY
[shouts] Leo!

Ainsley jumps and attempts to hide behind Leo as LIONEL TRIBBEY walks in. He
is very tall and
has a cricket bat in his hand. He screams, looking nowhere but at Leo.

TRIBBEY
I will kill people today, Leo! I will kill people with this cricket bat,
which was given to me
by Her Royal Majesty Elizabeth Windsor, and then I will kill them again with
my own hands!

LEO
Lionel...

TRIBBEY
Has anybody in this building heard of 'contempt of Congress'?

LEO
Look, if I may...

TRIBBEY
Congress will hold the White House in contempt, Leo, which is nothing compared
to the contempt
in which I will hold the White House if this keeps happening.

LEO
[confused] What'd we do?

TRIBBEY
Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline testified at Governmental Affairs that the
White House couldn't
produce the Rockland memo because the White House didn't have the Rockland
memo.

LEO
Do we?

He shakes some papers in front of Leo's nose.

TRIBBEY
Holding it in my hand, Leo!

LEO
I'm sure there's some...

TRIBBEY
When your guys go to the Hill, they can't drop their testimony on my desk
at 9:15 and testify
at 9:30! I was ready to take a vacation, Leo! I was going to go someplace
warm, with a beach,
somebody bringing me drinks with little umbrellas in them! I had this thing
closed. Now I've
got to go back up there, hat in hand because the circus is in town!

He swings his bat. Finally noticing Ainsley, points at her.

TRIBBEY
Who is this?

LEO
This is Ainsley Hayes. She's scared of meeting you, so be nice.

TRIBBEY
Uh, the girl who's been writing the columns.

LEO
Yeah.

Ainsley gives Tribbey a frightened smile.

TRIBBEY
[to Ainsley] You're an idiot.

AINSLEY
Leo...

LEO
She's not an idiot, Lionel. She clerked for Dreifort.

TRIBBEY
Well, Dreifort's an idiot.

LEO
Dreifort's a Supreme Court Justice, Lionel, so let's speak of him with
respect and practice some
tolerance for those who disagree with us.

TRIBBEY
I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians,
blacks, unions,
women, poor people, and first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will
remain intolerant
toward him. [grins at Ainsley] Nice to meet you. [walks outside the office]

LEO
She's working for you, Lionel!

Tribbey returns immediately.

TRIBBEY
Excuse me?

LEO
She's working for you. The President asked me to hire her for your office.

Pause, while Tribbey thinks this over.

TRIBBEY
The President of... WHAT asked you to hire her for my office?

LEO
The United States.

Tribbey pauses, then laughs hysterically, while swinging the bat on his
shoulder.

TRIBBEY
'Scuse me!

He walks out of the office. Leo turns to Ainsley.

LEO
I thought it went pretty well.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Donna is standing with fingers crossed on both hands as the radio address
continues to be
re-taped. The guests are standing along the opposite wall. The camera pans
to Bartlet.

BARTLET
'Our farming families stand for the values that keep our nation strong:
faith, calm perseverance,
and patience...'

Tribbey storms in with a bat, not seeing anyone around.

TRIBBEY
Mr. President, have you lost what little was left of your mind? I can't
possibly work like this!

DONNA
Oh, dear God.

TECHNICIAN
Cut!

BARTLET
I had it!

TRIBBEY
Excuse me, sir, is this a bad time?

BARTLET
It's a bit of a bad time, Lionel...

TRIBBEY
Well, forgive me, sir, but when you have a few moments, I would like to
discuss the hiring of a
blonde and leggy fascist whose knowledge does not include the proper order
of the alphabet for
positions of the White House Counsel's office.

BARTLET
And we will, Lionel, but right now I don't know if you noticed but there
are thirty or forty
other people in the room, many of whom have donated significant amounts of
money to the Democratic
Party, so perhaps you could put a tighter grip on your horses and we will
talk about it later.

While Bartlet talks, Tribbey looks around the room and sees the guests,
who stare at him with
indeterminate expressions. He calms down a bit.

TRIBBEY
Yes. Well. [swings the bat on his shoulder again] Good morning, everyone! Thank
you, Mr. President.
[walks out of the room in complete silence]

BARTLET
Well, obviously, Lionel Tribbey is a brilliant lawyer whom we cannot live
without, or there
would be very little reason not to put him in prison. Let's try again.

He puts on his glasses and collects papers from his desk.

CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY
Toby walks to Sam's office doorway. Sam is sitting at his desk.

TOBY
You've got two paragraphs on H-404 for the AFL-CIO. I want you to rethink
them.

SAM
Rethink them how?

TOBY
Cut them.

SAM
Why can't he talk about Superfund?

TOBY
'Cause it's the AFL-CIO and they want to hear about how we're going to
protect their jobs.

SAM
How about we start by protecting the planet they live on?

TOBY
How about you start by cutting the paragraphs?

SAM
Fine.

TOBY
What are you doing?

Sam slaps a fat book on his desk and stands up.

SAM
Trying to help Josh with his insurance thing. The hospital was 'out of
network.' Therefore,
they're claiming responsibility for only 20% of a life-saving medical
procedure. Also, he didn't
get the procedure-- [snorts] cleared beforehand.

TOBY
His lung was collapsed, and blood stopped flowing to his brain, and he was
supposed to dial up
the automated 24-hour customer care service line?

SAM
If it keeps up like this, he is going to have to sue these people.

TOBY
I like a country where you can sue the insurance company but not the people
who shot you.
[sighs and turns to leave] Anyway, cut the two paragraphs.

Toby walks out. Sam stands a moment, then follows Toby out to the area before
TOBY'S OFFICE.

TOBY
What?

SAM
He can sue the people that shot him.

TOBY
The people that shot him are dead.

SAM
No. Hardly any of them are.

Sam closes the door to Toby's office behind him.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY
Josh and Donna are eating lunch. Josh, in front of the TV with his coffee,
and Donna sitting
in front of his desk.

DONNA
Take 17 looked like it was gonna be a keeper till he went on elocution safari
during the word
'protuberance'.

JOSH
When did he finally nail it?

DONNA
Oh, he hasn't yet.

JOSH
[walks to his chair] He hasn't done it yet?

DONNA
There are matters of state to attend to, Josh. He can't spend the day
indefinitely in this room--

JOSH
[sits] What about the audience?

DONNA
[eating salad] I sent them home. I want to bring in a new audience. You know,
like the old
Carson Show.

JOSH
What the hell are we talking about?

DONNA
Did you know 'leaf peeping' was a thing?

The phone rings. Donna answers it.

DONNA
Josh Lyman.

JOSH
Leaf peeping?

DONNA
[into phone] Yeah. [hangs up] Sam wants to see you.

JOSH
Insurance Victory! [stands] 'And the weak shall be made strong', Donna,
not 'Might is right,'
but rather 'Might for right'.

DONNA
And this relates to leaf peeping, how?

JOSH
It doesn't. Don't eat my French fries.

He leaves. Donna reaches over the table to get Josh's fries.

CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY
Josh enters and sees Sam.

JOSH
Hey.

SAM
Hey. Good. Come on in.

JOSH
Did you beat them into submission?

They walk inside SAM'S OFFICE.

SAM
No.

JOSH
Did you beat them at all?

SAM
Forget about the insurance.

JOSH
Unless the insurance company forgets about the insurance--

SAM
The Southern Poverty Law Center. [pause] Josh, I think you know that for
the last three months
you were out recovering, a lot of people were looking for a new legislative
avenue for federal
law enforcement to get the extremist.

JOSH
You could throw out the Bill of Rights.

SAM
Toby tried.

JOSH
[sits] I was kidding.

SAM
Josh, this is our way in-- a civil action. You could subpoena
everything. Membership rolls,
donor rolls, minutes of meetings, weapons inventory, computer downloads. You
depose every man
and woman that's ever been to a meeting and every man and woman they
name. [pause]
Josh, the Southern Poverty Law Center wants you to sue the Knights of the
Klu Klux Clan for
100 million dollars.

Ginger sticks her head in the door.

GINGER
Josh.

JOSH
[stunned] Yeah...

GINGER
Donna called. She said don't be late for budget.

JOSH
Yeah. [pause] I got to go. [stands and walks out the door]

CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Charlie is behind his desk. Abbey comes in from the portico.

ABBEY
Charlie.

CHARLIE
[stands] Good afternoon, ma'am.

ABBEY
Charlie, is the President free for a moment?

CHARLIE
He's in the Roosevelt Room with the Far East Advisors. Would you like me to
go...?

ABBEY
No, no, no. Don't interrupt him. Korea might have more plutonium. Just give
him a message for me,
would you?

CHARLIE
Sure.

ABBEY
You'll want to write this down.

CHARLIE
Yes, ma'am. [reaches for his pen and his notepad]

ABBEY
Your blood pressure is 120/80.

CHARLIE
How did you know that, ma'am?

ABBEY
I'm saying his blood pressure.

CHARLIE
Uh. Is 120/80?

ABBEY
Yeah. Your EKG shows a good sinus rhythm.

CHARLIE
Okay.

ABBEY
No evidence of ischemic change.

CHARLIE
How are we spelling...?

ABBEY
It doesn't matter. Your electrolytes and metabolic panels are within normal
limits, chest x-rays
are clear, and prostate screens are fine.

CHARLIE
Okay.

ABBEY
So, we can have sex now.

CHARLIE
[beat] Okay, that's not me and you now, right?

ABBEY
Go.

CHARLIE
[quickly] Yeah.

Charlie leaves to deliver the message. Abbey sits on the desk as
Mrs. Landingham enters.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Good afternoon, Mrs. Bartlet.

ABBEY
Good afternoon, Mrs. Landingham.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
How are you today?

ABBEY
Oh, I'm just fine, thank you.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Are you looking for the President?

ABBEY
I imagine he'll be along in a moment.

A door slams somewhere and Bartlet enters hurriedly.

BARTLET
Really?

ABBEY
Oh, yes.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Good afternoon, Mr. President.

BARTLET
Good afternoon, Mrs. Landingham.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
Is there anything I can...?

BARTLET
[to Mrs. Landingham] Go away right now.

MRS. LANDINGHAM
You seem a little tense, Mr. President.

BARTLET
Not for long, Mrs. Landingham.

ABBEY
Why don't we go inside?

Abbey stands and walks toward THE OVAL OFFICE.

BARTLET
Absolutely!

MRS. LANDINGHAM
[following]
Sir, would you like me to inform Mr. McGarry and the advisors that they
could...?

Bartlet slams the door just before Mrs. Landingham enters.

ABBEY
Blood Pressure 120/80.

BARTLET
Who cares? It's been 14 weeks! Do these curtains close?

ABBEY
Not here, Jed!

BARTLET
Yes. You're right... where?

ABBEY
How about our bedroom?

BARTLET
New Hampshire is an hour and a half away by plane. I don't think I have that
kind of time.

ABBEY
How about our bedroom in the residence?

BARTLET
[excited] Yes! We have a bedroom right here in the building. That was so
smart!

ABBEY
Yes.

BARTLET
Let's go!

ABBEY
Jed!

BARTLET
What?

ABBEY
Korea? Plutonium?

BARTLET
Oh God... I hate plutonium!

ABBEY
We have to find time before six.

BARTLET
What happens at six?

ABBEY
I have to fly to Cochran's Mills, Pennsylvania.

BARTLET
Where the hell is Cochran's Mills?

ABBEY
Pennsylvania.

BARTLET
Right.

ABBEY
So you talk to Charlie. I'll talk to Lilly. We'll co-ordinate our schedules
and we'll find a
free hour.

BARTLET
[grabs her, smiling] I don't think it's gonna take more than a couple of
minutes, but I like your
confidence.

ABBEY
[smiling] Just get back to work.

BARTLET
Can't we just close the curtains?

ABBEY
Just get back to work!

They kiss, but Abbey pulls away and runs out of the Oval Office.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY
C.J. walks down the hallway where Carol and a military man, LIEUTENANT BUCKLEY,
are waiting.

CAROL
C.J.

C.J.
Is he here?

CAROL
He sent...

C.J.
Carol.

CAROL
He sent an aide. [motions to Buckley] Lieutenant Buckley.

LIEUTENANT BUCKLEY
C.J.

C.J.
Ms. Cregg!

BUCKLEY
Lieutenant Buckley. I am a staff aide to General Barrie. I understand you
need to speak with him.

C.J.
Yes I do, so what are you doing here?

BUCKLEY
I'm an aide...

C.J.
I heard you the first time. Where's the General?

BUCKLEY
The General sent me.

C.J.
Well, I'm sending you back.

BUCKLEY
Ma'am, if I could just know the exact nature...

C.J.
Is Ed Barrie doing the morning shows?

BUCKLEY
I wouldn't know that ma'am -- that's usually handled...

C.J.
I would know and I do know. And so do you so cut the crap.

BUCKLEY
Ma'am--

C.J.
He's gonna go on television and trash the President-that's gonna be the last
thing he does before
he retires?

BUCKLEY
Once again ma'am, it's not...

C.J.
Lieutenant! He's gonna trash the President?

BUCKLEY
I don't think it's a surprise to you that General Barrie has some very
serious disagreements with
the administration, particularly your President...

C.J.
My President is your President, too.

BUCKLEY
Additionally, he has some very real concerns over the current state of
readiness of our armed
forces...

C.J.
[sarcastically] Well, that shouldn't get too many people alarmed for no
reason.

BUCKLEY
And so, he feels that taking this opportunity to express his opinions --
opinions which are
considered at the most expert level -- taking this opportunity before he
leaves the service
is his patriotic obligation.

C.J.
[pause] It's called 'Ring and Run'.

BUCKLEY
Ma'am?

C.J.
Go back to the Pentagon right now. Tell General Barrie, C.J. Cregg says he's
a coward.

Buckley stares at her for a second and walks off.

CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE LOWER LEVELS - DAY
Leo and Ainsley are walking down a flight of stairs into what looks like a
hallway in the
basement. There are several busy people walking around the hall. Ainsley is
carrying a box
of her things.

LEO
I'll be honest with you. I didn't even know we had offices down here.

AINSLEY
That bodes well for me.

They reach the hallway and continue to walk while looking at the office doors.

LEO
I wonder what else we got down here.

AINSLEY
Bats, probably?

LEO
Room 442 is what we're looking for. I wouldn't be surprised if we see it
any second now.

AINSLEY
You really didn't need to take me down here.

LEO
There's no way you'd find it yourself.

AINSLEY
You're the White House Chief of Staff, you shouldn't be--

LEO
Don't worry about it. Room 442... where the hell is it?

Leo walks down more steps as Ainsley follows.

AINSLEY
You've been really decent to me, Leo. I want to thank you for that.

LEO
Kid, the others are gonna come around.

AINSLEY
No, they wont.

LEO
See, you got to remember that the people you're talking about live their
lives under siege
24 hours every day at a time in their lives where they're trying with all
their might to do
good. You're in their foxhole.

They reach a deserted doorway and walk down some more stairs, still looking
at doors.

LEO [cont.]
Sam Seaborn had this innocent relationship with a girl -- bam! Here comes
the enemy. I'm a
recovering alcoholic. Bam! Radio, TV, magazines, cameras in front of my house,
people shouting at
my daughter at the ballgame, editorials, op-eds. 'He's a drunk. He's
dangerous. He should resign.'

AINSLEY
I wrote one of those op-ed pieces.

LEO
I know. [eyes a door down the hall] It's right over here... 442.

He walks to the door and unlocks it. He and Ainsley both enter as he looks
down at a paper
he's holding. Ainsley looks around the room.

LEO
It's written down here. This is the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue.

AINSLEY
I'm working in the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue?

LEO
No, you're working in your office.

AINSLEY
Well... [looks around some more] Thank you for the help.

LEO
Ainsley, don't worry about Sam or Josh and Toby or C.J. or the Democrats on
the hill or
Republicans on television. You're here to serve the
President. Anyway... welcome to the
White House.

Leo walks slowly out of the room and leaves Ainsley standing in her new
office, smiling.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. AINSLEY'S NEW OFFICE - DAY
Ainsley is at her desk working, when she hears someone come down the steps.

AINSLEY
Leo?

Tribbey bursts through the door. Ainsely quickly stands up.

AINSLEY
Mr. Tribbey.

TRIBBEY
I see they've found you an office.

AINSLEY
Such as it is.

TRIBBEY
Good men and women have worked in whatever room was available in this building,
and have done
so without complaint.

AINSLEY
I don't believe you heard me complain, Mr. Tribbey.

TRIBBEY
I believe I did, Miss Hayes. Now, why don't you tell me what this is all
about?

AINSLEY
Sir?

TRIBBEY
These people here are trying to do something. I'll have their backs while
they're trying.
What are you doing here?

AINSLEY
Serving my country.

TRIBBEY
Why not join the Navy?

AINSLEY
I was asked to do this.

TRIBBEY
And you said yes.

AINSLEY
Yes.

TRIBBEY
Why?

AINSLEY
I feel a sense of duty. [almost stops her sentence]

TRIBBEY
I'm sorry?

AINSLEY
I said I feel a sense of duty.

TRIBBEY
What, did you just walk out of The Pirates of Penzance?

AINSLEY
Sir?

TRIBBEY
[in a bad accent] "Why, he's an Englishman."

AINSLEY
"He is an Englishman" is from H.M.S. Pinafore.

TRIBBEY
It's from Penzance. Don't tell me about Gilbert and Sullivan.
[beat] It's from Penzance or Iolanthe... one of the ones about duty.

AINSLEY
They're all about duty. And it's from Pinafore.

TRIBBEY
Miss Hayes...

AINSLEY
Is it so hard to believe, in this day and age, that someone would roll up
their sleeves, set
aside partisanship, and say, "What can I do?"

TRIBBEY
[smirks] Yes.

There are several seconds of mutual reactions.

TRIBBEY
I want you to go up to the Hill this afternoon and I want you to talk to
the Associate Majority
Counsel at Government Affairs.

AINSLEY
You're sending me to the Associate Counsel 'cause I speak Republican.

TRIBBEY
Yes. Two staffers in the Communications Office -- Steve Joyce and Mark
Brookline...

AINSLEY
The two you wanted to kill with your cricket bat for screwing up on possession
of the
Rockland memo.

TRIBBEY
Yes. [drops a folder on her desk] Read about it, then fix it.

AINSLEY
[beat] I will... And thank you for asking me.

TRIBBEY
Yeah. [turns to leave]

AINSLEY
Mr. Tribbey?

Tribbey turns back.

AINSLEY
I'd like to do well on this, my first assignment. Any advice you could give
me that might point
me the way of success would be, by me, appreciated.

TRIBBEY
[pause] Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be a step in the right
direction.

AINSLEY
Yeah.

He turns to leave again.

AINSLEY
The President's way too moderate for your taste.

TRIBBEY
[turns back] Excuse me?

AINSLEY
On affirmative action, capital gains, public schools, free trade... You left
a lucrative practice
in Chicago and a seven-figure income. [beat] It wasn't out of duty?

He pauses, before leaving.

CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY
Sam finishes off a coffee as Josh stands waiting in the doorway.

JOSH
And how are they tying the two shooters and the signal guy to the Klan?

SAM
They're tying them to the Klan, West Virginia White Pride, the Brotherhood
of Aryan Nations.

JOSH
How does that...?

Sam exits the office and they start a walk and talk.

SAM
The following is in the possession of the F.B.I. A map and the President's
itinerary, given to
the shooters by the chapter head of White Pride. A videotape of a meeting
the shooters attended
with the leader railing against interracial couples, specifically citing
Charlie and Zoey, using
the term "lone wolf" over and over, which is the phrase they use when they
want their younger
members to take matters into their own hands. A copy of Hunter, by William
Pierce, bought at a
Klan rally in Blacksburg. In the book, Pierce encourages fellow supremacists
to rid the earth of
interracial couples by shooting them. This is enough -- more than enough --
to begin deposing
witnesses.

Sam and Josh reach LEO'S OFFICE. Leo and Toby are inside.

SAM
[to Leo] You wanted to see me?

LEO
Uh, yeah. I just wanted to tell you that Joyce and Brookline are at it again.

SAM
What'd they do?

LEO
They told Government Affairs that we never had the Rockland memo.

JOSH
I think we did have the Rockland memo.

LEO
We did. Would you talk to the two of them?

SAM
Yeah... I think I also better talk to someone on Government Affairs.

LEO
Tribbey already sent Ainsley Hayes.

SAM
To do what?

LEO
Talk to the Associate Majority...

SAM
That's something I couldn't do?

LEO
He wanted to send a lawyer.

SAM
I'm a lawyer. Everybody in the room's a lawyer.

LEO
From the Counsel's Office.

SAM
Good. And I'll tell everybody else to keep their fingers crossed a story
hasn't been leaked we
withheld evidence then tried to cover our tracks.

TOBY
Sam, that's enough.

SAM
[sighs] Anything else?

LEO
No.

SAM
Thank you. [exits]

TOBY
His point isn't wholly without merit, Leo.

LEO
[turns to Josh] What do you need?

JOSH
Sam was talking to me. The Southern Poverty Law Center...

TOBY
We know.

JOSH
What do you think?

TOBY
Well, I'm not wild about it.

JOSH
Why?

TOBY
Our people can be deposed too, which leaves them vulnerable to embarrassing
questions like,
"Have you ever tried cocaine?" They can ask Sam has he ever slept with a
prostitute?

JOSH
Those questions are irrelevant.

LEO
That's why they'll ask them. If one of our people refuses to answer, it's
a story.

TOBY
So we're not wild about it.

LEO
That said, say the word, and we'll take a leave of absence and join your
legal team.

Josh exits. Toby stands to leave.

TOBY
"He is an Englishman" is from Pinafore. Tribbey says it's from Penzance,
by the way.

LEO
It's from Pinafore.

TOBY
He says it's the one about duty.

LEO
They're all about duty.

TOBY
I want to be very clear: I could give a damn.

LEO
Yeah.

Toby exits.

CUT TO: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY
DONNA [VO]
Okay, quiet kids.

TECHNICIAN [VO]
Saturday morning radio address, take 21.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
A group of about a dozen children are sitting, watching Bartlet attempt to
record his radio
address. Watching are Donna and Charlie.

DONNA
I have a really good feeling about this one, sir.

BARTLET
Is this still my first term?

DONNA
Yes sir, but I do take your point: we've spent quite a bit of time on this.

BARTLET
Here we go.

TECHNICIAN
In five, four, three, two...

BARTLET
Good evening.

CHARLIE
Cut.

BARTLET and DONNA
What?

CHARLIE
It's morning.

BARTLET
It's evening. It's dark outside, Charlie.

CHARLIE
It's evening now, Mr. President. It's morning tomorrow.

BARTLET
What time is it?

CHARLIE
It's 5:45 sir.

Bartlet gets frantic.

DONNA
Here we go.

TECHNICIAN
In five...

BARTLET
Excuse me... No. I can't. I've got to go.

DONNA
Sir...

BARTLET
Kids, I am so sorry. I have to go now, to a special meeting... of the
government. I will mail
you all an autographed copy of the picture we took together. And one day,
you will all understand.

Bartlet quickly exits to the PORTICO. Charlie and Donna follow as Bartlet
walks out the door.

CHARLIE
Mr. President...

BARTLET
Take a break, Charlie.

CHARLIE
She's not there, sir.

BARTLET
I'm going to a special meeting...

CHARLIE
...of the government. Yes, sir. She had to go to Pennsylvania early.

Bartlet turns around.

CHARLIE
Would you like to come back inside and take another swing at the radio
address?

BARTLET
Sure. Would you like to get that smile off your face before I send you on
special assignment
to the Yukon?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

The three reenter THE OVAL OFFICE.

CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT
GENERAL ED BARRIE barges in C.J.'s office past Carol. C.J., who was behind
her desk, quickly
stands.

CAROL [VO]
General, I'm sorry, she's--

GENERAL ED BARRIE
I've ordered many men on assignment, Ms. Cregg. I've sent them to Hue City,
Khe Sahn village,
Danang...

C.J.
Sir...

BARRIE
Don't interrupt me, lady. I've sent them to Grenada, I've sent them to Haiti,
and I've sent them
to Iraqi-occupied Kuwait. All acts of cowardice?

C.J. has circled him and closed the door.

C.J.
Sir...

BARRIE
You think sending my aide here was an act of cowardice? You think I have
the time and
inclination...

C.J.
Sir, due respect, that wasn't what I was referring to. I think jumping up
and down on the
Commander in Chief and then beating a path out of town is an act of cowardice.

BARRIE
I think alerting the public to staggeringly dangerous vulnerabilities of
the current state of
the military is an act of conscience.

C.J.
And I would too, sir, except -- and again, I say this with all due respect...

BARRIE
Shove your respect! I don't want it!

C.J.
I say this with all due respect: I think your motives are personal, and I'd
like to discuss
that, sir.

BARRIE
Sure! How about we discuss new defense spending being down to three hundred
billion from four
hundred billion ten years ago. Is that personal?

C.J.
No, sir, I think that's about the cold war ending ten years ago and America
not needing to spend
quite so much money defending itself against a country that can't bake bread.

BARRIE
Kitten... Op-Tempo is up, which is fine, but the problem is Pers-Tempo is
up too. Do you know what
that is? It's the rate of turnover in individual jobs.

C.J.
Yes, sir. Pers-Tempo is up because higher paying civilian jobs are luring
men and women trained
in high tech. We're more than happy to take the rap for a booming economy,
sir.

BARRIE
Two divisions, the 10th Mountain Division at Ft. Drum and the 1st Infantry
in Germany, have been
rated C4. That's the lowest of four possible readiness grades. It means,
"Unfit for service."

C.J.
No sir. Again, with all respect, I hate to disagree, but it means unfit for
service based on the
Pentagon's "two war" doctrine. It's based on how fast these divisions would
be able to extract
themselves from their peacekeeping mission, retrain on home bases, and ship
off to a second of
two, full-scale Gulf-War-sized conflicts. There are also some both inside
and outside the
Pentagon who question whether the C4 ratings might not be a political maneuver
on the part of
the DOD to help Republican allies in Congress secure more defense money.

BARRIE
Well, I'll be telling my story to Tim Russert. [turns to the door]

C.J.
No, I don't think you will, General.

BARRIE
[turns back] I'm sorry?

C.J.
I said, "I don't think you will." [beat] I notice among your many decorations
is the Distinguished
Combat Service Medal. You're wearing it now, as well as in numerous
photographs, including some
taken with enlisted men in the field. You won it while on temporary duty
with the Navy's U.S.S.
Brooke. [beat] The thing is, the Brooke was never fired on, and it never
shot its guns. Right now,
and in photographs, you're wearing a medal you never won. How does that
usually go over with the
boys? [long pause]

BARRIE
He never served in uniform, not once... and he presumes...

C.J.
Is there anything else, sir?

General Barrie leaves C.J. standing in her office.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT
Ainsley walks down a hall, into an office. She approaches a woman.

AINSLEY
Excuse me. I'm looking for Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline?

WOMAN
Steve, Mark.

AINSLEY
Thanks.

She approaches two men in the office -- STEVE JOYCE and MARK BROOKLINE.

AINSLEY
Hi. I'm Ainsley Hayes.

MARK BROOKLINE
Mark Brookline.

STEVE JOYCE
Steve Joyce.

AINSLEY
Is there some place a little more private we can speak?

JOYCE
What do you think, the Oval Office?

BROOKLINE
Oval Office works. Or the Cabinet room.

AINSLEY
Why don't we just step out into the hall?

Ainsley leaves. The men follow her to the HALLWAY.

AINSLEY
[clears throat] Okay, we'll keep our voices down.

BROOKLINE
[mocking whisper] O-kay.

AINSLEY
Lionel Tribbey asked me to take care of the false testimony you gave to the
Governmental Affairs
Committee.

BROOKLINE
False testimony?

AINSLEY
Regarding the Rockland memo.

BROOKLINE
Look at your watch, Steve, 17 seconds it took her to call us liars.

AINSLEY
Fellas... that's not what I was saying. I chose the wrong word and I
apologize. Mistaken
testimony, you're absolutely right. Anyway, I spoke to the Associate Counsel,
and I think we're
going to be fine. Two things I wanted to mention--

JOYCE
Mark--I'm sorry, I have work to do.

BROOKLINE
Yeah.

AINSLEY
No, this'll just take a second. First of all, forgive me if I'm repeating
somebody else, but I'd
be remiss if I didn't make sure you understood that section 194 of the
federal code says Congress
can turn your testimony over to a US attorney and he'd most likely empanel
a grand jury. You don't
want any part of that.

BROOKLINE
Thanks. You know, we both went to high school.

AINSLEY
Yeah, um, the second thing is this: your attitude during your testimony is
being taken by some of
the Republican committee members as a sign of disrespect.

JOYCE
Oh, please--

AINSLEY
No, hang on a second. This is so easy to fix we are gonna pick up
yardage. Write a short note,
have it delivered by messenger to the majority counsel, and copy the chairman
and the Speaker.

JOYCE
Your first act on the job is asking us to apologize to the Republicans on
the Governmental
Affairs Committee--

BROOKLINE
And the Speaker of the House, Steve.

JOYCE
--because they didn't like our attitude?

AINSLEY
Yeah, I know this doesn't look good. But the fact is, it's the smart thing
to do, and if you
don't do it at my suggestion, I know Lionel Tribbey is going to come down
here and you're gonna
have to do it at his.

JOYCE
I have work to do.

BROOKLINE
Yeah.

They go into their office and close the door, leaving Ainsley in the hall.

CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE RESIDENCE - NIGHT
Just outside the President's bedroom, two Secret Service agents stand by
the door. Bartlet appears.

AGENT
Good evening, Mr. President.

BARTLET
Guys, it's very important that nobody tries to kill me in the next hour or so.

AGENT
Yes sir.

Bartlet enters his BEDROOM and closes the door. Abbey is seated on the couch.

ABBEY
Where've you been?

BARTLET
I was on a conference call with Cardinal Law and the Archbishop of Chicago.

ABBEY
You couldn't get off the phone?

BARTLET
Yeah. "Excuse me, Your Eminence, but the First Lady is a little randy,
and she says I'm good
to go".

ABBEY
I am a little randy, Jed.

BARTLET
[sits and takes off his shoes] Good, take your clothes off.

ABBEY
Wh--whatever happened to romance? A couple of cocktails, Mel Torme--

BARTLET
Get 'em off.

ABBEY
Okay, I'm going to the bathroom. Where I am gonna change into a special
little garment I think
you might enjoy!

BARTLET
Abbey, you have two minutes, or I swear to God I'm gonna get Mrs. Landingham
drunk.

ABBEY
Loosen your tie. Loosen whatever you'd like.

Abbey goes to the bathroom, as Bartlet goes to fix drinks, loosening his
tie on the way.

BARTLET
What was that thing you were doin'?

ABBEY [OS]
When?

BARTLET
Tonight, in Pennsylvania.

ABBEY [OS]
You know what it was.

BARTLET
It was a monument dedication, a statue?

ABBEY [OS]
Yeah!

BARTLET
Statue to who?

ABBEY [OS]
Nellie Bly.

BARTLET
You went all the way to Cochran's... whatever to dedicate a monument to
Nellie Bly? Abbey, you
can really pass that kind of thing along.

Abbey reappears, behind him, her shoes being the only thing she took off.

BARTLET [cont.]
You don't have to accept every invitation from every yahoo historical society
that knows someone
in the Social Office. If you want, I can have Charlie--

He turns around, drinks in hand.

BARTLET
You haven't changed into the "special garment".

ABBEY
Cochran's Mills is where I went.

BARTLET
Yeah. You know what I did, just then, that was stupid? [laughs] I minimized
the importance of the
statue that was dedicated to Nellie Bly, an extraordinary woman to whom we
all owe a great deal.

ABBEY
You don't know who she is, do you?

BARTLET
This isn't happening to me.

ABBEY
She pioneered investigative journalism.

BARTLET
Then she's the one I want to beat the crap out of.

ABBEY
She risked her life by having herself committed to a mental institution for
ten days so she could
write about it. She changed entirely the way we treat the mentally ill in
this country.

BARTLET
Yes, Abigail--

She takes a glass from him.

ABBEY
In 1890, she traveled around the world in 72 days, 6 hours, 11 minutes and
14 seconds, besting,
by more than one week, Jules Verne's 80 days.

BARTLET
She sounds like an incredible woman, Abbey. I'm particularly impressed that
she beat a fictional
record. If she goes twenty-one thousand leagues under the sea I'll name a
damn school after her.
Let's have sex.

ABBEY
When it comes to historical figures being memorialized in this country,
women have been largely
overlooked. Nellie Bly is just the tip of the iceberg.

BARTLET
I couldn't possibly hear about the rest of the iceberg right now.

ABBEY
Elizabeth Blackwell was the first American woman to be awarded an M.D. She
founded the Women's
Medical College.

BARTLET
Keep talking. I'm just gonna sit here and think about plutonium and the
things I can do with it.

CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - NIGHT

SAM
Brown v. Invisible Empire Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. The court found for
the Southern Christian
Leadership Conference and the marchers attacked in Decatur.

JOSH
Sam...

SAM
Vietnamese Fisherman's Association v. the Knights of the KKK. A civil action
enjoining the Klan
from operating the Texas Paramilitary Army, they shut 'em down.

JOSH
Yeah...

SAM
Donald v. United Klans of America. They sued on behalf of a black youth who
was lynched. The jury
returned a seven million dollar verdict and deeded the headquarters to the
mother. The court took
the bat cave, Josh.

JOSH
Sam, here's the thing. It's not just--

Sam sees Ainsley walking past the hall.

SAM
Hang on a second.

JOSH
I'm... kinda caught--

SAM
Hang on a second.

Sam goes after Ainsley to the HALLWAY.

SAM
Hey!

He reaches Ainsley as she stops walking.

SAM
Hey.

AINSLEY
Hey.

SAM
Did you talk to Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline?

AINSLEY
Yes I did.

SAM
See, I was told you were just going to be working in the Majority Counsel's
office, which I wasn't
wild about to begin with, but it's my understanding I'd be talking to
Brookline and Joyce seeing
as how they work for me.

AINSLEY
I was taking initiative.

SAM
Well, wasn't that spunky of you.

AINSLEY
Sam, do you think there's any chance that you could be rude to me
tomorrow? Tomorrow is Saturday.
I will be here. You can call me and be rude by phone or you can stop by and
do it in person.
'Cause I think if I have to endure another disappointment today from this
place that I have
worshipped, I am gonna lose it. So if you could wait until tomorrow, I would
appreciate it.

She turns and leaves. Sam stares after her, then goes back to Josh in his
office.

SAM
[sighs] Anyway... the jury returned a seven million dollar... [beat]
I'll be back in just a second, okay?

He leaves Josh again.

CUT TO: INT. AINSLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Ainsley walks down the hall outside her office, Sam follows behind her.

SAM
Ainsley?

He follows her, pausing at her office threshold.

SAM
Look... can I talk to you for a minute? All I was really trying to say...

As they enter her office, Sam stops to look with her at a basket of dead
flowers on her desk,
with a card reading in large letters, "bitch". Ainsley just stares at the
flowers.

SAM
Who did this? Who did this?

AINSLEY
I don't know.

SAM
Yes you do.

AINSLEY
[smiles and laughs] Don't worry about it...

SAM
Who sent you this?

AINSLEY
Don't worry about it...

SAM
Ainsley?

AINSLEY
Sam...

SAM
How did your meeting end up going with Brookline and Joyce?

AINSLEY
It went great, Sam. I talked to them for a couple minutes, and I think that...

She stops as Sam turns and storms out of her office.

AINSLEY
Sam!

CUT TO: INT. BROOKLINE/JOYCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

BROOKLINE
Did anybody order a pizza, and if they didn't, could they do it now?

SAM
[storms in] You know what, guys? When I write something, I sign my name.

Brookline and Joyce just stare at him.

SAM
Here, I'll show you.

He sweeps the contents of Joyce's desk to the floor.

JOYCE
Sam!

SAM
Do you have any idea how big a harassment suit you just exposed us to?

Tribbey quietly walks in.

SAM [cont.]
She just... She works here. Which is more than I can say for either one of
you.

He takes a pen and scribbles on Joyce's desk blotter as they watch. He holds
it up:
"You're fired--S. Seaborn"

SAM
You're fired. S. Seaborn.

BROOKLINE
Sam, I don't know who you think you are around here, but you can't fire us.

TRIBBEY
Oh... yes. He can. Leave here, and don't ever come back. It's time for both
of you to write your
book now.

Tribbey leaves. The other three stare at each other. Sam follows Tribbey
into the HALLWAY.

SAM
Lionel?

TRIBBEY
[turns] What're you lookin' at?

SAM
I'm--nothing. I'm not-nothing. Except it's from Pinafore.

TRIBBEY
It's from Penzance.

SAM
I hate to stick my head in the lion's mouth, but I got to ask you: were you
the Recording
Secretary of the Princeton Gilbert and Sullivan Society for two years?

TRIBBEY
No, but then again I'm not a woman, so?

SAM
I'm just saying...

TRIBBEY
Little drinks, I'm supposed to be having right now! Umbrellas, sticking out
of them!
[beat] Shish kabob!

Tribbey walks away as Sam watches him go.

CUT TO: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - MORNING
SATURDAY MORNING

BARTLET [VO]
Belva Lockwood, for instance, the first woman to practice law: she argued
a case in front of
the U.S. Supreme Court in 1879, decades before she'd have the right to vote.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Bartlet is in the Oval Office at his desk, speaking into a microphone,
giving his radio address.

BARTLET [cont.]
Ellen Swallow Richards, the first woman to be a professional chemist. Maria
Mitchell, who
discovered a comet in 1847, and was the first woman admitted to the Academy
of Arts and Sciences.

As we pan around the room, we see Abbey watching him speak.

BARTLET [cont.]
Oh I could go on and on, and on, and on. The fact remains that of all the
monuments built with
public money, only fifty of them pay tribute to the women who helped build
this country, and
opened its doors to all our daughters who would follow. In the coming months,
I'll try to
persuade Congress to rectify that. In the meantime, enjoy your weekend. God
bless you, and
God bless America.

He removes his glasses.

TECHNICIAN
We're out.

BARTLET
Do it live, that's what I always say.

ABBEY
Very nice, babe.

BARTLET
By the way, sweet knees, the Statue of Liberty.

ABBEY
Get upstairs.

BARTLET
Right there at the front door to the country!

ABBEY
Get upstairs.

BARTLET
Like a lawn jockey.

C.J.
[comes in] Mr. President?

ABBEY
Ah, C.J., the President's going to take a little personal staff time right
now.

BARTLET
No, it's okay. [stage whispers] I'll be right behind you.

ABBEY
Special garment...

BARTLET
Go.

Abbey leaves.

C.J.
Mr. President...

BARTLET
Is this about Ed Barrie?

C.J.
Yes, it is. I wanted to ask if...

BARTLET
Go ahead and let him out of the box. Say what you want about Barrie, and I
could say plenty,
but the man was the first one in and the last one out of a war that I didn't
want anything to
do with. Man's earned the right to say whatever he wants. Let him out of
the box, would you?

C.J.
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Anything else?

C.J.
No, sir.

BARTLET
I'm outta here.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY
Josh and Sam are inside, in casual clothes.

JOSH
It ties up the staff indefinitely when there are... I mean, there are other
things that they
should be doing. I appear to be using a high-profile position for my personal
agenda--

SAM
I don't...

JOSH
--but mostly I just, I just think a lawsuit is... too small. I can't have
it be like I...
slipped in their driveway. It's different than that to me. I don't want to
sue 'em.

SAM
Okay. What about the insurance company?

JOSH
Them I'll sue no problem.

The phone rings. Josh answers.

JOSH
Yeah? We're on our way. [to Sam] She's here. Let's go.

Josh and Sam both move to leave.

CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE LOWER LEVELS - DAY
Ainsley appears at the top of dark hallway to her office.

AINSLEY
Hello? [beat] Hello?

Ainsely turns on the light, illuminating a SAVOY THEATRE poster. Music
suddenly starts from
somewhere.

SINGERS [on tape]
"He is an Englishman!
 He is an Englishman.
 For he himself has said it,
 And it's greatly to his credit"

She walks by an H.M.S. Pinafore poster on stairs.

SINGERS
"That he is an Englishman
 That he is an Englishman"

She passes a Pirates of Penzance poster in the hallway.

SINGER
"But, in spite of all temptation
 To belong to other nations"

She passes another poster, opens her office door, and turns on the
light. Individual voices
join in the singing.

SINGER
"He remains an Englishman"

AINSLEY'S OFFICE is decorated with posters. Sam, Josh, C.J. and Toby are
singing and saluting
her with their coffee cups.

SINGER
"He remains an E-e-englishman!"

Ainsley applauds as music continues.

AINSLEY
Thank you.

She shakes hands with Sam, C.J. and Josh in front of her desk, Toby sitting
behind it.

SINGERS
"For in spite of all temptations
 To belong to other nations
 He remains an Englishman
 He remains an E-e-englishman!"

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John
Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement
is intended.

Episode 2.5 -- 'And It's Surely To Their Credit'
Original Airdate: November 1, 2000, 9:00 P.M. EST

Transcript By: Nutmeg, Irene,	Alyson, Jeremy, and Claudia
November 20, 2000
Next PostRead more articles

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Terry

    Why did Toby not stand?

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