Season 4 – Episode 20 – “Evidence of Things Not Seen”

Episode Summary:

After a gunman fires three shots at the White House, the staff remains under lockdown as the President (Martin Sheen) negotiates the return of a downed spy plane while Josh (Bradley Whitford) interviews a candidate (Matthew Perry) for associate counsel — and a spirited card game allows everyone to let off steam. This is also the episode where C.J. waxes poetic about the equinox and standing an egg on its end.

Script:

THE WEST WING
"EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN"
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: ELI ATTIE & DAVID HANDELMAN
DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO

TEASER

FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J., Josh, and Leo are setting up a poker table and assorted snacks.

	FRIDAY NIGHT

C.J.
At the exact moment of the equinox. At the exact moment of the equinox.

JOSH
It doesn't work.

C.J.
It does work. It has to be the exact moment of the equinox.

JOSH
It doesn't work.

C.J.
I've seen it.

JOSH
I've tried it.

C.J.
And?

JOSH
It doesn't work.

C.J.
I don't think you did it at the exact moment.

JOSH
I did.

C.J.
When?

JOSH
Last September.

C.J.
That was the Autumnal equinox.

JOSH
It only works for the Vernal equinox?

C.J.
Yeah.

JOSH
You know what's more likely?

C.J.
That it doesn't work at all?

JOSH
That's right.

C.J.
It does, I've seen it.

LEO
We've got pastrami from Krupin's. It's tissue paper thin. Roast beef, corned
beef, turkey,
Russian dressing, coleslaw, and seedless rye, and winning the heard earned
money of your
coworkers. This is what I call a night off. Squeeze this piece of rye bread.

C.J. walks over to him and squeezes the rye bread.

C.J.
Now what do I do?

MARGARET
[entering] Excuse me, Leo.

LEO
Yeah.

Margaret nods her head towards Leo's outer office. Leo and Margaret leave
the room.

JOSH
Something that's true at the vernal equinox would also have to be true at
the autumnal
equinox.

C.J.
Why?

JOSH
Equinox means equal night. Night and day are both 12 hours long.

C.J.
What does that have to do with it?

JOSH
It doesn't work. I've tried it.

Toby enters.

TOBY
Listen, there's...

JOSH
Hang on. C.J. believes that at the exact moment of the vernal equinox...

C.J.
And only at that moment.

JOSH
You can stand an egg vertically.

TOBY
Huh?

JOSH
At the equinox you can stand an egg on its end.

TOBY
Yeah, that doesn't work.

JOSH
You've tried it?

TOBY
I don't need to try it, you can't stand an egg on its end. The elements
involved with
creating an equinox have no connection to the center of gravity of an egg.

C.J.
I've seen it.

TOBY
I've seen guys make ace of spades jump out of their shoes, I don't think it
was the
equinox.

Donna enters.

DONNA
Josh?

JOSH
Yeah?

DONNA
Counsel's Office wants to know if you can meet with a candidate for the
associate's
position tonight.

JOSH
Tonight?

DONNA
I explained it was your night off, but they said he's in town just the one
night and...

JOSH
Yeah.

DONNA
So can I take your seat when you're not playing?

JOSH
I miss Ainsley. That's who the Counsel's office should get to fill that
position,
another Ainsley. A sexy conservative with first-rate law credentials and a
strange name.

DONNA
So can I take your seat?

JOSH
Who else is playing in this game?

TOBY
Anyone with currency.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Bartlet sits at his desk while Debbie talks to him.

DEBBIE
Let me in the game sir, I beg of you.

BARTLET
Why are you so eager to get in this game?

DEBBIE
I enjoy poker, Mr. President, and your card skills are well known around
the building,
and... frankly, I wanted to learn.

BARTLET
Seriously.

DEBBIE
I enjoy poker.

BARTLET
This is a cash game, Debbie. These are hard working people blowing off some
steam and
taking each other off their coin. We don't play for matchsticks and we don't
play...

Debbie pulls out a wad of bills.

BARTLET
...Okay, can I ask you something? I forgot to have Charlie to draw cash for
me, can you
float me a little?

DEBBIE
I can play?

Leo enters.

LEO
Sir.

BARTLET
Leo, C.J. swears that on the equinox, which is today, you can stand an egg
on end.

LEO
Debbie?

DEBBIE
Thank you, Mr. President.

BARTLET
Yeah, you can play.

DEBBIE
Thank you, sir.

Debbie leaves the Oval Office.

LEO
We just lost an unmanned spy plane.

BARTLET
Where?

LEO
It was an Predator B-UAB 12 miles of Kaliningrad. It's controlled by satellite
which
can't always adjust to sudden weather changes, and this one veered off course
and
crashed inland.

BARTLET
Well that's why these are unmanned right? All we lost was money? Aren't they
saying
detonate the plane?

LEO
The plane was taking pictures of illegal nuclear transfers in the region
and we need
the intelligence 'cause they don't think we're going to get it again.

BARTLET
Well, what do they want me to do, call Chigorin and ask if we can go in and
get our
spy plane back?

LEO
Yes sir. Except you can't say spy plane.

BARTLET
Wait, you're serious. They want me to call Chigorin?

LEO
Yes.

BARTLET
And ask him for the plane back without telling him we were spying?

LEO
State and the Pentagon have some ideas how you might try that.

BARTLET
[sarcastically] Do they?

LEO
In the mean time, sir, want to play some cards?

BARTLET
Hang on.

Bartlet picks an egg up off his desk and tries to balance it on end and it
promptly falls
over.

BARTLET
Yeah, this isn't going to work.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J., Debbie, Larry, Bartlet, Josh, Toby and Ed are playing poker.

TOBY
Three.

ED
Two.

C.J.
Three.

DEBBIE
I'm fine.

BARTLET
You're fine?

DEBBIE
I am.

BARTLET
[knocks on the table] Check.

JOSH
Check.

TOBY
Check.

ED
Check.

C.J.
[knocks on the table] Check.

DEBBIE
50 dollars.

LARRY
Fold.

JOSH
Fold.

TOBY
I'm out.

ED
Out.

C.J.
Take it.

JOSH
Nothing like the mounting tension of a well contested hand.

BARTLET
You were full of crap. You had jack-high or something?

DEBBIE
I'll tell you, but it's going to cost you 50 bucks.

Will enters in his army reserves uniform carrying a bag.

WILL
Hi. Good evening, Mr. President.

C.J.
Did you get the eggs?

WILL
Yeah.

BARTLET
Hang on. Will, why are you dressed like an officer in the Air Force?

WILL
I'm an officer in the Air Force.

BARTLET
You're a reservist?

WILL
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
I didn't know that. [to C.J.] Did you know that?

C.J.
[nods to Will] He's First Lieutenant Will.

BARTLET
I had no idea. What do you do?

WILL
I work with the JAG Corps.

BARTLET
And this is your weekend up?

WILL
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Well good for you. Where are you stationed?

Charlie enters.

WILL
Since I moved here I'm stationed at the Air Force Legal Services Agency in
Bolling Air
Force base, but tonight I'm going to Cheyenne.

CHARLIE
Mr. President?

BARTLET
They're ready?

CHARLIE
No, sir. Leo wanted you a minute.

Bartlet stands.

BARTLET
[to Will] Play my seat.

Will shuffles the cards, showing his apparent experience with them.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
The Oval Office is filled with various advisors. Leo stands in the foreground
twisting
his wedding ring.

BARTLET
Are we getting somewhere?

LEO
Oh yeah. You know, there was a thought that since Kaliningrad is the only
non-contiguous
Russian state you could make like you were just informing Chigorin of a
rescue mission
that barely concerns him.

BARTLET
And what do I do when Chigorin tells me that Hawaii's not really part of
America, and
he wants to change the alphabet to Cyrillic?

LEO
[to one of the guys in the room] Seymour! What does he do?

BARTLET
[sighs] What the hell.

LEO
Would you, please? I'm not going to have you tell Chigorin that Kaliningrad's
not part
of Russia.

BARTLET
What area are we trolling in?

LEO
What area?

BARTLET
Yes.

LEO
We weren't spying on Russia, we were spying for Russia.

BARTLET
We were spying for him?

LEO
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Okay, this phone call you're going to set up with Chigorin...it's like for
a White
House bloopers reel or something?

LEO
Just give us a couple of minutes.

BARTLET
All right.

LEO
Two things I want to put on your radar.

BARTLET
Yeah.

LEO
There was a bombing at a nightclub in Kuala Lumpur and they've got a suspect
in Berlin
who was trying to explode a device at the Brandenberg gate.

BARTLET
Are the two related?

LEO
I don't know, but there were two so I wanted to tell you about it.

BARTLET
[nods] All right.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT

TOBY
Check.

LARRY
Check.

C.J.
Check.

DEBBIE
50 dollars.

LARRY
Fold.

ED
Fold.

JOSH
Out.

C.J.
I'm out.

WILL
Make her prove it Toby. Show her there are no free lunches at the Friday
night game.

A long pause.

TOBY
Call.

DEBBIE
Straight to the king.

Debbie collects her money as the others chuckle.

WILL
All right, sorry about that. I'll get her for you.

C.J.
Here's an extra card.

WILL
That's the joker.

Will tosses it into the garbage can from across the room. The staffers go
wild.

ALL
Oh!

C.J.
Oh my God, did you see that? Did you guys see that?!

Toby stands and also tosses a card into the garbage can from his place. They
all cheer
but a little less wildly.

JOSH
We're not going to need that three of clubs?

WILL
Standing at the podium in the press room I could hit a seat in the fifth row.

TOBY
No, I don't believe that's true.

WILL
Really?

TOBY
I believe it's a myth.

WILL
Well, there are 52 cards in this deck...

JOSH
51, the three of clubs.

TOBY
Dollar a card?

WILL
Yes.

Toby, Will, Larry and C.J. stand up.

DEBBIE
Sit down and play poker, I'm dealing.

Donna enters.

DONNA
Excuse me, Josh.

JOSH
Yeah.

DONNA
The guy is in the Roosevelt Room.

JOSH
Which guy is this?

DONNA
For the associate counsel's job.

JOSH
[sighs] Deal me out for three hands.

Josh and Donna leave the room and begin walking towards the Roosevelt Room.

DONNA
Can I say something?

JOSH
Yeah.

DONNA
This guy...

JOSH
Yeah.

DONNA
There are some who would consider him handsome. I don't personally, 'cause
you're the
only one I think is handsome.

JOSH
Uh-huh.

DONNA
But for the sake of appearances, here, around the offices, so that other
people wouldn't
suspect, I'd pretended I thought this guy was handsome if you hired him. Of
course, all
along it would be a lie, because of how handsome you are... and powerful.

JOSH
Your sense of humor's a bit of a high wire act isn't it? You're really trying
to thread
the needle.

DONNA
And half of it you don't even get.

JOSH
Give me that.

Donna hands him a file and Josh goes into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.

JOSH
Hector?

JOE QUINCY
Excuse me?

JOSH
Are you Hector?

JOE
No, I'm Joe Quincy.

Josh heads towards the door as Donna rushes in with another folder.

DONNA
[quietly] Sorry.

JOSH
Can I just ask?

DONNA
Yeah.

JOSH
Are you saying it's Hector you're saying is good looking or is it...?

DONNA
This guy! This guy.

JOSH
Okay.

DONNA
But not really 'cause it's only you that I find...

JOSH
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh closes the door.

JOSH
Excuse me, Joseph?

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
Josh Lyman.

They shake hands.

JOE
Joseph Quincy.

JOSH
Joe?

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
No, I was asking, do you like to be called Joe?

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
Were you saying yes to that the first time?

JOE
Yes. Joe is fine, it's what people call me.

JOSH
It's funny, it's what I was just saying, the person who created the job
opening, her
name was Ainsley Hayes, and she was, uh, a very attractive woman, and I was
saying
that we needed to find another attractive woman with an unusual name, and,
here,
you're a man and your name is Joe.

Joe starts to nod, gets halfway there, and gives up in confusion.

JOSH
You've go to be asking yourself why I told you that story. Ah, you have a
joint JD-MBA?

JOE
Yeah.

JOSH
What does a staff attorney do at the New York City Department of
Transportation?

JOE
Defend the City against people with civil claims.

JOSH
Slipping on the sidewalk?

JOE
Slipping on the subway.

JOSH
Banging your head on a turnstile?

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
After a JD-MBA from Cal?

JOE
I wanted to get trial experience right away so...

JOSH
Then Associate Council at Treasury, then the Solicitor General's office... Why
did
you leave the Solicitor General's office?

JOE
You appointed a new Solicitor General.

JOSH
You weren't a political appointee?

JOE
No. I just answered a call from a headhunter.

JOSH
I'm surprised we haven't met.

There is a knock at the door. Leo pokes his head into the room.

LEO
Excuse me.

JOSH
I'll be back in a second. You forgot to sign the bottom of the questionnaire,
the SF-86.
You've got to sign your name.

Leo and Josh leave Joe in the Roosevelt Room.

LEO
If the President says yes, we're going to set up the call in about 10 minutes.

Leo and Josh enter THE OVAL OFFICE where a small crowd of advisors are
waiting.
Bartlet enters from the portico.

BARTLET
What do we have?

LEO
All right. Best case scenario, is that he lets our guys get it untouched by
Russian hands.

BARTLET
[imitating Chigorin] But President Bartlet, we have a terrific
search-and-recovery team.
We'll just go get that plane for you.

LEO
[countering] President Chigorin, I very much appreciate the offer, but our
UAV's have
self-detonating capabilities, and only our folks know how to make it
de-operational.

BARTLET
"Our folks"? You really think I'd use those words with the Russian President?

JOSH
You say, "Sir, this UAV has proprietary American technology on it made by
one of our
leading aerospace companies and we have to protect that".

BARTLET
"Much as I have to protect Kaliningrad, sir, which brings us to the question
of what
the hell were you doing flying over it?"

LEO
It had a multiple mission.

BARTLET
Did it?

LEO
Exactly for this purpose.

BARTLET
What was the other mission?

LEO
Taking satellite pictures of coastal erosion in the Baltic Sea?

BARTLET
I tell him it was an environmental mission?

LEO
It was an environmental mission.

BARTLET
Okay, and he's not going to want to take pictures of coastal erosion at
Coney Island?

LEO
No. The Baltic Sea is shared by Sweden, Finland, and Germany.

BARTLET
We were on an environmental mission for Finland?

LEO
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
That's what we've come up with?

LEO
It's what we're starting with. We'll see how it goes.

BARTLET
Set up the call.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT
Joe stands, looking at a Nobel Prize on the mantle. The door opens, and Josh
enters.

JOSH
Sorry about that.

JOE
That's Teddy Roosevelt's Nobel Prize.

JOSH
Yeah. [points to the form] Don't forget to sign this thing. They just have
a whole...

JOE
Yeah.

JOSH
I'm sorry, ah, tell me again why you left the solicitor's office.

JOE
Lawrence Harmon brought in a new...

JOSH
He brought in a new staff. Um, you've already talked with Judy Wells?

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
And Oliver Babish?

JOE
We met for a few hours the day before yesterday and again for 45 minutes
this morning.

JOSH
They made you fill out the psychological part of the questionnaire?

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
Question 1: A] I do not feel sad, B] I feel sad, C] I am sad all the time
and I can't
snap out of it, D] I am so sad or unhappy that I want to kill myself. You
chose A] I
do not feel sad.

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
Good. Ever?

JOE
No.

JOSH
No, you don't ever feel sad or...

JOE
No, there are times when I feel sad.

JOSH
Yet you checked the first box, why is that?

JOE
It said "I do not feel sad" and I didn't at the time I checked it.

JOSH
Okay. This'll just take another minute or so.

CUT TO: INT. PRESS BRIEFING ROOM - NIGHT
Toby, Will and C.J. enter holding a deck of cards. C.J. shuts the door as
Toby and
Will move to stand beside the podium.

WILL
Dollar for every card that hits the fifth row?

C.J.
I'm locking the door; there are still some press around.

TOBY
Five dollars if you hit the sixth.

C.J.
There's a spot on the earth where the temperature is exactly the same as it
would be
if you drilled through the earth to the other side.

WILL
No, there isn't. How about six dollars if you do it with a face card?

C.J.
Yes, there is, and it's called the antipode. And if that's true, then why
can't it be
that you could stand an egg on end at the equinox?

TOBY
'Cause you can't ever.

C.J.
And I say that neither of you can hit the fifth row.

C.J. moves over to the window and leans against it.

TOBY
At the same time?

WILL
On three.

There are three loud bangs and a bullet hits the window behind C.J.

WILL
Get down!

TOBY
Get down.

Toby pulls C.J. to the ground. Toby and Will cover C.J. with their bodies.

C.J.
[lifting her head] Somebody's shooting!

WILL
Stay down.

TOBY
Stay still.

Secret Service Agents run into the room.

AGENT 1
Is everybody all right in here?

TOBY
We're alright.

AGENT 1
Ms. Cregg?

C.J.
We're alright.

AGENT 1
Are you sure?

WILL
Three shots, one hit, straight from the sidewalk, straight shot.

TOBY
Is the President in the Oval Office?

AGENT 1
You need to wait outside.

The agent helps them up. Will, C.J., and Toby run from the room.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
The room is filled with people as Bartlet makes the call to President
Chigorin.

BARTLET
He's on?

TRANSLATOR
Yes sir.

BARTLET
Let's go. [picks up the phone] Mr. President, this is President Bartlet.

The agents run in.

AGENT 2
Mr. President.

BARTLET
What the hell?

AGENT 3
[running in from the portico] Step away from the window please.

More agents run in from the Portico carrying machine guns.

BARTLET
Okay, you know what, I'm going to have to call you back.

The agents shut the curtains and take up positions by the windows.

AGENT 2
Oval's secure.

AGENT 3
Bamboo shoot's ready.

BARTLET
[to Leo] Bamboo, they want me to get into the motorcade.

Ron Butterfield enters.

RON
Mr. President.

BARTLET
What's going on?

RON
You all right, sir?

BARTLET
I'm all right.

LEO
These people are all code word and higher.

BARTLET
I was on the phone with Chigorin.

RON
The translator?

BARTLET
He's got code word clearance.

RON
Three shots were fired from the street, at least one of them hitting the
press briefing
room. We've got the suspect in custody, as well as a high-powered rifle.

BARTLET
Was anyone in the room?

RON
C.J., Toby, and Will Bailey.

Leo and Bartlet head towards the door.

LEO
Where are they?

RON
They're fine. Sir, you've got to stay here.

BARTLET
Nobody was hurt?

RON
They're fine.

Toby, C.J., and then Will come in to the Oval Office clearly out of breath.

TOBY
Sir.

BARTLET
[to Toby] You all right?

TOBY
Yeah

BARTLET
[to C.J.] What about you?

C.J.
We're fine.

BARTLET
[holding up two fingers] Will, how many fingers am I holding up?

WILL
Who's Will, sir?

BARTLET
I don't know if you've met Ron Butterfield, the head of my detail.

WILL
Sure.

LEO
Lieutenant Bailey, I'm glad to see you alive, but it's code word clearance
in here,
and I need you out of earshot, okay?

WILL
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Where's Charlie?

LEO
He's somewhere in the building.

RON
We're holding people where they are right now.

The phone on the President's desk starts to ring. Leo goes to pick it up.

BARTLET
But if he's heard what happened, he's going to be trying to get here...

RON
We've got to hold everybody for a moment so that we can secure...

BARTLET
No, I'm telling you that if Charlie heard there were bullets, he's going to
overpower
whoever's trying to...

Charlie bursts through the door. The President has a little smile on his
face. Charlie
looks around and sees that he's come in to a room filled with people.

CHARLIE
Sorry, Mr. President.

BARTLET
Come here.

Charlie moves to stand beside him.

BARTLET
It's bulletproof glass in the windows, okay. You want to kill me, you're
going to have
to do it from inside the building.

CHARLIE
[sighs] Thank you, Mr. President.

Charlie leaves, passing by C.J. and Toby.

CHARLIE
You guys all right?

C.J. and TOBY
Yeah.

BARTLET
I'm surprised your guys managed to keep Fiderer in her chair. I would have
thought she'd
be the first one through the d... No, here we are.

Debbie comes in from Leo's office.

DEBBIE
Are you all right, Mr. President?

BARTLET
No one was hurt, someone shot at the press briefing room from the sidewalk.

DEBBIE
[concerned] C.J. went there with Toby and Will.

BARTLET
Will's sitting right outside, and Toby and C.J. are standing right there.

Toby and C.J. raise their hands.

DEBBIE
Ron, someone's going to report this I hope.

RON
Yes ma'am.

DEBBIE
Um, thank you, Mr. President. [in Bartlet's ear] We're going to need to take
your blood
pressure in a few minutes.

BARTLET
Yeah.

DEBBIE
Thank you.

LEO
Ron, there were two incidents of terrorist activity earlier today. A bomb
in Malaysia
and another in Berlin.

BARTLET
This was just a crazy guy, Leo.

LEO
That was just a third on the phone in Guam. The head of the Office of Insular
Affairs
was picked off.

BARTLET
Come on.

LEO
By a sniper, Mr. President.

RON
[quickly] Shut it down! Crash it!

AGENT
[into his wrist mic] Crash the Oval Office. [to Debbie] Crash it.

DEBBIE
[into the phone] This is the Oval Office. Crash the West Wing. [grabbing a
red phone off
from under a table] Nevada, bravo, three, three, one. Crash the West Wing.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J. is talking on the phone, while Carol, and three other staffers watch
MSNBC.

MSNBC REPORTER
The man fired several rounds before being overtaken by Secret Service agents
and Park
Police. Witnesses say the shooter never entered the grounds, but at least
one bullet
appears to have struck the window of a White House office...

C.J.
All right, then here it is. "An indeterminate number of shots were fired at
the White
House at..." I said I thought it was three shots but I want for the agents
to...Okay,
"At 9:23 pm, striking the Press Briefing Room"...

MSNBC REPORTER
The weapon was a modified M-16.

C.J.
We haven't confirmed any ballistics. Tell your friends to stop saying it
was an M-16.

MSNBC REPORTER
There are no confirmed reports.

C.J.
All right. The President was in the Oval Office. We've initiated a standard
lockdown
procedure and are back to conducting the business of the nation... I'll ask
him. [hangs
up the phone, to Carol] He wants to know if the President wants to say
something funny.

CAROL
That's twice in four years, some of you guys must really be mad at me?

C.J.
Something funnier than that, but yeah.

CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT
Josh enters.

JOSH
You're getting to see a show tonight.

JOE
Everything alright?

JOSH
Yeah.

JOE
What happened?

JOSH
A guy shot at the building a couple of times with a rifle.

JOE
Somebody shot at the White House?

JOSH
Yeah.

JOE
From where?

JOSH
The street. Pennsylvania Avenue.

JOE
Was anyone hurt?

JOSH
Hmm?

JOE
Was anyone hurt?

JOSH
No, but we're in a crash. A lockdown. They're not going to let you leave
the West Wing.

JOE
I heard. You know, I though I heard what sounded like gunshots when we were
talking
before, but I didn't... Did you hear the shots?

JOSH
No, but I heard a brass quintet playing "The First Noel," so I just assumed
somebody
somewhere was locked and loaded.

JOE
You know, not for nothing, but the people that I talk to don't believe that
story, and
the people that you'd like don't care.

JOSH
[looks at him for a moment and nods] Uh, they told me you're just here
tonight. Do you
have to catch a plane?

JOE
The shuttle. I'll get the next one.

They sit down.

JOE
Does this happen often?

JOSH
Well, we don't know what this is yet.

JOE
We know that somebody shot at the building right?

JOSH
Yeah. Yeah. No, that's the first time it's happened to us anyway.

JOE
They have a suspect?

JOSH
Yeah.

JOE
Is he white?

JOSH
I don't know.

JOE
They suspect terrorism?

JOSH
Well, he was shooting a modified M-16. It was terrorism.

JOE
I meant terrorism directed at... National terrorism.

JOSH
[with a small smile] He shot at the White House.

JOE
I think you know what I mean.

JOSH
I have no earthly idea why he shot at us, nor for that matter do I have any
reason to
believe it was a he.

Donna looks through the glass in the door. She knocks. Concerned, she gives
a small
wave. Josh waves back.

JOSH
That's my assistant, Donna.

Joe waves.

JOE
Yeah, we met before.

JOSH
Excuse me a sec.

Josh walks into the hall to talk with Donna.

DONNA
So what's been going on?

JOSH
You were in the mess?

DONNA
They kept me down there until just now. C.J.'s alright?

JOSH
Yeah.

DONNA
Where were you?

JOSH
I was in here.

DONNA
Do you want anything?

JOSH
No.

DONNA
You know, I'm going to get you some water or something. [starts to leave]

JOSH
I'm all right.

DONNA
All right. So, what do you think of this guy?

JOSH
I don't know. I haven't been talking to him that long.

DONNA
Okay. I'm going to... I'll be around here.

JOSH
He-he's well qualified, that's for sure... He's personable, and he's
confident...

DONNA
But?

JOSH
It's the strangest feeling. It's like a... really good baseball player is
standing
in the other teams locker room for the first time.

DONNA
You're the baseball player?

JOSH
He's the baseball player.

DONNA
In the other guys locker room?

JOSH
Yeah.

DONNA
I don't understand. Are you writing poetry about this now?

JOSH
You asked me what I thought of him so far.

DONNA
[smiles] I know. Can I say something? Can I call Stanley Keyworth and tell
him maybe
you're going to be calling him later?

JOSH
I'm fine. I was in here. I didn't even see it.

DONNA
All right. I'm not going anywhere.

Donna walks away, and Josh goes back into the Roosevelt Room.

JOSH
I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

JOE
You don't have any information about the suspect.

JOSH
Right. [with a small chuckle] I got a letter today that said, uh... "You're
a lying liar.
You lie almost as well as Bartlet." You know, black-white, rich-poor,
north-south,
odd-even. There may not be anything anymore that outpaces the hatred the
right feels
for the left or the tonnage of disrespect the left feels for the right. Donna
got a
letter yesterday that said, "I'm collecting all the guns you've banned,
and there's a
bullet with your name on it in each one." Donna. The guy's decided to focus
his wrath
on Donna. He's never met Donna or spoken to her, and he's never met anyone
who's met
Donna or spoken to her. How's it possible? How's it possible that he hates
her so much?
How can you not like Donna? She's from Wisconsin! Anyway, 20,000 specific
threats made
against U.S. targets every year, and with all that, it's still the ones who
don't give
you advance notice that you're worried about.

JOE
I asked about terrorism before because of the lockdown. Procedurally it'd
be the kind
of thing they'd be likely to do if there had been other incidents in the
last few hours.

JOSH
A bombing in Malaysia and another one in Berlin a few hours ago.

They both sit silently for a moment.

JOSH
Might as well use this time for the interview.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Toby, sucking on a lollipop, and Will, stand inside watching T.V. as C.J. walks
in.

REPORTER [on T.V.]
...saying in a statement from White House Press Secretary C.J. Cregg that
an indeterminate
number of shots were fired at the White House at 9:23 pm.

C.J.
You can stand the egg on the equinox because that's when the sun's gravity
is lined up
directly with the earth's.

TOBY
[sighs and draws a circle with his fingers] Draw a line from the center of
the earth to
the sun, and at anytime, someplace on earth is on that line..

C.J.
Then maybe for us...

TOBY
C.J., try it. Take an egg, it doesn't work.

C.J.
That's 'cause it's not...

C.J. and TOBY
...the exact moment of the equinox.

C.J.
Yes.

WILL
What is the exact moment of the equinox?

Toby points his finger as if Will is on to something.

C.J.
I don't know... midnight?

WILL
Midnight where?

C.J.
All right, maybe it's not at the exact moment of the equinox. Maybe it's at
some point
during the equinox and you just have to keep trying, but I've seen it.

Donna enters.

DONNA
Are we playing again?

WILL
I'll get Ed and Larry.

LEO
[entering from the Oval Office] Donna, would you tell Josh we're back on?

DONNA
Yes sir.

Donna, Leo, and Will all leave the office. Toby stares at C.J.

C.J.
Did you know that a day on the moon and a year on the moon are the same thing?

TOBY
I did. [long pause]

C.J.
I thought my reflexes before, in the Press Room, were cat-like.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
The room is filled with people who all need to be a part of Bartlet's phone
call.
The President prepares for the phone call as a translator and Leo listen in
on
alternate lines. Josh enters.

TRANSLATOR
The Sit Room Watch Officer has the Kremlin.

BARTLET
You guys playing again?

JOSH
Yeah, the game's started up.

BARTLET
President Chigorin, it's Jed Bartlet again. I'm sorry about being abrupt
before, but I
bet if you turn on CNN international right now you'll see...

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
My goodness. There was a shooting at the White House.

BARTLET
Yeah, there you go. It's not a big deal, but they shut us down for a little
bit.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Well, I'm glad no one was hurt.

BARTLET
By the way when they crash the building they don't crash all of it. The
Situation Room
still works.

Leo gives him a "what-the-hell-are-you-doing" look.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Yes sir, I'm sure.

BARTLET
Mr. President, a little while ago an unmanned B-UAV drone crashed, we think
somewhere
inside Kaliningrad, as a matter of fact. Apparently they don't respond,
you know, quite
the way you'd like when there's a sudden shift in the weather.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
[long pause] Mr. President I wasn't told of a military mission over
Kaliningrad.

BARTLET
Well, like I say, it was a UAV, it was taking satellite pictures of coastal
erosion in
the Baltic Sea. The Finns know about this. We'd like to send a special
operations team
ten kilometres west of Borsakova to retrieve it.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
[long pause] Well, Mr. President, like yourself, I campaigned on the
environment.

BARTLET
I'm sorry, sir?

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
I campaigned on the environment, sir.

BARTLET
Are you getting that translation right?

TRANSLATOR
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
You campaigned on the environment, Mr. President. Coastal erosion in the
Baltic Sea.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
[long pause] I'll take a look at those pictures and send them to you with
your UAV.

BARTLET
Well, the problem is our UAV's have a self-detonating capability and our
people know
how to disarm it, and I wouldn't want to put your guys at risk.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Well, given the circumstances I'm sure your experts wouldn't mind talking
through the
steps with our experts.

BARTLET
It's proprietary technology, Peter.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
To view costal erosion?

BARTLET
I know it seems...

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Sir, I'm going to interrupt this call at this time to speak with my
counterintelligence
attachE.

BARTLET
Yes, Mr. President.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Thank you sir.

BARTLET
This isn't working anymore.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
The card game continues as Charlie looks on from near the window.

ED
Anything wild?

C.J.
Just the dealer. Four, no help. Six, possible straight. Heart, possible
flush. Jack, no
help. And the Dave of Love for a pair of tens. Tens bet.

LARRY
You know, you're particularly upbeat for someone who's been shot at twice
in four years.

C.J.
Am I?

TOBY
Yes.

C.J.
That's 'cause I've got faith there, mi compadre.

TOBY
Faith?

C.J.
The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.

TOBY
Yeah, but I think what he's asking... Bump ten... I think what he's asking
is why most
other nights do you think the world's going to hell in a hula hoop, but
tonight...?

C.J.
We dipped twice and eat gefilte fish?

TOBY
Suzy Cream Cheese, do not attempt the hagaddah.

C.J.
I know how to bless the soup too. I'll raise your raise.

ED
Out.

C.J.
Just the two of us.

TOBY
Faith in what?

C.J.
In us.

TOBY
The people in this room?

C.J.
And many, many, many others.

LARRY
Will, are you missing your plane?

WILL
Not yet, it's a military flight. It doesn't leave until about 12:30.

TOBY
What's in Cheyenne?

WILL
A number of us are being sent out there to investigate something that happened
a few
days ago.

TOBY
What happened?

WILL
You know, it's one of those things that sounds worse when you say it out
loud because
it makes people kind of nervous.

TOBY
What happened?

WILL
Uh, two guys failed to follow through on an order to fire their rockets at
what was
thought to be an incoming ballistic missile from North Korea. Turns out it
was a good
thing they didn't, 'cause the missile was a meteor, and rather than being
from North
Korea, it was from, you know...

TOBY
Outer space.

WILL
Yeah.

Toby laughs.

TOBY
What the hell happened?

WILL
Two launch crew officers in Minuteman Three silos picked up a signal of an
incoming
projectile. The speed, arc, and trajectory of which suggested it was headed
to New
London, Connecticut.

TOBY
From North Korea.

WILL
Yes.

TOBY
Why do we think at this point that North Korea is attacking the East Coast
of the
United States?

WILL
There are transcripts from the silo that show that surprise was expressed
at that.

TOBY
I would think.

WILL
The base was already at DEFCON Delta, so the launch crew initiated Response
Code Orion,
which calls for the first in a series of steps to arm their 50 Minutemen.

TOBY
What's in New London?

WILL
Trident.

TOBY
The gum?

WILL
The nuclear submarines.

TOBY
Fifty Minutemen they're arming, and is anyone saying this doesn't make sense?

WILL
Two guys in the silo. The launch sequence went on for two minutes before
they had
confirmation it was a meteor. But the two guys were debating with Airborne
Launch
Control and the Cheyenne Mountain Operations Centre and that gets sticky. This
is
missile defence. This stuff has to work.

TOBY
And they're sending in a team of lawyers to look into it.

WILL
Yeah, but we're scrappy.

TOBY
[laughs] A meteor fell from the sky the result being two guys are going to
get court-
marshalled. The only two guys who apparently thought it was strange that
North Korea
would attack submarines in Connecticut instead of say, San Diego or Hawaii. And
if it
had been a real attack? Would they still have been doing point/counterpoint
with NORAD?

Will shrugs.

TOBY
We failed both on a mechanical and human level. So tell me again what you
have faith in.

C.J.
Us.

TOBY
Why.

C.J.
Because with what little free time he has, Will is going to Wyoming to defend
one of
these guys and I don't think it is failing on a human level.

TOBY
[pauses and then snickers at his cards] I've got ace high flush. Give me
your money.

C.J.
I've got tens full of queens. Give me yours.

Charlie, who has been sitting quietly by the window this whole time, gets up.

CHARLIE
Hey.

WILL
Who's out there?

CHARLIE
Zoey.

Charlie runs through his office and out onto the PORTICO where Zoey is
walking along.

CHARLIE
[casually] Oh. Hey.

ZOEY
Hi.

CHARLIE
This is a coincidence. I was just stepping outside for some air.

ZOEY
They just let me in a few minutes ago.

CHARLIE
Everything's fine.

ZOEY
I just wanted to check. I was just going to call you.

CHARLIE
Were you?

ZOEY
Yeah.

CHARLIE
To say you wanted to get back together again?

ZOEY
To make sure you were alive.

CHARLIE
Well that's a step in my direction. Do you want to come inside for a minute?

ZOEY
Ah, I have to get back and study. One of my finals is tomorrow.

CHARLIE
Can you believe you're graduating in two weeks?

ZOEY
I can't.

CHARLIE
That went fast.

ZOEY
It really did.

CHARLIE
Is Chef Boyardee around?

ZOEY
Now, why do you have to do that?

CHARLIE
I was asking after him.

ZOEY
We were having a perfectly nice...

CHARLIE
Sorry.

ZOEY
And on tonight of all nights, when we should be thinking about...

CHARLIE
Why is tonight different from other nights?

ZOEY
You were shot at!

CHARLIE
Well, not me personally, but I say all the more reason to...

ZOEY
I'm going to France for three months.

CHARLIE
[long pause] When?

ZOEY
After graduation.

CHARLIE
For three months?

ZOEY
Yeah.

CHARLIE
For three months?

ZOEY
That's twelve weeks.

CHARLIE
When did you come up with this plan?

ZOEY
He asked me a couple of days ago. His family has a farmhouse in the middle
of a vineyard
near Avignon. No press, no politics. It's what I want to do.

CHARLIE
I think it's a great thing to do. I just don't know why you're doing it with
him.

ZOEY
Well, I don't know why you have to... you've been out with plenty of women
since we
broke up and each time...

CHARLIE
I have not.

ZOEY
You don't think I know when you go out? Every college student in this city
wants to tell
me something I don't know. And every time you've gone out, I've been
supportive.

CHARLIE
Supportive how? I didn't even know you knew?

ZOEY
[getting frustrated] That's how.

CHARLIE
Hey, you just told me. I'm not the one using the student bodies of GW,
Georgetown, AU
and Catholic University as intelligence gathering sources.

ZOEY
And UVA and Johns Hopkins pal, you're easy to spot.

CHARLIE
Look...

ZOEY
People like giving me information. What do you want me to do?

CHARLIE
I want you to not go to France with Jean-Paul.

ZOEY
[exasperated] Why don't you like him?

CHARLIE
Because...

ZOEY
It's been four years in the White House, another being the daughter of a
candidate.
Eight years as Governor. My grades get printed in the paper. My boyfriends
are in the
paper. I live and die by my parents' successes and failures. And so do
you. Sometimes
even more than me. And Jean-Paul doesn't. He's happy. He's... just... happy.

CHARLIE
That's cause he's got five hundred million dollars and no conscience.

ZOEY
No it isn't. He cares about things. And one of them is me. And none of them
are this,
and that's appealing to me right now.

CHARLIE
Yeah, I can understand that.

ZOEY
I've got to go study. Sorry you got shot at again.

CHARLIE
Thanks.

Zoey walks off. Charlie watches her go before heading inside.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Mr. President...

BARTLET
Peter...

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Unless there was a typhoon.

BARTLET
I understand. I meant... [covering the mouthpiece] He's yelling at me pretty
loud now.
[into the phone] I wasn't referring to the change in weather, sir.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
The national radar service does not find any UAV's in the area you discussed.

LEO
[on the phone] It's Leo again. The UAV's are designed to fly below military
radar
simply because the closer we get, the better the pictures.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
I understand. Now what were you taking pictures of?

LEO
Coastal erosion in the Baltic...

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
There is simply no way an American UAV could have been in the Finnish part...

BARTLET [to the room in general]
He's yelling pretty loud at Leo now.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
...of the Baltic Sea and end up crashing in Kaliningrad unless there was a
typhoon.
Now are you telling me...?

LEO
Sir.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
We have experts too. And an S&R team is looking for the UAV.

BARTLET
Don't do that Peter.

LEO
You shouldn't do that, sir. We weren't flying in your airspace.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Kaliningrad is in my airspace Leo and an S&R team has been sent ten kilometres
west,
to see if we can help you find it.

LEO
Well, they're going to see it because in five minutes I'm going to tell the
President
to blow it up.

CHIGORNIN [through the translator]
Feel free.

BARTLET
We were taking pictures of Kaliningrad.

Everyone gives him shocked looks.

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
Say that again, please.

BARTLET
We were taking pictures of Kaliningrad. We take pictures of black market
nuclear materials
being moved out the back doors of suppositories and into trucks. The materials
are being
sold to non-governmental elements and, well, that's what we were doing. Rogue
engineers,
military scientists, and ex-KGB. It's just as big of a problem for you as
it is for us,
but you're not dealing with it, so we were taking pictures of
Kaliningrad. We're going to
have to trust each other a little Peter. So we're going to share the pictures
we got. Not
the technology we used to get them. Otherwise I'm detonating it and neither
of us see the
pictures. We're going to have to trust each other. Our two countries have
stopped the world
from annihilating itself for 60 years because of conversations like this
one. Why don't you
talk it over?

CHIGORIN [through the translator]
I will.

Bartlet hangs up the phone.

LEO
Good. I'd have said, "We weren't spying on you, we were spying for you,"
but...

BARTLET
If he calls back we'll have a deal. In the mean time, one hand. Bring your
wallet.

CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT
Donna knocks on the door.

JOSH
[to Joe] Excuse me.

Josh leaves the room and stands in the HALLWAY with Donna.

DONNA
Hi.

JOSH
Did you just come by to look at him?

DONNA
I just wanted you to know that Stanley's on his cell phone if you want to
talk to him.

JOSH
You called him?

DONNA
Just to tell him what happened and that you might call him later.

JOSH
I told you I wasn't going to call him.

DONNA
I thought you might change your mind.

JOSH
I didn't... I'm telling you, there's something. A guy this qualified, I'd
know who he was.
Something's wrong. [long pause] I just figured out what. Come in and say hi.

Joe stands as they walk into the room.

JOSH
You've already met Donna.

JOE
How are you?

DONNA
How are you enjoying your lockdown?

JOE
It's been a very thorough interview.

JOSH
It has. We've talked about his name, and New York City Department of
Transportation.
Then we talked about inner cities and jobs and minimum wage and public
schools and
foreign aid, hitting all the Democrat g-spots. And it wasn't until now that
I realized
that there was something I forgot to ask you. Are you a registered Democrat?

JOE
No.

JOSH
A registered Independent?

JOE
No.

JOSH
Are you registered?

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
You're a Republican.

JOE
Yes!

JOSH
Whoa.

DONNA
Joe, it's fine. Ainsley Hayes was a Republican.

JOSH
It is not fine.

DONNA
Why not?

JOSH
'Cause if you're a Republican, then you damned well better look like Ainsley
Hayes.

DONNA
He does! [beat] He will to others.

JOSH
You don't want to get a job with your own party?

JOE
I do, I just can't.

JOSH
Why?

JOE
I'm in the doghouse with a number of people at the National Committee.

JOSH
Why?

JOE
A memo that I wrote for the Solicitor General arguing that the Supreme Court
should
uphold regulations that limit soft money donations to political campaigns.

JOSH
Oh, no, that's the kind of thing that's got to wind you up in GOP jail for
the same
amount of time as...

JOE
As a Democrat who speaks out against abortion?

JOSH
Right. Why do you want to work here? Why not the private sector?

JOE
I'm on my way to New York.

JOSH
You have something lined up?

JOE
A final interview with Debevoise and Plimpton.

JOSH
That's my father's firm. He was a partner there.

JOE
I know.

JOSH
They're going to offer you $225 000 a year. Is this your fallback?

JOE
They're my fallback.

JOSH
Why do you want to work here?

JOE
I like public service. I want to serve. And you guys are the only ones left.

JOSH
Why haven't you signed the questionnaire?

JOE
Because I can't.

JOSH
[realizing] You lied on it?

JOE
Yeah.

JOSH
Which question?

JOE
Number 75, "Have you ever done anything that would reflect poorly on the
President?"

JOSH
What'd you do?

JOE
I didn't vote for him.

DONNA
That's really very sweet.

Josh gives her a look.

DONNA
Not to me.

JOSH
You really want to work with us.

JOE
Yes.

JOSH
You know we got shot at tonight. On a Friday.

JOE
Yeah.

JOSH
All right. I'm recommending you to Leo.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
The card game continues as Bartlet and Leo lean against a desk, watching.

C.J.
Last card for the players.

BARTLET
Hurry it up. They're going to call us back in a second. Debbie, do something.

DEBBIE
Fifty dollars.

They all groan as Bartlet smiles.

LARRY
I'm out.

TOBY
Fold.

BARTLET
Thank you. Is the pastrami from Krupins?

LEO
Yes.

BARTLET
Tissue paper thin?

LEO
Yes.

Nancy enters.

NANCY
Mr. President.

BARTLET
[under his breath] Damn it.

LEO
Chigorin?

NANCY
Yes sir. They're ready for you.

LEO
[to Bartlet] Nice job.

They exit.

WILL
[from Leo's computer] Okay, I've searched "equinox" and "egg," and the news
isn't good
for the believers.

C.J. hurries over.

C.J.
What sites did they send you to?

WILL
ThingsThatAreWrong.com.

C.J.
There's no such site.

WILL
Read it!

C.J.
"This has to be one of the silliest misconceptions around and it never seems
to die."

WILL
They also send you to the Apocryphal Zone and Project Astro Utah.

C.J.
There are no web sites supporting it?

WILL
No.

TOBY
And you've got to ask yourself, if no one on the internet wants a piece of
this, just
how far from the pack have you strayed?

C.J.
[gives Toby a look] I could have sworn I saw it.

EVERYONE
Ah!

LARRY
Oh, now you think you saw it.

C.J.
I could have sworn.

Ron enters.

RON
We're back up everybody. Thank you.

TOBY
What's the deal with the guy?

RON
He was by himself.

TOBY
[in disbelief] He's not connected to anything?

RON
No. Just a very troubled guy who was attempting what's called "suicide by
cop."
He wanted the first agents at the scene to shoot him. Anyway, thank you for
your
cooperation. [exits]

WILL
I'm heading to Andrews.

TOBY
Have a safe flight.

ED
I'm cashed out, anyone need a ride?

LARRY
I'm going home.

Debbie counts her money, settles up, and also leaves, as Toby goes to get
his coat.

TOBY
[to C.J.] You headed home?

C.J.
In just a minute. [begins straightening the cards] I'm going to let them
know outside
that they lifted the crash.

TOBY
See you in the morning.

Toby exits. C.J. looks at the clock that reads midnight. She sits at the
table as we
see Toby talking to Ed in the background. They walk away as C.J. tries to
make an egg
stand. She gets it into the right position and... it stands on end.

C.J.
[whispering] Guys. Hey, you guys?

We get one final shot of the egg perfectly balanced as we...

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John
Wells
Productions, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement
is intended.

Episode 4.20 -- "Evidence of Things Not Seen"

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