Two-hour season premiere sees President on campaign trail as probe of downed plane grows.
THE WEST WING "20 HOURS IN AMERICA PART I" WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO TEASER FADE IN: EXT. CAMPAIGN SITE - DAY CROWD Four more years! Four more years! BARTLET You know the story about... CROWD Four more years! Four more years! A 9:55 - MOTORCADE ARRIVED AT CAMPAIGN SITE A 10:25 - PRESIDENT CONCLUDED CAMPAIGN EVENT, MOTORCADE DEPARTED FOR UNIONVILLE A 10:30 - PHONE-R-SEC HUTCHINSON BARTLET There's a guy down here holding a sign that says, "Eight more years." Don't get me wrong, I like your thinking, but I've probably tested the Constitution about as far as Abbey's going to allow me to for a little while. [Crowd cheers and applauds.] You know the story about the guy whose cars gets stuck in a muddy hole. A farmer comes along and says he'll pull the car out of the mud but he's going to have to charge 50 bucks 'cause this is the tenth time he's had to pull it out of the mud today. The driver says, "God, when to you have time to plow your land, at night?" The farmer says, "No, no. Nighttimeis when I fill the whole with water." [Crowd laughs.] We need to find energy alternatives. We're getting our cue. We're getting it right now. The Republicans are busy. They're trying to convince us that they care about new energy and that they're not in the vest pockets of big oil, and that's a tough sell. I don't envy them, 'cause their only hope is that we don't notice that they're the ones who are filling the hole with water every night, and I think Americans are smarter then that. I think we noticed. While the crowd cheers and applauds, C.J. walks across the stage to Donna who is standing off to the side. C.J. Where are Josh and Toby? DONNA They're in the soybean fields, talking to Cathy. C.J. Cathy...? DONNA The daughter, but I like saying Toby and Josh are in the soybean fields. C.J. He's wrapping up, and we're getting right in the car. We're already late for Unionville. DONNA I'll get them from the soybean fields. C.J. Thanks. BARTLET This isn't a time for people whose doomsday scenario is a little less at the pump for Texaco and Shell. This isn't a time for people who say there aren't any energy alternatives, just because they can't think of any. This is a time for American heros, and we reach for the stars. Crowd cheers and applauds. CUT TO: EXT. SOYBEAN FIELD - DAY CATHY [indicating Toby] He seems a little tense. JOSH Yeah. Yeah. CATHY Why? JOSH Because the President's speaking. CATHY Why aren't you there? TOBY It's tough to explain. JOSH No, it's not. TOBY Shh. Okay. JOSH The President has his blood pressure taken every morning. On higher blood pressure days, Toby's not allowed to be in the President's sight line while he's speaking. CATHY Why? TOBY Stepped on it. JOSH He has trouble concealing his displeasure. TOBY Stepped on it and he knows it, too. CATHY Look... JOSH What do I say to people who ask why we subsidize farmers when we don't subsidize plumbers? CATHY Tell them they can pay $7 for a potato. JOSH Okay. CATHY This is 200 acres of soy fields. It nets my family $30 an acre, which is $6000 a year. TOBY Shh. Okay. CATHY Toby... TOBY We worked with the Confernce Committee to increase payment limits for small farmers and we'd have done it too, but no one could agree what "small" meant. DONNA Josh! JOSH I think we better head back. DONNA [approaches] He's wrapping up. CATHY You seem pissed that I brought it up. TOBY No, we're just talking. DONNA We really got to go now. They begin walking back to the campaign site. JOSH Donna's a little nervous. A couple of weeks ago, some guys got left behind by the motorcade in Kentucky. DONNA It was in Tennessee, and they were never heard from again. JOSH They took a cab. CATHY Look... JOSH I think the real point is, whatever Toby and the Conference Committee... Whatever definition they came up with would've just created more business for the lawyers for the big farm corporations. I wished we could've had more time to talk, but... CATHY There's no way you guys could stay a little, meet some people... maybe catch up with the campaign at the next stop? JOSH Nah, we've got one more stump in Unionville, and then we get on the plane. It's a full schedule at the office. CATHY We've got some voters here, Josh-- did you forget? JOSH No. TOBY They're voting for Ritchie. CATHY What? TOBY Indiana's voting for Ritchie. If there was someone less competent than Ritchie on the ballot, that's who Indiana'd be voting for. CATHY Why'd you come out here? TOBY When somebody can give me an answer to that question, I'll let you know. CATHY Listen, write of Indiana, but don't write off the small farmers. It's getting bad out here. It is bad out here. JOSH We paid farmers $67 billion over the last three years. CATHY Oh, God. [walks off ahead of them] JOSH [to Toby] You want to lighten up a little? TOBY I am lightened up. This is me lightened up. You're saying lighter? JOSH Yeah. TOBY Okay. CATHY Josh... the 67 billion brought this country the least expensive food and the greatest variety of it in the world, and surely that's got to register... DONNA Hang on. CATHY And its got to register... JOSH No... she's right. Where is it? TOBY Where is it? JOSH Where's the motorcade. Hey, excuse me. Where's the motorcade? WOMAN [points] It's out there. They turn around to see the motorcade driving off down the street. Josh throws his arms in the air. JOSH Hey! Hey! WOMAN You guys need a button? "Bartlet for America." SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: EXT. CAMPAIGN SITE - DAY JOSH All right, Donna, listen, we got to get the trailer car. DONNA Hang on. JOSH Call Campaign Scheduling and Advance and tell them... DONNA Hang on. [on the phone] JOSH You got to hang up with whoever you're tallking to. Call Campaign Sceduling and Advance... Unless you're already talking to Campaign Scheduling and Advance. DONNA Thank you. [hangs up the phone] There is no trailer car today. JOSH Really? DONNA Yeah. JOSH Good budget cut. Good item. Cathy, where's the closets cab? CATHY About a 110 ten miles as the crow flies. JOSH All right. DONNA What's the best way for me to get these guys to Unionville? CATHY We'll take you. JOSH Really? CATHY Yeah. It'll give me a chance to show you the soy diesel car. JOSH Okay, this car... it can... CATHY It's a regular car. JOSH Toby! CATHY It's actually Cap's car. He'll come along. Meet us in back of the house. [leaves] JOSH Thank you very much. Who's Cap? DONNA I don't know. JOSH Toby! TOBY Yeah? JOSH We got a ride. An elderly woman walks by. TOBY Excuse me? WOMAN Yes? TOBY You heard the speech right? WOMAN Oh, Yes. TOBY The section on HMO's, did he land it? WOMAN I'm sorry? TOBY He didn't, did he? WOMAN I thought he was very good. TOBY The muddy hole joke? JOSH Toby. TOBY Okay. Thank you. JOSH Let's go. DONNA Never heard from again, Josh. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY MARGARET They're on their way to Unionville. LEO Is the First Lady still in Madison? MARGARET I'm pretty sure. I'll check. LEO Tell me again when the President's back. They go out and walk in the HALLWAYS. MARGARET 3:00, wheels down. LEO What's his first? MAGARET Treasurer of the United States, not to be confused with Treasury Secretary. LEO The Treasurer of the United States deals with the color of money. What's the meeting about? MARGARET Color currency. LEO Push it and push his meeting on health and fitness. I want the Trade Rep and as many of the economic advisors as we can at the 3:30. MARGARET Speaking of health and fitness... They stop at the top of the stairs. LEO Oh, Merciful god. MARGARET What did you have? LEO I had half a grapefruit. MARGARET Really? LEO You think I'm lying? MARGARET No. LEO Okay. MARGARET Yes. LEO I'll be in the Sit Room for a minute. I'd like him when he's done at the site. CUT TO: INT. SITUATION ROOM - DAY Leo can be seen on a security screen putting his hand on a pad that allows access to The Situation Room. LEO Good morning. ALL Good morning, Leo. Good morning. LEO The Dow's down 260. MAN Is it going to rebound? LEO What do I know. Could somebody get me half a grapefruit? I got Jack LaLanne working for me this week. Let's go around the table for the quicksheet. FITZWALLACE A small force of North Korean soldiers may stage an incursion into the DMZ. LEO That's a reaction to the President's trip to Seoul, right? FITZWALLACE Yeah. LEO Okay. South America? WOMAN General Garcia has declared himself in rebellion against Carlos Velasco. LEO Is Velasco's governmet in danger, or is this just another crazy general with guns? No offense, Fitz. FITZWALLACE Yeah. WOMAN The Venezuela Desk still says wait'll Garcia calls for the elections. LEO Okay. Africa. MAN The government of Mozambique is requesting a peacekeeping force to help distribute grain. LEO A peacekeeping force to distribute grain. MAN Yes, sir. LEO Middle East. MAN 2 Nothing really. We got a communique from the new Ambassador. LEO To where? MAN 2 I'm sorry. Qumar. LEO About what? MAN 2 Well, a month ago, they reopened the investigation into Shareef's missing plane. LEO They find anything? MAN 2 I don't know, but the Emergency Locator Transmitor never went off, so... LEO Yeah. FITZWALLACE We'll assemble all the military rescue efforts and feed them into State. They can give the Ambassador and the Sultan another report. LEO Yeah. All right. Eastern Europe. Leo and Fitzwallace exchange concerned glances back and forth. MAN 3 Warsaw transit workers are threatening to go on strike. MAN Why? MAN 3 Well, they haven't been paid in four months. CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - DAY Ginger is walking through the lobby when she sees Sam enter the building. GINGER Whoa, whoa, you're not supposed to be here. SAM Yeah, I just wanted to check with... They walk through the hallways to the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. GINGER The orders were very strict. LEO Hey. SAM I just... LEO Go home. SAM I am. LEO You haven't had a day off since the convention. You've been up the past two nights and I don't want a zombie. SAM Right. LEO The energy book is done; the Midwest poll is out. Pawn off the surrogate movement and get a few hours of sleep. SAM I just came to check on the Southern Governors. Somebody's got to be watching the politics. LEO Somebody is-- the White House Office of Political Affairs. SAM Where is he? LEO He's about to go on at Ft. Bristol. SAM You know the Dow's down 270. LEO Go to sleep. SAM I'm not fighting with you. Sam walks into his office. FADE TO BLACK. A 11:15 - PRESIDENT ARRIVED AT NAVAL WARFARE CENTER CRANE AND BEGAN HIS REMARKS A 12:55 - MOTORCADE PROCEEDED TO REYNOLDS AIR FORCE BASE. PRESIDENT BOARDED AIR FORCE ONE A 12:57 - WHEELS UP FADE IN: INT. NAVAL WARFARE CENTER CRANE - DAY The Presidential motorcade arrives at the Naval Warfare Center Crane. Bartlet is let out of the car where he greets the Captain. BARTLET Captain, good to see you. CAPTAIN Good morning. BARTLET Good morning. They begin walking to the podium where the President will give his speech. BRUNO [to C.J.] He should remind them about the military pay raise. C.J. He won't. BRUNO He should. C.J. He won't. BRUNO Of course not. We're adding a hundred outpatient clinics to the VA hospitals. Is he going to mention...? A cellphone rings and an assistant answers it. C.J. No. BRUNO Of course not. Military housing upgrades? ASSISTANT Bruno... She hands Bruno the phone, but Bruno continues talking to C.J. BRUNO He should say, "We don't give these people anything. They earn it." [to phone] Yeah? C.J. [to Bartlet] Gehrman-Driscoll announced before the bell it was filling for bankruptcy; an hour later, Jennings-Pratt and DWA. BARTLET They had exposure in the fund? C.J. Yeah. BARTLET I'm amazed it's only down 270. C.J. It's early. BARTLET That's what you want to say to me? BRUNO Mr. President... BARTLET Driscoll announced it was filling, and Jennings and DWA were in the fund. BRUNO Pay raises, military housing, outpatient clinics. BARTLET It's against the law to campaign on a military base. BRUNO Yes, technically. BARTLET No, legally. BRUNO Sir... BARTLET These army guys are DRF-1. They're division ready. They can be deployed in two hours. These navy guys are going to deploy overseas for six months. BRUNO Yes, sir. I didn't realize... BARTLET C- bag and M-16, they're on a C-130 going where ever I tell them. And that's when their wives are told. I don't want to screw around with them. BRUNO I didn't realize they were Division Ready. BARTLET Yeah. Bartlet begins to ascend the stairs to the platform. BRUNO You-you-you could always wink an-and... Bartlet stops, turns around and glares at Bruno. BRUNO I'm kidding. that was a joke. I kid because I love. MAN ...the President of the United States. The crowd cheers wildly as Bartlet walks to the podium. BARTLET Good morning. We haven't meet. I'm your Commander in Chief. The crowd erupts with laughter. BARTLET This is the greatest fighting force in the history of the world, and I want to tell you why. CUT TO: EXT. A RURAL ROAD - DAY Josh, Toby, and Cap are riding in the back of a red pickup truck, while Donna is sitting in the cab with Cathy. CAP It's just a regular diesel engine. There's no retrofitting. The glow plugs heat up the fuel, but from there the soy diesel just keeps exploding on itself like any engine. JOSH You did it yourself? CAP Oh, it's easy. TOBY He's out there right now. He started. JOSH We really need to get this guy to Unionville. He's going to wig. TOBY He's out there. JOSH Take you mind off it. Think about the lovely Cathy-- farmer's daughter with a master's degree. Wholesome but... maybe not too wholesome. I think she liked you too. [to Cap] How do you know Cathy? CAP She's my girlfriend. JOSH [beat] That's great. She's really nice. Is that corn out there? CAP Nope. JOSH What is it? CAP Trees. JOSH [hopelessly] Okay. CUT TO: INT. NAVAL WARFARE CENTER CRANE - DAY BARTLET So what will I remember? What will I tell my grandchildren? I'll tell them that I stood on the Great Wall of China, and that I stood in the well of the U.S. House of Representitives. I'll tell them that I sat with kings and cardinals and made an appointment to the Supreme Court, and I'll tell them that one morning in September I got to spend a few minutes with the men and women of Air Wing One. God bless you and your families and may he continue to shed his magnificent grace upon the United States of America. Crowd cheers and whistles for the President. A Choir begans to sing "Battle Hymn of the Republic" as Bartlet waves to the crowd and walks off the stage. CHOIR "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord, He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored..." CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS NANCY Charlie? CHARLIE Yeah? NANCY Leo McGarry for the President. CHARLIE Thanks. C.J.? C.J. I need to talk to you about something. CHARLIE In a minute, okay? I've got Leo for the President. CHOIR "Glory, glory hallelujah, Glory, glory hallelujah..." Bartlet is shaking hands with the men onstage when C.J. indicates that he has a phone call. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Margaret walks in to Leo's office. MARGARET You've got the President. Leo answers phone. LEO Good morning, sir. BARTLET How's it going? LEO You tell me. BARTLET It feels good. LEO You know about the Dow? BARTLET Jennings-Pratt was in the fund? LEO Yeah. BARTLET It'll rebound. LEO Yeah. BARTLET No kidding, it feels good out here. LEO] Good. BARTLET What are you doing? LEO I'm going to meet with Fitzwallace for a minute. BARTLET About what? LEO Nothing. BARTLET You don't meet with Fitzwallace about nothing. LEO Just something from the quicksheet briefing. BARTLET What? LEO Nothing. BARTLET Leo... LEO Qumar's reopened the investigation. Bartlet has a look of concern on his face, and he doesn't respond to Leo. LEO Mr. President? BARTLET Yeah, all right. Well, we're coming home now. LEO Yes, sir. CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - DAY Bartlet hangs up the phone, and with a grave look of concern on his face, he walks off while the choir is singing the last lines of the song. CHOIR "Glory, glory hallelujah, His truth is marching on." FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAY The red pick-up truck is driving down the road. Toby, Josh and Cap are on the back, while Donna and Cathy are in the cab. DONNA You sure we're not taking you away from something you need to be doing? CATHY No. Actually, this is on the way to my job. DONNA You have a second job? CATHY I'm a claims adjuster. DONNA That's unusual, isn't it? CATHY It has benefits. DONNA You get to meet people? CATHY No. I meant job benefits. Health insurance. DONNA It covers your father. The pick-up truck begins to sputter. CATHY Uh-oh... DONNA What is it? CATHY You guys are going to kill me. DONNA Is it out of gas? CATHY There's a gas station about a thousand yards down the road. JOSH Why are we slowing down? CAP Uh-oh. JOSH Are we out of gas? CAP Diesel. JOSH Are we out of it? The pick-up comes to a stop. Cathy gets out of the cab and walks to the back where Toby, Josh, and Cap are. CATHY We're out of gas. CAP Diesel. TOBY Nobody cares. DONNA Cathy says that ther's a gas station about a thousand yards down the road. CAP They don't have diesel. TOBY They don't have diesel. JOSH Did we run out of gas becasue I said she was wholesome but not too wholesome? CAP I can't make a car run out of gas. JOSH I don't know, you can make glow plugs explode things. DONNA Where's the closest diesel? CAP About ten miles. DONNA All right, can I suggest this: we've missed Unionville. We've got a little over an hour till the plane leaves and we can make it if we call a volunteer and have them pick us up at the gas station. You guys can have the tow truck meet you there. CATHY Oh, we're not calling a tow truck. It's just out of gas. CAP Diesel. JOSH What are you going to do? CATHY We'll hitch back to the farm and pick some up. JOSH Somebody's going to pick you up out here?A black pick-up truck approaches and stops. SY You guys run out of diesel? CAP Yeah. SY Need a lift back to the farm? CAP Thanks! CATHY Sy, these guys work for Bartlet. JOSH How you doing? SY Didn't vote for him the first time. Don't plan to the second time. CATHY Have a good trip back. Remember some of that stuff I said, okay? JOSH Thanks for all the help. Cathy and Cap get into Sy's truck and leave. Donna is on her cellphone. JOSH Okay, call the State Office. Tell them to send a local volunteer. Tell them we don't have time... You're doing it right? DONNA Yeah. JOSH This is fun. We're roughing it. Josh looks at Toby who looks as if he wishes Josh would shut up. JOSH [less enthusiastically] This is fun. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Leo is sitting at his desk thinking when Margaret enters. MARGARET The Chairman's here. LEO Thanks. MAGARET Do you have any idea why there were women with aprons and rolling pins at Mrs. Bartlet's Madison event this morning? LEO I'm sorry? MARGARET A friend of mine just called me from Madison to say she'd gone to see Mrs. Bartlet and there were about 20 women in back wearing aprons and holding rolling pins. LEO I don't know. Maybe they were making pies. MARGARET Yeah. Doesn't sound quite right, though, does it? LEO Send him in. Margaret sends in Fitzwallace who closes the door after he enters. FITZWALLACE The tracks are covered. LEO Yeah. FITZWALLACE We did a legitmate SAR with the UK and Royal Qumari Guard. This a plane that went down in the Bermuda Triangle. Plain and simple. LEO And that really happens? FITZWALLACE What do you mean? LEO The Bermuda Triangle. FITZWALLACE Does it really happen? LEO I thought maybe it was like Toscanini landing in a cornfield. FITZWALLACE Planes, boats, about 200 of them-- including five navy avenger bombers and the rescue plane that went in after them. LEO Is there a chance they're going to find the plane? FITZWALLACE We dismantled the ELT, left the plane in 27 pieces, scattered among other wrecks, buried in underwater landslides and limestone cliffs. And if they find the plane, there's still no evidence of anything being anything. These were SEALs and these were Special Ops, and these guys know what they're doing. LEO Okay. Let's obviously stay in touch during the day. FITZWALLACE Yeah. LEO Just out of curiosity, what do you think would happen? FITZWALLACE I don't know what would happen to you and me but I'm pretty sure the President would be invited to see the inside of the Hague. LEO Yeah, well, they can invite all they want. He ain't going. FITZWALLACE Perhaps this would be a good time for you to reconsider your position on a international war crimes tribunal. LEO Perhaps this would be a good time for you to... FITZWALLACE Get out of your office. LEO Yeah. FITZWALLACE Talk tou you later. LEO Thank you. A 1:20 - PRESIDENT MET WITH MRS. WALKER A 1:40 - PRESIDENT MET WITH MRS. HARRISON CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE - DAY C.J. Tonight-- I was wrong about this, tonight's black tie and pool pencil only. We've got a new addition to our running list of things Robert Ritchie's not. Speaking this morning at the Philadelphia Financial Council the Governor said, "I'm no scientist, but I know a thing or two about physics." So, for the week, you can add "scientist" to "doctor," "mind reader," and "Chinese." MARK C.J., do you have any idea why there were women at the First Lady's rally this morning who were dressed in... aprons and rolling pins ? C.J. They were dressed in rolling pins? MARK They were holding them, I guess. This is from the Milwaukee Sentinel. C.J. I don't know. Find out though, would you? KATIE Is the President coming back for questions? C.J. He's going to try, but he's got to spend time in his office interviewing secretary candidates. Steak sanwiches for lunch. I'll see you later. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - DAY BARTLET It's still mostly transportation and technology? ED And energy. BARTLET Have Josh and Toby weigh in at some point, okay? LARRY Yes, sir. ED Yes, sir. LARRY Thank you, Mr. President. They exit and Charlie enters with a prospect for the secretarial position. BARTLET Yeah? CHARLIE Sir, this is Meredith Walker. BARTLET Come on in. Nice to meet you. MEREDITH WALKER Likewise, Mr. President. BARTLET I's crazy I know, but sometimes the schedule gets so tight that we have to schedule meetings on the plane, so we ask you to fly with us and hit you on the way back. MEREDITH Yes, sir. BARTLET Were you impressed by the plane? MEREDITH It's an airplane, sir. I'm not very easily impressed. BARTLET It's got an apartment and an operating room. MEREDITH Yes, sir. BARTLET Okay. Well, you've met with Donald McKittridge-- he directs the Office of Presidential Personnel. MEREDITH Yes. BARTLET You had a moment to meet with Charlie Young? MEREDITH Yes. BARTLET He's probably mentioned that this was a job where you to need to be able to hold a lot of names and dates and numbers in your head. MEREDITH Yes. BARTLET You were told what the pay scale was? MEREDITH Yes. BARTLET And some of the perks? MEREDITH Like what? BARTLET Well, for instance, we have our own 747, and it's flown by an Air Force general. MEREDITH Yes. BARTLET Okay, let's talk about your last job. CUT TO: INT. GAS STATION - DAY STORE MANAGER Good morning. JOSH Good morning. We're stranded and waiting for a ride. Do you mind if we wait here? STORE MANAGER How did you get stranded? JOSH Well, we work for the President, actually, and he was campaining nearby this morning and... STORE MANAGER Oh, yeah. JOSH ...we got left behind by the motorcade, then our ride ran out of diesel... STORE MANAGER Didn't vote for him the first time. Don't plan on voting for him the second time. JOSH Okay. Well, we'll just wait outside, if that's all right? STORE MANAGER I don't like loitering. JOSH Well, we'll just be a few minutes, I'm sure. Josh exits the store and walks up to Donna who is thumbing through papers. JOSH Can we just call ahead and make sure the plane's going to be there when we fet there? DONNA It'll be there. JOSH Can you call ahead? DONNA I've been calling. I can't get anyone on their cell. They're in a bad calling area. JOSH Keep trying. Donna gets on her phone. Josh walks towards Toby who's sitting on the front stoop of the gas station. Josh picks up a rock and throws it into a metal barrel across the parking lot. JOSH See that? Toby picks up a rock and throws it into the barrel, then gives Josh a look of "I can do it too." JOSH First guy to miss. TOBY What's the bet? JOSH First guy to miss has to shave his beard. TOBY For the rest of the day... first guy to miss... anytime he says his name, has got to follow it with, "I work at the White House." JOSH All right. But I don't think you've meet our current host. Here we go. Josh picks up a rock and throws it into the barrel. Toby then picks up a rock and throws it into the barrel. TOBY You didn't say if you thought it was a good event this morning. JOSH Well, I didn't see the President speak this morning. TOBY I know. JOSH I was out there talking with Cathy-- I was asked to. TOBY Yeah. JOSH I was. TOBY But you read the remarks. JOSH Yeah. [throws another rock into the barrel] What was your problem? TOBY You know what, Josh? I don't want this to be a high blood pressure day for me, either. Toby tries to throw a rock into the barrel but misses. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: EXT. A RURAL ROAD - DAY A red jeep is seen driving down the road. Toby and Josh are sitting in the back seat, while Donna is riding in the front seat with a boy named Tyler. DONNA It's great that you're volunteering, Tyler. You're not even old enough to vote, and here you are working for a campaign. That's great. TYLER They give us school credit. DONNA Well, good for your school. TYLER I mean, that's not the only reason I did it or anything. DONNA You like the President? TYLER Yeah, I think he's okay. I mean, most of my friends are for Ritchie. Not that they're political or anything, I guess, but their parents are for Ritchie so, you know, I guess... DONNA Yeah. JOSH "He pretends there are no energy alternatives 'cause he can't think of any." That wasn't in the staff copy yesterday. How did that make it into the speech today? "He pretends there are no energy alternatives 'cause he can't think of any." TOBY They. They can't think of any. JOSH When we were touring flood damage in Missouri last Thursday, four times the President said, "Emergency managments complex." TOBY It is complex. JOSH What does that matter to people who just lost their house? Finding a place for their kids to sleep tonight is complex. TOBY Thanks, 'cause I was having a tough time prioritizing that one. JOSH Sustainable growth in Michigan, new economy in Ohio. Information technology in Pennsylvania. That's what you talk about in September. That's what we mapped out a year ago. You and Bruno and the President are calling audibles. TOBY That's because we're coming to the line and we're seeing a hairdo from Florida in pass coverage and so that's where we want to put the ball... What's your concern? JOSH I have any number of concerns, not the least of which we'll lose. TOBY I don't think so. JOSH When did we decide to make this about being the smartest kid in the class? What meeting did I miss? TYLER I have to pull over for a minute. TOBY Let me tell you something. What did he say? TYLER This will just take minute. Tyler stops the jeep in the middle of the road and jumps out. TYLER Kiki! TOBY What the hell...? Tyler runs to catch up with three girls who are pushing their bicycles down the road. TYLER You don't return phone calls anymore? KIKI I return some. TYLER Thanks a lot. KIKI You know, we have to get back to school. TYLER What about the stuff I sent to your house? KIKI Yeah, could you stop sending stuff to my house? It's kind of creepy. TYLER Yeah, you know what? Sue me, I guess 'cause I love you. Place me under arrest, Kiki. Let's everybody do that. Lets everybody get a-a writ of injustice, lock me up and throw the book. JOSH Tyler... TYLER Just a second, Mr. Lyman. KIKI You can't be creepy stalking guy, okay? You're not that guy, Tyler. You're better then that. DONNA Not that much better. JOSH Would you get in there? Donna moves to the teenagers' group. FRIEND 1 You have to move on, Tyler. You have to live in the now. You're totally stressing her. DONNA Excuse me. I'm so sorry to interrupt in what obviously is a private moment between the two of you and your... two friends. We came in this morning... FRIEND 2 We know who you are. We're not rednecks. DONNA Okay. Well, I'm Donna Moss and this is my boss. JOSH Josh Lyman. TOBY Toby Ziegler. DONNA Anyway, we're very crunched for time and we think that you... TOBY I work at the White House. FRIEND 2 Wow, humongous whoop. JOSH Come on. He's Communications Diretor. It's a decent-sized whoop. FRIEND 1 How many unborn babies did you guys kill today? JOSH Whoa, hey, danger, Will Robison. Tyler, no fooling around. We've got 15 minutes to get to a plane that is 3 miles from here. That plane-- I swear to God-- is taking off at 1:00. TYLER It's taking off a 1:00? JOSH Yes it is. KIKI Are you guys stupid or something? It's 1:45 right now. JOSH It's 12:45. KIKI No, not here it's not. DONNA Oh, my God, she's right. TYLER See, we crossed over from Unionville to Dearborn County which doesn't observe Dalight Saving Time. KIKI I think it's the other way around, genius. TYLER What did I ever do to you? DONNA It says on the schedule, "All times are local." This is why I couldn't get anyone on their cell. JOSH Wait. Wait. No. No. You're not... We changed time zones? We changed time... We changed time zones?! TYLER It's a-a common mistake. JOSH Not for the U.S. government! TOBY What kind of schmuck-ass system could this possibly... JOSH That's good! That's perfect! TOBY How did...? I don't understand. JOSH Perfect. Just the break I'm looking for. TOBY What do...? What do...? People, they just... They reset their watches when they commute? JOSH I can't take working here. TOBY They just change their watches every time they cross a time zone? What is this, a joke?! JOSH Serving my country. DONNA Okay, this is a whole new thing now. My guys are going to need to walk this off a bit before they can regroup. Kiki, you and your friends get back to school. Tyler, you and I are going to come up with a plan to get us to a commercial airport. TYLER Okay, how long are they going to be? They turn around to se that Josh walking across the bridge and Toby has picked up a big stick and is whacking the guardrail. DONNA A couple more minutes. TYLER Okay. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE - DAY C.J. is sitting on a desk quietly consoling herself when Charlie walks in. CHARLIE C.J.? C.J. Yeah. CHARLIE You wanted to talk to me? C.J. I'm sorry? CHARLIE You said back at the base you wanted to talk to me. C.J. Oh, yeah. Listen, I wanted to ask you something. Simon was a Big Brother to a kid named Anthony Marcus. CHARLIE I met him a couple of times. C.J. I've been trying to spend a little time with him. He's not wild about me. CHARLIE He's associating you with Simon's death? I did that for awhile with some of the cops my mom worked with. C.J. Yeah? Well, he was arrested for stealing a car. He stole his homeroom teacher's car, drove it around for a few hours, then left it in front of a strip club. You could chalk it up to a stupid prank, except Anthony had a string of shoplifting incidents before Simon came along, so the ADA see it as an escalating problem which is... CHARLIE Graduating from a misdemeanor to a felony? C.J. Right, and she's pushing juvenile detention. I've spoken to her and if a White House staffer will play a role in his life, she's willing to reconsider. CHARLIE God, C.J... C.J. I know. CHARLIE I just got Deanna off to school. C.J. I know. CHARLIE And with the campaign now, the days are even longer. I didn't even think that was possible. C.J. I know, it was a longshot. CHARLIE I just don't think I'm the right guy for the job. STAFFER C.J.? C.J. Yeah? CHARLIE I'm sorry. STAFFER I've got an answer on the rolling pins. C.J. Okay. [to Charlie] I shouldn't have asked you. CHARLIE I'm glad you did. Listen, you're not just going to ask the people who look like me, right? 'Cause a Big Brother's a Big Brother. It doesn't... C.J. Sam's next. CUT TO: INT. SAM'S BEDROOM - DAY Sam is asleep in his bed. The telephone rings and the answer machine picks up. ANSWER MACHINE Hi, it's Sam. I'm sleeping for a few hours right now, so you can leave a message or if you really need me, you can shout into the machine, and I'll wake up. [beep] JOSH [on phone] [yelling] Saaaaam!!! Sam nearly falls out of his bed, knocking over his lamp while trying to reach for the phone. SAM Sorry. It's all right. Hang on. No problem. Hi. Sorry. CUT TO: EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAY JOSH No, I'm sorry buddy. I know you're supposed to be sleeping today. SAM No, it's no problem. What's going on? JOSH I'm with Toby and Donna and we are stranded somewhere in Indiana. SAM You got left behind by the motorcade? JOSH Yeah. and then we ran out of gas, and then there was a time zone foul-up, and also, we were waylaid by some mean schoolgirls. Alpha girls, you know what I'm saying? DONNA Josh. JOSH They were. SAM So, what are you doing now? JOSH We're getting a lift to the Connersville Metro which is going to take us to Indianapolis where we're going to get a flight to either Dulles or BWI or LaGuardia. SAM Listen, if you want to give me your call sheets and I can farm a out a few memos for you. JOSH I actually need you to do more than that, Sam. I need you to staff the President. He's got one of those days. SAM I don't know what it is you do in there. JOSH Yeah, you do. Anything ceremonial, security related, or personal, you've leave the room. As it gets later in the day he's going to start to talk to you. You're going to tell him how the meeting he just had with his Concil of Economic advisors relates to the meeting he had with the Agriculture Secretary, relates to his intelligence breifing, relates to the environment, relates to jobs, relates to education, relates to the campaign. You're his wide-angle lens. SAM There are going to be any number of areas on which I can't give him expert advise. JOSH Welcome to the club, partner. We got jackets. SAM All right. I'm not going to let you down. JOSH You never do. SAM Get dressed... now. JOSH Let's get to the train station. TYLER You ever love so much it hurts? Like, physically hurts? TOBY Get in the car. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - DAY BARTLET There's a tremendous amount of informatin you need to keep track of: dates, names, number, things I'm not good with. MRS. HARRISON That's unusual, isn't it? BARTLET What's that? MRS. HARRISON A man of your intellect not being good with names and numbers. Especially an economist of your stature. BARTLET It's not intellect, it's memory. It's a different gift. A wonderful one. I've never had it. MRS. HARRISON There are excersises you can do. BARTLET Well... okay, I'll try and find that time, but let's get back to you. What would you say was the most challenging part of working for the Ambassador of France? MRS. HARRISON The pliable relationship the French have with time. BARTLET Mm. MRS. HARRISON Yes, sir? BARTLET I make fun of the French as much as anybody and I don't even know what that meant. MRS. HARRISON I meant... BARTLET Nah, that's okay. I think you're terrific and I appreciate your coming in and talking to us. MRS. HARRISON Thank you, sir. I look forward to talking to your office. BARTLET Thanks again. CHARLIE I'll be right with you. Can you see Bruno? BARTLET Yeah. Hey. BRUNO You want some good news, Mr. President? BARTLET Please, the market's down 425 points. BRUNO Well, I think it's going to rally but even if it doesn't, this one isn't attributable to anything... BARTLET I know. BRUNO I'm saying... BARTLET 425 points represents billions of dollars which aren't there anymore heading into the fourth quarter which is Christmas. BRUNO Well, I thinks it's going to rally. BARTLET What's your good news? BRUNO We've held or made slight gains in almost all the polls. ABC/Washington Post, Bartlet 50, Ritchie 44. I'm all right referring to you colloquially? CBS/ New York Times, Bartlet 50, Ritchie 43. NBC/ Wall Street Journal, Bartlet 49, Ritchie 43. BARTLET You said almost all. BRUNO CNN/USA Today/ Gallup, Bartlet 46, Ritchie 45. BARTLET Why does Gallup have it a one-point race? BRUNO It's 'cause... BARLTET 'Cause they're polling likely voters and not registered voters. That's why they're getting the same numbers we do. BRUNO Wait till the debates. Elections in six weeks, Mr. President. The world was created in a lot less time. BARTLET Well, one day I'll buy you a beer and you'll tell us all how you did it. BRUNO Thank you, sir. C.J. Bruno. BRUNO Yeah. C.J. Yesterday, the First Lady appeared on KCAL, which is a local LA station. She was asked about the suspension of her medical license and she said something like, "I'm just a wife and mother." BRUNO And that has been interpreted in some circles as merely a wife and mother? C.J. This is Flint Aldridge, a Southern Baptist radio host. "This is another sign that Abbey Bartlet is a liberal elitist feminist." BRUNO Elitist, feminist-- you can't do that to the English language. C.J. And this is from Janet Ritchie. BRUNO Janet Ritchie went on the record? C.J. "Being a wife and a mother are the most rewarding roles I've ever played. I think Abbey Bartlet and I have two different ambitions." BRUNO Ooh, she won $50. Said the secret word right there-- ambition. Phyllis Schlafly and Ann Coulter are going to have a sqaure dance. C.J. Anyway, it's waiting for us down on the ground. BRUNO Then let's stay up here and have drinks. CAPTAIN Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. BRUNO Janet Ritchie really went on the record? C.J. Yeah. BRUNO I love it when the women get involved. CAPTAIN I've begun our decent into Andrew's Air Force Base and I'm going to ask those who are so inclined to take their seats and fasten their seatbelts. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR A 3:30 - PRESIDENT MET WITH SECRETARY BRYCE, JOINED BY NESSRS. WENDEL, LEE, ALDEE AND STANISLOUS AND MS. WISSINGER A 3:35 - PRESIDENT MET WITH MR. LIEN. JOINED BY MR. McGARRY A 3:45 - PHOTO-OP WITH MR. KIETH. [RE-SCHEDULED] FADE IN: INT. HALLWAY - DAY GINGER The first two are easy. SAM It's Bryce. GINGER He just wants to talk about why the department didn't participate more in... SAM Okay. GINGER Then it's Peter Lien and a photo-op. SAM What's the photo-op? GINGER It's a man who's shaken the hand of every President since Herbert Hoover. SAM All right. Do we have some sort of condensed Readers Digest index of... well, all human knowledge? GINGER We usually just use Margaret. SAM Okay, well, we'll have to talk about that but we'll do it another time. Soon, though. Why don't you get me my notes from this mornings speech in Bloomfield. GINGER I've got them out. SAM Hey, were there women with aprons and rolling pins at a rally in Madison, Wisconsin this morning? BRUNO Yeah. SAM Why? BRUNO Abbey Bartlet's a lesbian. Bruno reaches the Roosevelt Room. C.J. What the hell does that mean, "I love it when the women get involved?" BRUNO She's talking to me, right? C.J. Abbey... BRUNO I'm not talking about Abbey and Janet Ritchie. I'm talking about the women, the voters continuing their unbroken streak. The biggest nonsense issue in the campaign will belong to the women. Does Abbey Bartlet love her children? Next week, Grandpa: friend or foe? C.J. This is not a woman's issue. This is dumb woman's issue. BRUNO I think anybody who's got a five-point majority and still doesn't control the agenda, might be spending a little to much time reading about how to get a man to get over his fear of commitment. C.J. Remind me to mention that to the population of South Africa. BRUNO You know what? In the scheme of things? It took them about five minutes. C.J. Can we start? BRUNO Yeah. C.J. Several of the men I've dated haven't yet gotten over their fear of frogs. BRUNO Okay. LARRY Has anybody seen tape on this? C.J. I still haven't. CAROL We're getting it. BRUNO She was asked about her license. She said, "Right now, I'm just a wife and mother." LARRY Option one is we make a joke out of it. BRUNO We make a joke out of it? What would we have to do to it to make...? C.J. Yeah, the rolling pins took care of that. BRUNO It is pret-a-porter. C.J. Remind me to get Josh in on this. Option two? CUT TO: EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY We pan from a man putting a horse in the back of a trailer to the highway, where we see Toby, Donna, Josh and Tyler cruising in the red jeep. They pull off of the road into the parking lot of a small diner. JOSH It's Monday. DONNA Yeah. Why? JOSH Nothing. It was just something I said. All right, ten minutes. We get the stuff to go. They walk inside the DINER. TOBY Tyler? TYLER Yes, sir? TOBY What's a Hoosier? TYLER A Hoosier's someone from Indiana. TOBY Afternoon. FIONA Yes. TOBY We'd like some food to go. FIONA What would you like? TOBY What's good? FIONA Everything. TOBY What's your specialty? FIONA Taking someone's order and giving it to them. TOBY Okay. FIONA I saw you drive up. You people going to cause trouble. TOBY I swear not on purpose. FIONA Everytime he comes around here, there's trouble. I don't want leaflets around my place. You handing out leaflets? TOBY No, uh, we just want food. FIONA Yeah, well, what to do need? TOBY You wouldn't say there was some sort of local delicacy... FIONA I'm getting my husband. Fiona walks off to the back of the diner. TOBY Right, uh... [to man sitting at counter] Excuse me. Would you mind terribly if I changed the channel to CNN for just a minute? I've, uh, been a little out of touch today. I would like to check in with what's been going on. MAN Earl and Fiona don't get cable TV. Three channels are enough. The picture's fuzzy today. I think there's going to be weather. Fiona and her husband Earl come from the back. EARL What the hell, boy? TOBY I was just asking what's good. EARL Yeah? TOBY We'll take four cheeseburgers. EARL The dry rub is good. TOBY Dry rub? EARL Yeah. You dry rub the beef with spices for a day or two. Sauce is a myth. TOBY Okay. See, Fiona, this is exactly what I was talking about. FIONA Shut up! Fiona trumps off to the back. EARL She's been in a bad mood for... well, about 45 years, I guess. CUT TO: INT. DINER TABLE - CONTINUOUS Donna, Josh, and Tyler are sitting down at a table in the diner. DONNA Out in the parking lot when you said it's Monday, I flashed on the song. A few days ago, someone told me that a girl shot up her school one morning and we they asked her why, she said, "I don't like Mondays," and that's where the song comes from. JOSH Yeah. DONNA You knew that? JOSH Yeah. DONNA That's where the song comes from? JOSH Yeah. DONNA I'm sorry about the time zones. Toby approaches table and sits down. JOSH Why is it we cite Ritchie's advisors by name? The Milton Friedman economic plan? The Leonard Tynan education plan? TOBY I give credit where credit's due. JOSH It's our way of calling him a puppet, right? TOBY Josh, he cites them more then we do, which is his way of saying, "I want to be President the same way you want a cold beer." JOSH No. It's his way of saying, "I think it's great that Bartlet's a Nobel Prize winner. When I'm elected, I'm going to hire me some of those." TOBY No, no. Should be what he's saying. What he's saying is, "Eastern education isn't for real men, but don't worry. I'll have Jews for the money stuff." You mind calling C.J. for me? JOSH That line from the convention speech-- "challenges too great for a Potemkin presidentcy?" TOBY It is true. JOSH Most people weren't the smartest kid in the class. Most people didn't like the smartest kid in the class. TOBY Yeah? JOSH I don't care how subliminal it is. This can't be a national therapy session. DONNA C.J. Donna hands Toby the cellphone. TOBY Thank you. Hello. CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. [into phone] Hey, before I forget. If you see Josh, can you ask him to stop by my office? CUT TO: INT. DINER - DAY Toby sets the phone down on the table. C.J. Toby? JOSH What? TOBY She'd like you to stop by her office. C.J. Toby, are you there? Josh picks up the phone. JOSH C.J., it's me. Did you happen to notice that we weren't on the plane? C.J. You weren't on the plane? JOSH We missed the plane. C.J. What happened between Unionville and the plane? JOSH We missed Unionville. We missed the motorcade. C.J. Bummer. JOSH Yeah. FIONA Dry rub's up! C.J. I love dry rub. They take the meat and... Josh closes the phone in the middle of C.J.'s sentence. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Sam is waiting in the Oval Office when Bartlet enters from the colonnade. SAM Good afternoon, Mr. President. BARTLET Seth Weinberger's assistant has come forward with the information that he was having an affair with a colleague and a newspaper has printed it. SAM What's the assistant's thing? BARTLET You tell me. He'd already stepped down over OSHA. It's been two months. This is an assistant getting her name in the paper and it's unbelievably hurtful to his wife. I don't understand it. I don't understand the paper printed it either, but that's another day. This is terrible. SAM Yes, sir. CHARLIE Secretary Bryce. BARTLET Good. SAM Is there a place you'd like me to stand or sit? BARTLET Hmm? SECRETARY BRYCE Mr. President... BARTLET Mitch, come on in. [to Sam] Just rock and roll, Sam. BARTLET Hey. LARRY [to Sam] Josh likes to stand over there. BRYCE I wanted to mention first of all, Mr. President, that I think you could seed Commerce's input on, uh... I'm not going to say what you could seek. SAM Actually, Mr. Secretary, if you're talking about he stump speech, and energy in particular, that's not the President's fault. I was just looking at my notes from... BARTLET We have your input. You're talking about the exemption. BRYCE It is sheer lunacy to suggest America takes unilateral steps while exempting 80% of the world's nations from the same obligations. BARTLET Developing nations, and I think what's lunacy is a nation of SUV's telling a nation of bicycles, that they have to change the way the live before we'll agree to do something about greenhouse emission. BRYCE Among our economic competitors there's the principle of fairness. BARTLET Well, in international law there's a principle called differentiated responsibilties. We're the ones making the greenhouse gas! There is a scattered applause. Ed looks at his watch. ED 47 seconds. LARRY Who had 47 seconds? BRYCE You're losing the support of the business community. BARTLET Mr. Secretary, it's not your job to tell me whose support I'm losing. We have people who do that. It's your job to tell me whose support you just got for me. BRYCE Yes, sir. BARTLET Okay. BRYCE Thank you, Mr. President. Secretary Bryce and his staff depart from the Oval Office, while Bartlet walks to his desk. BARTLET [to Larry] Ed. LARRY Well, I'm Larry, sir. BARTLET Whatever. Seth Weinberger's old assistant... LARRY I saw that. BARTLET I don't think a lot of blind loyalty, but I think a lot less of blind betrayal. LARRY That's why I haven't gotten married yet, sir. BARTLET Yeah, that's probably why. CHARLIE Congressman Lien. BARTLET Could somebody get Leo for me, please? Peter, you hear that? He called you "congressman." CONGRESSMAN PETER LIEN Yes, sir. BARTLET You think when your folks got you out in '74, they imagined they were taking you to a place that'd be willing to make you a Congressman? LIEN As a matter of fact, sir, I think that's exactly what they imagined. BARTLET Me too. How's fishing? LIEN It's been a good season. BARTLET You catch any marlin? LIEN Marlin's a game fish, sir. Not a lot of people eat them. BARTLET Takes a fisherman to catch one, though, right? LIEN Oh, yeah. BARTLET Okay, I'm just saying. LEO Good afternoon, Mr. President. BARTLET Leo, meet Congressman Peter Lien, Texas 22nd. Peter, this is Leo McGarry, U.S. Air Force, 144th Fighter Wing. LEO Pleased to meet you, Congressman. BARTLET Peter's family fishes in Galveston Bay, but they don't catch marlin. It's a sore spot, and he doesn't like to talk about it. Peter's 34 years old. LEO I'm sorry it's been two months and we haven't been able to get you up here until now. LIEN No, please. It's a bust time. If there's any help I can give you in Texas... BARTLET Ordinarily I would tell you that Jim Coor was a good public servant, and you've got big shoes to fill, and he was and you do, but obviously you have a bigger symbolic responsibilty then that. LIEN Yes, sir. BARTLET But you biggest responsibiltity isn't symbolic, right? LIEN Yes, sir. BARTLET What is it? LIEN It's my district, my country, and the Congress of the United States. BARTLET Welcome, my freind, to the show that never ends. LIEN Thank you, Mr. President. They turn around to take picture of Congressman Lien shaking Bartlet's hands. Sam, Larry, Leo, and Bartlet watch the Congressman exit. BARTLET Isn't that a hell of a thing? What's next? DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 4.01 -- "20 Hours in America part 1" Original Air Date: September 25, 2002, 9:00 PM EST Transcript by: The Vault October 20, 2002