Before signing the peace accord, Bartlet (Martin Sheen) tells his staff to go after the support of the House and the U.N. Josh (Bradley Whitford) and Toby (Richard Schiff) are assigned the task of getting congressional support. Meanwhile, CJ (Allison Janney) works to confirm international support with the U.N. Security Council. Donna (Janel Moloney) returns to work and Charlie (Dulé Hill) resists taking a college swimming exam that would allow him to graduate.
THE WEST WING 6x03 - "THIRD DAY STORY" WRITTEN BY ELI ATTIE DIRECTED BY CHRISTOPHER MISIANO Transcribed by Soundman for www.twiztv.com. Send feedback to firstname.lastname@example.org. TEASER FADE IN: EXT. - WHITE HOUSE - DAY We open on a shot of a black Suburban pulling up to the front door of the White House. CUT TO: INT. - SUBURBAN - DAY Josh, Toby and Will are in the Suburban and they are talking. JOSH You think the President should address a joint-session of Congress? TOBY On the phone. JOSH You think he should address them on the phone? TOBY No, I'm on the phone. They get out of the Suburban and walk into the White House. TOBY [into phone] Yeah, Signal, try Mr. McGarry again. WILL My fellow Americans, please deposit 50 cents for three more paragraphs. JOSH When he comes back from Camp David they're going to have to welcome him back like a conquering hero. TOBY [into phone] No, Operator, if-if-if his battery was dead, it wouldn't... yes, it's still urgent. JOSH I already tried him five times. TOBY We're signing a peace support in four hours; his phone should be stapled to his forehead. WILL Maybe he's at Foggy Bottom. TOBY [into phone] Yeah, Signal, try Leo McGarry again. Try the Secretary's office at State. WILL Peace in our time. JOSH All downhill from here. WILL So much for savoring the moment. Josh and Toby are still walking. Margaret comes out of her office and speaks to them. MARGARET The Republican Leadership's in the Roosevelt Room; they've been waiting 20 minutes. JOSH Waiting, why? MARGARET They have a meeting with Leo. I can't find him anywhere. TOBY You can't find him? She shakes her head. Toby sets his coat down and they walk off. CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY Haffley and Royce are seated at the table when Josh and Toby come in and sit across from them. JOSH Mr. Speaker, Mr. Majority Leader. TOBY We're taking this meeting. JOSH Leo's got a thing at Foggy Bottom. HAFFLEY He's got a thing? JOSH Yeah. Who knows why he'd be busy. It's not like we brokered a major peace deal last night. Don't get me wrong: you guys are doing great work on the soy-based fuel subsidy. TOBY What Josh means is that... HAFFLEY Well, maybe he means somebody's got to pay for 20,000 peacekeepers to enforce your peace deal and the money's not coming out of the soy-based fuel subsidy. JOSH Due respect, you never thought we'd get a deal and we did. They're going to be scraping faces off Mount Rushmore. It's a news roadblock. There's no use honking your horn. TOBY What Josh is trying to say... HAFFLEY Enjoy your roadblock, which will last a day, maybe two. Because then the story goes to Congress, and who's kids are going to serve and who's going to pay. And I don't have to honk: I'll repave the road. TOBY If you called this meeting to talk about... ROYCE We called this meeting to talk about a tax cut. JOSH A tax cut? ROYCE A $300 expansion of the child tax credit. HAFFLEY We scheduled this with Leo more than a week ago. TOBY Well, now we have a peace to keep. HAFFLEY The one you made by appeasing terrorists who are going to come right back with badly-wired pipe bombs? JOSH Hey, I think badly-wired is the good kind. TOBY Have you seen the deficit projections? If we do tax cuts on top of peacekeeping we'll drown in red ink. ROYCE You're talking about an open-ended deployment with no exit strategy. We're giving you a way to grease the skids. HAFFLEY Help us pass a tax cut, then we'll vote on peacekeeping. JOSH You're trying to derail the peace plan. ROYCE We're trying to help families raise their kids. It makes perfect sense in Peoria. TOBY Peoria doesn't have a budget deficit. You expect the President to sign this? HAFFLEY And get us 60 Democratic votes in the House. To guarantee passage and make sure Democrats can't attack us for it later. CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Charlie is on the phone. CHARLIE [into phone] Thanks. He hangs up the phone and walks into the Oval Office. A meeting of some sort is breaking up. Bartlet and Debbie are talking. CHARLIE Signal's still trying to reach Leo. BARTLET Thank you. Now let's get a little flow chart going. State calls the foreign ministers; I call the heads of state; like tag-team wrestling without the body slams. DEBBIE All set to pile-drive Germany, sir. She hands him a folder and walks out as Josh and Leo are walking in. BARTLET Thank you. I want to round up as much international support as we can before the 2:00 peace signing. The minute the peace plan gets through the Hamas leadership, the Knesset is going to take... JOSH We have a problem with our own leadership, sir. TOBY Republicans want a tax cut before they vote on peacekeeping. JOSH I'm surprised they didn't wear ski masks and ask for it in a brown paper bag. TOBY Apparently, Leo knew about this. BARTLET Okay. TOBY We haven't been able to reach him. JOSH We need this vote, sir. If it means choking down a tax credit... TOBY I think we should wait for Leo. Charlie comes back into the room with a few Secret Service guys and Debbie. BARTLET What is it? CHARLIE Barrack security found Leo in the woods at Camp David. They think it's a massive heart attack. They're flying him to Bethesda Naval right now. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER. * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. - OVAL OFFICE - DAY Bartlet, Abbey, Toby, Josh, C.J., Charlie, and a Secret Service agent are walking out of the Oval Office toward the motorcade that will take them to the hospital. ABBEY He was unconscious for a long time. It's a miracle he has brain function. Every minute damages the heart muscle more. C.J. What kind of damage? ABBEY They don't know yet. TOBY Will they operate? ABBEY They don't know yet. BARTLET These are supposed to be the best thoracic surgeons in the world: what the hell do they know? ABBEY That time is muscle, Jed. They're going to do everything they can. They have walked outside and they stop at the limo. ABBEY Look, there's no point in everyone going. He's going to be out for hours. Charlie can call back with any updates. She gets in and Charlie comes around to the other side to get in. JOSH Should we be thinking about postponing the peace signing? BARTLET No, I'll be back in time. TOBY Should we work out some kind of...? BARTLET A quick vote on peacekeeping and a big show of international support. A security council resolution would be ideal. He gets in and the limo pulls off. CUT TO: INT. - LIMO - DAY We see Bartlet and Abbey sitting next to each other in the limo. Bartlet takes Abbey's hand. He looks concerned. CUT TO: INT. - HOSPITAL - DAY Leo is being wheeled down the hall by a doctor and two nurses. They get into the elevator and the doctor talks to Leo. We see that he looks very bad and he is breathing heavily into the oxygen mask that is on his face. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY Josh, Toby, and C.J. are in Josh's office and they are talking about the situation. C.J. We should be at the hospital. TOBY Yeah. JOSH You know, he looked pale last night. I just thought it was a White House tan. TOBY Can we never use that expression again? JOSH He should have paced himself more. You know, this isn't a guy who treats his body like a temple. Josh has gotten a doughnut and has walked back into his office. C.J. sees him and grabs the doughnut from him. TOBY All right, no Leo. We'll be lucky to get the President back for the bill signing. Let's get organized. C.J. The NSC's handling the signing ceremony. JOSH Uh, remarks are done. Legislative Affairs is making notification calls. C.J. Carol says you're having an inter-agency meeting on homelessness and mental health? TOBY I was. C.J. That's a good idea. TOBY I pushed it back. Look, we're in the middle of an intersection without a traffic cop. If we want, we can run things through me. JOSH If we want? TOBY I'm talking about a process. JOSH And if we want to sacrifice livestock in your name? TOBY Fine. A decision-making tree. C.J. How about you be the Communications director, you be the Deputy Chief of Staff; we can use the old barn for a stage. How do I tell the press about Leo? JOSH Just put out a statement. There's too much we can't answer. C.J. Yeah. TOBY What matters most in the next 72 hours, is showing that the peace accord can hold; in other words... JOSH & TOBY [together] A tax cut. C.J. Are we free associating? JOSH The leadership wants 60 Democratic votes for a tax cut. TOBY Or a no-vote on peacekeeping. JOSH Which makes it hard to build a coalition. TOBY And scrape faces off Mount Rushmore. JOSH But it makes perfect sense in Peoria. C.J. And here we are, far from Peoria and far from making any sense. I'll put out that statement. She walks out. JOSH Okay, start with ranking Democrats on Ways and Means. They can deliver 30, 40 votes right off the bat. TOBY No specifics, okay? We're just jacking up a tax credit that's already on the books. He turns to leave. CUT TO: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. is walking into her office and she is talking to Carol. C.J. Carol, call State. Let's try to get statements endorsing the peace plan from every member of the UN Security Council. If we get them all it could make a Security Council resolution seem like a done deal. CAROL We've already got Germany, Japan, and Bulgaria. State's sending them as they get them. C.J. Great. Toby walks in. TOBY You might want to start gathering statements from Security Council members; build momentum toward that resolution. We can tell the President it was your idea. C.J. Thanks. Toby walks off. Josh walks up while putting on a clean shirt over an undershirt. JOSH Hey, why don't you work with State? Bundle together any statements from members of the Security Council. I've got your back on this. C.J. My back is your back. He leaves. C.J. This day is going to be an absolute nightmare. CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY Bartlet and Charlie are talking in the background as we see Abbey talking to a man whose nametag reads DR. HARDIN. She is looking at Leo's chart. ABBEY What were the indications for a bypass as opposed to a PTCA? DR. HARDIN Lesions too extensive. He was in profound cardiogenic shock. ABBEY Can you siphon his graphs? HARDIN Internal memory isn't viable. ABBEY How long till he's off the pump? HARDIN Three hours, maybe more. ABBEY Three hours? Bartlet walks up. HARDIN Yeah. He was down a long time. BARTLET Time being muscle. HARDIN Yes, sir. I'll come back when I have more. ABBEY Thank you. He walks off. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Josh is walking out of his office when he spots C.J. and Carol working at one of the cubicles. JOSH Hey. I'm going to be gone for about an hour. Call me if you hear anything. C.J. State's already got draft language for a Security Council resolution. JOSH Yeah. I heard Russia's on board. C.J. Indonesia's threatening to vote against it Turkmenistan is banging on cans for no reason I can fathom. JOSH Don't comment on Turkmenistan. Don't even say the name. C.J. Why not? JOSH Their President is loony-tunes. He created a holiday for his favorite melon. C.J. Holiday for a melon? JOSH He mandated that the Turkmen people gnaw on bones like dogs to strengthen their teeth. He's nuts. C.J. Well, he's got a Security Council vote as a chew toy. Turkmenistan's taking it's turn as a rotating member. JOSH Ignore him. He'll fall in line. C.J. Where are you going? JOSH To meet Donna's plane at Andrews. C.J. Anyone who says these jobs don't come with a cost... JOSH Yeah. He begins to walk away and grabs a doughnut off of C.J.'s table. He begins to eat it. C.J. Look at you. JOSH What? C.J. Leo is having his chest cracked open and all morning you've been heading for a high-fructose coma. JOSH I just eat this stuff when it's lying around. C.J. Which is all the time. You know what, do me a favor, 'cause I'd like to see you live past the age of twelve. Stay off junk for the rest of the week; see if you can survive on, you know, food and I'll cook you dinner this weekend. JOSH Wearing an apron and one of those floppy hats? C.J. Wearing anything you like. He raises his eyebrows. C.J. I mean... You know perfectly well what I mean. JOSH You're on. She grabs her trash can and holds it up for Josh to throw the doughnut in it. He does. JOSH Piece of cake. CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - DAY Bartlet and Abbey are seated at a table watching a news report about the peace signing. Bartlet is reading some things from a folder. REPORTER [on TV] According to excerpts made available by the White House, the President will declare that peace, so long within our sight, is now within our grasp. Many believed the Camp David summit was a fool's errand to begin with, until... ABBEY Stress actually restricts the flow of blood through the coronary arteries. He puts his folder down. ABBEY What I'm saying is it's physiological. Unless you wanted him meditating his way through intelligence briefings and sleeping in a flotation tank, there's nothing you did... BARTLET I fired him. ABBEY What? BARTLET Last night at Camp David, I fired him. What does that do to the flow of blood? CUT TO: INT. - OPERATING ROOM - DAY We see the team of doctors and nurses operating on Leo. There are at least 15 people in the room, with five or six crowded around Leo. We pan up to see his face as they are operating on him. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE. * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. - TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY Toby is outside his office talking to one of the workers. Congressman Borden is in Toby's office. TOBY POTUS can't do this at 3:00. He's got to do IC principles before he goes back to the hospital. And push my homelessness meeting to tomorrow. He walks into his office. Borden sits down. CONGRESSMAN BORDEN The President did a great thing at Camp David. TOBY Yeah. BORDEN Any news on Leo? TOBY They're trying to stabilize his pressure. BORDEN And what does that mean, exactly? TOBY No idea, but I wish they'd do it to me. Congressman, I know you've got a big block of Democratic votes on Ways and Means and you probably think the timing of this Child Tax credit is a bit silly. BORDEN I don't think it's silly in the least. We're asking our constituents to support a huge troop deployment; we ought to give them something first. TOBY How's $300? BORDEN Sold. TOBY Free wrapping at the counter. As many Democrats as you can deliver; we'll release the names today. BORDEN How many children will be eligible for this expanded tax credit? TOBY Same as the current tax code: income phase out at 110k. BORDEN No, how many children per family? TOBY How many you got? BORDEN The deficit hawks are talking about capping the number of eligible kids. Promise me we won't. TOBY We'll leave that to Congress. BORDEN And what does the President say to the parents who are on their seventh, eighth child? TOBY "Try renting a movie sometime."? BORDEN The Republicans will say any disincentive to have kids is two steps short of government-ordered abortion. You want us to look anti-family? CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY Josh is meeting with Congressman Brigg and Congressman Lackey. There is a plate of brownies in front of him. CONGRESSMAN BRIGG It's crazy when we're going to need 50, 60 billion for peacekeeping. CONGRESSMAN LACKEY Just crazy. JOSH I agree, Congressman, but the Leadership isn't going to authorize peacekeeping without something to grease the skids. BRIGG Fine. Just go easy on the grease. LACKEY Not too much grease. JOSH We've already got an income cut-off. What more can we do? BRIGG Put a cap on the number of kids per family at three or four. JOSH Congressman, only a tiny fraction of families has more than four kids. BRIGG It sends a message about social responsibility as well as fiscal. LACKEY Social and fiscal. JOSH We prefer to leave the details to Congress. BRIGG Peacekeeping is going to explode the deficit. We should subsidize every Rube Goldberg's reproductive glands? CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY - WHITE HOUSE - DAY C.J. and Carol are walking and talking. C.J. They're opening the Columbia checkpoint in Jerusalem. I'll need more on that. And check in with the hospital again. CAROL They started the bypass. We won't know anything for a couple of hours. C.J. Just make sure they haven't had a power outage. What's next? CAROL You've got a few minutes before NSA. Josh is in with House Democrats if you want to sit in. C.J. No, I'm fine. They pass the Roosevelt Room. C.J. stops and goes back. She comes to the doorway and we see that Josh has a brownie on a plate and is about to start eating it. When he sees the look she gives him, he pushes the plate away and stands. She walks away. As she and Carol come to the next door, she turns and goes back to the Roosevelt Room. Josh is still standing and he has another plate in his hand with another brownie on it. When C.J. comes to the door he sets it down in front of Brigg. C.J. walks in and picks up the tray with the brownies on it. C.J. Excuse me, Congressmen, it's just the Josh is diabetic and I haven't had any lunch. She walks away and takes the tray with her. CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Toby walks into the office. Charlie is at his desk. TOBY Anything new? CHARLIE The damage is pretty severe. They had to restart his heart when they took off the clamp. TOBY I need to see the President before he goes back to the hospital. CHARLIE He's in with Will. TOBY Why's he in with Will? CHARLIE He wanted to see Will. TOBY Well, I want to see him. CHARLIE I'll try. He won't be here long. Toby scoffs. TOBY I heard you finished your courses. You're done at Georgetown? CHARLIE I've still got some requirements. TOBY Besides courses? CHARLIE A swim test, stuff like that. TOBY Oh. Well, let me know when Will paddles back to the shallow end. He leaves. CUT TO: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. is talking with Chris, Greg Brock, and Bruce. CHRIS Syria wishes the Golan Heights had been on the table. C.J. And Holland wishes little rounds of gouda had been on the table; life's full of disappointments. BRUCE My sources say Congressional leaders have concerns about the peace plan. C.J. Well my sources, the major networks, have been trashing it for days, so I can't say that's a surprise, but we're working with them now. CHRIS Any word on Leo? C.J. Still in surgery. That's all I have. CHRIS Thanks. Chris and Bruce get up and leave. Brock stays in his seat. BROCK So, is it going to be Josh or Toby? C.J. What? BROCK The new White House Chief of Staff. C.J. "Gee, C.J., I'm sorry your boss and dear friend is sprawled across an operating table having his veins harvested but I do think it's kind of neat the President single-handedly forged major peace deal. Why don't I write about it until my typewriter's tangled up in ribbon?" BROCK All done? C.J. Unless I'm playing both parts, yes. BROCK "Well, jeepers Brock, you care about Leo too but there's a power vacuum here and your editors don't take puff pieces and you haven't owned a typewriter since the Coolidge administration." C.J. I would never say "jeepers." BROCK Would too. C.J. Would not. BROCK Would too. C.J. Would not, and we're riding one of the best press waves of this Presidency. The words "Nobel Peace Prize" were in two separate wire stories so I don't have to play your game of inside baseball today. BROCK What's Leo's prognosis? C.J. Good. BROCK In the middle of a bypass you have no way of knowing that. C.J. Then why'd you ask? BROCK Because we're talking about the virtual co-President and you can't tell me who's running the place in his absence. C.J. The President's running it. BROCK How many hours did he spend at the hospital this morning? He's cleared his afternoon schedule; does that mean he's going back? C.J. The Israeli and Palestinian delegations are at Andrews. The President's finished his public schedule. BROCK C.J., I can hold off my editors for a day, maybe two. But pretty soon we're going to have to know who's filling his shoes. He leaves. CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE - DAY Bartlet is on the phone. Debbie comes in with some things in her hands. BARTLET [into phone] Don't worry, Mr. Prime Minister. Congress is going to schedule a vote. ... Yes, sir. ... I appreciate your help. Thank you. He hangs up the phone. BARTLET I'll do the rest of these from Bethesda. You sure I can skip the reception? DEBBIE The delegations are gone; NSC says it's fine. BARTLET Okay. DEBBIE Sir, I've never been prouder to work here than this afternoon when the Chairman and the Prime Minister shook hands, and you... BARTLET Watched them shake hands? DEBBIE Leo would be proud, too; will be proud. BARTLET He had his reservations about all this. DEBBIE Well, I'm not saying it won't all blow up in your face. Josh comes in from Leo's office. JOSH Sir? DEBBIE I'll pack up everything and meet you at the hospital. BARTLET Okay. She leaves. JOSH Anything from...? BARTLET No. JOSH This tax bill we're working on for the leadership... BARTLET Just get us a vote on peacekeeping. JOSH Some of the deficit hawks want us to cap the number of kids. I'm thinking four, but then, you stopped at three, probably a barrel full. BARTLET Let me know when you get a vote. He heads toward the door. JOSH You know if you want someone working out of Leo's office... just shout if you need anything. He walks out the door. JOSH I'll let you know when we've got a vote. BARTLET Thank you. He leaves Josh standing in the Oval Office. CUT TO: INT. - TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY We see Toby walk into the Communications office and into his office. Will and C.J. are there waiting for him. TOBY How was your meeting with the President? WILL He asked me to pitch in. TOBY I'm surprised you didn't pitch a tent. C.J. Can we do some business before we head to the hospital? Lebanon's come out against the accord. Now France may oppose the Security Council Resolution until Congress acts. They don't want to get stuck doing all the peacekeeping. WILL The President of Turkmenistan is saying he flipped Lebanon. Josh walks in. JOSH He's lying. We should throw an elbow. This is some nutbag, dictator of the week begging for surplus rutabagas. C.J. And you, my friend, are a bounder and a cheat. JOSH You tried to entrap me with those brownies. C.J. I didn't put those there, but if you want traps, mine have metal jaws. TOBY The President wants a unanimous Security Council vote, we've lost three countries in the last hour, and both our diplomatic heavies are in the cardiac ward. JOSH So we tell State to lean on France. Slap a tariff on baguettes. Squeeze them with everything we've got. They all agree. JOSH Except the Secretary's not returning my calls. C.J. You, too? Do we have 60 votes on this tax cut? Some Congressional action would really help. TOBY I got 23. JOSH I got 27, plus the whip's making calls. I'll get us help. TOBY I had to promise not to cap the number of kids as if anyone in their right mind would want to. JOSH Cap it at 4; I just told the deficit hawks we would. TOBY You weren't supposed to negotiate specifics. JOSH And you were? TOBY No cap doesn't count as a specific. When did we become the Chinese population bureau? JOSH I forgot this was the free love clinic. Let me go get my caftan. TOBY There'd better be 27 votes... C.J. Okay, what if we get Treasury to crank out a quick estimate? This cap might not save much anyway. Maybe Josh can roll back his 27 without losing your 23. JOSH I'll call the Office of Tax Analysis at Treasury. WILL And you'd better look for more votes in case that doesn't work. TOBY Leo's office got meeting requests from a couple of backbenchers. JOSH Well, call them off the bench and find more benches. WILL What about Turkmenistan? JOSH It's a nation of Labradors run by Zeppo Marx. Can we please stop talking about Turkmenistan? CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY Margaret is seated on a couch doing work on a laptop. Abbey and Bartlet are standing, watching the news on a TV. BARTLET Five hours he's been on the pump; you blanched at three. ABBEY What can I say? Five is more than three. BARTLET I don't want you to sugarcoat this. ABBEY If I knew how, I would. Toby, Josh, Will, and C.J. come in. TOBY Mr. President, Mrs. Bartlet. ABBEY Toby. BARTLET We're still waiting. WILL Mallory told us downstairs. TOBY Sir, may I have a moment of your time? He nods and they walk into the hallway. We follow them. TOBY About tomorrow's schedule... BARTLET I'm staying here. TOBY All day? BARTLET I don't know, Toby. There are a few variables floating around. TOBY Sir, you have to name an interim Chief of Staff. BARTLET Leo is my interim Chief of Staff. TOBY For two days, for two weeks, especially if he's... BARTLET He's been in surgery for five hours. You want to walk in and take his car keys? TOBY No, sir. And I care about his surgery but we're fumbling the tax bill; our diplomatic strategy is a game of telephone; and these are the things we're spending time on. BARTLET Raid the cupboards. We're doing fine. TOBY Today, sure. And the second-day story is how you pulled it off. But the third-day story is that Congress doesn't want to pay, that our coalition's fraying, that the spokes are coming off the wheels... BARTLET It's a couple of days. This was totally unexpected. TOBY No, it wasn't. Not with Leo's history with alcohol, with pills. Mr. President, surely you had a process in place. BARTLET Not for this and I'm not having this conversation here. You think we'd even be doing this without him? TOBY No, sir, but Leo is one person and there's 290 million more and they come first. Abbey comes from the waiting room to talk to them. ABBEY They finished the bypass. His heart won't function without the machines. They'll try again in a few hours. We have to talk to Mallory about options in case that doesn't work. BARTLET Anything else? TOBY No, sir. Toby walks away. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO. * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. - LOBBY - WHITE HOUSE - DAY Josh is wheeling Donna into the building. JOSH The surgery went well but his heart still won't beat on it's own. DONNA So he's 1 for 2? JOSH Yeah, 1 for 2. WORKER Welcome home, Donna. DONNA Hi. You shouldn't wheel me around like this. JOSH I want to wheel you around. DONNA I feel like one of those Soviet Premiers who's secretly been dead for ten years. JOSH Your speeches to the common-term have been a little flat lately. They pass C.J.'s office and she comes out to give her a hug as she goes by. C.J. Donna! Hi. DONNA Hi. C.J. I've got CEA. I wish I could... it's so great to have you back. [to Josh] You're weak and you know you're weak. JOSH Belly up to the griddle, Griselda. DONNA Are we opening a restaurant? JOSH C.J.'s trying to trap me and she's going down like a cheap pair of salad tongs. DONNA I'm not sure I follow. JOSH I'll explain later. Wait here a second, I've got to get this. Don't go anywhere. He parks her in front of her cubicle and goes into his office to answer the ringing phone. CUT TO: INT. - HAFFLEY'S OFFICE - DAY Toby is meeting with Haffley. They sit at his desk. TOBY Mr. Speaker, the President's not looking to muscle you. That's why I'm here and not Josh. HAFFLEY Okay. TOBY We almost had the 60 Democrats and then half of them wanted a cap on the number of kids. The other half didn't; things fell apart. HAFFLEY There's other Democrats out there. TOBY And we're looking to take those meetings and hold on to the ones we have, but the President's hoping Congress can vote on peacekeeping first. I'm here to sweeten the deal: a $400 tax credit. Haffley's intercom beeps. He picks up the phone receiver. HAFFLEY Yes. ... Sure. I'll put him on speakerphone. He hangs up the receiver and turns the speakerphone on. HAFFLEY Hello? JOSH [VO] Mr. Speaker, the President's going postal over this tax credit. We practically had to peel him off the ceiling. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Josh is on the phone with Haffley. JOSH [cont.] Now I may be able to talk him down, but you're going to have to move on peacekeeping now. CUT TO: INT. - HAFFLEY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS TOBY Josh. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JOSH Toby? CUT TO: INT. - HAFFLEY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS TOBY Hi. JOSH [VO] If you want to get back to... TOBY Sweetening the deal? JOSH [VO] Did I mention it's a very low ceiling? HAFFLEY Allow me to speak for my own ceiling: 60 Democrats or no vote on peacekeeping. I've got a Quorum Call. He gets up to leave. HAFFLEY But I'm oh, so happy, I could bring you two together. Bye-bye, Josh, Toby. He leaves. JOSH [VO] Okay, the thing about good cop-bad cop, it usually helps... Toby hits the button to hang up the phone. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Donna is seated at her desk. Josh walks out of his office to talk to her. JOSH I need to know when Toby's back from the Hill. He's trying to anoint himself Lord of the Flies. He walks back to the door of his office. He turns and goes back to Donna's desk. JOSH And, uh, get me the Democratic whip. He turns to go back to his office. DONNA You know, there's an intercom. JOSH Oh, and, Donna... After entering his office, he turns to go back to Donna. A butler carrying a tray of doughnuts runs into him and drops the doughnuts down Josh's shirt, leaving jelly and frosting stains on his shirt. DONNA You really should use the intercom. CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY - WHITE HOUSE - DAY C.J. is walking and Brock catches up to her. BROCK C.J.! I hate to take your time with this. C.J. "What do you think my time is for, big boy?" BROCK Don't do that, because now I've got to do my lousy Carey Grant and you end up stealing the scene anyway. C.J. What do you need? BROCK Who's the new White House Chief of Staff? C.J. I'll tell you about him. His name's Leo McGarry, he comes out of Chicago. An unconventional choice, sure, but... BROCK I thought we were off the '30s comedy. C.J. Leo just got out of the bypass. In a few more hours he could be out of the woods. They walk into her office. BROCK Hmm, then I guess these woods don't include incisional pain, chronic pain, swelling in both legs because they took grafts from both. I guess they don't include mood swings, loss of short-term memory, loss of blood supply. Because if they do, Leo won't be out of them for three or four months, and I have to ask who's the new White House Chief of Staff? C.J. You know so much, you tell me. BROCK I'm hearing Will Bailey. C.J. Then you should have your hearing checked. BROCK He had a one-on-one with the President yesterday, first time all year. He knows the military, which Josh and Toby don't. C.J. First of all, it's Leo. Second, Josh and Toby know every inch of the government: military, industrial, animal, mineral. BROCK Lots of folks can manage down; Will's proven he can manage up; a fully-fledged adult. She has picked up the phone. Josh walks in, carrying the tray with just a few doughnuts still on it. He is almost yelling. C.J. Again, it's Leo, but Josh and Toby are... JOSH You can throw me in a vat of custard with a chocolate-covered snorkel. He drops the tray onto her desk. JOSH [cont.] It's going to be you and me this weekend, and you are wearing a floppy hat! He walks out. C.J. and Brock look stunned. CUT TO: INT. - CONGRESS BUILDING - DAY Toby is walking and talking with Congresswoman Link. TOBY Congresswoman, thanks for seeing me. I'm doing back-to-back meetings while I'm on the Hill. CONGRESSWOMAN LINK Well thanks for seeing me. TOBY Obviously, Leo's out of commission. LINK I hope he's doing okay. TOBY Thank you. We're going to need your help on this tax bill; harder than we thought to get 60 votes in two days. LINK Well, I'd like to amend it; to appoint a monarch for the United States of America. Toby laughs. LINK Oh, I'm serious. She opens the organizer she has in her hand and pulls out a folder with some papers in it for Toby to read. TOBY What are these? LINK The President's public schedules for the last four months. I've calculated that he spends 53.7% of his time on ribbon cuttings and overseas tea ceremonies. Which may be why, on his trip to Argentina, he went to three state banquets and didn't do a damn thing for the pork producers in my state of Iowa. TOBY He can't, this is a... LINK If we don't get tax relief in this bill, I'm calling for a monarch: someone to do the glad-handing and the ceremonial fluff so maybe the President will help people here at home. TOBY For a Democrat to do this, we're going to look like buffoons. LINK I know the argument: the staff runs the show while the President's off dedicating supermarkets. All due respect, no one elected Leo and no one elected you. She walks off. Toby laughs. CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY Josh walks into the room and Congressman Benoit is waiting. JOSH Sorry I'm late, Congressman. I'm sure Leo'd want to be here himself. BENOIT I'm sure. JOSH A few snags with the tax bill. BENOIT So I gather. JOSH The truth is we could use your vote. BENOIT I'm surprised your Justice Department hasn't filed a single amicus brief in the Oregon or Massachusetts gay marriage cases. Josh sits down. JOSH We've debated this a lot. You know how dicey it is for the party. BENOIT I do. JOSH We're headed into a Presidential election year. BENOIT We are. JOSH We can't get too far ahead of public opinion as much as we'd like to. BENOIT That's why I'd like to help, by introducing a bill to ban marriage. JOSH That's an interesting idea: we drop a bill to ban gay marriage, tag a few moderate Republicans as intolerant, but trust me, it hurts our moderates 50 times more. BENOIT My bill bans all marriage. JOSH All, as in...? BENOIT If the government can't make it available to everyone, I want us out of the business entirely. Leave it to churches and synagogues, and, of course, casinos and department stores. Josh laughs. JOSH Did the RNC put you up to this? BENOIT They don't condone my lifestyle, and I don't condone theirs. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Josh walks in. JOSH The Democratic Leadership... DONNA What about them? JOSH Did they call to warn me that Benoit wants to ban marriage? DONNA Ban marriage? JOSH If we won't support gay marriage, he wants the government out of it entirely. DONNA Who takes an idea like that seriously? JOSH It's a direct-mail bonanza for the other side. Even a fringe bill to ban marriage, they'll be reenacting Caligula at the Republican National Convention. DONNA You'd look cute in a toga and a dog collar. JOSH Thank you. DONNA C.J. says China's drawing the opposition to a Security Counsel vote until Congress acts. JOSH Why isn't the State department cracking heads? DONNA And the President of Turkmenistan told AP he knows of six other wavering votes. JOSH No, he doesn't! He's making that up! We need a coalition. We're being mugged by a melon-worshipper. A delivery girl walks up with two boxes of pizza. DELIVERY GIRL Excuse me. This is for Mr. Lyman from the Southwest Gate, from Ms. Cregg. JOSH Probably stuck me with the bill, too. Thank you. He takes them. DONNA Send it to the President of Turkmenistan. Josh looks as though she has had quite an idea. CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY We see Debbie on a cell phone. Abbey is seated in one of the chairs. Bartlet is on the phone. BARTLET The Speaker was never for this deal. A Security Council resolution would prod him. What sense does it make to wait? ... Thank you, Madame President. He hangs up. DEBBIE Charlie's bringing a change of clothes and a fresh batch of call sheets. Abbey stands. ABBEY Tell him to leave them at the White House. BARTLET I'm staying here. ABBEY Tell him to leave them at the White House. Debbie walks off. BARTLET I can do this from here. The way they wire up these things, I could do it from a cardboard box in Lafayette Park. ABBEY You think this is your fault? It's not. BARTLET He's my best friend. I'm not the kind of person who has best friends. ABBEY Because your life is your work, and so is his; your work. BARTLET What are you trying to say? ABBEY You chose this; both of you. You're running a country, for God's sake, not a tree house. BARTLET Well, Leo stays in the tree house if he wants to. We'll work around his recovery; half-days, whatever it takes. ABBEY He's not going to work half days. He's not going to work around his recovery. He's not going to do whatever it takes. BARTLET That's his decision. ABBEY And we know what that decision is going to be. BARTLET So I should wake him up and fire him again? Because it worked so well the first time? ABBEY Let's talk about this time. You've got to keep him out of that job. He'll kill himself for you if you don't. He sits down in one of the chairs. BARTLET Debbie, I'm ready for my next call. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE. * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. rushes into her office and speaks to Carol as she goes. C.J. I'm late for an economic briefing. CAROL It just started. C.J. England, Iceland, Spain, and Canada have all pledged troops for peacekeeping. DOD called me in the car. CAROL That's great, but there's something else. C.J. Does Canada even have troops? What do they do, try those little bottles of maple syrup? Put out a press release. She has gathered her things and is about to walk back out. CAROL C.J. C.J. Something else; what? CAROL Leo's heart's beating on its own. He's still critical, but he's off the heart and lung machine. She smiles. C.J. I'm late for an economic briefing. She leaves. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY Josh walks into his office. Donna is in her wheelchair in front of his desk. DONNA Leo's off the pump. JOSH I heard. He walks over to his desk and grabs a small gift box out of one of the drawers. He walks over to Donna and shows her the box. DONNA What's this? He opens it. JOSH A pen. DONNA Am I having a bar mitzvah? JOSH It's from the peace signing. The Prime Minister used it to sign the "H" in his name. I tried to get the Z. The Israeli ambassador gave it to me. He gives her the box. DONNA I didn't have anything to do with the peace agreement. JOSH Let's just say you were a blood donor. I'm going to stop taking those for granted. DONNA Thank you. She closes the box and puts it away. DONNA Why's the Treasury Secretary on TV? JOSH She's probably spinning the peace deal. C.J.'s rolling out Cabinet heavyweights. We've got to loop her on that tax cut, actually. He sits on the edge of his desk and turns the volume up. TREASURY SECRETARY KAREN BROWNING [on TV] I believe so, Steve. I'm hopeful. So is the President. REPORTER [on TV] There are rumors circulating on Capitol Hill about a new tax cut proposal before the administration. Some believe it's a way to buy support for a tough peacekeeping mission. BROWNING That's unfounded, Steve. The Treasury did an estimate on the cost of tax cuts on top of peacekeeping. It would substantially increase the deficit and I can guarantee the President won't sign it. Josh stands and rushes out of his office. He rushes into the lobby, where Toby is coming out of the hallway from his office. TOBY The Treasury estimate... JOSH Did you see it? TOBY No. Did you? JOSH The Treasury Secretary did. TOBY Yeah. JOSH She looked pretty upset. TOBY Upset? Pretty. JOSH Maybe we should have looped her in sooner. TOBY Or ever? JOSH Yeah, that too. C.J. walks up. C.J. So when I suggested a Treasury estimate, I guess I assumed we told the Treasury Secretary, head of all federal tax policy, what in Alexander Hamilton's name we were doing. TOBY Good assumption, though. C.J. I'll call the press office, see if we can roll this back. She walks off. TOBY The tax cut just got more expensive. I had to give incentives to pork producers to avoid a little PR problem. JOSH You didn't? TOBY What? JOSH I promised we wouldn't back any amendments so Benoit wouldn't do something I don't want to go into right now. TOBY You weren't supposed to negotiate specifics. JOSH I thought "no specifics" wasn't a specific. You made these stupid rules. TOBY And if I was the only one to break them... JOSH What kind of double standard is that? TOBY Find a standard, I'll let you know if it's been doubled. JOSH So you just want to run this off the top of your head? TOBY I want to run it off something, anything; a decision-making tree. JOSH With you at the top. TOBY No! With you at the top. JOSH Me? TOBY Till Leo gets back, I tried to tell the President to give you the job. He seems to want us topless for now. JOSH You wanted me at the top? TOBY For two days I've been trying to hold a meeting: one lousy kickoff meeting on homelessness and mental health. JOSH That's the best idea you've had for months. TOBY It was Leo's. He didn't want the urgent to crowd out the important. JOSH It's getting harder to tell the difference. TOBY Well, someone ought to try. CUT TO: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. is at her desk. She is watching Haffley, who is talking to the press. Will is standing at her desk, watching with her. HAFFLEY [on TV] We can't just rush in with billy clubs. Hamas and other terrorist groups will have to stand down first. So, yes, we're in discussions with the administration and I hope to have more to say on a possible U.S. military deployment very soon. She switches the TV off. C.J. Possible role? WILL Still, coverage today was extraordinary. C.J. It's that little burst of warmth before you freeze to death. WILL It's a bit drafty in here, actually. C.J. Shut the door. He does. C.J. Your meeting with the President, yesterday; I'm getting questions, if there's anything you want to tell me. WILL He wanted thoughts on NATO's role in peacekeeping. C.J. NATO; Belgium, Bulgaria, Canada, Denmark, Westonia... Well heavens to [something]. WILL What? C.J. We have all the NATO countries. She gets up from her desk to leave. C.J. We've been focusing on the Security Council, but we have... She kisses Will on the cheek. WILL Does this mean you're cooking for me this weekend? C.J. Not a chance. She opens her door and talks to Carol. C.J. Carol, call State, draft a press release. Every NATO member's endorsed the peace accord. We're moving the goalpost and claiming the match. CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Debbie comes out of the Oval Office. She speaks to Toby and Josh who are waiting to speak to the President. DEBBIE He's only back here to meet with the sinks. Do this fast. JOSH You go first. TOBY Why's that? JOSH You've got the special relationship. TOBY If by special you mean bound for deportation... DEBBIE I don't know what you're worrying about. He's not that upset. JOSH Really? TOBY Really? DEBBIE No, just kidding. He's ready to rip off his finger and light it like a cigarette. She indicates for them to go. They both enter at the same time. BARTLET I'd like to know why my Treasury Secretary's on national television denouncing a tax cut I never saw because of an estimate I never asked for. JOSH We did offer to brief you on the details. BARTLET Brief me now. JOSH We're not quite ready to brief you on the details. BARTLET Because you made a complete hash of it; the Leadership's sole request before taking up peacekeeping. TOBY We're close to 60 Democratic votes. JOSH It's just that you might face a decision about the fall legislative agenda. BARTLET What is that? TOBY Would you prefer a bill to appoint an American monarch... JOSH ...or a ban on the institution of marriage, except in casinos and department stores. BARTLET You tell the Speaker and the Majority Leader that with my newfound royal authority, with all my free time now that my marriage has been banned, and with the support of every NATO member in my pocket I'm sending those peacekeepers to the Middle East. If Congress wants to feed them, pay them, or ever bring them back, that's entirely up to them. TOBY I assume we're free to play with the language on that. BARTLET We're done here. They turn to leave. BARTLET Oh, Josh. Josh comes back to the desk. BARTLET Perhaps you can shed some light on this State Department cable. JOSH Sir? BARTLET Turkmenistan to U.S.: "We didn't order these pizzas." JOSH I bet you're thinking there's a really good explanation for that, sir. CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Donna is seated at her desk. Charlie comes in from the lobby and walks over to her desk. CHARLIE Hey. DONNA Hey. CHARLIE Some welcome home party, huh? DONNA It feels lucky just to be home. How's Leo? CHARLIE He's in step-down. He can see visitors pretty soon. You coming to the hospital? DONNA A bit later, yeah. Zoey came to see me. CHARLIE I told her you were back. DONNA She told me you finished up at Georgetown. CHARLIE I wish she'd stop telling people that. DONNA Why? If I was done with college I'd shout it from the rooftop. CHARLIE We've got snipers up there. DONNA That was more of a metaphorical thing. CHARLIE The truth is I'm not done. I never took a swim test. There's forms I haven't filed. DONNA You're holding up your college degree because of paperwork and laps in a pool? CHARLIE When I started Georgetown, the President made me agree that when I got the degree I'd leave this job. DONNA Why would he want you to do that? CHARLIE He doesn't want me holding his jacket for the rest of my life. [pause] I'll see you at the hospital? DONNA Happy almost-Graduation, Charlie. CHARLIE I'm not wearing a tassel. I don't care what they do to me. He walks away. CUT TO: INT. - LEO'S ROOM - HOSPITAL - NIGHT A Secret Service agent opens the door and Bartlet walks in. The agent closes the door behind him. Bartlet walks over to the side of the bed. Leo wakes up. LEO [weakly] Mr. President. BARTLET A morphine drip and we can skip the formalities. I might get one myself; wheel it into meetings with the Joint Chiefs. He takes Leo's hand and bends down, closer to the bed. BARTLET You're not fired, Leo. You can delegate, work part-time, bring the morphine with you for all I care. LEO You remember what you told me when you offered me the job? Bartlet nods. BARTLET "I need you to jump off a cliff." LEO And I did. And I'd do it again, but you need a new Chief of Staff. BARTLET We came here to put the job first. Spend our time on something that would outlast us. I just thought we'd have a longer line of credit, is all. I'm going to need that list of names. LEO Only one name. CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - NIGHT Josh and C.J. are seated across from each other. There are several fruit and desert baskets on the table that is between Josh and C.J. Mallory is sitting next to C.J. Toby is seated behind Josh. Margaret is standing, talking to Abbey. Will is standing against the wall. JOSH You planted these baskets. C.J. I promised Donna no more traps. JOSH It's like a torture chamber designed by renegade Keebler elves. Bartlet comes into the room and those that were sitting stand up. BARTLET I never took a moment to thank you for your work at Camp David and for holding the building together - well, not exactly together - in Leo's absence. It's been a rocky couple of days and that's my fault, no one else's. We're going to meet with the joint leadership tomorrow and hash out a deal on that tax cut. Even then we've got some fences to mend at the U.N. so I imagine we'll see some pretty rough third- and fourth-day stories. But you know what? There'll be a fifth day, and a sixth, and seventh after that. So... He begins to tear up. BARTLET Go spend some time with my outgoing Chief of Staff, 'cause then we've got work to do. They begin to file out of the room to go visit Leo. As C.J. walks out the door, Bartlet calls to her. BARTLET C.J. She turns around. BARTLET There's something I need you to do for me. C.J. What's that? BARTLET Jump off a cliff. We'll talk about it on the ride back. C.J. Yes, sir. She walks away and into Leo's room. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END. * * * The West Wing episode 6.03 "Third Day Story", original air date 3 November, 2004.