A defiant Leo (John Spencer) rejects the Congressional Oversight Committee’s offer of a presidential public censure that would finally end its investigation of Bartlet’s (Martin Sheen) concealment of his illness — and spare Leo of any possible personal repercussions — while the staff reacts to an insider’s tell-all book published by a fired White House photographer. Meanwhile, a tongue-tied Josh (Bradley Whitford) hatches a shameless scheme to meet socially with an attractive women’s rights leader (Mary-Louise Parker), and Bartlet wants to frame Charlie’s (Dule Hill) gift of a 1709 map of Palestine — one that excluded Israel at the time — but his staff warns him of its political implications.
THE WEST WING "H. CON - 172" STORY BY: ELI ATTIE TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN DIRECTED BY: VINCENT MISIANO TEASER FADE IN: INT. AN ELEGANT HALLWAY - NIGHT A wonderful array of sculptures and portraits, as well as bright lights, give life to this equally elegant and spacious hallway. As the camera pans, Leo and Jordan come out of the elevator. We follow them, as they look straight ahead and walk to reach their destination. They pass by us, but the camera stops to focus on a nice portrait of President Andrew Jackson. From behind Jordan and Leo, we see where they're headed: the only door at the end of the hall. RAYBURN HOUSE OFFICE BUILDING 10:45 P.M. Three POLICEMEN are guarding the door. Without saying a word, one of them opens the door for Jordan and Leo. CUT TO: INT. INSIDE THE ROOM - CONTINUOUS Two men have been waiting for Jordan and Leo as they come in. One is Cliff. The other, an unfamiliar counsel. The table in the middle of the room is set up for the four of them. Jordan and Leo approach. CLIFF Good evening. JORDAN Good evening. LEO Good evening. JORDAN What are the police doing outside? CLIFF The door? JORDAN Yeah. CLIFF That's the Capitol Police. JORDAN I know. What are they doing out there? CLIFF Well, I didn't ask for them. JORDAN Who did? CLIFF Would you prefer they went away? JORDAN If you're gonna put a deal on the table, I'd prefer there not be armed guards outside the door to intimidate him. LEO I'm not that easily intimidated. JORDAN I am. CLIFF The Chairman put them there to insure our privacy. JORDAN Tell them to wait at the end of the hall. Cliff turns to the man beside him. CLIFF Counsel? The counsel nods. Cliff heads for the door. The rest of them get settled in their chairs. Cliff opens the door and talks to a policeman outside. CLIFF Excuse me... After a moment, Cliff closes the door and comes back to the table. CLIFF They've stepped to the other side of the hall. JORDAN Cliff? CLIFF What? Do you want me to overpower them, Jordan? LEO I don't care if the police are out there. Can somebody speak? CLIFF Yeah. Mr. McGarry, this entire conversation's off the record. You'll see nobody's taking it down. LEO You mean, what you're about to say or the five minutes we just did on the Capitol Police? CLIFF The whole thing. LEO Okay. CLIFF Congressman Gibson. LEO Yeah. CLIFF You know where his testimony was about to go? LEO Yes. CLIFF And where it'll pick up once the hearings convene again. LEO Yes. CLIFF We're willing to end the hearings right now. JORDAN And his testimony? CLIFF His testimony, the First Lady's, the balance of the witness list, the hearings. We're willing to end them right now. JORDAN In exchange for? CLIFF A joint resolution. H.R. 172. JORDAN Censure. CLIFF Yeah. A resolution condemning the President for lying to... LEO He didn't lie. JORDAN Leo... CLIFF ...condemning the President for lying to the American people. LEO Look, I'm not... CLIFF The White House can't object. In fact, it has to welcome the resolution, and let any Democrat who wants to vote in favor of it. LEO You keep saying the White House, but you mean the President. CLIFF Yeah. LEO Why aren't you talking to the President? CLIFF We think if the suggestion comes from you, it'll carry more weight than if the suggestion comes from the Chairman or the Speaker. LEO Yeah? CLIFF Yes, sir. LEO Okay. Well... I'll just call the President and suggest to him that he allow a huge bipartisan vote on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives calling him a liar, and that he welcome the result. Then, I'm gonna flap my wings and fly to Neverland. JORDAN Leo... LEO You think I am so desperate to roll my ass, I'm gonna roll over on Jed Bartlet? CLIFF I don't think it's a matter of... LEO [firmly] I take a bullet for the President. He doesn't take one for me. [beat] Is that all you got? CLIFF Yeah. LEO Good night. Leo gets up, takes his coat, and walks out of the room. JORDAN [to Cliff] Can you give me some time? CLIFF [with index finger raised] One day. CUT TO: OUTSIDE THE ROOM - CONTINUOUS Leo walks past the two policemen on both sides of the hallway. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY SAM All right, I've got copies. JOSH Have you read it? SAM Bits and pieces. JOSH How is it? SAM I'm going to set up a war room downstairs. JOSH It's serious? SAM Yeah. JOSH I'm up! SAM All right... this is "The Camera Doesn't Lie: What I Saw at the Bartlett White House" by Ron Burkhalt. C.J. Have you read it? SAM Bits and pieces. C.J. How is it? SAM I'm setting up a war room downstairs. C.J. It's serious? SAM How many times do you think we're going to have to do this? C.J. I'm up. SAM We're each taking a couple of chapters.This is just based on what, Ginger? GINGER Going through the index. SAM So, presumably the chapters you've been assigned are about you. If not, trade with somebody. What we're doing is making note of anything big or small that's wrong. Anything I can use to attack credibility. ED Okay, well right away I see one. SAM What? LARRY I'm Larry, he's Ed. C.J. I usually don't know that. JOSH Sam? SAM Yeah. JOSH Are we taking this a little too seriously? SAM No. JOSH He was a White House photographer. He was fired. My recollection is that he was a buffoon. SAM He was a buffoon, which has always stopped the American public, to say nothing of the press, from taking something seriously. JOSH So what are you saying? SAM The book's in stores in three weeks. In a week, the press will have excerpts. That's how much time I have to turn this guy into a punch line. LARRY "Bartlet was playing a round of golf with Toby Ziegler, the prickly, mumbling Communications Director whose inner, bitter darkness spelled the breakup of the one marriage we know about." C.J. It was miniature golf, wasn't it? TOBY Yeah. Sam, got anything else? SAM No. Thank you. INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS JOSH Toby? TOBY Yeah. JOSH Listen. You know Amy Gardner, right? TOBY Women's Leadership Coalition. JOSH Yeah. TOBY Yeah. JOSH I've know her for a while, actually. She went out with my roommate in college. TOBY Huh. JOSH I saw her a couple of weeks ago about some language in the Vienna Treaty. TOBY I remember. JOSH Mrs.Bartlet sent me there. TOBY Yeah. JOSH I don't know, she changed her hair or something. Something's going on. TOBY What do you need? INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JOSH Well, I'm a straight shooter. I think my record's pretty clear on that. TOBY Yeah. JOSH I'd like to see her again. TOBY Call her. JOSH And ask her out? TOBY Yeah. JOSH No, no. 'Cause there's a potential she says no and then I have to move someplace where it'll never be spoken of again. TOBY Yeah. JOSH I need to come in under the cover of business. TOBY 'Cause you're a straight shooter. JOSH Yeah. I need a point of friction. An issue where the feministas and the White House disagree. That way, I can go to, her break the bad news, stand tough, smooth it over and then, you know, I take it from there. TOBY How about the word "feministas"? JOSH Nah. Come on, you've been doing outreach to the women's groups on the State of the Union-- where are we? TOBY They're happy. JOSH Very happy? TOBY Yeah. JOSH With the surplus projections changing? TOBY Women are getting a decent break. JOSH Damn-- where the hell are the pro-lifers when you need them? TOBY Sons of bitches, don't they know you're trying to get... JOSH Hey, this is not that. She's got... I really... I'm... bewitched. I'm ensorcelled. There's got to be some way we're screwing them over. TOBY There's an anti-family planning amendment on Raleigh's foreign ops supplemental... JOSH We killed it in Committee. TOBY Pay Equity Act? JOSH They're the ones who want to wait. TOBY Breast cancer screenings through Medicare? JOSH Fully funded. Head Start's okay. What about paid family leave? TOBY They know it's a dream they don't want us to waste the capital. JOSH We can't just compromise like that. TOBY They want us to compromise, like that. JOSH They should be outraged. TOBY They're not, they just want a study funded. JOSH How much we putting towards the study? TOBY Almost everything they asked for. JOSH Almost? TOBY They wanted $21 million, they're getting $20.5. JOSH Well, that's practically an insult. TOBY Yeah. JOSH Okay. Paid family leave, there it is. TOBY Yeah, I'd go with paid family leave. JOSH Paid family leave. There it is. Okay. TOBY Hey. JOSH Yeah. INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS TOBY Listen. Come here. You're inside, right? JOSH On what? Leo? TOBY You were nervous when he took the stand before the break. So was the President. Then they called the recess. I don't know what was going on - that's okay, that's the way somebody wants it. But you're inside, right? JOSH Yeah. TOBY Good. If it's something Communications is going to have to work with... JOSH The lawyers are talking about it. TOBY When I have to know I will. JOSH Yeah. TOBY Okay. Paid family leave. INT. OVAL OFFICE ANTEROOM - DAY BARTLET Charlie. CHARLIE Good morning. BARTLET How was your weekend? CHARLIE It was good, sir. BARTLET What'd you do? CHARLIE I was here most of the time with you, sir. BARTLET Time well spent. CHARLIE Yeah BARTLET Weren't you going to a flea market? CHARLIE Yeah, I picked something up for you. BARTLET You didn't have to do that. CHARLIE Yeah? It's a map of the Holy Land that was drawn in 1709. It's titled "Canaan, Palestine, or the Holy Land." BARTLET Nice sucking up. CHARLIE Thank you, sir. BARTLET Look at these topographical details. Seriously, I'm going to have this framed, this is great. CHARLIE If you leave it here, I'll send it out. BARTLET No, I'm going to play with it some more. LEO Good morning. BARTLET Look at this map. 1709. The Dead Sea, Jordan River, Mount Sinai. LEO That's beautiful. BARTLET You want to come inside? LEO Yeah. BARTLET Thanks again, Charlie. INT. OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARTLET How'd it go? LEO Last night? BARTLET Yeah. LEO It was nothing. BARTLET What did they offer? LEO Nothing. BARTLET They didn't offer nothing. LEO It was a non-starter, don't worry about it. BARTLET Censure? LEO Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to go to a budget meeting where the OMB and treasury are going to recommend we drop the child poverty fund from the State of the Union. BARTLET Well, I get it but see what you can do about it, okay? LEO Yeah, anything else? BARTLET No, I've got a security briefing downstairs. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. INT. LEO'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JORDAN Hi. Remember me? LEO Margaret! JORDAN I was the one with you last night when you went to the meeting. LEO Yes. JORDAN When you left the meeting I was not with you. MARGARET Yes? LEO Is it just an open house in here? MARGARET The whole system's gotten out of hand. LEO Yeah. JORDAN You left without me. LEO Well, if you're going to make a strong exit, you really can't wait for someone to get their purse together. JORDAN How long does it take to get a purse together? LEO A question I've been asking my entire adult life. JORDAN It's a non-binding resolution. Do you know what that means? LEO No, could you tell me, 'cause I've really started to take an interest in government lately. JORDAN Do you know how much force and effect it has? LEO Jordan... JORDAN None. No force and effect. The following is a sampling of non-binding joint resolutions from the 106th Congress. LEO I have a meeting. JORDAN A resolution in support of Ohio's state motto. A resolution fostering friendship and cooperation with the people of Mongolia. LEO I have a meeting. JORDAN A resolution recognizing the contributions of Bristol, Tennese, to the development of country music. LEO I'm sorry, I have a budget meeting. JORDAN A resolution in support of Little League baseball. LEO Jordan... JORDAN A resolution recogniz... LEO This isn't that! This is 535 Congressmen and Senators standing up and saying the President lied and should be ashamed of himself. And this is us standing up and saying you're right. This would be the first time in history a President has been censured. Congress isn't talk radio. It's the seat of democracy, their opinion matters and their condemnation doesn't have to come with handcuffs to be devastating to this President. That is the force and effect and it's not going to happen because of me. I have a budget meeting, Jordan. INT. WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY SAM Hey. TOBY Hey. SAM Listen. TOBY eah. SAM How's it going with the thing? TOBY My chapters? SAM Yeah. TOBY I'm done. SAM And? TOBY I'm fine with it. SAM What do you mean? TOBY I'm fine with it. SAM You're saying it's all true? TOBY No. Hardly any of it's true. SAM Then it's not true. TOBY Well, my name is Toby Ziegler and I'm the Communications Director though there's a typo in "communications" at one point. Perhaps... SAM Perhaps... TOBY Perhaps I mumble from time to time but prickly? I do not think so. Nonetheless, I'm fine with it. SAM Toby, no kidding, I need a fact/fiction paper. TOBY I'd really rather not have one over my signature. SAM There's a ticking clock. It has to get discredited before it's real. TOBY I remember this guy as a not very talented not very pleasant malcontent who wasn't here very long. Am I remembering the right guy? SAM Yeah. TOBY Yeah, well, I don't want him to know I remember him at all. SAM That's nice. Now if we can only get 200 million other people to think that way. TOBY Yeah, I... SAM Conventional wisdom in Washington is like concrete-- it hardens. There's nothing you can do about it. So, let's... TOBY Is there anything in particular? SAM In your chapters? TOBY Yeah. SAM It says you and I were sent out of the Oval Office to write an introduction for a Teacher of the Year ceremony while others stayed for a serious discussion on Latin America. We weren't sent out of the room. We left voluntarily to work on a major education address instead of waiting another ten minutes while White House operators kept trying to connect the President with the President of Equador who was only calling to complain one more time about how we resolved the banana crisis. We weren't sent out of the room. Will you put that down in a memo? TOBY Yeah. INT. OVAL OFFICE ANTEROOM - DAY CHARLIE He's going to be ready for you in just a minute. TOBY Okay. On Carol's birthday, did you happen to attend a seance where they tried to contact Margaret's grandmother? No, right? The phone rings. CHARLIE Yes, sir. You can go on in. TOBY Thanks. BARTLET Hey. BARTLET Good afternoon, Mr. President. BARTLET There seems to be a growing consensus that no one's going to believe I'm serious about paying down a trillion dollars of the debt when I'm willing to spend $200 billion on the child poverty fund. TOBY I agree with the growing consensus. BARTLET I'm not saying we're not going to do it. We're just going to find a different way of saying we're going to do it. TOBY We're on it. BARTLET Anything else? ALL Thank you, Mr. President. BARTLET Thank you. What's going on? TOBY Well, I guess you should know we have galleys of a book that's coming out in a few weeks. A kiss-and-tell by a photographer who worked for me for about a half hour. BARTLET Fiction or nonfiction? TOBY Science fiction, really. BARTLET What else? TOBY Everything else is the State of the Union. BARTLET All right. Hey, you want to see something? Charlie gave this to me. It's a map of the Holy Land, drawn in 1709. He got at a flea market. It's hand-colored, copper engraved. I was going to put it in the outer office. TOBY This outer office? BARTLET Yeah. TOBY No. BARTLET Why? TOBY Why? BARTLET Yeah. TOBY 'Cause some people are going to find it offensive. BARTLET Why? TOBY It doesn't recognize Israel. BARTLET It was drawn in 1709. TOBY Yeah. BARTLET There was no Israel. TOBY Right. BARTLET Israel wouldn't happen for another 250 years. TOBY Yeah. BARTLET So, what's the problem with the map? TOBY Some people are going to find it offensive. BARTLET Why? TOBY It doesn't recognize Israel. BARTLET Take lunch, would you? TOBY Hey, your favorite movie was on TV last night. BARTLET "By God, I'm 50, alive, and the King all at the same time." TOBY I turned it on just as they got to the scene when Richard, Geoffrey and John were locked in the dungeon and Henry was coming down to execute them. Richard tells his brothers not to cower but to take it like men. And Geoffrey says, "You fool! "As if it matters how a man falls down." And Richard says... BOTH "When the fall is all that's left... BARTLET ...it matters a great deal." TOBY It matters a great deal. BARTLET Are you trying to tell me something? TOBY No, Mr. President, of course not. BARTLET Okay. TOBY Thank you, sir. INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN, NIGHT DONNA Josh Lyman's office. Hi, Amy, it's Donna Moss. JOSH I'll take it. I'll take it. That's for me. DONNA Yeah, I'm not sure if he's in, Amy. Let me check. JOSH [whispering ] Press hold, and I will pick up the phone in my office. DONNA I'm sorry, how does a telephone work again? There is a loud thud. DONNA Hang on just a second, Amy. INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JOSH Amy. AMY [breathlessly] Hey, J. JOSH How you doing? AMY Good. And you? JOSH Good. AMY My office said you called. JOSH Are you wrestling with someone right now? You in the middle of a match or something? AMY I'm at the gym. JOSH You spend a lot of time at the gym. AMY Compared to whom? JOSH [chuckling ] Compared to me. AMY Ah! JOSH Listen, uh, we need to talk about something. AMY What's that? Josh? JOSH Paid family leave. Sorry, there was a dog in here for a second. AMY A dog? JOSH A nice one. It was... uhkay. AMY So, what about paid family leave? JOSH Well, I-I'd like to talk about this in person. Any chance we could get together? AMY Sure. JOSH Can you have a late dinner tonight? AMY Yes. JOSH As late as you like. AMY Great. I have a date but I should be able to meet you by 11:00. JOSH Well, I don't want to bust up your date or anything. AMY No. We're going to the ballet. I can meet you at 11:00. How's the Ritz-Carlton? JOSH Uh, 11:00. AMY See you then. INT. MARGARET'S OFFICE - DAY LEO Anything? MARGARET Phone messages. LEO Thank you. MARGARET I'm moving the 4:00 with Treasury. LEO Okay. MARGARET They upped the prediction to 18 inches by morning. And Jordan Kendall's still in your office. INT. LEO'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JORDAN A resolution recognizing the important contributions of Americans of Austrian descent. LEO Margaret? JORDAN I'm sorry. Was our meeting over? MARGARET [walks in] Yes? LEO Close the door. [Margaret leaves and closes door behind herself] JORDAN A resolution remembering the life of George Washington 'cause there was a chance we were going to forget who he was. LEO Look... JORDAN "What's that tall thing at the end of the mall?" "I don't know. A monument to somebody." Where are we again? LEO Jordan... No. The opinion of Congress matters? Yes. And they're rattling it off every day on television. LEO It's not the opinion.. JORDAN Your reputation is saved... LEO My reputation isn't... JORDAN He put... he put you on the hot seat. LEO This is not your thing. It is my thing and I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to talk like that in here. JORDAN I wasn't seeking your permission. LEO You need to get... You need to get that I am the White House Chief of Staff. JORDAN And how much longer do you think you're going to be able to keep that job if you tell the story they're going to make you tell?! Play the tape through to the end, Leo. LEO It's not my decision. JORDAN I think it is. In fact, I know it.And you know it, too. I have a meeting. INT. DONNA'S DESK - NIGHT DONNA What are you still doing here? CAROL C.J.'s here. DONNA The book? CAROL Yeah. DONNA You know if it started snowing yet? CAROL It hasn't. DONNA How is it supposed to be 18 inches by the morning if it hasn't started yet? CAROL Accumulates by a magnitude, does a thing, I don't know. DONNA Okay. Josh? JOSH Yeah? DONNA You wanted me to tell you when it's 10:45. JOSH See ya. DONNA I'll get home fine. JOSH What's the problem? DONNA It's not fit for man nor beast out there. JOSH Has it started snowing yet? DONNA It accumulates by a magnitude. The phone rings. JOSH See you. DONNA You want this? JOSH No. DONNA Josh Lyman's office. CLIFF [filtered] Donna? DONNA Yeah. CLIFF [filtered] It's Cliff. DONNA Yeah. CLIFF I need to meet with you for a minute and I need for nobody else to know it's happening. Can you meet me right now? DONNA [filtered] Why? CLIFF Look, it's not social. DONNA No way. I can't. CLIFF There's nothing wrong with it. It's not against the law. DONNA How do I know? CLIFF [filtered] I'm a lawyer. DONNA You're not my lawyer. CLIFF Look, I'm going to be at the Georgetown Law Library in 20 minutes. I'll be in the Federal Case Law section. DONNA Cliff, I'm a senior assistant. This is way over my head, and it doesn't feel right. I can't go Deep Throating in the middle... Cliff? Are you there? INT. OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT CHARLIE Sir? BARTLET Yeah? CHARLIE C.J. BARTLET Thanks. C.J. Good evening, Mr. President. BARTLET Hey, C.J. C.J. You're working late. BARTLET You, too. What's up? C.J. Well, this might sound ridiculous. BARTLET Let's lay odds. C.J. You know we're trying to vett this book. BARTLET I've heard about the book. C.J. So... BARTLET Yes? C.J. "It is well known in the Bartlet White House that after having two daughters Jed Bartlet wanted a son and sought advice from the book 'How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby' by Dr. Landrum B. Shettles. The book recommends that the father-to-be avoid jockey shorts, jock straps and other tight-fitting clothes." BARTLET Yeah? C.J. So, I can put you down for a "no?" BARTLET When you're going to be a father you're rooting for ten fingers and ten toes, and that's it. C.J. Thank you, Mr. President. BARTLET Wait. I want to show you this great map Charlie found. C.J. Sir, I know about it. You can't put it up in the West Wing. BARTLET C.J.?! C.J. It doesn't recognize Israel. BARTLET There was no Israel in 1709. C.J. That's right. BARTLET So, it's not on the map. C.J. Which is what some people are going to find offensive. BARTLET That's ridiculous. C.J. You know what would be great? BARTLET If I put it someplace else? C.J. Yes. BARTLET Leo has--in what used to be his house when he was married--a map of the United States. The first third of it is the 13 original colonies. The second third of it is the French territory of Louisiana. And the third third is Mexico. In this map of the United States, there is not a single state. That's because when this map was made there was no United States. CHARLIE knocks and enters. BARTLET I am the President of the United States and I'm not offended by it. C.J. Well, you're bigger than ten men, sir. What do you say we put it out of the way? BARTLET I'm having it enlarged and bolting it to the hood of my limo. They don't want us to put up our map, Charlie. They're philistines in the fight for freedom but that doesn't bother us, does it? CHARLIE Huh? BARTLET Never mind. C.J. It's not like I'm agreeing with the people who are going to be offended. It's just that you're asking for a whole lot of pain, in exchange for which you get nothing but an old map. BARTLET That's the key. An old map. An old map. Spin that. C.J. See, now you got me out there spinning things. BARTLET Anything else? C.J. You didn't have special underwear, right? BARTLET Thank you. C.J. Thank you, Mr. President. INT. GEORGETOWN LAW LIBRARY - NIGHT CLIFF Donna. DONNA What's going on? CLIFF Thanks for coming. DONNA What's going on? CLIFF I need you to set up a meeting for me and Josh. A phone conversation will be fine, but I need it to happen right away. DONNA Is this why your office has been calling all day? CLIFF We wouldn't be here right now if you'd returned the call. DONNA I return the calls Josh tells me to. CLIFF I need the conversation. DONNA Why? CLIFF I can't say why. DONNA I can't. I can't tell Josh I spoke to you. CLIFF There's no jeopardy here. DONNA I'd be going behind the backs of the Counsel's Office, Legislative Affairs... CLIFF I'm trying to help Leo McGarry. DONNA Since when are you in the business of helping Leo McGarry? You're the one who had the recess called. Before the Christmas break. You're the reason they adjourned. CLIFF I'm not. DONNA You had the recess called. CLIFF It was the Chairman. DONNA You got him to do it. Something was about to happen, and a recess was called and Josh was relieved. What was about to happen? CLIFF I can't tell you that. DONNA It was you. CLIFF I need to talk to Josh. DONNA I'm leaving now. Wait by your phone. INT. RITZ-CARLTON BAR - NIGHT JOSH [to WOMAN as he passes] Hey, Kim. How are you? [to AMY] Hello. AMY Hi. JOSH How was the ballet? AMY It was wonderful. JOSH Which one was it? AMY Do you know ballet? JOSH I know The Nutcracker although I've never been. AMY There are others. JOSH But I should start with The Nutcracker, right? AMY You don't like the ballet. JOSH No. AMY And you've reached that conclusion without ever having been to one. JOSH Well, I've never been to Bosnia either, Amy, and I don't think I'm going to go. AMY You don't mind sending Marines though, do you? JOSH Not a bit. WAITRESS Hey, can I get you something? JOSH Uh, Absolut martini on the rocks. Two olives, please. AMY What do you want, J? JOSH I'm sorry? AMY What did you want to talk to me about? JOSH Paid family leave. AMY What about it? JOSH It's not going to happen. AMY I know. JOSH At least not this year. AMY I know. JOSH I mean, we can't even go for it. AMY We asked you not to go for it. JOSH We can't. AMY osh, our lobbyists sat with Legislative Affairs and everybody decided it would cost too much in political capital. JOSH Who was the date? AMY Excuse me? JOSH At the ballet? AMY A guy I've been seeing. JOSH And he likes the ballet? AMY He likes me. JOSH I think he likes the ballet. AMY What the hell is that supposed to mean? JOSH Thank you. Thank you for the extra olive. WAITRESS Sure. AMY "Sure." That's your type, isn't it? JOSH Won't catch her at the ballet. AMY Or in a library either. JOSH She seemed smart to me. AMY What do you want? JOSH How can you be blase about this? AMY About what? JOSH The United States is one of only six other countries out of 152 that has no national policy regarding paid maternal leave. AMY Neither does Papua New Guinea, so we're fine. JOSH Really? AMY What are you talking to me for? Get it for us. JOSH Can't do it. AMY I know. JOSH But money has been put aside for a study. AMY And that's great. JOSH The thing is...and here's the bad news. AMY Yeah? JOSH You guys wanted $21 million? AMY Yeah? JOSH It's going to be $20 million 500,000. You want to take my head off, go ahead. AMY What the hell's going on? JOSH Things are tight all over. AMY Is it possible that you are so addled that you've constructed some nonsense problem so that you'd have an excuse to see me? JOSH I mean, i-is it possible? I suppose you can say... AMY I don't believe you. JOSH Hey, you threw a water balloon at me. AMY And? JOSH I don't know, I was just throwing that out there. AMY Look... JOSH Like there's not a reason you're here right now? AMY I'm here because I thought there was a problem. JOSH All I know is you're here, I'm here and Nijinsky's home watching Leno. AMY Oh, by all means, make fun of my boyfriend seeing as how you've never met him. JOSH Your boyfriend? AMY Why can't you pick up a phone and say, "Would you like to go out sometime?" Why? Look... I'll tell you why. JOSH Do you need me in this conversation or are you okay by yourself? AMY Because this is what you like, this. Not anything else. This is the fun part. JOSH That's not true. AMY Yes, it is. We're not in the dorm anymore. I get paid a lot of money to do an important job and I'm not into getting diddled around by guys like you. JOSH Okay, that's like the fifth time you've said "guys like you." AMY It is not. JOSH It's the second time. AMY Fine. JOSH What's with guys like me? AMY If this thing went five minutes longer than you wanted it to go you'd run for the hills. You're "Hit-and-Run Josh." JOSH That's not true. [phone ringing] Excuse me. Hello. Donna, I'm kind of in the middle of something. What were you doing talking to...? Okay, tell him yeah. I have to go. AMY Yes, indeed. JOSH I'm sorry. I-I can't explain. [clears throat] I have to go. INT. OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT CHARLIE Mr. President? Can you see Sam? BARTLET Sure. SAM Good evening, sir. BARTLET Everybody's working late. SAM I live here in January. BARTLET How's it going? SAM It's going well, I think. But I don't know. Who knows at this point? BARTLET The early drafts look good. SAM Thank you, but, actually, I didn't come in to talk about the State of the Union. There's going to be a book coming out in about three weeks. BARTLET I heard. Look, I'm really not going to talk to you about my underwear. SAM That's... disappointing, Mr. President. But I wanted to ask you... the guy claims that while you don't poll on matters of foreign policy that at the first formal meeting of the Joint Chiefs you upbraided them for bloated Pentagon spending and told them 73% of the public was with you on it. I don't remember any such poll being done, do you? BARTLET No, but I guess that doesn't mean it wasn't. SAM Do you remember saying that at the first meeting with the Joint Chiefs? BARTLET I don't. SAM Could you have said anything like it? BARTLET I don't even remember the meeting. SAM Okay. Thank you, sir. BARTLET Why does it matter? SAM Excuse me? BARTLET I said, "Why does it matter?" SAM Well, 'cause I don't think it's such a good idea to be casual about the truth. BARTLET Neither do I. SAM Thank you, sir. INT. WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT JOSH Leo? LEO Yeah. JOSH What are you doing down here? LEO Change of scenery. What are you doing? JOSH Well, I'd like to talk to you about the deal they're offering. LEO Please, keep your voice down. JOSH There's nobody here, and my voice is down. LEO Who have you been talking to? JOSH Cliff Calley. LEO How did you get hooked up with Calley? JOSH Doesn't matter. LEO It does matter. JOSH I'm not pushing you, okay? I just want to hear your reasons. LEO What are your reasons? JOSH Gets it over and done instead of dragging it through the primary season. Moreover, you don't take the stand on Monday. LEO It's ridiculous to think that this would end it. All it means is that we go down in history. JOSH It's a press release. LEO When the British Ambassador told the German Foreign Minister that they were going to war over Belgium's violation of the neutrality treaty the German Foreign Minister said "You're going to war over a piece of paper?" JOSH Leo... LEO It is an historical judgment. Andrew Jackson knew that. JOSH Jackson was censured? LEO Over the Bank of the U.S. JOSH Guess what. I didn't know that. LEO What's your point? JOSH History forgets these things. LEO Presidents don't. They never get over it. This one won't. He'd act like it's fine, but...he'd never get over it. So... that's my reason. JOSH All right. LEO You're going home? JOSH Yeah. Sure. LEO Have a good night. JOSH You, too. INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT TOBY McDeere shot 1 for 23 from the field last night. Missed his first 18 attempts. Wouldn't you think after the first 17 misses the coach would say, "Mickey, this isn't your night"? C.J. You don't have work to do? TOBY I have a lot of work to do. C.J. And? TOBY Can't rush these things. C.J. No. TOBY 1 for 23. That's exactly one better than my mother would have done. She's been dead 12 years. SAM [knocking] Excuse me. C.J. Hi. SAM I asked the President about that first meeting. TOBY Which meeting? SAM With the Joint Chiefs. TOBY What'd he say? SAM He didn't remember whether or not we did a poll. TOBY Yeah, I don't either. SAM Toby... TOBY How long ago was it? SAM It was... I don't know. It was, like... I don't know. It was two years ago. TOBY How many polls ago? SAM We can't sit on... I'm sorry. We can't sit on the sidelines and ignore this crap. I'm not going to. Why am I the only one taking this seriously? TOBY That's a reasonable question and we should explore that for a minute. SAM It's not the reason you think. TOBY You hired the guy. SAM Yes, I hired the guy, but that's not... Legitimate news organizations are going to cover this to say nothing of the people who hate us who are going to run it over, over, over, over, over...This guy was here for three minutes and he was fired. He is not credible. I'm a lawyer, I'm telling you. That has to be made clear. Every time he makes a factual mistake we got to come out with a press release. Every time he misquotes or misidentifies anyone we need to have an affidavit swearing to the truth. If there's a comma in the wrong place he needs to be killed until he is dead and he needs to be killed again or he is going to keep biting at our ankles and I mean all through the campaign. He needs to be a joke, or we're going to be. C.J. [snapping fingers rhythmically] Boy, boy, crazy boy. Keep cool, boy... SAM I'm not screwing around. C.J. Me neither. Sit down. SAM I'm not going to be a victim of this. C.J. Let me tell you something I've learned in my years. There are victims of fires. There are victims of car accidents. This kind of thing, there are no victims--just volunteers. Of course we'll get in the game. I'll talk to the editors of the major papers but we're not going to publicly refute every bogus charge. First of all, there are too many of them. Second of all, I'm not going to give this guy and his book the weight of the White House. As far as the press is concerned I've read the book because I had to. You have a vague recollection of the guy but he wasn't here long enough to make a lasting impression. Have you read the book? Of course not. You're too busy doing a job. SAM While you're convincing the Post and the Times that it's ridiculous... C.J. Sam! Once again, we don't know what's going on in the Oval Office. Obviously, there's a problem. When it's our turn to worry about it they won't be shy about telling us. Let's not fixate on the nuckleheaded stuff we think we can fix in the meantime. And it feels a lot like...that's what you're doing. SAM Are you inside? TOBY Josh is. But let me ask you this. A guy shoots 1 for 23 from the field. SAM McDeere? TOBY Yeah. But he goes 8 for 8 from the foul line. My question is, why are you fouling this guy at all? I'd just get out of the way and point him toward the basket. SAM Yeah. C.J. So we're done talking about this now. SAM Is there any beer? C.J. You two have offices. TOBY It's out in the refrigerator. SAM Hey. C.J. What? SAM It started snowing. EXT. JOSH'S FRONT STOOP, NIGHT AMY You owe me a half a million dollars and a drink. JOSH I paid for the drinks. AMY All right, then 500 grand. JOSH What are you doing here? AMY I'm just hanging out. Why? Do you live here? JOSH I do. I'm sorry I had to leave quickly before. I still can't tell you why. AMY Was it a matter of national security? JOSH No. AMY Would you tell me if it was a matter of national security? JOSH No. AMY Okay. You didn't talk to me much at school. JOSH You were having quite a bit of sex with Chris. AMY There were times I wasn't. JOSH I studied a lot in school. I studied hard in high school and at Harvard and in law school. My IQ doesn't break the bank, and I wanted to do this so I studied all the time. And I missed something or it's like I skipped a year 'cause I never learned what you do after you think you like somebody-- what you do next. And every-everybody did learn. A lot of other people, anyway. I didn't walk out tonight. When my phone rings at 11:00, it's important. Not important to me. Important. And I'm not puffing myself so-so that you're... AMY You know what? Maybe not so much for you with the talking. [they kiss] Thanks for the drink. INT. OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT BARTLET Excuse me. LEO Good evening, Mr. President. BARTLET You want to step in for a second? LEO Are you up reading? BARTLET Yeah. No. A little bit. Mostly, I've been talking with Babish and some of the deputies. The Chairman, Trent, the Speaker, the Minority Leader. LEO No. BARTLET Yeah, I'm going to do it. LEO Sir... BARTLET Yeah. LEO It doesn't get Abbey off the hook. She's still going to have to deal with the AMA. BARTLET Yeah. LEO It doesn't clear us up for the campaign. It's just a different looking stage weight around our ankle and now it comes with the Congressional Seal. It doesn't give us any room to argue the point. We've got two, maybe as many as three dozen House Democrats in tight races, and you've still got MS. Doing this to save me the embarrassment I've got coming to me is about the dumbest reason I can think... BARTLET There's another reason. LEO What? BARTLET I was wrong. I was. I was just...I was wrong. Come on, you know that. Lots of times we don't know what right or wrong is but lots of times we do and come on, this is one. I may not have had sinister intent at the outset but there were plenty of opportunities for me to make it right. No one in government takes responsibility for anything anymore. We foster, we obfuscate, we rationalize. "Everybody does it." That's what we say. So we come to occupy a moral safe house where everyone's to blame so no one's guilty. I'm to blame. I was wrong. LEO You're ready for a Joint Resolution. BARTLET As a matter of fact, it's not a Joint Resolution. The President still has to sign a Joint Resolution so, technically, it's a Concurrent Resolution. House Concurrent Resolution 172. The lawyers will haggle over the wording in the next few days. So, at least I'll make history, huh? LEO No. I thought so, too, until I was talking to Josh. Andrew Jackson, 1834. BARTLET He was censured in '34. He got it expunged in '36. LEO Good point. It's not that cold out. BARTLET No. Let me ask you something. You may be the last sane voice around here. LEO Hang on, before I forget. That map that Charlie gave you. Make sure you don't put it where people can see it. BARTLET I don't believe this. LEO Recognizing Israel's a pretty hot button, wouldn't you say? BARTLET In Lebanon. Not here. It's not like I'm thinking "God, I was going to recognize Israel, but now that I've seen this map..." You know what? Let's just sit here quietly. LEO Yes, sir. SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE [O.S.] Would the Secretary read House Concurrent Resolution 172? HOUSE SECRETARY [O.S.] "Whereas, in his conduct of the Office of the President of the United States Josiah Bartlet has engaged in a course of deceitful and dishonest conduct designed to impede and deny the disclosure of vital matters of public concern, the United States Congress hereby condemns him for acting in a manner contrary to his trust as President to the great prejudice of the cause of justice and to the manifest injury of the American people." DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 3.10 -- "H. Con-172" Original Airdate: January 9, 2002, 9:00 PM EST Transcript by: The Vault July 22, 2003