After Josh (Bradley Whitford) is hailed as the “101st Senator” in a newspaper profile, he butts heads with a conservative Idaho Democratic Senator (Tom Skerritt) who withholds his approval of a backlog of military promotions to secure an expensive but faulty missile launcher to be built in his home state. In the back corridors, Will (Joshua Malina) gets a flattering offer from the newly approved Vice President (Gary Cole) while CJ (Allison Janney) runs afoul of Leo’s (John Spencer) temper when she does not stick to the administration’s scripted line on an EPA report on coal-based energy. Likewise, Amy (Mary-Louise Parker) earns the President’s (Martin Sheen) wrath when she pushes for funding of the First Lady’s agenda on violence prevention while Toby (Richard Schiff) pieces together a message calendar to stay on point during Bartlet’s second term.
THE WEST WING "CONSTITUENCY OF ONE" TELEPLAY BY: ELI ATTIE STORY BY: ELI ATTIE & MICHAEL OATES PALMER DIRECTED BY: LAURA INNES TEASER FADE IN: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - NIGHT The West Wing is empty. Toby and Will are packing up to leave the office for the day. WILL Come on, Toby. We created nine million jobs. TOBY We created no jobs. WILL Granted, there's lots of ways of looking at the numbers, but... TOBY If you work for an economist, he'll tell you, government doesn't create jobs; business creates jobs. WILL And they did it on our watch. TOBY And your point is? WILL This calendar is every event, every speech that the President's gonna give over the next three months--you don't want to spend one day talking about economic accomplishments? TOBY Right now we're losing jobs. WILL Great, put that on a bumper sticker. TOBY You don't talk about economic accomplishemnts in a lousy economy. WILL So we put it in a context. TOBY You want people saying, "Hey, thanks for the nine million jobs. I've got three of them, and I can't make the house payments"? WILL What about Fridays? We don't have any events on Fridays. TOBY Fridays don't count. WILL Why not? TOBY No one watches the Friday evening news. No one reads the Saturday papers. No Presidential events on Fridays. WILL I can think of a few assignment editors who'd resent that remark. TOBY Nothing on Fridays. WILL Look, you don't need my input here. I'm going to go home. TOBY This is how we get past crisis of the hour: seize the agenda again. WILL As it is, I'm going to have nightmares about color-coded six-day weeks with no accomplishments. TOBY You need to learn this. WILL I need to see my bed. In fact, I'm thinking about carrying a picture of it on my wallet. Will's beeper goes off. TOBY We've barely had message since the campaign, let alone since Zoey. This is your life for the next three months. WILL 7-4-3-1. Is that in the OEOB? TOBY I'll drop you in Dupont Circle. WILL Okay. Will and Toby grab their bags and exit to the HALLWAY. TOBY You think we should be touting economic accomplishment. WILL I do. TOBY Politics isn't about past performance-- it's "what have you done for me lately, and where's my years supply of turtle wax." Will's beeper goes off again. WILL I'd better return this. TOBY It's someone looking for one of your 9 million new jobs. INT: COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN WILL See you tomorrow. Toby leaves. Will picks up the phone and dials the number. WILL Hi, it's Will Bailey. CUT TO: INT. OLD EXECUTIVE OFFICE BUILDING, HALLWAY - NIGHT The hallways are dark and empty. Will walks along until he runs into an aide carrying a picture. AIDE LAURA Are you Will Bailey? WILL I could be. I mean, yes. Another aide walks up behind him. AIDE HOLLY He's the one who elected the dead guy. WILL He did the hard part. HOLLY What was that? WILL Dying. LAURA Was that a joke? WILL Not really, no. Am I in the right place? The door to the Vice President's office opens. VICE PRESIDENT ROBERT "BINGO BOB" RUSSELL Thanks for coming on short notice, Will. WILL Mr. Vice President. RUSSELL Something to drink? WILL Anything with caffeine. Will enters the VICE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE. WILL Sir, I want to say once again... RUSSELL Forget about the announcement speech. WILL Thank you. RUSSELL I admire speechwriters. They have to have the tendency to doubt and the capacity to believe in equal measure. WILL Why am I here, sir? RUSSELL You're the President's voice. You don't think I have an interest in that? WILL At 12:15 on a weeknight, no. RUSSELL Oh, I have to work longer hours--I'm playing with a handicap. WILL Sir? RUSSELL Spare tire on the automobile of government. Heartbeat away from having a heartbeat. The story of the two brothers. WILL The two brothers? RUSSELL One went to sea; one became vice president--neither was heard from again. WILL That's a new one. RUSSELL I may need more help than that dead guy you got elected in Orange County, Will. I may need some political life support myself. WILL I'm afraid I don't follow. RUSSELL I'd like you to be my communications director. First senior-level hire in the White House. WILL I-I'm flattered, sir, but I'm not... RUSSELL You don't think I'm politician enough. WILL I didn't say that. RUSSELL You play baseball coach for a moment. Two players run to first. They both have the same time, but one has perfect form, the other, lousy form. Which one do you pick? WILL The one with lousy form. RUSSELL 'Cause teach him the right form... WILL And he beats the other guy--it's a neat analogy... RUSSELL I know I'm not the best politician, but here I am Vice President of the United States. Imagine what we can do when you teach me the right form. WILL Sir, I'm a special assistant to the President. RUSSELL Chief strategist and senior counselor to the Vice President. WILL Are we playing poker? RUSSELL I'm showing you my hand. WILL You're looking for your own Toby Ziegler. RUSSELL I'm looking for someone who can beat Toby to first. WILL Thank you, sir, but I'm not interested. RUSSELL I like loyalty, Will, I respect loyalty. But you can run out the clock on a Bartlet presidency that, politically speaking, is over. You can finish something that you never started in the first place. You can run around those little hallways until Toby turns out the lights. Or you can shape the next presidency from the ground up. Total access. Coach of the team. Of course, I understand if you're not interested. Will and Russell stare each other down as aide Holly hands them their drinks. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY - DAY Josh is walking along the hallways. He sees a stack of newspaper in front of a door. He bends down and picks one up. On the front page is a picture of Josh sitting on a coach with the captions: "The 101st Senator: Bartlet's Point Man on Capitol Hill." Josh begins to read the article as he walks down the hall. DONNA Did you read it? JOSH I'm not reading it. There's some new stuff since the early edition. DONNA It's a great piece. JOSH It's a puff piece, so I'll return the reporter's call, which I won't. DONNA [reading] "A one man congressional majority... Bartlet's legislative juggernaut..." JOSH It's an embarassment. You should be stealing everyone's copies before they can read it. DONNA And burning them on the south lawn? JOSH I'm serious. Save one for my mom. DONNA She'll be proud of her little birthday boy. JOSH Look, don't... no gifts, no parties--just another day, okay? DONNA A coffee and... JOSH Yeah, with... thing. DONNA You have senior staff in five minutes, Ward Room at 7:45. You're not wearing a tie. Like your suit though. JOSH Thanks. DONNA Liked it when you wore it yesterday, too. JOSH Speaker's trying to roll us again on stimulus. This story about me sending a congressman a dead fish wrapped in newspaper--the Post get this from you? DONNA No. JOSH Coffee and a... DONNA Yeah. Donna walks off as Josh enters the NORTHWEST LOBBY. WOMEN [to Josh] Great piece in the Post. Amy walks up to Josh as he is trying to put on a tie. AMY Your clipping service must be busy today. JOSH Why, was there something in the... paper? AMY 101st senator--is that like being the fifth Beatle? MAN [OS] Nice profile. JOSH Yeah, I was the one who played sitar and made procedural changes. AMY So , listen Mr. Rip-up-the-Costitution-and-behold-my-awesome-powers... JOSH I got a meeting. AMY Mr. cloture-motions-flow-like-blood-through-my-gavel-wielding-veins. JOSH Okay, I don't think veins wield gavels, but... AMY HHS Appropriations? JOSH What about HHS appropriations? AMY How far under the budget cap was our original submission? JOSH Why don't you get that from Legislative Affairs? AMY 'Cause I'm getting it from you. MAN [OS] Josh, nice piece. JOSH If the First Lady's got some last-minute budget request, run it through the process. AMY The First Lady's got nothing. JOSH 'Cause our budget's locked, and she's a sensitive topic around here. Or... not around here, as the case may be. AMY It's nothing, Josh. JOSH Nothing's nothing. AMY I'll get it from Legislative Affairs. As Josh enters Leo's office, Amy pulls out a tie, wraps it around Josh's neck and tries to pull him back. JOSH Don't. Come on. Amy turns around and leaves. Josh comes back out and watches her as she walks away, then he enters LEO'S OFFICE. Ed, Larry, C.J., Toby, Leo and Will are in the office waiting. LARRY Nice profile, Josh. JOSH I didn't even talk to them, if that's what... C.J. Hats off to the Jewish-Connecticut Corleone. TOBY I'm still trying to make the cover of Jane's Defense Weekly. JOSH Hey, that fish story... LEO Hey, let's talk about the DNC poll. We got the first half-sample. President's job approval down to 49%. Abbey's 11 points higher. TOBY Personal approval's completely seperated from job performance. JOSH But "strong leader" is down, "handling of economy", way down. LEO People don't feel safe with what's going on in the world, don't feel economically secure. The Republicans are pounding us every day and people don't think the President's leading. TOBY They love him at a barbecue, not so much with the nuclear launch codes. JOSH We're not the ones who voted down the stimulus package. LEO Our job's to get that message out, and we're going to do this like in the campaigns. Toby's working up a new message calendar. When the President signs off, we treat it like it's chiseled stone. No more lurching from issue to issue. No more governors' brother-in-laws' bar mitzvahs driving the schedule-- just a positive message, oppurtunity and security, one day at a time. WILL Except Fridays. Toby turns around and looks at Will. LEO What? TOBY 217 military promotions that were supposed to pass the Senate last night. C.J. What about them? TOBY A senator put them on anonymous hold. LEO A hold on military promotions? JOSH It's Chris Carrick. LEO Why would a conservative Democrat block military promotions? JOSH He threatened it last week when he stiffed us on stimulus package--it's Carrick. C.J. So much for opportunity and security. TOBY A fight in our own party over the military. JOSH It's not going to be a fight. I got this one. LEO No, I'll handle it. Thanks, everybody. Everyone begins to walk out but Josh. JOSH I can handle Carrick. Margaret enters. MARGARET The President's ready in the Residence. LEO It's not a thing. It's just you're a little hot after last week. I want to be sure... JOSH This is what I do. You got time to wrangle a senator on the Hill? LEO Okay, thanks. Leo and Josh walk out to the hallway. LEO Hey, I got a message from Legislative Affairs. HHS Appropriations--for some reason they're reopening the bill. JOSH HHS Appropriations? LEO You know about this? JOSH No. No, I don't. LEO I'll call them--it's probably nothing. JOSH Yeah, it's probably nothing. Leo walks off and Josh runs into Donna. JOSH Donna, I need Amy. DONNA What's wrong? JOSH Just... I-I need Amy. CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN IN RESIDENCE - DAY Bartlet and Charlie are waiting. LEO Morning, Mr. President. BARTLET What's the problem with the Belgian elections, Leo? LEO Is this the start of a riddle? BARTLET The intelligence briefing. The anti-immigrationist are gaining in the north--doesn't say why or how. LEO You want more on the Flemish Bloc. BARTLET I want a CIA briefer her in person every morning. Why'd I get this on paper. CHARLIE You never have briefers in the family quarter's, sir. Your rule is... BARTLET That was Abbey's rule. CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET What's next? CHARLIE Budget review at 9:00, and Toby needs your sign-off on the message calendar. BARTLET Yeah. LEO We can't let this sit over the weekend. It's been months since we had a clear message coming out of this building. BARTLET Months since we reduced a $2 trillion government to poll-test bromides. You think James Madison ran his presidency off a message calendar? LEO Probably, yes. BARTLET "Life" on Modays, "liberty" on Wednesdays, "shaking off the tyrannical monarch" on alternate Thursdays. LEO Toby needs your okay this morning. One more thing--HHS Appropriations. Remember our violence prevention initiatives? BARTLET Republicans gutted it, 'cause "domestic violence isn't a public health issue," as if spousal abuse were part of the Atkins diet. LEO The Republicans just reopened the bill and added back every penny. BARTLET Just like that. LEO We'll get you more on the Flemish thing. Bartlet walks out as Leo and Charlie stand there. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY JOSH Five minutes with Amy? DONNA Take ten--you're over 21. Donna walks away. RYAN The Post said you're the 101st Senator. JOSH I'm impressed. You read block-letter headlines. RYAN What's that mean? JOSH I used to work in the Senate, I do the Presidents Senate politics--I got some sway down there is all. RYAN And you once sent a congressman a dead fish? JOSH He tried to bottle up the fisheries bill. It wasn't... Is this an inquisition? RYAN Bet he's glad it wasn't a whaling bill. They go in JOSH'S OFFICE. JOSH I thought you were gonna gather up those profiles. Lord Bullingdon's having a field day over here. Josh sees a pile of papers on his desk. He lifts up the papers to discover a dead fish wrapped in them. JOSH We had a rule today--no gifts. Donna enters. DONNA Your birthday's not for you, it's for the rest of us. JOSH How's that work, exactly? DONNA Well, we get to, I don't know, eat cake and wear pointy little hats. JOSH Just don't tell anyone, okay? I don't want one of those sad-sack parties in the Indian Treaty Room where some guy from the OMB drones on about how I saved the aquatic weed subsidy. DONNA Amy doesn't have time for the morning. JOSH Tell her to make time. I'm going to the Hill. RYAN What's on the hill? DONNA Some buildings and a big statue of some guy with a beard. RYAN I meant the meeting. JOSH You don't get to know everything, okay? This isn't an all-access pass. You're not backstage at a Stones concert. RYAN You ever been backstage at a Stones concert? JOSH No. RYAN It's pretty great. JOSH I want him sorting mail. CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. and Toby enter talking. TOBY When consumer confidnce drops seven points instead of two... C.J. It's not the economy. That's not why our poll numbers down. Carol enters. CAROL Ben again on five. C.J. Yeah, you can stop giving me his messages. CAROL Plus, Leo is ready for the prebrief. [exits] TOBY Who's Ben? C.J. A guy I lived with for six months. TOBY I didn't know you lived with a guy named Ben. C.J. There's a lot you don't know about me. TOBY Like what? C.J. Well, that's about it, really. TOBY You don't want his calls? C.J. Well, if I take his call, of course it would be great to hear his voice--he has this low, husky radio voice-- and we'd be swapping memories and old jokes and pet names and then it's the frisky little e-mails and pretty soon it's, you know, the weekend in Little Washington and the late-night phone calls and that's when we begin to get on each others nerves, 'cause we get on each others nerves. He has this thing where he twirls his hair and... Anyway, the bloom's off the rose and I don't call as much and it's the guilt and cherchez la femme and why- didn't-it-work-out-the-first-time and it's ten years til we talk again. TOBY That was like a bad romantic comedy in fifteen seconds. C.J. Straight to video. They get up and exit into the HALLWAY where they run into Leo and Will. LEO What are you getting from the gaggle? C.J. Latest drop in consumer confidence. WILL Pivot to the stimulus package. Our new version will be introduced next week. Drop it back in Congress's lap. TOBY Why is the President dragging his feet on naming a new Chariman of the Joint Chiefs? C.J. The President's making his decision. Admiral Fitzwallace is still on the job--one Chariman at a time. LEO What else? WILL Reuters has a report that we scrubbed two paragraphs from an EPA report. C.J. Scrubbed two paragraphs? WILL The EPA's report on energy needs. Reuters is saying the White House scrubbed language critical of the coal industry. C.J. What midlevel lacky tampers with an independant report? LEO You're looking at him. C.J. I didn't mean to... Are we defending coal? WILL Reuters has the original draft. C.J. We have to do a total mea culpa. Make it a one-day story. LEO We're not "culpa-ing" anything. "The report will reflect administration views." C.J. That's not going to fly if they have the original draft. There's a threshold... LEO "The report will reflect administration views." That's the line. What else? Silence. LEO Great. Thanks. Leo exits. C.J. looks at Will and Toby, and then walks away. WILL You worried about the EPA thing? TOBY I'm worried about anything that takes us off our new message. WILL Now that we've offically settled on our new message. TOBY Right. WILL What's our new message? Toby hands Will a folder. Will opens it and glances at it's contents. WILL Some changes since last night. TOBY The President signed off. WILL I thought I'd have another chance to weigh in. TOBY You're gonna have a big role in this. WILL Hand-coloring copies of the calendar? Will and Toby enter the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. TOBY I need you to sit down with the Labor Secretary, the Commerce Secretary, the Vice President, walk them through their assigned economic speeches, then... WILL That's a bad idea. TOBY We've been over this. If the President's stumping for the new stimulus package on Tuesday, you look at the calendar, then the Labor Secretary also talks... WILL I mean the Vice President. We can't pretend he's another Cabinet flunky. TOBY You're right--Cabinet flunkies have job responsibilites. WILL He's a Constitutional officer. We should get his input up front. TOBY I'm not interested in his input. WILL What if he doesn't like it? TOBY You want me in the meeting with you? WILL No. TOBY Give him his assignment. I don't care if he likes it. You work for the President, so does he. Toby walks into his office, leaving Will standing at the door. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. THE CAPITOL HILL, IDAHO SENATOR RECEPTION AREA - DAY A staff is sitting at a desk which has a bowl of potatoes on it. STAFF ASSISTANT Mr. Lyman. Josh sees the bowl of potatoes. JOSH I get it: Idaho. That's funny. STAFF ASSISTANT Do you have an appointment with the senator? JOSH No, but he'll want to see me. STAFF ASSISTANT [into phone] Josh Lyman from the White House. [to Josh] Go on in. Josh walks in the SENATOR'S OFFICE. SENATOR CHRIS CARRICK I'm surprised the White House sent Josh Lyman. JOSH You can't block military promotions. We went over this last week. We can't have an intraparty fight over this when the Republicans are thrashing us on security. CARRICK Oh, I don't want a fight. JOSH These are career officers who have risked their lifes in the Gulf, in Africa. CARRICK We'll keep our promises to our troops once we keep our promises to each other. JOSH What promises are those? CARRICK The MB-827 triple-missile launcher. JOSH The MB-827? CARRICK To be built in my state of Idaho. I'd like a signed letter of intent today. JOSH Senator? CARRICK Yes. JOSH One problem with the MB-827 launcher. CARRICK What's that? JOSH It doesn't work. It's a missile defense system that can't hit missiles. It's a $270 million slingshot the Pentagon doesn't want. CARRICK Let's talk about why you want to build that launcher. JOSH No, let's talk about what you're going to do for our underpaid, underpromoted fighting men and women. CARRICK Not a damn thing till I get my launcher. JOSH And when were you promised...? CARRICK Seven years ago. JOSH Under the last President? CARRICK Right. JOSH Okay, uh, a bunch of things have fallen by the wayside since then, like communism. CARRICK You want your promotions, you'll give me my launcher. JOSH If you want to come asking for party favors, you shouldn't have voted with the Republicans for five straight years. You shouldn't have voted with them last week to kill our stimulus package. CARRICK You tell Leo McGarry I look forward to a letter approving the MB-827. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Nancy enters. Bartlet hands her a folder of papers. BARTLET Nancy, I want these to go back to the Staff Secretary. NANCY Absolutely, Mr. President. [exits] BARTLET Thank you. Leo enters from his office. BARTLET Did you hear about the Chief Justice? LEO What now? CHARLIE He was presiding over a moot court competition at NYU--though he was at the real Supreme Court. LEO Which is fine if we can get NYU to rule on the second amendment. BARTLET He's losing it, Leo. LEO It's a lifetime appointment. BARTLET That doesn't mean he gets to decompose on the bench. Are we taking care of Carrick? LEO Josh is. There's more on HHS Appropriations. Violence Prevention's now been doubled. BARTLET It went from gutted to double? LEO 200 million. BARTLET Is this a budget problem? LEO Legislative Affairs are concerned. It could cut into bioterrorism, global pandemics. 200 million's real money. Nancy has re-entered with some papers for Bartlet to sign. BARTLET [to Nancy] Thank you. [to Leo] You think the Republicans want to make it so expensive we'll cut it ourselves? LEO It's possible. BARTLET Are they trying to outflank us on the left? LEO I can't see why. BARTLET Let's find out. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Donna is walking and Ryan is following her. RYAN So, Josh is against the launcher 'cause he thinks it's all make-work jobs for Idaho. DONNA Yes. RYAN But he supports workfare which gives people make-work jobs? DONNA Find me a military contractor on food stamps and we'll talk. They walk into C.J.'S OFFICE. Carol are C.J. are inside talking. DONNA Josh's guidance on the DSCC. Donna hands the papers to Carol, who then hands them to C.J. C.J. Thanks. Donna and Carol exit. RYAN So, uh, I got Josh an expensive birthdy present. C.J. You can't--you're his subordinate. That's a violation of ethics rule. RYAN Then I'm giving it to you. C.J. You'd better believe you're my subordinate, and I dont think you even brought a present at all. RYAN There's a party at the Australian Embassy later. C.J. Are you...? RYAN No. It's just, uh... C.J. There aren't enough phone books in the District of Columbia for you to stand on. RYAN How about suburban Maryland? C.J. smiles to herself. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Josh is sitting in a chair waiting when Leo enters. LEO How's Carrick? JOSH He wants the MB-827 missile launcher. LEO The one that doesn't work. JOSH Yeah. The 97th Airborne's a stickler for that kind of thing, too. LEO I got a breakdown on the promotions. Two dozen are headed for field rotations in the Gulf. If they're not promoted, they can't leave for the Gulf. JOSH Carrick wants that launcher. He wants a letter today. LEO I'm going to send Fitzwallace to cut a deal. Call it his farewell tour. JOSH I've got a better idea. No Fitzwallace, no letter, no deal. Five years he's voted with Republicans. Just last week he switched his vote and jammed us on the stimulus package. That's why we're in this mess. We want to keep rolling over for him? LEO He's a Democrat from Idaho. They use Democrats for target practice up there. Sometimes, he's got to lean to the right. JOSH Sometimes. We give him everything, he screws us everytime. this guy makes Machiavelli look like a social worker. LEO We need his vote when we bring stimulus up again. We need it on our whole agenda. JOSH So we award him for rolling us? That'll keep him in line. LEO We can't afford an ugly fight right now. JOSH Unless we want more and more of them. We've got to stop feeding the hand that bites us, Leo. No Fitzwallace, no letter, no deal. I need your proxy on this. LEO Okay. But go easy. JOSH That, uh, "one-man majority" stuff? You know they didn't get that from me? LEO I dont care about the Washington Post style section. Take care of Carrick. Josh exits into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Donna is standing at the table with some papers for Josh to sign. JOSH Call Carrick's Chief of Staff--the launcher's off the table. Tell him... tell him there's no such thing as a free "launch". DONNA That's cute. JOSH Just made it up. Josh signs the paper and begins to walk away. Donna grabs his hand and pulls him back to sign another paper. DONNA Amy can see you from 1:10 to 1:15. JOSH How about telling me I can see her? I got five minutes for her, and she can wait in my office all day if necessary. DONNA Amy can see you from 1:10 to 1:15. They exit to the HALLWAY. JOSH Fine. DONNA Is this a private birthday celebration? Need some crisp one dollar bills and a smock? JOSH It's a meeting. Would you...? I don't do birthday celebrations. DONNA Childhood trauma, I presume? JOSH My seventh birthday, my parents hired a birthday clown. Big nose, seltzer bottle, the whole drill. And he just did all his tricks for my sister. She even got to keep one of his floppy shoes. DONNA Okay, I wouldn't tell that to anyone else. JOSH Tell Amy's office I'm on my way. CUT TO: INT. AMY'S OFFICE - DAY Amy is talking to an intern. AMY Just copy this and get me a committee roster. Thanks. As the intern exits, Josh enters. INTERN NAT Nice profile, Josh. JOSH Thanks. AMY So this guy... calls his mother. He says, "Mom, how are you?" She says, "I'm terrible, I haven't eaten in 38 days." "Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" She says, "I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call." JOSH You're telling me to call my mother. AMY I'm telling you a joke. JOSH What's the First Lady doing? Why do you need list of Congrsseional committees? AMY I'm Amy Gardner. I work for Abigail Bartlet. Have we met? JOSH She's making an end run around the budget process. YOu're not supposed to... AMY I'm not supposed to what, run her office? JOSH Leo's on to whatever you're doing with HHS Appropriations. I practically lied about it. Next time, I'm not gonna. AMY Am I going to come back from Mass and find a horse's head on my desk? JOSH Don't tempt me. AMY You got a problem, go ahead and call... JOSH Oh, like I'm going to get between the Bartlets. Your job is to run it though the process. AMY You're afraid we're going to get called in the the pricipal's office. JOSH I am the principal's office. AMY Call your mother. JOSH Thanks. CUT TO: INT. PRESS BRIEFING ROOM - DAY C.J. is at the podium giving a briefing. REPORTER SALLY C.J., is the President concerned that rising joblessness will afffect his political standing? C.J. The President's only concern is passing his stimulus package to get more Americans in good jobs. He's hopeful Congress will move his new version to the floor immediately. Mark? REPORTER MARK Does the Presidnet wish his press were ae good as Josh Lyman's? C.J. We've set up a whole Wing in the White House to handle his paparazzi. I'm just hoping for a decent table at the Palm. The reporters laugh. One reporter raises her hand. C.J. Yes? REPORTER CHARLAYNE Sources at the EPA say the White House censored language from a report critical of coal-based energy. Does the White House feel that's appropriate? C.J. The White House fells the EPA report will reflect administration views. REPORTER CHARLAYNE Not the EPA's views. Their draft cited stunted trees, poisoned fish and wildlife as just some of the problems with coal. Hasn't this President always...? C.J. The final report will aly out views on a range of issues. REPORTER MARK Why'd the White House tamper with an independent report? C.J. I've addressed that. REPORTER GORDON No you haven't. Why is all independent analyisis subject to White House censorship? C.J. I don't accept your premise. REPORTER CHARLAYNE Doesn't EPA have the right...? C.J. I'm sure you all look forward to reading the actual report. REPORTER CHARLAYNE I've read both drafts--the censored one and the original. Are you defending...? C.J. If there was interference with an independent report, that was obviously a mistake. Toby's in the back of the press briefing room looking on. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Leo is watching the press briefing in his office. LEO Margaret! C.J. [on T.V.] But I assure you, the final report will reflect administration policy. Sally? FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. walks past Magaret who's standing by her desk. C.J. I'll see him. Leo is sitting when C.J. enters. LEO If there's something you want to say, say it now. Don't take in into the room. C.J. They had both drafts. There was nothing I could do. LEO I gave you the line, who said you could drop it? C.J. Coal is the dirtiest energy on the planet. That's worth censoring out of a report? LEO What wasn't in that report was any mention of clean coal. Any mention of... C.J. Clean coal's an industry myth. LEO They turn it into gas and steam. It's better for the... C.J. Clean coal is like saying "healthy botulism," "child-safe plutonium"... LEO Tell me the alternative, short of getting people to stop using electricity. C.J. I don't know, neither does the EPA, but they're trying to tell the truth and we gagged them, and who gave us the right? Are we surprised our polls are down? We have a responsibilty to the country. We can't just spin any line we make up. LEO You have a responsibilty to me. When I give you the line, that's the line. C.J. Not when no one will believe it. LEO You're going to put out a statement in your own name. It's going to say what you should have said in that briefing room, that we stand behind that report. C.J. You don't want me to do that. LEO I do. C.J. That's saying I wasn't speaking for this White House. LEO You weren't. [gets up and walks over to C.J.] On my desk within the hour. Leo walks out his office leaving C.J. standing there. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Ed and Larry are giving Bartlet a briefing. BARTLET Violence prevention jumped another 30 million in an hour? LARRY It's a bidding war, sir. BARTLET Do we know why it's happening? No one answers. BARTLET Well, do we or don't we? ED Direct request from the First Lady to the members of the HHS Appropriations Subcommittee, sir. LARRY After zoey's kidknapping... she's hugely popular, even in the Republican conference. ED First Lady's office requested it, so they're tripping over each other to fund it. LEO What does this mean for the CDC budget? LARRY They're cutting almost everything to make room. Bioterror, infectious diseases. LEO You want to call the First Lady? BARTLET No. ED Would you like us to work with the Subcommittee...? BARTLET Don't do anything. Thanks. LEO Thank you, sir. Ed and Larry exit. Bartlet quietly sits. Leo stands for a while and then exits. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Donna is sitting at her computer typing. Ryan is behind her pulling papers out of a filing cabinet. DONNA [without looking] Don't touch that. Ryan put's the papers back down. He looks at Donna to see if she's turned around and then he reaches for more papers. DONNA [without looking] Don't touch that either. Josh walks by. JOSH Pierce. Josh walks into his OFFICE and Ryan follows. JOSH Your family's had a lot of press attention, right? RYAN My great-great-great-granddad whipped up a lather when he annexed Cuba. JOSH I meant since Reconstruction. RYAN Yeah, we get some press. JOSH How do you, you know, deal with it? RYAN I never read any of it. JOSH Really? RYAN Actually, I read all of it. JOSH So answer the question. RYAN Let's just say the biggest enemy of truth isn't the lie, it's the myth. JOSH Meaning what? RYAN Meaning I'd be better off if I never read any of it. There's a knock on the doorframe. Toby enters. JOSH [to Toby] Hey. Toby doesn't say anything, he just stares at Ryan. Ryan finally gets the message and leaves. TOBY Happy birthday, by the way. JOSH I really don't want you making a big deal out of that. TOBY I was done. JOSH Good. TOBY I walked the Minority Leader through the message calendar. JOSH Triplehorn ought to be jazzed--his pension stuff's on there. TOBY He tells me we're not giving Carrick a missle launcher he very much wants. JOSH The Minority Leader wants us to cave, right? If he could manage his own caucus, we wouldn't have this provlem. TOBY Well, Carrick's vulnerable in Idaho. We can't win back the Senate without him. JOSH You're suggesting we build a multi-million-dollar heap of garbage the DOD doesn't even want? TOBY Well, sometimes they find other uses for the technology. I-I... JOSH Great. They can turn it into a toaster that doesn't make toast. This has zero to do with defense technology. TOBY The Minority Leader thinks we could lose our best chance to get him on the new stimulus package, on our tax bill. JOSH It'sa bluff. TOBY 49% job approval isn't the time to go calling bluffs. We got to get off this, onto our issues. JOSH The stuff that this guy has all ready bilked us for out of a state of about mime people... TOBY He's an Idaho Democrat. He's an endangered species. If he needs a little pork... JOSH The Volcanic Soil Museum, the Canola Oil Feul Cell Initiative... TOBY It's low-fat pork. JOSH The Shakespeare in Military Communitues Program. I mean, what's the hell wrong with Hemingway? TOBY Maybe we cut our losses. JOSH That's easy for you to say. I'm the one who lost him on stimulus. I'm the one who has to get him on our agenda. I'm the one lacing up concrete shoes on the front page of the Post. TOBY Been on a... have you been on a fishing trawler recently? JOSH Donna! I'm fine on Carrick. Do your job, I'll do mine. Donna enters as Toby leaves. JOSH It stinks in here. It's like working in Moby Dick's gym locker. DONNA What do you expect? There was fish here all night. JOSH All night? DONNA Amy left it last night. JOSH Amy? CUT TO: INT. AMY'S OFFICE - DAY Amy is sitting at her computer typing, when Bartlet enters. Amy stands. AMY Mr... Mr. President. Bartlet motions for Amy to sit, but she remains standing. BARTLET We're doing pretty well on violence prevention. AMY Yes, sir. BARTLET They were going to gut it, First Lady really turned it around. AMY I hope you don't... we probably should've run it through, um, Legislative Affairs. BARTLET Nah, I'm not going to have Abbey jump through hoops. AMY You know intimate partner violence affects more people than breast cancer. BARTLET How many calls today? AMY Sir? BARTLET The First Lady, how many calls did she make to members of the Sumcommittee today? No response. BARTLET No calls. She's hiking in the White Mountains. She made no calls, you made them. AMY It's a cause she believes in... BARTLET Don't tell me what she believes. AMY I'm telling the Congress... BARTLET My wife is not a budget appropriation. She's not a line. Don't put words in her mouth. Don't treat her like she's your blank checkbook. Bartlet begins to walk out. AMY Due respect, sir, it's what she'd want. BARTLET She has to be here to want things... and you don't have to be here at all. Bartlet walks out leaving Amy standing there in shock. CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY RESEARCHER I thought you wanted the economic events shaded green. TOBY I said blue. Blue. Green is the color of money. This is about people's lives. RESEARCHER What color are those? TOBY Just stick to black and white. I fact, quill and parchment's okay. I need this for the Treasury Secretary. Will enters as the researcher leaves. TOBY Did you get the VP's sign-off? WILL Not exactly. TOBY What did you get exactly? WILL He offered me a job last night as his chief strategist. Toby laughs. WILL What's funny? TOBY Russell's an empty cowboy suit, you work for the leader of the free world. WILL I work for a guy who works for a guy who works for the leader of the free world. Will walks into his office. RESEARCHER [to Toby] Treasury Secretary's ready in the Roosevelt Room. TOBY The calendar. I need the calendar. Toby walks into WILL'S OFFICE. WILL He has private lunches with the President, direct access. He's not taking orders from us. TOBY What did you tell Russell about the job? WILL I didn't tell him anything... yet. TOBY You're not considering it. WILL The clock's running out. TOBY You are not considering it. WILL How many months are we going to spend making calendars? TOBY You think I want to be making calendars? You think I like being in a PR dogfight with Congress, writing banner copy for photo ops?! The researcher comes to the door. RESEARCHER The Treasury Secretary's waiting. And did you want all this flush-right? TOBY Calendar's aren't... It's a calendar. Make it look like a calendar. How hard is that? [to Will] This is the NBA. You don't go back to shirts and skins. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Amy is walking down the hall with her arms folded. She walks in JOSH'S OFFICE and sits in a chair as Josh is typing on his computer. He ignores her and keeps typing. AMY "Gee, Amy, looks like you had a tough day. Why don't you tell me all about it while I give you a foot massage?" JOSH Okay, let's talk about the fish. You don't understand this building. AMY Not being an architect or a steamfitter. JOSH I'm talking about a code, an ethos you don't understand. AMY Josh, I was just... JOSH The Post profile, the "legislative juggernaut," all those anecdotes, all those quotes came from you. AMY Happy birthday. JOSH We don't glorify ourselves. How is the President going to feel when I've got better press than him? How's every punk congressional staffer going to feel when I'm taking victory laps the week after losing a key vote? AMY They'll feel like you're not going to lose the next one. JOSH We don't advertise. It's not the code. AMY It's not the code to look strong to your constituents? JOSH The only constituency that matters in this building is the constituency of one--the guy in the round room, and that's who you and I work for. AMY I came here to work on issues, not to be part of a messianic cult. JOSH You serve the issue by serving the man. AMY Well, I'm pretty sure the man just revoked my parking privileges. JOSH What are you talking about? AMY I'm pretty sure I was just fired by the Preisdent of the Unites States for doing my job. JOSH HHS Appropriations. AMY Sort of. JOSH Apologize. You got to go apologize. AMY I've got a constituency of one, too, Josh, but it's me. Donna appears at the door. JOSH Hang on. Just hang on a second, okay? Josh leads Donna into the BULLPEN AREA. DONNA Senator Carrick just held up another 56 promotions. JOSH What? DONNA The Army Secretary called. He wants to set up a meeting. JOSH Unless the meeting's to strap Chris Carrick to his idiot missile launcher and fling him head first into an ICBM--which he'll miss--then... DONNA The Secretary's concerned if this becomes public... JOSH I'm making it public. DONNA You are? JOSH I'm leaking to every newspaper in the known universe that Carrick's blocking military promotions, for a hunk of pork barrel, defense- industrial scrap metal. DONNA You're sure that's a good...? JOSH I'm calling his bluff. I'm making him crawl down here on his knees. I'll be in the press office. Donna watches Josh walk through the lobby. She turns and sees Amy standing in Josh's doorway. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - NIGHT Will is standing at a desk writing. Toby enters. TOBY Sorry about before. You have a future here. We should talk about it. WILL I'd like to. TOBY My portfolio, the speeches, the day-to-day, I'm going to give it to you. WILL You're leaving? TOBY I'm stepping back to do big-think-- work in the legacy. WILL You're never going to give up the job. You're not capable of giving it up. You could move from Pennsylvania Avenue to the state of Pennslyvania and... TOBY It's a Commonwealth. WILL Fine, I'm trying to.... TOBY We'll figure it out. WILL I don't want your job. TOBY Why not? WILL 'Cause Bartlet's never going to finish the job he started. Name an issue, you're still clawing your way back. Someone has to be able to take the handoff. TOBY You took the Russell job. This isn't line on a resume. None of us... you don't walk away. WILL We're on the same team. Toby turns around and walks into his office. TOBY Yeah, well, maybe we'll print up t-shirts. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT Leo's reading a document when there's a knock on the door. C.J. enters. LEO Your statement on the coal thing? C.J. It just went out. C.J. hands him her statement. LEO There's a typo in the... C.J. Carol caught it. LEO Okay. C.J. Is that all? LEO I don't like coal any more than you do. But sometime tomorrow, we're going to get the full results of that poll, and I'm going to have to fix the President a drink and tell him his numbers are crumbling--that the dogs don't like the dog food--on the eve of a big budget fight. C.J. I know. LEO We attack the coal industry, and however many thousand coal miners and what's our answer? Nuclear? Drill on the Arctic? 40% unemployment in West Virginia. C.J. No. LEO Like it or not, we're the Saudi Arabia of coal. Coal's what we got. C.J. The EPA's an independent agency, Leo. LEO The day we don't get blamed for their screw ups, that's when we count 'em as independent. C.J. I disagree. LEO Okay. C.J. And holding your line makes it a two or three-day story at the least. The whole room thinks we screwed up whether we admit it or not. LEO You made that point. C.J. I appreciate your apology, but if I'm going to fullfill my duty to the country, I don't just need to know what you're thinking. I need to know that you're listening to me when I say you made a mistake. LEO I am... I'm not apologizing to you. I'm telling you my thinking as a courtesy. But you work for me. When I make a decision, that's the decision. If you can't back it up, don't go in the Briefing Room. C.J. We're here to serve the country. LEO We are the country. C.J. turns and walks out. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT Bartlet is sitting on the couch reading papers. Charlie enters. CHARLIE Mr. President, Amy Gardner's here. BARTLET Thanks, Charlie. Charlie leaves and Amy enters. BARTLET The Flemish Bloc is gaining in the north. AMY Excuse me, sir? BARTLET The Flemish Bloc. The Flemish Bloc, ultra-nationalist in Belgium. Skinheads, really, neo-nazis. They're wearing three-piece suits, speaking in coded discourse now instead of angry chants, and they're gaining in the north. When everyone wears the same suit, how does anyone know which side they're on anymore? AMY You asked to see me, Mr. President. BARTLET You're not fired. Abbey would choose you over me anyway. AMY [sits] I think it's best for me to leave, sir. What I did today, lobbying, prodding, prying money out of that HHS SubCommittee, that's what I'm good at. I wasn't made to serve at someone else's pleasure. I don't think my staying would please anyone anyway. BARTLET She didn't... I didn't talk to Abbey about this. Zoey told me she was hiking. AMY This building's not very conducive to relationships, sir. I'll call back the members of the Subcommittee before I leave. Amy gets up to walk out. BARTLET Tell 'em the First Lady wants violence prevention fully funded. AMY $100 million? BARTLET Make it a 110. Amy exits the office and closes the door. CUT TO: EXT. PORTICO - NIGHT Leo's sitting on a bench smoking a cigarette. Toby comes outside. TOBY You were looking for me? LEO What did you want to talk about with the President? TOBY Did I forget the secret password? [sits next to Leo] We talked about my giving up communications, leaving it to Will and focusing on big-picture. LEO This is not the time? TOBY When will it be the time? [stands] Message of the day, top of the news hour, our second term and we're acting like a losing campaign. LEO You're not going in there to lecture him. TOBY Stop protecting him. LEO It's my job to protect him. It's your job to get us back on message. TOBY Will can do it. I'll supervise him. LEO You supervise him now. TOBY What does that matter? LEO It matters 'cause I need you doing what you're doing now. [stands] I'm holding this together with scotch tape and baling wire. TOBY We have an economic policy held together with scotch tape and baling wire. FDR built the middle class in a hundred days. How many days do we even have left? LEO 49%. We can't start another New Deal. TOBY How about fighting for the old one, instead of haggling with Republicans over how much to cut? We created nine million jobs. Now they're disappearing. Outsourcing, downsizing, buyouts. They build T.V.'s in Mexico for a dollar a day, on dirt floors with cardbaord walls... LEO And that's our fault? TOBY It's on our watch, Leo. Where's our hundred days? Where's our Great Society? Where's our New Frontier? Somebody's got to do what we came here to do. Those jobs aren't coming back. We lose our cave every battle we have with Congress, and we have a calendar, not a plan. LEO Will's going to work for the Vice President. Toby walks away and then turns around. TOBY I'm asking the President not to let him. LEO He told Russell he could have him. It's done. Toby enters the West Wing. Magaret exits into the portico. LEO You got a problem with your job? She hands Leo a piece paper. MARGARET I could use one of those ergonomic chairs. LEO Never mind. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Josh is coming up from the basement and runs into Donna. JOSH Hey, anything from Amy? DONNA I left messages for her everywhere to come see you. JOSH Okay. DONNA This isn't about the dead fish? JOSH Not exactly, no. DONNA What happened? JOSH I think she's been fired--she thinks so. I-I kind of unloaded on her. DONNA Josh... JOSH She'll be... ah, I don't know what she'll be. DONNA Find her. Forget about budget bills and poll samples and missile launchers--go find her. JOSH What else have I got? DONNA Senator Carrick's in the Roosevelt Room. JOSH Chris Carrick's here? Now? Donna shakes her head in confirmation. Josh leaves Donna and walks to the Roosevelt Room. Before he enters, he sees Amy walking by with her things. But he can call out to her-- CARRICK [OS] Josh. JOSH Senator. In THE ROOSEVELT ROOM, as the senator speaks, Josh and Amy stare at each other through the door, then she walks away. CARRICK Well, that was quite a press coup, telling the Idaho papers about my anonymous hold. JOSH What can I do for you? CARRICK You know what? Absolutely nothing. I've released the military promotions. I can't defend that to the people of Idaho. JOSH I hope that lesson won't be lost when our new stimulus package hits the floor. CARRICK Oh, I won't be. JOSH Good. CARRICK Josh, I need one last favor from you. JOSH What's that? The Senator turns around and takes an envelope from his staffer also standing in the room. CARRICK I've got my own letter here. I'd like you to personally deliver that to the President. He slides the envelope across the table to Josh. JOSH What's this? CARRICK It's my letter of resignation from the Democratic Party. JOSH Come again? CARRICK I'm running as a Republican in my next election. JOSH You're switching parties 'cause we won't give you a launcher that doesn't even... CARRICK The launcher is a detterant. The launcher says we're serious about perfecting missile defense, so rogue governments don't build missile programs. JOSH You can't be serious... CARRICK Building it is more important than whether it works. We don't want it to ever have to work. JOSH We can't win back the Senate without Idaho. We can't pass the tax bill, the new stimulus package. I'll get you a meeting with Fitzwallace. A meeting with the President. CARRICK I don't work for the President. I don't work for you. I work for the people of Idaho. JOSH You're leaving the party be... this is 'cause of me?! CARRICK I'm not leaving 'cause of you. But you made it a whole lot easier. The senator leaves Josh standing absorbing what he's just heard. Josh walks out into the HALLWAY. MARGARET Josh. Leo wants you in the Mural Room. Josh walks to THE MURAL ROOM. The door is closed. When he opens the door, the senior staffers all yell-- ALL Surprise! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! The room is decorated and they are wearing party hats and throwing confetti. ALL [singing] Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Josh... Josh, still registering a reaction from the news from Chris Carrick, enters the room. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 5.05 -- "Constituency of One" Original Air Date: October , 2003, 9:00 PM EST Transcibed by: The Vault