The President (Martin Sheen) ponders the immense political ramifications of honoring a secret request from the hardline Iranian Ayatollah to allow his son to be flown to the United States for life-saving surgery.
THE WEST WING "SWISS DIPLOMACY" WRITTEN BY: ELI ATTIE & KEVIN FALLS DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO TEASER FADE IN: EXT. PORTICO - DAY Bartlet is on his way to the Oval Office. Leo and C.J. follows closely behind. C.J. Mr. President, how do you interpret the margin of victory? BARTLET Well, the votes have been counted and the people have spoken, and it's clear that their will is for me to be able to do and have anything I want. C.J. Mr. President, Arnold White, Associated Press: What's the first legislative priority for your second term? BARTLET There's a new guy from AP? C.J. Yeah, what's your legislative priority? BARTLET Well the President of Turkmenistan just officially extended the date of adolescence to twenty-five. So, things like that. The Marine opens the door for them as they go inside THE OVAL OFFICE. LEO I think he also renamed the month of January after himself. BARTLET That's just greedy. Real power is knowing when to leave a little something on the table. C.J. Sir, what legislative... BARTLE Patients' Bill of Rights, prescription drugs, keeping the economy growing, find a surplus again, keep the surplus growing, use the surplus to build schools worthy of defending the military that Fitz and Hutchinson are gonna build to fight urban wars then pay the teachers some money. Bartlet, Leo and C.J. continue walking to the OUTER OVAL OFFICE. C.J. Okay, sir. I asked you for a legislative priority, you gave me nine. BARTLET It's a big country, Arnold. Debbie! Where the hell, first of all, are you and where are my... Debbie comes running in from the Portico. DEBBIE You left your glasses in the mansion... and the Ipswich clams in Chesapeake Bay can hear you bellowing right now. BARTLET Ipswich clams don't come from Chesapeake Bay, they come from Ipswich! DEBBIE Not anymore. They leave Debbie and continue to the HALLWAY. Toby meets and walks with them. BARTLET Have her beheaded for my birthday! TOBY Good morning, sir. BARTLET Good morning. TOBY They'll ask you how you feel about housing starts going down. BARTLET I don't care. C.J. Sir... BARTLET As long as I'm keeping this one. C.J. GDP growth is strong. BARTLET You bet your ass it is. Which, by the way, I can pat anytime I want now. The voters have spoken. Lowest inflation in twenty years. Housing starts are cyclical, which is the thing. [to Leo] What do you got? LEO There's going to be a lot of flooding in Missouri. BARTLET FEMA's on the ground? LEO Yeah. BARTLET All right. LEO I've got the Swiss Ambassador in my office, I don't know why. C.J. and Toby fades back. Leo and Bartlet stop. LEO Sir, you and I enjoy your funny jokes, but Idaho, you know, not so much. You'll take it easy in there? BARTLET I know my people. LEO Yeah, sometimes it's hard to believe I'm one of 'em. Good luck. BARTLET Thank you. Bartlet walks into the Press Room. We follow Leo back into his OUTER OFFICE. Margaret is on the phone. MARGARET Ambassador Von Rutte. LEO Okay. AMBASSADOR VON RUTTE stands wait in LEO'S OFFICE when Leo enters. AMBASSADOR VON RUTTE Thank you for seeing me without an appointment. LEO What's going on? VON RUTTE A communication fron Tehran. You understand our mission is the only one... LEO The President appreciates it. VON RUTTE The Ayatollah's son has a congenital heart condition: Eisenmenger's Syndrome. His best chance is a simultaneous heart and lung transplant. LEO They asked Japan? VON RUTTE Their procedure's different. They want yours. LEO What's wrong with Japan's? VON RUTTE Well, I don't know how to, um... No one's... LEO It hasn't been successful? VON RUTTE No. LEO Not once? VON RUTTE No. LEO Okay, then ours is better. Anybody else do this? VON RUTTE Just the U.S. and Japan. LEO No, Japan doesn't do it yet. Coming close doesn't matter on this. It's not the Gemini missions. I'm gonna talk to the President, Chris, but if it means bumping an American off the donor lists... VON RUTTE Iran has a donor. LEO A donor or a dissenter? VON RUTTE This is form Doctors Without Borders. LEO It wasn't directly from the Ayatollah? VON RUTTE They were approached by the Ayatollah's brother-in-law. LEO This is coming through you, through an NGO, through the brother-in-law? Guy's gonna put his son's life in the hands of the infidels but he'll keep his distance, huh? VON RUTTE The hardliners control the Majlis. Things are difficult for him with the Shehab missile tests. He cannot have a problem with his right flank. LEO No, much better that we should have a problem with ours. I'll talk to him. VON RUTTE The President? Leo looks at the TV next to him. It's airing Bartlet's press conference. BARTLET [on TV] Don't get me wrong, Mark. I think January's a good month... LEO Yeah, the President, Generalissimo... whatever he comes back as. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY Donna follows Josh inside. Toby enters through another door. JOSH Messages. DONNA Goodwin at AP. JOSH What else? DONNA Judy Vanderbass, who's the wife of Ambassador... our ambassador to Vietnam. You've been to her house for dinner. JOSH Yeah, I'm pretty sure I ate a Springer Spaniel. Why is AP on my phone sheet? TOBY 'Cause Triplehorn told him you are the reason there won't be a deal in prescription drugs. Donna quietly exits. JOSH I'm the reason? TOBY [reads from a note] "...with Lyman negotiating..." Yeah. JOSH I'm starting to feel ill-will toward the minority leader. TOBY And I've had it up to here with the Welsh. JOSH I'm not kidding. He was campaining with us, like, a half hour ago. TOBY School's back. Go see him. JOSH Let's call tht plan "A". Plan "B" is you go see him. TOBY Karen Kroft. JOSH And National Parks screws me up again. TOBY Yeah. Toby leaves and Josh goes into his BULLPEN AREA. JOSH [to Donna] I'm going to head up to the Leaders Office. See if you can get me the first three minutes he has. DONNA And Judy Vanderbass? JOSH Let's do this: find out what her problem is, solve it and then, I don't know, do something else. DONNA You're the reason there are term limits. JOSH Yeah? You're the reason... [beat] Nothing, nothing's happening, nothing's there. CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATION'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS KAREN KROFT is waiting inside. Toby leads her into his OFFICE. He shuts the door. TOBY You seem fine. KAREN KROFT I am. TOBY You really seem fine. KAREN I really am. TOBY Good. KAREN The view from the canvas, it's educational, you know? TOBY Yeah, I've had extensive education. What was the final... margin? KAREN 127 votes. TOBY A hundred and twenty-seven. KAREN That's about twelve lawn signs. TOBY Wasn't your last election also...? KAREN 82 votes. TOBY The President says all you need is one, the rest are for ego. KAREN Uh-huh, and how many did the President win by? TOBY About three and a half million. KAREN Yeah. TOBY He's got a pretty healthy ego, though. KAREN I don't know, maybe the job wasn't for me. I like land, I like dirt... I like things that live on land and dirt. TOBY I like hotels. I like a good concierge. KAREN Could you be a little more sympathetic? I'm a loser. TOBY Not a big one. KAREN Okay. TOBY The President thinks there's a place for you. KAREN That's nice of you guys. It really is... but I was think about... I don't know, I was thinking about trying out for a job with the National Park Service. TOBY Huh. We were thinking the same thing. KAREN A job with the National Park Service? TOBY Yeah. KAREN As what? TOBY The Director of the National Parks Service. KAREN Are you kidding me? TOBY No. KAREN You're not kidding? TOBY No. KAREN Is this just because... TOBY Do you want it? KAREN Yes. Yes! TOBY Then get yourself a big hat and Leo's gonna call you in couple of hours. Toby leaves Karen in his office. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS C.J. and Carol walk side by side. CAROL Susan, Karnow and Duffy are the first three for tea. C.J. Okay. Toby comes out of the Communications Office. TOBY All's well that ends well. C.J. Karen Kroft? TOBY Yes. C.J. National Parks Chairman? TOBY Yes. C.J. Nice. TOBY She was very happy. C.J. I think Andy's about to get sued for election fraud. TOBY Andy was trying to get sued for election fraud. C.J. Really? TOBY Yeah, she's a pistol. Toby walks off while C.J. and Carol go into THE PRESS ROOM. C.J. Before I forget, Susan, Karnow and Duffy, are the first three for tea with the President at 3:00 P.M. in the Map Room. Susan, Karnow and Duffy. Next week it's Mark, Leslie and Eric. MARK Who's running Sam's campaign? C.J. Sam's putting his team together and I'm going to start referring those questions to the campaigns press office. Let's start with John then Katie. CUT TO: EXT. ORANGE COUNTY MUNICIPAL BUILDING - DAY Sam, Will, Elsie and several other staffers are exiting the building, where reporters are waiting. REPORTER Mr. Seaborn, how does it fell to have the nomintion? SAM There is no nomination. There's a primary, and if someone gets 50% of the vote, there's no general. REPORTER But there are no Democrats running and the Party's endorsing you. SAM Yes. REPORTER So, wouldn't you say you're the nominee? SAM I supposed you'd have to, yes. REPORTER 2 Have you staffed the key positions yet? SAM I'm going to let Will Bailey answer those questions. WILL Yeah, the Campaign Manager is Scott Holcomb, Finance Manager is Betsy Wadkins, and Communications Director is Mark Sterns... SAM Excuse me for a second. [to Will] Can I talk to you? WILL Yes, sir. Political Director is Tom Baker, and the Volunteer Coordinator is Paula Montgomery. SAM Over here, please. WILL [to reporters] Thank you. Sam takes Will to the side. Elsie follows behind. SAM Hi. WILL Hi. SAM Scott's campaign manager? WILL Yes. SAM What's your title? WILL Citizen Bailey. SAM I'm not kidding. WILL I'm the Chancellor of Germany. SAM Will... WILL Not the Chancellor per se... SAM What the hell is going on? ELSIE Yeah. WILL Your team's in the field. SAM What are you talking about? ELSIE Yeah, Will. WILL Okay, you and I had this conversation for two hours yesterday. What are you doing? ELSIE I don't think you should go. WILL You made that clear yesterday. ELSIE And I'm doing this now. SAM Will... WILL Listen to me. There are too many chiefs around here. SAM Well, I'll get rid of some of them. WILL No, you want them. Scott Holcomb and Betsy, these guys are the best. We just went from 435 House races to one. You get the all-star team. ELSIE He doesn't want the best, he wants you. WILL Yes, but the Republicans are starting their starters, so you got to match up. SAM We match up fine, and that you got him into this. WILL Well, you got you into this. But I owe you the best possible chance to win, and I owe that to Mr. Wilde. ELSIE That's ridiculous. Tell him that's ridiculous. WILL I took the race to show the DNC that no district should be ignored. SAM What are you gonna do? WILL I'm going to stick around here for a week and help and thank some people and then I'm going to take a vacation. SAM Where? WILL I don't know-- France, Italy, Wales... maybe EPCOT. SAM All right. All right, I got to head back to Washington. I'll see you day after tomorrow. WILL Have a good flight. SAM Thank you. ELSIE Have a good flight, Sam. SAM Thank you. Sam walks to his car. ELSIE EPCOT? WILL I was kidding. ELSIE Ah, didn't know. WILL Yeah. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Bartlet is at his desk writing letters when Charlie comes and sits in a chair next to his desk. CHARLIE Sir? BARTLET Yeah? It's called penmanship, Watson. Something your generation wouldn't know about because of the computers. How many of these things am I doing? CHARLIE Sixty. BARTLET How many have I done? CHARLIE Three. BARTLET Three? CHARLIE Yeah, this is what I'm talking about. BARTLET Your system's slowing me down. CHARLIE I don't have a system. BARTLET You're kidding. Leo enters from the Portico. LEO You ready? BARTLET Hey, can't we have color coding and stickers priority list? Can I get a little bureaucracy going here? LEO What are you doing? BARTLET I'm doing basically what the President does. Ask people for things, then thank them for things. Let's go. [to Charlie] Take the calls to the mansion. I'll meet you there after this. CHARLIE Yes, sir. CUT TO: INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY - DAY Bartlet and Leo have reached the basement. They keep walking. BARTLET We had a couple of cats when the kids were kids named Mr. Finch and Ms. Wilburforce or something-- I can't remember-- but... LEO You know, I've never really liked human names for animals. BARTLET Really? LEO Yeah. BARTLET Okay, well, I can't believe my kids didn't think to ask you what to name the cats. But they used to bring mice into the house and show 'em to me. LEO Yeah? BARTLET This is how I'm starting to feel about the Swiss. LEO Yeah. They enter THE SITUATION ROOM. BARTLET Good morning. ALL Good morning, sir. Good morning, Mr. President. BARTLET Tell me about the boy. MAN 1 He and a guardian have crossed the border into Kandahar. A U.N. cargo plane is on the ground. MAN 2 It's gonna leave at 11:45 Zulu, if you say okay. BARTLET 11:45? MAN 2 Yes, sir. BARTLET That's eleven minutes from now. MAN 2 Yes, sir. BARTLET This meeting's a little premature, isn't it? We should wait ten minutes. MAN 2 Yes, sir. BARTLET This meeting doesn't go in the Sit Room anymore, okay? I don't know why the hell it's here. This isn't a military operation. LEO It's a secure room. BARTLET My office is a secure room, too, isn't it? Please, somebody tell me it is, or I gotta go pack some stuff. You see my point? LEO What about the organs? WOMAN The organs are in Zurich. Bartlet suddenly laughs. BARTLET I'm sorry, that sounded funny to me. I'm the kid in bio who laughed all the time. WOMAN Then onto Paris on Swissair. BARTLET Coach? WOMAN I don't... LEO Then New York? WOMAN Yes, sir. LEO So the heart and lungs get here first. WOMAN They can last about 40 hours; the flight from Tehran's about 15. MAN 3 Now what's left is to line up a doctor and get the funding. LEO Go around the room. MAN 4 If it leaks, you've got the clerics. LEO But it sends a message to the reformists. MAN 1 Thank you, at a time when they're breaking 70% in local elections. MAN 4 If you're looking for ways to temper support to the Shi'ites, I don't recommend... MAN 1 A benevolent power must make sure... MAN 4 Please, this is not the time.... MAN 2 Let's not forget about the Shehab program and whats-his-name and the transport corridors along the Silk Route. BARTLET How old is he? MAN 2 I'm sorry? BARTLET How old is he? MAN 2 Fifteen. BARTLET Fifteen. The Shiites, Manny, that's what you want me to take back to my thoracic-surgeon wife? Get this boy in preop. Somebody tell the Swiss to stop standing in the damn doorway with a mouse in their mouth. If they're coming in, come in. MAN 1 You won't regret it, sir. It won't leak. BARTLET No, 'cause we're all in a secure room except for the Ayatollah's staff, a Swissair pilot, and four hundred other people. LEO Manny, is this gonna leak? MAN 2 Well... LEO Well, I feel better already. Everyone stands as Leo and Bartlet go back out to the BASEMENT HALLWAY. BARTLET Mr. Finch and Mrs. Wilberforce. There's nothing wrong with my memory. Though those are stupid names, and there's something wrong with my kids. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. LARGE BUILDING - DAY Josh waits in the middle of a large lobby area. SENATOR TRIPLEHORN walks out from a hallway. He walks with Josh. TRIPLEHORN Come on, Josh. JOSH You know, the Senate's out of session. You ought to think about putting a Ping-Pong table out here. TRIPLEHORN I don't think that would be such a good idea. JOSH A couple of quick rounds between cloture motions. TRIPLEHORN Just because the Senate's not in session... JOSH I'm kidding Senator. TRIPLEHORN You'd be surprised what people think. JOSH Just from reading the AP wire. TRIPLEHORN I think you know what that's about. JOSH Yeah, you're running for President. TRIPLEHORN We hold elections in this country not coronations. JOSH I'm not saying any different. TRIPLEHORN Then why does every... I've must've-- I've talked to two dozen of your precint captains in Iowa and New Hampshire. Nearly everyone of them's locked up. JOSH They're locked...? You're recruiting precint captains 48 months before the next election? TRIPLEHORN John Hoynes is using the White House to lock up the Democratic primaries. JOSH If you're saying there's a full-blown nomination fight... TRIPLEHORN Hoynes doesn't inherit this. I'm not going to see the party dragged to the middle. JOSH Nothing's being dragged anywhere. You were with us just days ago. TRIPLEHORN This is about the future of the party. JOSH Yeah, how about we enjoy the present for a few hours? TRIPLEHORN You agree with Hoynes on guns? On trade? On school choice? JOSH Look, Hoynes is... Did I just fall asleep for three and half years? TRIPLEHORN Do you think a minority leader is irrelevant? Do you think I can't affect the President's agenda? JOSH I know you can. TRIPLEHORN I'd like you to be for me, Josh. Not because you're good at what you do, because of your beliefs. JOSH Okay, I'm not for anyone. I barely unpacked from the last campaign. TRIPLEHORN Well. Hoynes is going to have to release those precinct captains or we're, uh... JOSH It keeps getting earlier, doesn't it? TRIPLEHORN Yes. CUT TO: INT. THE WEST WING, HALLWAY - DAY Leo and Margaret walk. MARGARET And they're asking for you in the HHS meeting and the 5:15's new. LEO The CEA? MARGARET That's ways to fight a possible recession. LEO What did we say? MARGARET Don't say recession in this building. LEO You just did it again! MARGARET What am I suppose to call the meeting? LEO The robust economy meeting. Margaret stays by her desk when Leo enters his OFFICE. Toby is waiting inside. They walk back out to the HALLWAY. TOBY Josh is patching it up with Triplehorn. And Karen Kroft wants National Parks. LEO She can't have it. TOBY What are you talking about? LEO She can't. TOBY We talked about it in the appointments meeting. LEO The President signed the parks bill. The job just became Senate-confirmable. TOBY Yeah, that was for next fiscal year. LEO Turns out it's retroactive. I just saw the final language. TOBY Who's idea? How did we miss this? LEO There are 90 amendments in the bill. TOBY Maybe we put her up anyway. LEO No. TOBY We asked her to do it. LEO She led the charge for a higher gas tax. TOBY We asked her to do it. LEO I understand, but the U.S. Senate isn't going to, plus the minority leader is already pissed at us. TOBY Okay. Thanks. Leo walks off before Toby enters the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. TOBY Ginger! He turns around and bumps into Ginger, who is behind him. GINGER Yeah. TOBY Don't. Would you... I need a list of sub-cabinets vacancies that aren't Senate- confirmable. GINGER Mine's not. TOBY A little less sub-cabinet that that. He walks into his office and closes the door. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Charlie stands watch as Bartlet ends a meeting. BARTLET No kidding, you want to crash a space probe into Neptune. That's fine with me. I think we've crashed into most of the planets but $2.5 billion, okay? AIDE Yes, sir. BARTLET If we're going to fail, I want to do it on budget. AIDE Thank you, Mr. President. The aides quietly exit as Bartlet goes behind his desk. C.J. enters and waits. CHARLIE More thank-you notes? BARTLET You know what? Why don't you tell Debbie we're going to do some calls? CHARLIE Calls. BARTLET Yes, calls. Calls. Mr. Sarcasm, with your dry... "Calls." I was this close to renaming one of the oceans after you but no way. Maybe... maybe, one of the species of fish, like trout. [to C.J.] "Trout" is now 'charlie.' Went up to the lake, pulled out a couple of nice charlie for dinner. CHARLIE Anything else, sir? BARTLET Look at the size of that charlie you've got mounted on your wall! CHARLIE Thank you, sir. [exits] BARTLET What have you got? C.J. Yeah, we've got a situation. BARTLET Yeah? C.J. Rueters has the Ayatollah's son youngest son just left Afghanistan on a C-130. Is he coming here for a heart transplant? BARTLET Heart and lung. C.J. I'm assuming we knew about this. BARTLET Knew about it? We did it. C.J. The Ayatollah's issued a statement. BARTLET What kind? C.J. Denouncing it. Bitterly denouncing it, sir. "Our nation can take care of its own. Interfernce from the West is an affront to Islam." Bartlet picks up a book, slams it on his desk then walks out to the portico. After a few seconds, he walks back into the Oval Office. BARTLET What's the room saying? C.J. They think we're hiding Leo's meeting with the Swiss. So, you know, the press coffee... BARTLET Can't do it now. C.J. Yes. You're right. Leo walks in from his office. LEO [to C.J.] I need you to step out just a moment. C.J. Sure. Thank you, Mr. President. BARTLET We're not going to not do it. I'm saying just now. C.J. I'm with you. Bartlet and Leo wait for C.J. to leave and close the door. BARTLET Hi. Before you say anything, here's my idea: the kid needs lungs and a heart. Let's use the Ayatollah's. What are you smiling at? LEO I'm sorry, it's... I'm sorry, sir. It's the little note Margaret passed on. [gives him the note] BARTLET "The Iranians, they've taken to the streets." Perfect. That goes to the Margaret Museum. LEO Please don't forget all politics are local. BARTLET Ah, bite me. LEO He's got to say something... BARTLET Please. LEO He's got to say something to his hard-liners. BARTLET He didn't want to try, "My son is dying and these guys maybe can fix him? And maybe if our citizens didn't spend quite so much energy denouncing the infidels, they'd have time to build a damn medical school!" LEO The Swiss talked to the NGO who talked to the brother-in-law who speaks for the ayatollah. BARTLET Okay, but just tell me they weren't using cellular technology, 'cause I don't care what anybody says, it doesn't work yet. LEO Think about linking it to the missile test. BARTLET What do you mean? LEO Send a communiquE through the Swiss. The Ayatollah's got to honor Bahrain. Stop all tests of the Shehab-3. BARTLET He's going to say no. LEO Then that's when you tell him you're going to turn the plane around. BARTLET No. LEO I said you threaten to turn the plane around. BARTLET No. Come on! That's a fifteen-year-old non-combatant on his way to a hospital. I want you to pretend that plane's got a big red cross on it. LEO They perfect medium-range missiles. BARTLET I understand. LEO What's that do for hearts and lungs? BARTLET Send the communiquE, absolutely. There's a Bahrain Agreement that says... send it. Tell them to stop. Don't even come close... I don't even want a scent of linkage to it. A big damn red cross right on that plane. CUT TO: EXT. THE WEST WING - DAY Josh is seen arriving at the West Wing. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Josh enters the building where he meets Donna. They walk. JOSH I have this problem I'm trying to put in prospective. DONNA What's the problem? JOSH Triplehorn thinks I'm a secret operative for Hoynes. DONNA Are you? JOSH I don't believe I am. DONNA This ought to help. JOSH What? DONNA Judy Vanderbass didn't invite you to dinner. JOSH Thank merciful God. DONNA Turns out Trish Rackley, wife of your protegee, she had a problem on the CoDel to Southeast Asia. They reach JOSH'S OFFICE. JOSH The rice? DONNA No, really, the whole continent loves the stereotype. JOSH They eat a lot of rice, Donna. JOSH Mrs. Rackley borrowed $1500 from Judy Vanderbass to buy a hand-carved teak bed frame for $2000, which is a good price. JOSH And? DONNA Mrs. Rackley's checked bounce. JOSH Making it a great price. DONNA The Rackleys are stiffing her, Josh. JOSH What do you mean, "Josh"? They walk out to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA. DONNA You put him on the delegation. JOSH And I told the State Department to look after him. I didn't want him to get in any trouble. DONNA Job well done. Phil Rackley's office won't return her calls. JOSH See if they'll return yours. Josh leaves Donna at her desk and walks over to the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. He meets Toby as he exits the office. JOSH Toby. Triplehorn's on fire. TOBY He needs to build a case against our... JOSH Hoynes is lining up precinct captains in Iowa and New Hampshire. TOBY This is like ten minute after the polls close in California. JOSH And Winnick just called. It's probably the same thing. Half the Senate's going to be running. If it looks like we're giving Hoynes the keys... TOBY Yeah. We got to back him off. They walk in THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. JOSH Okay, devil's advocate. Isn't Hoynes entitled? TOBY Yeah, but not yet. JOSH We got him on the ticket by convincing him it's not his turn. We kept him out of the center ring 'cause it wasn't his turn, and now... TOBY There aren't any turns. Toby leaves Josh in the room. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Leo is reading the newspaper when Toby walks in. TOBY Hey. LEO So... these two people rob a Starbucks near Seattle; half an hour they serve coffee to make more money. Know when they make their getaway? TOBY When business slows down. LEO Beat that. When's Josh meeting with Hoynes? TOBY Soon. LEO What do you need? TOBY Alternate Federal Co-Chair of the Apalachian Regional Commision. LEO What about it? TOBY It's Senate-confirmable. LEO Really? TOBY So is Commissioner of Hopi Indian Relocation. LEO Let me tell you something about this job, you need a deep bench. TOBY Inspector General of the Railroad Retirement Board. Director of the Institute of Museum Studies... LEO My job's not. TOBY Ginger beat you to that joke, and Karen lost her job because of us. LEO What do you want me to do? TOBY Start getting used to the fact that we won in a landslide. We can show some fight on this. LEO Ernest went down for the gun ban, Janice for taxes... TOBY This is different. We asked her to introduce the bill. LEO And she knew that. It's called a trial balloon. TOBY Yeah, but it's also called a recorded vote. She did that kind of thing for us. She was our gal on the back bench. LEO She did everything short of pouring lighter fluid on the Republican leadership. They're not going to confirm her. They're going to make us look bad doing it and we still got a half a new Cabinet to confirm. There's a knock on the door, and Margaret enters. MARGARET They're starting. LEO Thanks. [to Toby] The Hopi relocation guy? TOBY Yeah. Leo walks into THE OVAL OFFICE. Bartlet is standing with LANEY and an aide. BARTLET Laney says the plane's still six hours out. LANEY With a headwind that could buy us another hour. The problem is... LEO What? WOMAN AIDE We don't have a doctor. LEO What are you talking about? BARTLET What are you talking about? LANEY There are three who can do this. Jorrey, who's in the middle of a heart-valve replacement, and Weingarten. BARTLET Where's he? LANEY Rappelling the north face of K2. LEO Rapelling up or repelling down? BARTLET It's in Pakistan, what does it matter? LEO It's not in Pakistan; you only think it is. BARTLET Okay, but if I need a life-saving procedure, can you make sure the surgeon's suffering from massive oxygen deprivation? LEO Who's the third? LANEY Dr. Essan Mohebi at Smith-Lansing. BARTLET Aw, don't tell me. LANEY Yeah, he fled Iran in 1980 after fundamentalists tortured and killed his father. BARTLET The one guy who can save his son and he tortured his father. That's just bad staff work. Charlie! Are we sure about Japan? I mean, one of these days they're going to find the fairway, right? CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET Would you pull the First Lady out of whatever she's in right now? CHARLIE She's with the Women's Caucus. BARTLET Well, put on a helmet and pads and get in there. LEO Make sure Mohebi's sitting by a phone. He takes an elevator, we know the number. BARTLET That's it. LANEY Thank you, Mr. President. WOMAN AIDE Yes, sir. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY JOSH The National Committee's got a list of the State Party conventions where we ask the Vice President to take our slot. Could you get that for me? DONNA Yeah. JOSH And the DPC sent me this list of his budget roll-outs and it's for last year. I need all four. DONNA Okay. JOSH What? DONNA The deadbeat Rackley's... JOSH I can't... DONNA Come on. JOSH You just called them deadbeat. DONNA For the sake of humor. JOSH Well, good one, Gracie. DONNA Who hasn't bounced a check? JOSH Me. DONNA Yes, Mr. I-Balance-My-Checkbook-Every-Month-and-Pay-My-Bills-On-Time-and-Don't-Ever- Bounce-Checks. JOSH Everything you just said in there was a good thing and just by saying it like Ethel Mertz doesn't make it... DONNA Do you even know what a Congressman makes? They walk to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA. JOSH A buck and a half, $161,200 for the leadership. DONNA To maintain two residences, fly your kids... JOSH Okay... I know you like to hit with me but you've got to go sit in the back of the class 'cause you just suggested that making only a $150,000 was reasonable justification for committing a felony. Which is what it is, Lulu. DONNA Who the hell is Lulu? JOSH [as he walks off] It's To Sir With Love. DONNA Thank you. CUT TO: INT. THE PRESIDENT'S BEDROOM - DAY Abbey and her aide are inside. ABBEY I'm just gonna need the lists. BOBBY I have the lists. ABBEY I know, that's why I'm asking you for them. BOBBY Did you want them? ABBEY Yes... BOBBY I'm sorry, we're talking about the lists? ABBEY And your having them and my wanting them. BOBBY Yes, Ma'am. Bartlet stops at the door as Bobby exits. BARTLET Hey, Terry. BOBBY Bobby, sir. BARTLET Yeah. Bartlet enters and closes the door. ABBEY You pulled me out of the Womens' Caucus. BARTLET No need to thank me. Whatever happened to Mrs. Wilburforce? ABBEY She moved to Miami and took up massage. BARTLET Really? ABBEY Last I heard. BARTLET What they hell are you talking about? ABBEY You're the one who asked me... BARTLET Wasn't Mrs. Wilberforce our cat? ABBEY She was our housekeeper. BARTLET Really? All right. Eisenmenger's Syndrome. ABBEY It's a cyanotic heart condition. There's something called ventricular- septal defect... BARTLET The Ayatollah's son has it. ABBEY Am I dreaming, or are you talking to me about foreign policy? You're not worried the sky's gonna fall down? BARTLET No, but I'm concerned about spousal abuse. ABBEY What's the problem, Jed? Don't tell me there's a problem with State... BARTLET The only doctor available won't do it. ABBEY He's Jewish? BARTLET Persian. ABBEY He doesn't have a choice. BARTLET Abbey... ABBEY He doesn't. Doctors aren't instruments of the state, and they're not allowed to choose patients on spec. BARTLET I can't order him to do it. ABBEY Yes, you can. BARTLET Through the power vested in me by you? ABBEY Samuel Mudd set Booth's leg after he shot Lincoln. Doctors are liable in this country if they don't treat the patient right in front of them. BARTLET Just for the record, this is why we don't talk about foreign policy. Which we do, and you don't think we do it enough. ABBEY Why? BARTLET Because Samuel Mudd was tried and convicted of treason for setting that leg. ABBEY So? BARTLET What 'so'? ABBEY So that's the way it goes. You set the leg. BARTLET The patient right in front of them? ABBEY Yes. BARTLET All right. Go back to the sewing thing. ABBEY It's the Women's... nevermind. CUT TO: INT. HOYNES' OFFICE - DAY The Vice President leads Josh inside. HOYNES I couldn't tell you the last time I took a whole week away, Josh. You ought to take a vacation yourself. JOSH Yeah, I don't get Hawaii. Great weather, great beaches, universal health care... I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. HOYNES You remember Neil Spencer, the Rep from Honolulu who helped us on the ag bill? JOSH Sure. HOYNES He spent all his time tanning on the Capitol balcony. JOSH Because if he went home without a tan... HOYNES They'd know he'd gone to Washington. JOSH We got to talk politics. HOYNES I'd like to. I'm glad we had that little talk on Air Force Two. I think from time to time... JOSH We need you to stop shopping for precinct captains. HOYNES Excuse me? JOSH We're days after an election, we've got to govern. It's too early... HOYNES Is that what this is all about? JOSH Triplehorn alone can tie us in knots. HOYNES Well, good for Triplehorn. I've got an obligation to myself here. JOSH You've got a Constitutional obligation, that comes first. HOYNES Last time I checked, my Constitutional obligation was to have a pulse. JOSH We need these two years. It's our last chance to govern, John... HOYNES Mr. Vice President. JOSH There are going to be lots of ways... HOYNES No zealot like a convert, Josh. JOSH What's that supposed to mean? HOYNES It means you'd have been great at Leo's job. JOSH Half this town's going to be runnung. I do the President's politics. He can't govern if I'm seen as... HOYNES Being for me? I don't think there's much risk of that. He opens the door for Josh to exit. HOYNES You were wrong. I never went to Hawaii. JOSH What? HOYNES We skipped Hawaii. We went rafting on the Flathead River instead. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Debbie is typing at her computer while DR. ESSAN MOHEBI stands in the office waiting. The doctor reaches to touch something. DEBBIE [without looking] Uh-uh. Don't touch that. Or that. Bartlet enters, and Debbie hands him a note. BARTLET "The boy's on the plane. He's experiencing pulmonary hypertension." That's elevated pressure in the lungs, I think. That could lead to what? Doctor, that could lead to what? DR. ESSAN MOHEBI I'm sorry, I... BARTLET That cold lead to what? MOHEBI Sudden heart failure. BARTLET That's what it says here. Follow me. Bartlet goes in THE OVAL OFFICE. Dr. Mohebi glances at Debbie before following him. BARTLET [cont] His right ventricular pressure has risen to 102 mm Mercury. MOHEBI Low-oxygen blood's beginning to bypass the lungs. BARTLET That's right, and he has something called in situ thrombi. MOHEBI His arteries have lost their coagulant properties and Mr. President, I resent this. BARTLET Dr. Mohebi, I don't care. Why aren't you scrubbing up? MOHEBI People are taken from their homes in the dead of night, and jailed and tortured for months at a time. BARTLET I know. MOHEBI Public executions... BARTLET Doctor... MOHEBI Political opponents dragged outside state borders... BARTLET I know this. Don't you think I know? MOHEBI I won't aid the enemy. BARTLET I'll let you know who the enemy is. That's my job. It's not a 15-year-old boy. MOHEBI How do I know these organs were donated voluntarily? BARTLET Doctors Without Borders. MOHEBI You don't know these people, Mr. President. BARTLET I do know these people. You're crazy if you don't think I do. MOHEBI And I don't need to be told who the enemy is. BARTLET Doctor... MOHEBI It's not your family that's still there. My family's there. If the procedure isn't successful... BARTLET Nothing will happen to them. MOHEBI Sir... BARTLET Nothing will happen to them. MOHEBI Who's making that guarantee? BARTLET Well, the Swiss, I guess. Look, I'll use every power of the office to protect you and your family, of course I will. Can I just say that this is how things change for the better? A world-class surgeon or a schoolteacher in Afjah who questions the ayatollah's divine power. Do me a favor, Doctor, go back to Smith-Lansing and look at the kid, 'cause I think when you do, you're going to scrub up. If you don't, I respect that, and the man made his own bed. Okay? MOHEBI Yeah. BARTLET What was your father's name? MOHEBI Raji. BARTLET What'd he teach? MOHEBI Science. BARTLET Thank you. Get him to Baltimore. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Josh is sitting across Leo. LEO You think cell phones, maybe? JOSH Not whitewater rafting. And staff can't make those calls. They're top-tier Iowa people, and New Hampshire. Forty, fifty calls from the Flathead River? LEO That really doesn't seem possible. Unless... JOSH That's what I'm saying. LEO All right. I'll take it. MARGARET CEQ. JOSH What do I tell Triplehorn? LEO Tell him it's done. CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Toby and Karen Kroft are sitting at a table having drinks. KAREN You sure? TOBY Thank you, no. I... KAREN They're playing the Eagles. We're talking 50-yard line. Toby... TOBY You can't have the job. KAREN Okay. TOBY The parks bill... we made it Senate-confirmable. KAREN This is the first I've heard... TOBY They added it in conference. We'll find something. I don't know what. KAREN You don't have to do that. TOBY Can't be Museum Studies. God forbid the Senate falls out of the mix on that. KAREN I've made a lot of enemies on the Hill. You don't owe me. TOBY We asked you to fight a losing... Yes, we owe you. KAREN This is... when the President calls a play... TOBY I called the play. I called it. KAREN Rasing the gas tax. TOBY It was a loser and I pushed to have you introduce it anyway. KAREN That doesn't make any difference. TOBY Well, look, let's just... KAREN I came out for a gas tax 'cause someone from Michigan had to. Gas prices are too low. It's why the air is polluted. It's why no one wants alternative fuels. TOBY And, clearly, that argument took the nation by storm. KAREN In my religion... the whole symbol of the religion ended in crucifixion and condemnation. That wasn't the measure of the experience. It's just the way it ended. TOBY Yeah, but I'm the Romans. KAREN It's in the living. It's in the campaigning that you make your mark. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. You have until the end of the day on the tickets, by the way. CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - NIGHT Sam enters the building and Bonnie walks up to greet him. They walk. BONNIE Welcome back. SAM Thank you. BONNIE And congratulations. SAM Okay. Do you happen to know if the President's still in the office? BONNIE He is. SAM Thanks. Sam walks into his OFFICE and takes off his coat. He looks around, then he walks off. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT Bartlet is sitting at his desk writing, when his pen runs out of ink. He rummages through his drawers then gets up from his desk when there is a knock at the door. NANCY Mr. President. Can you see Sam? BARTLET Sure. SAM [entering] Good evening, sir. BARTLET You're the nominee. SAM There's no nominee. Everyone's on the ballot. BARTLET Is there another Democrat? SAM No. BARTLET You're the nominee. SAM Yeah. BARTLET And I know how you feel. You like Scott Holcomb? SAM I don't know him well. BARTLET He's terrific. SAM There's a good guy out there named Will Bailey if he should come across your radar. BARTLET You're going to campaign on prescription drugs? SAM Our prescription drug bill-- yes, sir-- and our Medicare reforms and the Bartlet Energy Plan. BARTLET Sam. SAM Yes, sir? BARTLET It's okay to run away from me when you need to. SAM I would never, Mr. President. I simply would never do that. That's not how I'm getting votes. BARTLET I appreciate that but that's not what I'm talking about. You disagreed with me on Medicare. I remember the meeting right here. Then you wrote a five-page memo. Run towards yourself. I'm wrong about that. Walk. You're not going to be used to your surroundings. SAM Yes, sir. BARTLET You lose, you lose, but if you waste this, I'll kill you. I'll just kill you, Sam. SAM Yes, sir. BARTLET Anything else? SAM Thank you, Mr. President. Sam exits. Bartlet goes back to writing the letters when Leo knocks and enters from his office. LEO Good evening, Mr. President. BARTLET Hey. LEO Thank-you notes? BARTLET Yeah. I'm going to bed. LEO You don't really like making thank-you calls, do you? BARTLET Spill it. LEO How many precinct captians did you line up for Hoynes? BARTLET I didn't line up... LEO Forty-seven. Charlie showed me the call sheets. BARTLET I said thanks on the behalf of the ticket. I can't help it if... LEO Yeah. BARTLET They'll thank whatever they want. LEO Well, they think you're freezing the race for Hoynes. BARTLET I'm freezing it for us. We just won four more years. It's not time for a free-for-all. LEO This shouldn't be what you do anymore. BARTLET Do I call them all back? LEO We'll take care of it. BARTLET All right. LEO Tehran's going to accelerate medium-range missile tests by two weeks. BARTLET Yeah. LEO We'll gather the NSC principles in the morning. BARTLET All right. Anything else? LEO Salmon Afkham was wheeled in surgery 15 minutes ago. BARTLET Well, Mohebi's day just started. LEO Well, I suppose there are worse ways for ours to end. BARTLET Yeah, that's right. Bartlet leaves the Oval Office. We watch him walk down the PORTICO to the residence. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 4.9 -- "Swiss Diplomacy" Original Air Date: November 20, 2002, 9:00 PM EST Transcribed by: ck1czar December 9, 2002