While on a weekend retreat to prepare for the crucial debates, the President (Martin Sheen) is confronted with an Israeli air attack on Qumar that could enflame the Mideast — but his accompanying staff has time to recall the Bartlet administration’s first error-prone days in Washington, D.C. Bartlet also bitterly remembers the period for his failed nominee for Attorney General and Josh (Bradley Whitford) reminds Donna (Janel Moloney) of how her naivete almost cost her the job over a national security issue. Back in the present, Toby (Richard Schiff) ponders parenthood and Sam (Rob Lowe) makes a radical campaign suggestion.
THE WEST WING "DEBATE CAMP" TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN STORY BY: WILLIAM SIND & MICHAEL OATES PALMER DIRECTED BY: PARIS BARCLAY TEASER FADE IN: INT. DEBATE PREP ROOM - DAY SAYBROOK INSTITUTE FOR PUBLIC POLICY FAITH, NORTH CAROLINA 1:00 P.M. Sam and Bartlet are up front standing behind two podiums. The rest of the staff, Congresswoman Andy Wyatt, Joey Lucas and Kenny, are sitting in the audience listening. BARTLET Affirmative action and quotas are about two different things. Affirmative action is about providing people an opportunity they might not otherwise get. SAM I don't know how you can talk about providing opportunity, while at the same time supporting racial profiling. BARTLET What that hell is...? I don't support racial profiling. SAM Your nominee for Attorney General did. Can you tell us why you nominated him? BARTLET Why? SAM Yes. BARTLET 'Cause bite me, that's why. ALL Whoa... C.J. It's a legitamate question. BARTLET It's been almost four years Sam, how long do you want to say "I told you so?" JOSH He wasn't saying "I told you so," sir. We need an answer on Rooker. BARTLET What wrong with "bite me?" JOSH I think we'd lose. TOBY Not in New Jersey. Josh looks at him with a smile. C.J. "It's never been shown that racial profiling works, and I'm against it." JOSH That answer's pretty simple, isn't it? C.J. We can make it more complicated. ANDY A lot of people in... Mr. President, do you mind if I...? JOSH No... BARTLET I think she was talking to me there, Dexter. What? ANDY A lot of people in law enforcement believe profiling helps them do their job better. Not everyone's against it. BARTLET I'm against it. JOEY (KENNY) And so are the voters, but I think what... BARTLET How you doing there Joey? Kippy? JOSH Kenny. BARTLET Okay. JOEY (KENNY) I think, Mr. President, that what Congresswoman Wyatt was saying is that if we can figure out a way to make this answer about the drug war, then we can talk about successes. BARTLET Is that what you were saying, Andy? ANDY Yes, sir. C.J. Yeah, but Richie will bring it back to Rooker and the fact that you don't know what your position on racial profiling... BARTLET I do know what my position is. TOBY We're losing the question. Fundamentally, it's "What was the story with Rooker?" C.J. We gave him our full support until it became clear that an increasingly divided Congress was going to shoot down our nominee. TOBY We didn't give him our full support. We withdrew the nomination. JOSH Why not blow past the nomination fight and give a strong... C.J. Blow past the nomination fight? JOSH ...and give a strong, unambiguous statement in support of law enforcement? TOBY 'Cause that's not going to be the vote. JOSH Nobody's for stronger, fairer law enforcement. TOBY That's not going to be the question. SAM Why not just say we screwed up? (imitating Bartlet) "Mr. Rooker's a devoted crimer fighter-- we had our differences – but on this, all Americans can agree..." Leo enters, holding a note, and walks towards Bartlet. BARTLET Excuse me... SAM ...Yes sir? BARTLET Were you doing me just then? SAM I was offering an answer... BARTLET You were doing me. SAM I may have slipped into it, yes. BARTLET Anybody else do a pretty good Bartlet? It's talent night here at Debate Camp, anybody want to do a little skit? Leo hands Bartlet the note, then whispers into his ear. Bartlet reads the note. BARTLET Apparently, eight Israeli Thunder fighters--these are also known as American-made Boeing F15E Strike Eagles--have hit two terrorist bases in the north and south of Qumar. And while no Qumari government personel or institutions were destroyed, Qumar, of course, considers an attack on its soil to be an act of war. So we are, as always, one bad bottle of Tequila away from all-out war in West Asia. (to Sam) Would you like to take this one or shall I? SAM Why don't you get this one. I'll get... the next one. BARTLET Okay. LEO We've got a secure link. BARTLET (leaving room) I agreed to be locked up with you people for 48 hours. How much time do I have left? LEO 47 hours, 41 minutes. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: EXT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - DAY Bartlet, Leo and advisors walk outside on the camp grounds. LEO Hutchinson and Berryhill are hooked in along with Nancy and Fitzwallace and we're still getting Peter from State. BARTLET Defense condition three for the bases in Qumar is what? LEO Mike MIKE It deploys the Independence to the Gulf. They've got 75 aircraft. BARTLET What's happening on the ground? MAN AC Recon Striker says 30,000 troops are massing at the Syrian border. BARTLET That was fast. LEO They're not there yet. MIKE We're getting MILSAT confirmation. Everyone enters the barn, which has an IMPROMPTU SITUATION ROOM. OFFICER Ten hut. All officers salute. MAN 2 Mr. President, you have secretaries Hutchinson and Berryhill, Director Kato, Chairman Fitzwallace and Dr. McNally. BARTLET Alright. Well, we've got ourselves a Marx Brothers' movie. KEN HUTCHINSON (over phone) Sir, It's Ken. On your order, we'll put CTU on high alert. BARTLET You have the order. Oh, Fitz. FITZWALLACE (over phone) Yes, sir? BARTLET How're you doing? FITZWALLACE Fine. Thank you, sir. And you? BARTLET Well, we've made camp in North Carolina for prep, so I've been thinking about killing myself, but let me ask you something. Besides Qumar, Iran, Syria, Hezbullah, they've all got short and medium-range missiles. If Israel feels threatened by them, what happens? FITZWALLACE They launch a pre-emptive strike. LEO Yeah, but before that happens, Qumar shows its teeth, right? FITZWALLACE Yeah. LEO Yeah. So what happens then? FITZWALLACE They'll want something from us in exchange for standing down. BARTLET Well, for the moment, they haven't stood up, but in the meantime, let's think of something we can give them when they do. LEO (angrily) That's what we should do in the meantime? BARTLET (warning tone) Leo... LEO We should think of something we can *give* them?! BARTLET Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the hell out of them. LEO Yes. BARTLET Mr. Chairman, would you put our bases in Qumar at Defense Condition 3 with the U.S. Military at Defcon Four? FITZWALLACE Yes, sir. BARTLET Thank you. He, Leo and other advisors sit at the table. CUT TO: EXT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - DAY Andy leaves a room to go outside. Toby follows her. TOBY Andy... ANDY Yeah? TOBY A couple of things. I need you to look at a couple of answers on defense readiness. I need concrete examples of waste in Pentagon procurement. We need two more members of the IRC for post spin. I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint checking account and review this 60-second answer on Rwanda. ANDY Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure. TOBY See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure.... ANDY I said under no circumstances to marrying you again. TOBY May I ask why? ANDY I've had the unique experience of having done it once before. TOBY Yes, well... ANDY I have to get to the things you gave me. A person's running for President. She walks away. Sam comes out of the building. TOBY Hey, that was good, Sam. Stay up in his face. Don't back off. SAM You want to shoot for two minutes? There's a hoop in the back. TOBY Yeah. Josh comes up to them with a basketball. JOSH He's right. Don't back off. SAM Yeah. (to Toby) What's going on with you and Andy? TOBY Nothing. SAM I think you're wrong. TOBY I'm not. SAM I think you're getting back together. TOBY We're not. SAM But you want to. TOBY Yes. SAM I think... Wait. What? TOBY See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past. JOSH Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you. TOBY (sarcastically) Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now. He walks towards the basketball hoop. They follow. SAM Well, if you do that... TOBY Are you going to stay up in his face? SAM Did you hear me say I would? TOBY No, actually. SAM Well, I will. Listen, let me tell you something. What I said wasn't personal. TOBY Who said it was? SAM He did. He said, "It's been four years and when am I going to stop saying, 'I told you so?'" And that wasn't... I was... Let's say we're new. We made mistakes. We'd just gotten to... We weren't even in the White House when we heard Rooker. It was like January 5. They arrive at the hoop. TOBY (with certainty) It was the 15th. It was January 15th. SAM How do you remember? TOBY I just do. FADE TO: INT. BARTLET'S TEMPORARY OFFICE - FOUR YEARS AGO Four years ago, on January 15th, Toby, Josh, and Sam are in Bartlet's temporary office. Leo walks inside. LEO I think Cornell Rooker's going to be the AG. How about that? TOBY What do you mean? LEO He's on the phone with the governor right now. SAM We're settled on that? LEO Yeah, it's Cornell Rooker, if that's what he's saying on the phone. If he's saying no, then it's going to be somebody else. JOSH Well analyzed. SAM I thought there might be more conversations about the more conservative tendancies. LEO Like privacy? SAM Yeah. C.J. (walks in) He's a Democrat with a record the right win can't complain about. (sits) MARGARET (enters) Excuse me, Josh. I'm looking for Donna. JOSH Donna is at the White House, as a matter of fact. C.J. (surprised) She's at the White House?! JOSH Yup. C.J. She knows the old tenants are still there, right? JOSH She's being taken out to lunch by her predecessor, a guy who's the assistant to Mac McConnell, the assistant to the Deputy C.O.S. C.J. Nobody did that with me. (to Leo) Anybody do that with you? LEO (shakes his head) Sam... JOSH (interrupts) He's who the judiciary calls when they want to put a stamp on a yes. He has a record conservatives can't complain about. SAM Folks, our opponent had a record conservatives can't complain about, but he lost. ASSISTANT (knocks on door frame) Excuse me. Mr. Ziegler? TOBY Yeah? ASSISTANT Congresswoman Wyatt is here in person without an appointment, and she's asking to see you. TOBY Yeah. (irritated) Congresswoman Wyatt is also Mrs. Ziegler. Just... uh, I'll be right out. ASSISTANT Yes, sir. (leaves) TOBY You think we're going to get hit from the left? SAM I do. JOSH I don't. SAM Look... JOSH He gets a honeymoon. Let's take advantage. SAM You're missing the point. JOSH What? SAM I think he'll be confirmed. We might even get the honeymoon from the left. JOSH But? SAM I'm not sure he's the right guy. BARTLET (enters) We got Rooker. He leaves. Sam looks disappointed. CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - FOUR YEARS AGO JEFF JOHNSON (enters lobby) Donna? DONNA Yeah. JEFF Jeff Johnson. Come on back. DONNA This is incredibly nice of you. JEFF Well, the guy before did it for me, so who knows? Maybe you'll do it for someone else in four years. DONNA Eight years. JEFF Whatever. They enter the BULLPEN AREA. DONNA Is this where I'll be working? JEFF Who knows? The White House reinvents itself with every administration. It's never the same. There are some things I can tell you that won't be in the briefing. You want to hear them? DONNA Sure. JEFF Never wear your badge off campus. It's like wearing a bull's eye. Don't let your kids get the mail out of your mailbox. You don't know what separatist just sent you a chain mail. DONNA I don't have kids. JEFF Good, because there are days when you're gonna need to get here at eight, maybe even earlier, and not go home till six or seven. What else? The iodine tablet. Some people take 'em; some people don't. I did, but you can ask your doctor. DONNA What's the iodine for? JEFF Uh, it protects your thyroid from the radiation. DONNA And why is there radiation? JEFF There's an XW-9 warhead in a silo 93 feet below the Eisenhower putting green. They say it's not enough radiation to hurt you, but do you really want to take chances with something like that? DONNA Really? Wow. God, no. JEFF Listen, before I forget, I've gotten hit up for a favor. My girlfriend's a stringer for a teen magazine. It's called 21. DONNA Sure. JEFF With all the people coming in, they want to do a story and you've been visible and with the way you look... Any chance she could get a ten-minute phoner? DONNA No problem. You can give her the number. JEFF Great. You ready for lunch? DONNA Yeah. JEFF Where to? DONNA You tell me. I don't know anything. JEFF Okay. CUT TO: INT. OUTSIDE THE INTERIM OFFICE - FOUR YEARS AGO TOBY Everything alright? ANDY Yeah. I couldn't get you on your phone and I was on the tenth floor. They need another sample. TOBY (wary) Why? ANDY There was blackout in Alexandria and the incubator was without power for 45 minutes. TOBY Can we maybe talk about this over here? They walk away from the door to the offices. TOBY A blackout in Alexandria? ANDY It's a cab ride. Just go over. You're in. You're out. No sweat. TOBY No it's not no sweat. In fact, it's a bit gruesome. ANDY (amused) It's gruesome? TOBY It's... something. You get off on the 4th floor, which is clearly marked for all the other passengers on the elevator to read that it's the fertility clinic. And you're trying to show with your body language that it's not you and that's impossible to show with body language. An 84-year-old Welsh nurse hands you a brown paper bag with a cup and a video and points you toward a room, where I won't even tell you the name they have for this room. ANDY What's the name? TOBY I won't tell you. ANDY Why? TOBY It's not a good out loud word. You take the longest walk of your life back to the Welsh nurse, who takes the cup out of the bag and says, "Very nice." ANDY Honey, I need you to do this now. There's a timing thing. TOBY Can't it possibly wait until next week... ANDY (overlapping him) I thought maybe today I could... TOBY (snaps angrily) It's January 15th, Andy. I can't have a baby today. He's getting sworn in five days. I'm not saying never. I'm saying, can we wait five days? ANDY (conceding) Sure. How's it going? TOBY Rooker's going to be the AG. He walks away toward the offices. CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE THE DEBATE CAMP - PRESENT KENNY (calls out) Mr. Ziegler? TOBY Yeah? KENNY I'm sorry for shouting. Joey says she's ready. TOBY I'm sorry? JOSH Electoral math. Josh, Sam and Toby grab their jackets and stuff and follow Kenny. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - DAY An interactive map of the U.S. is on the wall. JOSH When do you suppose Georgia got so far out of reach? Was it 'cause we... burned it down? SAM I was going to say. JOEY Okay, let's start. (KENNY) I'm taking Ohio out of the red and putting it back in play. Joey touches the screen, changing Ohio from red, back to gray. TOBY How much money is it going to take to win there? JOEY A lot more than we have there. We're on the air in 18 of the top 25. There's no new money to spend on this. We're going to have to move it... TOBY I'm going to stop you there. Joey, I-I can't go to him with it. JOEY (KENNY) Let me go to him with it. Let Bruno. C.J. No, I'm with Toby. I don't think you understand how the President feels about his home state. He's a New Hampshire Bartlet. It's been home for centuries. He's a Democrat elected to the statehouse with close to 60% and the fact that the state's in play is a real embarrasment for him. He doesn't want to campaign there because that's embarassing too, but we really can't... JOEY (KENNY) C.J., I'm trying to tell you it's not in play anymore. JOSH Joey, no kidding – if you asked the President which he'd rather win, New Hampshire or the election, he'd have to think before he answered. Put a pin in it; we'll come back after prep. Thanks. The staffers get up and walk to the prep room. Joey touches the screen changing New Hampshire from undecided to Ritchie's. CUT TO: INT. DEBATE PREP ROOM - CONTINUOUS LARRY President Bartlet, the next questions to you. Governor Ritchie contends there's a crisis in the American family that parents aren't spending enough time with their kids. JOSH We're trying this again. Sorry. LARRY Yeah. And that your solution is essentially to have government raise children. BARTLET Well, that's an extraordinary and unsurprisingly dumb interpretation of what it is my administration's trying to accomplsh. The staffers applaud. BARTLET It's hard enought to rasie kids today with help from family leave, subsidized daycare, preschool-- we need more of it, not less. SAM The government can't raise kids, Mr. President – parents have to. BARTLET I have three grown daughters, Governor. You really want to tell me how I should raise my family? You're really comfortable with that? JOSH There it is. BARTLET You want to tell other American fathers and mothers what they're doing wrong? SAM Sir, I did not say... BARTLET I didn't think you did. So, why don't we stick to what government can do-- which is collect money and distribute it – and stop wasting time by sentimentalizing family. ALL Whoa, whoa, whoa. LARRY That's... not good, sir. SAM We just lost the vote of every stay-at-home mom and their husbands who are henpecked. BARTLET Who are you now? SAM Yes, sir. TOBY I like the aggressive answer. It's just right. LARRY We're letting Ritchie put him on the oppisite side of values. Lead with "I'm the proud father of..." BARTLET That wasn't the question, Larry. The question was, "What do I have against families?" and the answer is I have nothing against them at all. C.J. has gotten up and walk to the back where Josh is. C.J. Josh... BARTLET They simply aren't mentioned in the Executive Powers section. C.J. Larry's right, we have to put him on the right side of this. He is on the right side of this, but we need help with the answer. JOSH You're asking me to do that which I don't want to do, right? C.J. Yes. JOSH Okay. C.J. I have a press briefing. CUT TO: INT. PRESS ROOM - FLASHBACK BARTLET WHITE HOUSE TWO DAYS AFTER INAUGURATION C.J. walks into the dark Press Room. She begins a mock press briefing with only Carol sitting in the audience. C.J. Good afternoon. Today is January 22nd. Let me brief you on the President's morning schedule. He started with... How's that? CAROL Good. C.J. Yeah? CAROL Yeah. C.J. You sure? CAROL Yeah. C.J. You don't care. CAROL No. C.J. Okay. CAROL I've got boxes to unload. C.J. I'm going to stay here and practice. Carol gets up and leaves the room. C.J. No, David, the President was very clear about that. Mark, then Katie. Mark, Katie, Jessie, Phil, Steve, Betsy, Julie, Julie, Julia, Kevin, Paul, Tom, Sondra, Suzanne... (sighs) Mike, Danny... Elizabeth. 18th seat. 18 you can vote... "vote" sounds like "moat"... which is a trench – Trent. BILL STARK (enters) Excuse me, C.J. C.J. Yeah? BILL STARK Bill Stark. I'm with "Kingspeak." We're a magazine that reaches over 600,000 Christians Evangelicals. I'm sorry I missed your first briefing. I heard you did well. C.J. I can do better. BILL I wanted to tell you that on December 10th, all 600,000 will be praying for you. C.J. Really? BILL That's right. C.J. I don't understand. BILL Well, once a year, we identify the 365 most influential people in media and we assign each of them a calendar day and we pray for them. C.J. I really don't know what to say in response to that sort of kindness. BILL Well... maybe the Administration will reconsider their position on some issues? C.J. Like what? BILL Um... school prayer? C.J. I think the President's pretty much made up his mind. BILL Millions of Americans want it. There are a lot of votes there. C.J. Yes, but we got as many as we needed for now, so... BILL Just wanted to say hi. C.J. I'll see you around. BILL Oh, by the way... Just so you don't think we disagree on everthing, I think Cornell Rooker is terrific. C.J. Really? BILL Back in the day we served on a city counsel together. First African-American man I've ever heard make sense on racial profiling. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - FLASHBACK MRS. LANDINGHAM Look at this. Leonardo DaVinci. "Madonna and child with a pomegranate." BARTLET It's nice. MRS. LANDINGHAM Here's Botticelli. "Adoration of the Magi." BARTLET What are we doing right now? MRS. LANDINGHAM We're choosing pictures from the collection at the National Gallery. BARTLET They'll loan stuff? MRS. LANDINGHAM Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian. BARTLET Really? MRS. LANDINGHAM Yeah. BARTLET I want Apollo 11. MRS. LANDINGHAM Well, you can't have that. BARTLET Then don't bother me. MRS. LANDINGHAM Sir... BARTLET I'm meeting with the leadership, I'm signing six Executive Orders I don't yet understand... Someone knocks on the door. Leo enters. LEO Mr. President. BARTLET God, I thought that was a closet. LEO It's my office! BARTLET All right, the rooms got four doors, it's huge. LEO I want to run through these Executive Orders. Bartlet notices C.J. hanging outside the Oval Office door. BARTLET Do you understand them? LEO Not quite yet. BARTLET C.J., what are you doing? C.J. I'm sorry, sir. I just wanted to see Leo. BARTLET [points to Leo] He's standing right there. C.J. Yeah. BARTLET Would you get your ass in here? Could everyone stop acting strange? LEO What's up? C.J. A reporter for a conservative Christian magazine introduced himself and happened to serve on a city counsel with Rooker, which is true – it was in Miami. BARTLET Yeah. C.J. The reporter said that he liked Rooker's position on racial profiling. LEO That's strange. C.J. No, it's not. We found the transcript. "I'm not saying it should be active policy, but there is no question in my mind that in certain situations, racial profiling can be helpful to law..." BARTLET Law enforcement? C.J. Yeah. BARTLET It's our second day, how do you think it's going so far? LEO We'll get into it. BARTLET Yes. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY Amy is riding her bike. AMY And down the stretch, here she comes. Here comes Gardner. She's going to take the yellow jersey pass the picturesque farms and hillsides and Champs d'leamp and the white cliffs of Dover. Where do the American's find this kind of spirit? Her cell phone rings. AMY Her cell phone's ringing now – probably a sponsor. Hello? JOSH It's Josh. AMY Hello. JOSH You're breathing very hard. AMY I'm riding. JOSH Then what are you doing? AMY Later? JOSH Yeah. AMY With Peter Harlow. JOSH How's Peter's wife? AMY They're separated. JOSH Yes, I know. AMY What do you need? JOSH How do we stand strong for the modern family in all its quirks and not seem like we're dissing everyone born before 1962? AMY By doing it. JOSH You'll think about it? AMY Yeah. JOSH Thank you. CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - FLASHBACK BARTLET WHITE HOUSE FIVE DAYS AFTER INAUGURATION Sam is in the lobby trying to figure out a map of the West Wing, when Josh walks up. JOSH You're going to this meeting? SAM Yeah. JOSH WW-160, you been able to find it? SAM I don't even know where I am right now. JOSH I'm looking on this side again. SAM Do you mind if I talk to you while we walk? JOSH Well, we may as well get used to having meetings in the corridors from now on. It may be our only hope. I know now why they made the Oval Office a special shape. SAM Six new editorials – NAACP, the Urban League, La Raza... JOSH NAACP doesn't want to see a black Attorney General? SAM No, I think they do, but they also stand for the ones who get pulled over for having too nice a car. JOSH Thank you. SAM Intergovernmental's also... JOSH I'm talking to intergovernmental. Does anybody know where WW-160 is?! Hi. I'm Josh Lyman. You all work for me. Does anybody know where WW-160 is? GINGER I haven't seen it. JOSH That one hasn't seen it. She's... you know, she's keeping an eye out though. SAM I don't think he's going to be confirmed. I think the first thing that's going to happen to us is we're going to lose the confirmation battle... And spend the next four years with two outs and a full count. If we pull him out now, it's a story for a day and a half, until we announce the next guy. If we wait a week... JOSH This is the guy. This is the story. SAM Good. 'Cause you know why? 'Cause hubris always wins in the end. The Greeks taught us that. Josh and Sam walk into LEO'S OFFICE. JOSH We were looking for West Wing 160. LEO Yeah, I think it's in the Kremlin. Let's just meet here. JOSH Leo, this is a strong deserving nominee. Sam, it's not hubris. He should be Attorney General. SAM Yeah, but he's not going to be. So let's take it from there. LEO No, the President doesn't want to give it up yet. TOBY Let's line up people for IP, the mornings... "Cornell Rooker has an exceptional record as a U.S. attorney... a leader in fighting employment discrimination...was college chair of... He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." That's the line. Say that. Do not say that. What the hell was that? "He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." Sings a song, has a moustache? What is that supposed to... C.J. Toby's gone to the zoo. LEO Yeah, I think we may have killed these two guys with Inauguration. SAM Leo, I beseech you – let me take a pass at some remarks the President can make withdrawing the nomination. We're going to do it anyway, let's do it now. JOSH Here it is. "Take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record, you'll see... TOBY Yes. JOSH ...he's fought for justice his entire carer. If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker record, you'll see he's fought for justice his entire career." TOBY I don't want to be able to turn my head tomorrow without reading that quote. JOSH Anything else? LEO No. JOSH Thank you. They walk out the HALLWAY, where Donna meets them. DONNA Hey... I don't think there is a WW-160. JOSH Yeah, hey. How do you do? DONNA What? JOSH Guess what I have here. It's a copy of "21 Magazine." It's for "Generation Now!" DONNA Is my thing in there? JOSH Yuh-huh. DONNA What? JOSH "In sleek Celia Yang slacks and a classic DKNY button-down, she's not afraid to bring a note of 'Let's do drinks after work' to the office." DONNA That's totally untrue, but I do like the sound of it. JOSH "But as much as we love her style, we worry about her inexperience and Bambi-esque naivete. 'There's so much to learn,' says Moss. 'I didn't even know there was a nuclear missile silo under this place.'" DONNA I didn't. JOSH There's not! DONNA There is! JOSH Who told you that? DONNA Jeff, when I met him for lunch. JOSH Let me take a guess at something. Jeff set you up with a reporter, right? DONNA His girlfriend. JOSH You probably didn't even bring this up, right? The girlfriend led you there? DONNA Bambiesque? JOSH As does pertain to Bambi. There's a reason why we keep these missile silos way out the hell in the middle nowhere. It's 'cause they're working with some pretty nasty materials. Also, there's not much point in keeping nuclear secrets from China when all they have to do is take the free tour. Did it really sound right to you, when he said it? What'd you think, we'd go to war, and Hercules rockets come flying out of the Rose Garden? DONNA The Eisenhower Putting Green. JOSH Oh, my God! DONNA I'm too stupid to live. JOSH This is just like when I played the lead in "Li'l Abner" in eighth grade and rehearsals are going fine. All of a sudden there's sets and lights and costumes, and everyone's tripping all over themselves except me. You guys all walked into the building and got freaked by the lights. I walked in and, you know, something else happened. DONNA Well, we can't all be you. JOSH You all can try a little harder to be. DONNA For sure I'm not taking the iodine tablets. JOSH I should be sitting at my desk right now. Do I have a desk yet? DONNA No. JOSH Okay. Then I'll just... walk around some more... see if I can get into a pickup meeting. CUT TO: INT. LIGHTED PATH AT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - PRESENT, NIGHT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE 7:45 P.M. Toby is walking along the path when Charlie catches up to him. CHARLIE Toby? TOBY Yeah? CHARLIE You going to dinner? TOBY Yeah. CHARLIE I'm a bad friend. I should've been there for you. TOBY Okay, but I-I don't know what you're talking about. CHARLIE Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board. TOBY With what? CHARLIE Team Toby. TOBY See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake. CHARLIE If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I... TOBY Okay. CHARLIE ...want that, you know, to happen to you. TOBY I get it. CHARLIE Do you? Because this is about love. TOBY I think you have a different motivation. CHARLIE Laughs? TOBY Yes. CHARLIE Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with. TOBY Yes. CHARLIE Well, let me start here: have you asked her? TOBY Yes. CHARLIE And she said no? TOBY This is excruciating. CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - FLASHBACK ANDY You're going to give me your white blood cells... not all of them, but as many as I want. TOBY Why? ANDY Because you love me. TOBY No, wha... uh... What's the matter with your white blood cells? ANDY Nothing. It's my immune system. It's not... recognizing that a pregnancy isn't something it's supposed to attack. So, they draw blood from you... like a rabid dog – clean it, thank goodness... and give me injections of your blood cells to build up tolerance. You know how you're always saying you wish people were more like you? Well... The guy's had a lot of success. TOBY You don't have to sell me. It sounds like something we should try... But let me ask you something, and bear in mind that I'm happy, I'm... eager to go to as many doctors as there are... but should we talk about a stop date? ANDY You mean talk about adoption? TOBY Yeah, we can talk about adopting. ANDY You meant a stop date stop date. TOBY I meant adopting. I meant surrogacy. And yes, I love kids and I want them and I don't have to have them. And I don't have to have them... ANDY I want them. TOBY And I'm there. ANDY Okay. You're getting killed on Rooker. TOBY No kidding. ANDY Hey, C.J. C.J. Is he in there? ANDY Yeah. Is anything wrong? C.J. No... C.J. There's a problem. TOBY I just said a stupid thing. What's the problem? C.J. Well, I did a one-on-one with Danny Concannon a few days ago on Rooker. TOBY Did you say, "If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record...?" C.J. Yes, as a matter of fact. TOBY And? C.J. He did. TOBY Oh, man. C.J. A DUI got fixed in law school. He doesn't want to write about the DUI as much as he wants to write about us being the Capitol Clampettes. What was the stupid thing that you said? TOBY Doesn't matter. Let's fix this. CUT TO: EXT: PATIO AT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - PRESENT Toby and Charlie have now arrived where they will be serving dinner. Sam, Ed, Larry, and other staffers are up front singing a song. SAM, ED, LARRY, and STAFFERS "Gaudeamus igitur Juvenes dum sumus Post jucundum juventutem Post molestam senectutem Nos habebit humus Nos habebit humus." JOEY (KENNY) What was that? SAM It's an old camp song. JOEY (KENNY) What's it mean? SAM "Let us be merry, therefore while we are young men. After the joys of youth, after the pains of old age, the ground will have us." It's true. JOEY (KENNY) How can I get you onboard with me? SAM New Hampshire? JOEY Yeah. SAM By coming out with me. JOEY (KENNY) On what? SAM The President's got to spend a little more time in congressional districts we're not going to win. JOEY (KENNY) Why would he spend any time in districts...? SAM To build Democratic momentum in the very places we traditionally tank. We're running comically weak candidates in these districts. The Tennessee 7th, Horton Wilde in Orange County; he's in the hospital with his fourth heart attack. Who the hell knows when he's going to resume a campaign schedule. JOEY (KENNY) I can't make a pitch about putting resources in the right places and then advocate sending the President to districts where the last Democrat won by railing against Abraham Lincoln. SAM That's a resonable point. JOEY (KENNY) Will you help me? SAM Yeah. Josh walks by with a cell phone up to his ear. CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Amy and PETER HARLOW are having drinks on a patio outside. Amy's cell phone is ringing, but she is ignoring it. PETER HARLOW I have to say you look good. AMY Thank you. PETER I don't remember you looking this good. Is something different? AMY I don't know, the autumnal equinox is usually good to me, but... PETER I think that's your cell phone that's been ringing. AMY Yes. Excuse me. (answers her phone) Hello? JOSH (VO) Hey. AMY Hello. JOSH (VO) You on your date? AMY Well, I wouldn't call it that. JOSH Listen, you probably don't want to let him know it's me on the phone. It's too intimidating. It's like going out with Cher and Sonny calls. AMY How can I help you? JOSH Any thoughts? AMY Yes, Ritchie's right. There's a family crisis in America. JOSH So a radical feminist is saying women should stay home with the kids? AMY First of all, I don't think I'm a radical anything. Second of all, who said women should stay home? And third is, it's the capitalist treadmill that encourages scheduling quality time on a Palm Pilot. That's not how they do it in Scandinavia. JOSH But everybody kills themself in Scandinavia. AMY That's hard to deny. JOSH We need to defend our accomplishments on work and family, many of which you pushed for and show that we get what working parents are going through. Can you help us? AMY Yes. JOSH I'll call back. What would be a really bad time? AMY Oh, really anytime. JOSH Outstanding. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - FLASHBACK DONNA Josh? JOSH Yeah? DONNA There's a Mr. Michael Gordon here to see you. JOSH Does he have an appointment? DONNA No, he's with the NSA. JOSH NSA? Send him in. MICHAEL GORDON Mr. Lyman? JOSH Yeah. MICHAEL Mr. Gordon. JOSH Donna says you're with the NSA. MICHAEL I'm not here to bug your office. JOSH Yeah, but you wouldn't tell me of you were, right? MICHAEL It's about Miss Moss, as a matter of fact. JOSH What's the trouble? MICHAEL Probably nothing, but a few days ago, a teen magazine published a short interview with her. JOSH Yeah, look, the old guys were playing a joke on her. I realize it's not a good idea for a White House staffer to be saying there's a missile in the capitol. MICHAEL Well, the problem is, joke or not, she it a little close to him for our comfort. JOSH What do you mean? MICHAEL Obvioulsy I can't elaborate. JOSH "She hit a little close to home"? MICHAEL Yeah. JOSH You trying to tell me...? MICHAEL Mr. Lyman, you don't have code-word clearance. We need to stay professional. JOSH Yeah. MICHAEL How long has she been working for you? JOSH Listen, this... this is silly. She was just duped. It was a joke. MICHAEL How long has she been working for you? JOSH This is a giant misunderstanding. MICHAEL Mr. Lyman... JOSH I would vouch for Donna with my life. She doesn't know about missiles. She's from Wisconsin! MICHAEL I'm simply asking how long she's been working for you. JOSH No, look, I'm sorry. I'm sure your intentions are good, and this is just routine, but it could get tricky, and I'd like to have her talk to someone. MICHAEL A lawyer? JOSH Yeah. MICHAEL Suit yourself, but until this is straightened out, I'm going to have to revoke her credentials. JOSH She's my assistant. For how long? MICHAEL As long as it takes. JOSH All right. MICHAEL Thank you. Michael leaves Josh's office. Josh walks to his door and calls Donna. JOSH Donna... DONNA What was that? JOSH You got to go home. DONNA Why? JOSH That idiot interview you did, pooped a red flag at NSA. They're revoking your credentials until it's straightened out. DONNA I don't believe it. JOSH I'm talking to someone in Cochran's office. DONNA What am I suppose to do? JOSH Take a few days off. Go home. Go to the beach. DONNA It's February 2nd. JOSH Well, then, I wouldn't go to the beach. DONNA You've got a meeting in Leo's office. JOSH Don't worry about this. I'm going to fix this. CUT TO: INT. PATIO AT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - NIGHT The staffers have finished eating dinner and are hanging out. C.J. The President's not going to be available for a little bit. JOSH Why? C.J. Fitzwallace just got here. JOSH Any idea what's going on? C.J. shakes her head no, then walks away. JOSH All right. Listen up. We still have an open question on family, we still have an open question on Rooker, missile defense, and vouchers. We start dress rehearsals tomorrow at 3:00. Let's split up in our groups. I really want vouchers by 10:00, missile defense by 11:00. SAM Anybody not doing anything at midnight – Team Toby, my cabin. TOBY Good. JOSH Break's over. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT: TEMPORARY SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT SAYBROOK INSTITUTE, 10:15 P.M. MILITARY AIDE Ten-hut! BARTLET Thanks for coming down. LEO What's going on? FITZWALLACE The Mastico, a 200-foot Qumari cargo ship is heading east in the Mediterranean, toward Lebanon. LEO Is it carrying Qumari arts and crafts? FITZWALLACE No, it's carrying 72 tons of weapons and explosives, including a Multiple Launch Rocket System. LEO This fires twelve warheads with 644 M-77 munitions. It does it in 60 seconds. FITZWALLACE The global positioning device on the MLRS is how we found the ship. This is the message in a bottle we've been waiting for. BARTLET They turn around the ship in exchange for what? FITZWALLACE Access to the High Altitude Area Defense program. LEO That's okay, 'cause that's just the most sophisticated anti-ballistic missile system in history short of Star Wars. What else? BARTLET They're arming the Bahji, Leo. Two training camps of which the Israelis just attacked. I've gotta turn around the boat – tonight. Tomorrow we'll worry about tomorrow. LEO Well, we can invite the Sultan over for a mixer. BARTLET Look... LEO A nice mixer. Punch, sack races, whatnot... Why are we playing games with these people? They refuse to catch and prosecute the Bahji. In fact, they support them in a variety of ways. Why isn't that the end of the conversation? "We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." We said that yesterday. BARTLET Fitz? FITZWALLACE I couldn't agree with Leo more. BARTLET What about Nancy? FITZWALLACE Yeah. BARTLET What's available from the Sixth Fleet? FITZWALLACE One Forward Unit east of the Mastico – the 26th Marine Expeditionary. BARTLET Stop the boat. Don't shoot it unless I tell you to. FITZWALLACE Yes, sir. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - FLASHBACK C.J. This doesn't feel good, does it? It's quiet, you know. It's too quiet. TOBY C.J.... C.J. Yeah. Leo enters from the Oval Office. LEO The President has withdrawn Rooker's name from nomination. SAM Well, at least it's behind us. LEO Not quite. Our report card for our first two weeks in office. The President's approval has gone from 61% during the transition – when, I suppose, there's nothing to approve – to 49% once there was. 47% see him as a strong leader – a result of bungling the Rooker nomination-- and African-American support, which basically elected him, has gone from 92 to 78. Finally, if the election were held today, the President would be Chairman of the Economics Department at Phillips Andover Academy. Can anyone report anything good? C.J. 600,000 Evangelicals are praying for me... so... we have that going for us. LEO What the hell are yoy talking about? C.J. It's true – a guy gave me this card: "365 in Media." SAM Who are the others? C.J. I don't know, let's see... "Hugh Hefner, Don Imus, Howard Stern..." all the late-night guys. This is... one, two, three... this is the Editorial Board of The New York Times. This isn't a good list, this is a list of people who are going to hell! TOBY Yes. C.J. They're not praying for me because they like me! It's 'cause I'm doomed to eternal damnation! SAM Well, if you weren't, it'd be a waste of praying. C.J. You're on the list too, pal. SAM Can I see that? LEO You can all leave. JOSH We're going to do better for you, boss. LEO Do better for him. C.J. We will. TOBY We will. Josh and Sam walk out to the HALLWAY. JOSH Sam... SAM Yeah. JOSH Can you walk with me a second? SAM Yeah. JOSH Well, you were right, I was wrong. SAM More often then not, it's going to be the other way around, so... JOSH Thanks. Listen, I got a weird problem. SAM What? JOSH Remember Donna had lunch with Mack's assistant a few weeks ago? He told her there's a missile silo on the grounds. She repeated it to a magazine and an NSA guy came to see me just now, and said she struck a little close to home and they want to investigate. In the meantime, they've revoked her credentials. SAM "Struck to close to home." What does that mean? JOSH It means somehow she... There's actually some kind of weapons system right here on the White House... or... intelligence gathering... Wait a minute. This doesn't sound right. Josh stops in the NORTHWEST LOBBY and thinks about what he's saying. He turns to Sam then walks off to his BULLPEN, where he's sees Donna sitting with Michael Gordon at her desk. JOSH Hi. DONNA Hey. Just... hanging with my friend Michael. He works in the staff secretary's office. Plus, he's got his own band. By the way, you know what your name is for the next month? JOSH It's going to be bambi, isn't it? DONNA Yeah, it's going to be Bambi-ass. But on your good days, I'm calling you Abner 'cause you stepped into the White House and didn't flinch. Josh shakes Michael's hands then begins to walk to his office leaving Donna wearing the smile of victory. JOSH I'm making phone calls. CUT TO: INT. SAYBROOK INSTITUTE - PRESENT, NIGHT Josh is on his cell phone calling Amy. AMY Yeah? JOSH How you doing? AMY I'm freezing. JOSH Where are you? AMY I'm at my front door. JOSH Well, go inside. AMY I can't, I'll lose you. JOSH You'll never lose me, Amy. AMY [beat] Please don't say that. JOSH What do you have? AMY I don't have anything. JOSH I don't believe you. Amy begins to talk as Josh runs to put the phone to C.J.'s ear so she can write down what Amy's saying. AMY I don't know what you want me to say. I want women to have help from the government. I want women to earn what men earn. I want everyone to earn enough so that everyone can make the right choice for their family, and after that, it's none of your business who stays home and who goes to work. You don't know more about raising a family than I do. JOSH That was it. We got it. We'll give it a test. I'll call you back. Probably around 1:00. AMY A.M.? JOSH Yeah. AMY Good. Josh hangs up. JOSH Let's get that in the form of an answer. Toby walks in with Charlie. C.J. We got something from Amy. TOBY Good. CHARLIE He was wondering, the Team Toby meeting. Toby doesn't need to be there, right? TOBY I wasn't really wondering. JOSH Why don't you just do your job as a man and get that nice girl pregnant. TOBY I did. JOSH Wait, what? C.J. What? TOBY Andy's pregnant. JOSH Toby, Andy's pregnant? TOBY With twins. SAM This is incredible. JOSH And they're yours? TOBY Yeah. JOSH Both of them? TOBY I'm going downstairs. Toby leaves, and C.J. hits Josh for asking such a stupid question. CHARLIE Well, we're going to have to step this up now. C.J. Yeah. SAM Let's go. Josh, Charlie, and C.J. leave to go the DEBATE ROOM. Sam is in the room alone when Bartlet enters. BARTLET Hey. SAM Good evening, Mr. President. BARTLET Did you have a good day? SAM Yes, sir. We haven't found the answer we like on the Rooker question yet. BARTLET You know what I remember he said to me? He said, "Mr. President, when I hear black footsteps behind me, I'm scared. When I hear white footsteps, I'm not." SAM Well, I think we both know people who's say different. But you have to respect him for voicing such an unpopular opinion amongst people to whom he's a leader. BARTLET You pay for these things for such a long time. Too long, don't you think? SAM I absolutely do... And I don't know why we struggle with it. BARTLET We made a mistake... I corrected it. I'll make more. SAM Yes. Humans can't rebut that. It's prevent defense and has the added merit of being true. BARTLET Am I going to lose New Hampshire? SAM Yes, sir. BARTLET I don't mind blowing the knucklehead stuff like Rooker... Rooker's not knucklehead, but... if I'm making mistakes there, how do I know I'm not doing it when it comes to matters like death and destruction? SAM Well, probably you don't, 'cause there's no manual. Sir, we expect the President to face the world in his own way, for his own time. Also, luckily for all of us, you have better advisors in that area than you do in domestic and political policy. BARTLET All right. When we're done tonight, we should talk about moving money to Ohio. SAM Yes, sir, and maybe making a stop in Orange County. You know, our candidate in the 47th is such a dynamo that he's in the hospital with his fourth heart attack. BARTLET Not anymore. He's dead. SAM Okay. BARTLET Let's go. They begin to walk down the stairs to the DEBATE AREA. BARTLET And stay up in my face, okay? SAM Yes, sir. BARTLET I swear to God, the winner of this debate's going to be the next President. Anybody want to be on the losing team? ALL No, sir. BARTLET Then let's pump it up. Let's go, Claudia Jean. C.J. Good evening, and welcome to the Presidential debate between President Josiah Bartlet and Governor Robert Ritchie being brought to you from the Univerisity of California, San Diego. The format agreed to by both candidates, is as follows: A candidate will have 90-seconds to respond, followed with a 60-second questioning by his opponent, followed by 60-second summation. By virtue of a coin toss, Mr. President, the first qestion goes to you. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 4.05 – "Debate Camp" Original Airdate: October 16, 2002, 9:00 PM EST Transcript by: ck1czar and amytych December 14, 2002