The President (Martin Sheen) is torn over forfeiting the principle of diplomatic immunity for an important Middle Eastern official known to be plotting terrorism while Josh (Bradley Whitford) duels with his feminist activist/lover (Mary-Louise Parker) over a key welfare reform bill. Elsewhere: Bartlet is advised not to attend a politically sensitive fundraiser; a chastened Sam (Rob Lowe) nixes ecology-friendly legislation for the Everglades; C.J. (Allison Janney) gains new respect for her Secret Service bodyguard (Mark Harmon); Donna (Janel Moloney) is dispatched to North Dakota to represent the administration at a meeting to change the state’s name.
THE WEST WING "WE KILLED YAMAMOTO" WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN DIRECTED BY: THOMAS SCHLAMME TEASER SUNDAY MORNING MAN [VO] First, the money trail. Under interrogation from the FBI, we've been able to follow up on where Yossi received his materials and financing. An account in Yossi's name received a $105,000 wire transfer on the first of last month at Seaside Trust in San Mateo, California. FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY Bartlet and Leo are inside with Fitzwallace and the joint chiefs. MAN Two. Sir, the NSA echelon shows the money originating from an account at the Bank of Commercial Finance in Geneva. The account balance totals a little over 18 million, and we've been able to determine that the account was opened with a transfer from Star of the Levant International. Star of the Levant International is a dummy corporation for Bank Al-Hassan. That's where Colonel Lee takes over. COLONEL LEE The controlling partner at Bank Al-Hassan is Abdul Lebin Shareef, minister of Defense of the Sultanate of Qumar. LEO He's got to put everything in a blind trust when he's elected. The Qumari Defense Minister gets to own a bank? MAN Leo, I think you're going to find that in a number of ways the Minister of Defense is simply Mr. Shareef's day job. COLONEL LEE Massive transfers of funds within one to two weeks of the terrorists' attacks; all the recipients being Bai operatives. $97000 to the King's Bank of Tunisia before the Embassy. $65000 to the Merchant's Bank in Saudi one week before the bombings of the Marine barracks in Port Al Alzoud. LEO It was Shareef who had three suspects arrested in that case? COLONEL LEE Yes, sir. He identified them as three top-ranking intelligence officers and had them summarily executed. LEO So we couldn't question them? FITZWALLACE There it is. The bombs in Tunisia and Port Al Alzoud were made by the same source. We've identified the bomb signatures. Ammonium nitrate and fuel oil with the dynamite trigger. Bartlet looks at photographs. FITZWALLACE There's the witness of the Chechnyan the Russians have in custody. There's Abdul Razi, Shareef's son in law. And there's the money trail. BARTLET [sighs] You haven't got it. Bartlet stands. Everyone follows. FITZWALLACE Sir... BARTLET We want to ask the Justice Department to indict Qumari Minister of Defense. We're saying he's a terror kingpin. We're saying he's killed I don't know how many civilians and how many of Tommy's Marines. We're saying he's compromised I don't know how many agents throughout the world and we're saying he's done it in the clothing of an ally. This isn't a cave dweller. This is Capone. You haven't got it. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. AMY'S APARTMENT - DAY Van Morrison is on the radio as Amy feeds her basset hound and dances around, drinking coffee. Josh is in the bedroom talking on the phone. JOSH [into phone] I don't know, it's confusing. There's Van Morrison. She's doing a scene from 'Flashdance.' DONNA [vo] All right, don't be frightened. JOSH You sure? DONNA Yeah. JOSH Listen, I'm sending you to Bismarck, okay? You got to go tomorrow and sit in on a DNC platform meeting where they're discussing whether or not... CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY DONNA Hang on... I'm sorry, hang on a second. Did you just say you were sending me to Bismarck? JOSH Yeah. DONNA North Dakota? JOSH It's just overnight. DONNA Am I being punished? JOSH [VO] Just the opposite, my friend. DONNA I'm being promoted? JOSH [comes into kitchen] I wouldn't go that far, you're speaking for the White House. The DNC's having a platform meeting and North Dakota wants to have a plank eliminating the word 'north' from their name. We take no state for granted; we want to show North Dakota we care and so the White House is going to be represented... DONNA You want to show North Dakota you care and so you're sending me? JOSH [pours himself coffee] It's really the very most we're willing to do. I'll write a statement and you'll read it. DONNA Okay. JOSH [VO] What are you doing at the office? DONNA I've got to put your stuff together for Congressman Pamento. JOSH Pintero? DONNA Yes. JOSH I forgot I had that meeting. DONNA How does a person get to Bismarck? JOSH The Iditarod, Donna. They have an airport; it's the capital. DONNA Are you coming here? JOSH As soon as I get dressed. DONNA Good bye. [hangs up] Josh walks over to Amy, who is sitting on the counter eating toast, singing and tossing her hair. JOSH Buttercup? You getting enough iron in your diet? You getting too much? AMY Exactly the right amount. Sunday with my man. JOSH Quite a bit of Sunday with your man. AMY What happened? JOSH I have to meet with Rick Pintero. We set it up yesterday. It's about reauthorization of the Welfare Reform Bill. [hugs her] AMY You're going to miss the Werner Fassbinder Festival. JOSH And I'm pretty broken up about that. But this is right in your wheelhouse. Poor women are counting on me. AMY All women count on you, Josh. We find you godlike. JOSH I bought your birthday present already. [kisses her] AMY Why have I been dancing? JOSH Nobody really knows. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY Sam walks inside, where two women are waiting for him. SAM Hey. JANE Hey, Sam, thanks for doing this on Sunday. SAM Yeah. MURIEL How's it going? SAM Fine. JANE She meant since the thing. SAM I screwed up; I moved on. They enter SAM'S OFFICE. JANE Good, 'cause we've got something we want you to take to Bruno. MURIEL And Leo, too, it's legislative. SAM What? MURIEL What's the biggest single thing a president can do for the environment? SAM Save the Everglades. MURIEL Largest subtropical wilderness in the low 48. JANE And they're obviously in serious trouble. SAM What's the plan? JANE The President announces an $8 billion, 20-year plan to restore the water flows and bolster the wildlife population. SAM Eight billion? JANE Yeah. SAM No sweat. JANE No, we know where the money comes from. SAM Where? MURIEL Same place the pollution does. JANE The sugar industry. We end sugar subsidies in the federal budget, which adds up to eight billion. It's great for us, terrible for Ritchie, and suddenly Florida's in play. MURIEL And even if we don't win it, now he's gotta spend time, he's gotta spend money campaigning in his own state. SAM Yeah. No. I'm not taking it to Bruno, but thanks for coming in. MURIEL Why? SAM [walks out of the office] I'm sorry? JANE Why aren't you taking it to Bruno? SAM [stops in doorway] Because I like my job. MURIEL Sam, it's... SAM Sugar growers are Ritchie's biggest supporters. It'll look like we're taxing our enemies. It'll backfire. [leaves] MURIEL Technically, it's not a tax! SAM [VO] Thanks, guys! CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE LOBBY - DAY Josh runs in, panting. CONGRESSMAN PINTERO is sitting in a chair. JOSH Congressman! PINTERO Hey. He gets up, and they shake hands. JOSH I'm sorry, I had in my head that we were doing this in your office. PINTERO No, we said here. JOSH My assistant set me straight. Come on back. They enter the YELLOW HALLWAY as Donna walks out in her coat and with a bag. DONNA Good afternoon, Congressman. PINTERO Good afternoon. DONNA I'm off to buy prairie gear. JOSH It's a city. You've been there. DONNA I'll call later! [leaves] We follow Josh and Pintero to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA. PINTERO You seem a little frazzled. JOSH Ah... I just... we've been scheduled for a while to go to a Catholic charity's fundraiser in New York next week. It's the Royal National Company... PINTERO 'Wars of the Roses?' Cathy and I saw it in London. It's...It's fantastic. It's like no Shakespeare you've ever seen, there's music, they sing... JOSH [pours coffee] And it's great, but I've just been told Governor Ritchie is coming as well, so now it becomes a different thing, and... PINTERO So now you've got to tell Toby Ziegler. JOSH [laughs] Yeah. But what do you got? PINTERO The twenty-five votes you need to move the Working Toward Independence Act out of committee. JOSH How? PINTERO The President has to agree to a compromise. They stop in the doorway to JOSH'S OFFICE. JOSH We can't cave on childcare. PINTERO You're getting a billion more on childcare. JOSH A billion? PINTERO For a trade. JOSH What? PINTERO We put in three hundred million more for marriage incentives, and we raise the work requirements to 38 hours a week. JOSH [comes out of his office] Well, the work requirement aside, the marriage incentives... PINTERO It's the only way. JOSH Marriage incentives are terrible! PINTERO It's the only way. JOSH [beat] All right, let me talk about it around here. PINTERO [starts to leave] Hey, you're gonna love that show. JOSH Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. Thanks. He walks into his office and slams the door. CUT TO: EXT. ARLINGTON CEMETERY - DAY A motorcade is cruising around. Leo is leaning on a limo, talking on the phone and writing in his notepad. LEO 'I will do it again.' Thanks. He hangs up and walks towards Bartlet, who is standing holding flowers, together with Charlie, next to Mrs. Landingham's grave. BARTLET [to the grave] I've been seeing a shrink, by the way. I had trouble sleeping and Leo brought in a guy. I feel ridiculous talking out loud like this, but he said... Doesn't matter. I just can't believe it's been a year. Anyway. Bartlet puts the flowers down, and walks towards Leo. BARTLET What is it? LEO It can wait until we get back. BARTLET What is it? LEO This isn't the place. BARTLET Leo. They walk towards the motorcade. LEO Shareef had a meeting with two Muslim clerics in Bechar. We picked up the meeting by aiming and IR laser beam at the windows from 400 feet. Three different Arabic experts worked on the translation. [opens notepad] BARTLET [reads]'The enemy imagines he is secure. The bridge did not fall. He looks down from his high-- or elevated place or places-- but our great victory is still assured. There will be other moments. LEO Meaning times, places, or opportunities. BARTLET 'I have brought him low, and I will do it again.' [takes off glasses] All right. Bartlet gets into the limousine and the motorcade begins moving. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY MONDAY Toby, C.J., Josh, Sam, Ed, Larry and several other staffers are having a meeting. TOBY They can't be in the same room. It elevates him, it diminishes us. C.J. Yes. TOBY Now he's one of two guys tossing a job application. C.J. And it gives him access to a massive press corps. JOSH How do we get out? We'll look impolite, and we'll look chicken. LARRY We could ask Ritchie not to go. ED How does that work? LARRY We'll ask politely. JOSH We'll tell him the shows not very good, we don't think he's going to like it. C.J. Yes, yes, that's what we do. JOSH We don't go, we pull out. Better to look chicken, then to get broasted, my mother always says. SAM What's broasted? JOSH I've never really known but it's what they do to chickens. TOBY What do you think? SAM I don't know. TOBY You think we don't go, right? SAM Yeah. TOBY All right, we don't go. The President's going to have to call the Archbishop. C.J. I was looking forward to it. TOBY What? C.J. The show. JOSH It's five hours of King Henry's with musical interludes and a dinner break. C.J. I think you should come to my house and perform it for me. TOBY We're done. Toby and Sam get up and walk into the HALLWAY. TOBY Sam... SAM Yeah? TOBY I talked to Jane and Muriel this morning and they said they came to you yesterday with something about the Everglades and you shut the door. SAM Yeah. TOBY They seemed pretty excited about it. You sure you don't want it? SAM You can look it over. TOBY No, if you say so. SAM Okay. CUT TO: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY BARTLET This is ridiculous. He's coming here. He's coming here! Why the hell can't we arrest him when he steps off the plane? MAN 1 It's a breach of diplomatic immunity. DAVID It's our own Diplomatic Relations Act-- 22 U.S.C. 254. MAN 1 No foreign government... MAN 2 He doesn't need the citation... FITZWALLACE At what point do you forfeit diplomatic status? BARTLET Fitz makes a reasonable point. Doesn't it pretty much go without saying that I revoked it after he tried to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge? MAN 1 It doesn't go without saying Mr. President. Now, immunity can be set aside. It's possible, but it means making our case to the Sultan. LEO We can't do that. DAVID We have no extradition treaty with Qumar. BARTLET Why the hell do we need...? He's coming here on his own. He's delivering himself on a Lear jet. DAVID It still means setting aside diplomatic immunity, which stills means a conversation with the Sultan. LEO We can't talk to the Sultan David, Shareef is a member of the royal family. The Sultan's his brother. We want to lock him up. I don't think he's going to warm to it. Plus we're never going to see Shareef again. MAN 1 There are things we could explore working under treaties we signed with Great Britain when Qumar was a protectorate. Now, Qumar has historically rejected this interpretation of international law... LEO That's fine. It doesn't matter what they historically rejected. Shareef is coming here. Have an answer for us by tomorrow, okay? BARTLET Fellas, this guy is going to stand trial in a US court and if we have to stick heroin on his plane to get him there, that's what we're going to do. CUT TO: INT. C.J.'s OFFICE - DAY Simon is standing in the doorway of C.J.'s empty office, when C.J. comes walking down the hall and spots him. C.J. Agent 99. SIMON Morning. C.J. I want you to tell me right now, this second, what are you people doing to catch this guy? SIMON We're doing all the things that we do. C.J. You know, I haven't been happy with any of your answers to any of my questions. SIMON Well, you've done a pretty good job concealing your dissatisfaction so far. C.J. Simon... SIMON The OPR, after examining you hard drive, has determined that he or she attached a virus to the e-mails that were sent to you. It's called a Trojan horse application and once installed, allows the perpetrator to record all of your inputs. C.J. He's been reading my e-mail? SIMON You traded e-mails with Hogan. C.J. He knew I was shopping? SIMON He was there. C.J. How do you know? SIMON He thought you looked good in the black Vera Wang. C.J. I don't want to know about this. SIMON That's why I don't tell you. C.J. You just did. SIMON You asked me. C.J. So the one time you answer a question of mine... SIMON Are you going to your gym tonight? C.J. What? SIMON Are you working out? C.J. I thought you said you want to have "gin" tonight. SIMON No. C.J. I can't go to my gym tonight. My gym's flooded. SIMON How about the White House gym? C.J. It closes at 7:00. SIMON You could use ours. It's just a couple of blocks. C.J. Is it a good gym? SIMON Yes, it's a... We run alongside moving cars. C.J. You don't have to get snobby about it. SIMON Would you like to use our gym? C.J. Yes, thank you. SIMON Good morning. CUT TO: INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY - DAY Bartlet and Leo walk. BARTLET It should be a showcase. He should have the best lawyers in the world. LEO We got to make sure he lands at Dulles and not BWI. BARTLET Why? LEO 'Cause that's the court that'll have jurisdiction. BARTLET The law cracks me up. LEO I know. BARTLET What else? LEO Josh met with Rick Pintero yesterday on the Working Toward Independence Act. BARTLET You suppose that could be any more patronizingly named? LEO I think when we're talking welfare, that ships pretty much sailed. BARTLET What do they want me to eat? LEO 300 million for marriage incentives. BARTLET Ah, the marriage incentives. What a bunch of horse manure. LEO I agree. BARTLET Is marriage really something that should be incentivised? And where the hell are all the small government conservatives when we're talking about Washington getting into the yenta business? LEO Yes. BARTLET You think we should do it? LEO Let's swallow the pill. Our own caucus won't discuss it and it does more good then harm. BARTLET Marriage incentives. Used to be all you had to have was a decent dental practice. LEO I don't understand. You didn't grow up in the Catskills, yet... BARTLET I'm erudite. LEO Yes. BARTLET Lets do it. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. Leo walks off as Bartlet goes into the OUTER OVAL OFFICE. BARTLET Charlie. CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET I appreciated you coming out to the cemetery with me yesterday. CHARLIE Yes sir. BARTLET So it's been a year. Why don't you organize the search, you know for a new Executive Secretary. CHARLIE Yes, sir. Absolutely. BARTLET I may not like the first couple of candidates. It may take a while. CHARLIE No, I don't imagine you're going to hire somebody, sir, but this is a step in the right direction. BARTLET Thank you. CHARLIE Thank you, Mr. President. CUT TO: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, BISMARCK, NORTH DAKOTA - DAY Donna is meeting with local government. DONNA "Eliminating the term "north" from North Dakota is an important state issue and the President feels it should be resolved on a state level. While the President is sympathetic towards the cause and understands the large economics ramifications of this name change, he feels the issue is not yet ripe for national attention. The President wishes you well on your endeavors and thanks you for your support." MAN Uh, Miss Moss? Are you aware that studies clearly show the word 'north' leaves the impression that this state is cold, snowy and flat, significantly depressing tourism and business startup. DONNA With due respect, sir, your average temperature is 7 degrees. Your average snowfall: 42 inches, and a name change isn't going to take care of that. WOMAN We enjoy roughly the same climate as South Dakota. We took in 73.7 million in tourism revenue last year. They took in 1.2 billion. They have the word "south." DONNA Also Mount Rushmore. MAN Miss, is the White House behind this or not? DONNA Please, let me be clear again. I have very narrow parameters in terms of representing the position of the White House. I'm an a assistant to Josh Lyman, and I was sent here to read a statement. CUT TO: INT. AMY'S APARTMENT - DAY Van Morrison is playing in the background and a pot of stew is brewing on the stove. Amy is at a desk reading through papers and typing on her computer there is a knock on the door. Amy gets up and answers the door. JOSH Hey. [kisses Amy] Something smells great. AMY There's going to be stew. JOSH It's ready? We can eat it? AMY I'm cooking it for the fourth time. JOSH The beef is well done? AMY Burnt. JOSH The peas? AMY Baby peas. JOSH Carrots? AMY Soft. JOSH Potatoes? AMY Cubed. JOSH Gravy? AMY Well spiced, much like myself. JOSH Oh, this is going to be a good night. My woman, a fine stew, and a Mets game on national TV. You see how I slipped that last one in? AMY I saw. JOSH You listening to Van Morrison again? AMY It's the radio. You never said how the meeting with Pintero went. JOSH Well... uh, good. AMY They're going to vote it out of committee? JOSH Yeah, in fact we're getting another billion for childcare. AMY What do you have to give Republicans for a billion dollars. JOSH 300 million for marriage incentives. AMY You mean like subscriptions to "Bride and Groom Magazine"? JOSH No, the marriage incentives are a serious... AMY I know what the marriage incentives are. JOSH Let's not do this now. AMY Cash bonuses to moms on welfare who marry the child's father-- canceling out child support debt if the parents... JOSH You know what? Every single study, every one shows that kids do better in two-parent houses. AMY Kids are better off if they're raised by parents who love them. Your solution is loveless. JOSH It's not my solution. AMY Does my government really believe that the law can create a family? Do these old fat-ass men really believe that if they just pay people to act like "Leave it to Beaver", everything'll be fine? Did you really think the person in my job is going to sit? This is about collecting votes from white men. JOSH Amy, if we don't get elected, I promise you, President Ritchie is going to have a lot less sympathy for your agenda. AMY This bill isn't going to pass. JOSH Yes it is. It's locked up. I have the American Children's Alliance behind it. AMY Not for long. [gets on the phone] It's me Scott. Everyone who's in the office should stay there. I need Legislative Affairs to put together a meeting with Regina King. JOSH And we're back to work. Josh reaches for his cellphone, but Amy grabs it before he does and throws it in the stew. AMY And I want to start shooting calls tonight to the Congressional Women's Caucus... the CRA and all of Matty's people. The marriage incentives are in the welfare reauthorization and it's committee. Josh has walked across the room and picked up Amy's house phone. AMY Hold on. She rifles through a drawer and pulls out scissors. AMY Can you call Robison? Amy walks towards Josh. JOSH Yeah, it's Josh. The Secretary of Labor is in Chicago... Amy cuts the phone cord. AMY Tell him I'm calling in the I.O.U. on prenatal healthcare. Hold on. I'm sorry, honey, that was an accident. There's a payphone on the corner. Although its been out of order for a little while. Lets get Kate Feldon with the Society of Business Women. She's spinning right now, so keep trying. I'm on my way. Let's get to work. Put Janeane on the phone. I'll hold. Janeane, it's me. Let's suit up. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, BISMARCK, NORTH DAKOTA - DAY Donna continues her conference. MAN Right now, we have an unique opportunity to reexamine our economy and mindsets and develop strategies to maximize our state's strengths and resources to generate new business. The key strategy being to remove the negative image the state by establishing a more inviting state name-- Dakota. HARRY CONROY (CHAIRMAN IN NORTH DAKOTA) Okay, we'll adjourn for the night, and pick this up tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM. Thank you, everyone. [to Donna] You did very well. DONNA Oh, thank you. I just read what I was given. HARRY No, you answered the questions with a lot of poise. DONNA Well, thank you. HARRY Speaking of questions. How's my friend Sam Seaborn doing? DONNA Fine. I'll let him know you asked. HARRY I meant since the videotape. DONNA Fine. HARRY So I shouldn't be reading anything into the fact that they sent you and not him? DONNA Oh, god no. Mr. Chairman... HARRY Harry. DONNA I'm sorry if this sounds insulting, but... HARRY It's not on Seaborn's radar screen. DONNA I'm a senior assistant. He's a senior counselor. The difference between me and Sam, is the difference between me and the starting second baseman for the Yankees. He just took one in the teeth, that's all. HARRY Tell him Harry Conroy says get up off the dirt. DONNA Yes, sir. CUT TO: INT. SECRET SERVICE GYM, SHOOTING RANGE - NIGHT C.J., just after working out, approaches Simon by the shooting range. C.J. You guys have a shooting range here? SIMON Yeah. How was the workout? C.J. Good. SIMON Home? C.J. [pointing at his gun] Let me try one of those. SIMON A what? C.J. A gun. SIMON Shooting? C.J. Yeah, let me see what all the fuss is about. SIMON Have you ever shot a gun before? C.J. Yeah. SIMON What kind? C.J. Well, I haven't shot one as much as I've seen others shot one in the movies. C.J. You guys use bull's-eyes? SIMON Yeah. C.J. I thought you'd use those little outlines of people. SIMON We have those too. C.J. 'Cause I'm thinking if someone's coming or you they probably don't have a bulls-eye on them. SIMON They do if I'm guarding you. C.J. Tough talk. I like that. Give me your gun. SIMON Let me get you a 25 caliber. C.J. What's wrong with yours? SIMON It's a .357 magnum. C.J. I've heard of that. That's a good brand. SIMON Yes. C.J. Let's go. I'm feeling twitchy. SIMON That's good news for me. Don't come close to pointing it at me. C.J. This is cool. SIMON I'm going to stand behind you and hold your shoulders. C.J. I don't need training wheels. SIMON Okay. Simon backs away from C.J. as she cocks the gun and fires. The recoil from gun knocks C.J. to the floor. SIMON Be careful. That .357's got a bit of a kick. C.J. That thing practically broke my arm. I've been wrong about guns. Just hand these out to the criminals. Simon helps C.J. get up off the ground. SIMON Want to go home now? C.J. What do you got? SIMON I'm sorry? C.J. Marksmanship-wise? SIMON Well, I can fire a gun without falling down, if that's what you mean. C.J. Show me what you've got. I'll tell you what. I'll make it interesting for you. Get five bullets. If you can't land any in the middle, then I get to drive my car. SIMON Well, I think that makes it interesting for you. C.J. Come on. One dead center, I never bother you about it again. SIMON Okay. C.J. Okay. SIMON Plus... C.J. What? SIMON You have to say something nice to me. C.J. Something nice to you? SIMON Yeah. C.J. Okay. SIMON All right. C.J. Wait. That was a trick. You must know you can do it. Put three in the middle. SIMON Three? C.J. Three out of five. You want to back out? SIMON No, I'm just worried about what I'm going to do with the other two. I'll be working against muscle memory. C.J. Look, if you want to back out... Simon begins shooting the gun making C.J. recoil and cover her ears from the loudness of the shots. Simon puts down his and presses the button to bring the bulls-eye in to view. There are three holes right next to each other on the bull's-eye. C.J. Wow. That's what I call dead center. What happen to the other two bullets? SIMON What do you mean? C.J. There were five bullets, and I don't believe it. SIMON Three dead center. C.J. How do you shoot like that? SIMON They give us lessons. C.J. I don't believe it. SIMON Well? C.J. Yes. Yes. I like that you're tall. SIMON You do? C.J. It makes me feel more feminine. I'm going to go change. Simon shoves the gun in his pants waist with a movie-like gesture and pulls it out in a second. SIMON Hot, hot, hot! CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY TUESDAY Charlie shows up at Sam's door. SAM Come in. CHARLIE Excuse me. SAM Hi. CHARLIE Got a minute? SAM What do you need? CHARLIE The President's ready to hire a lead secretary. SAM That's good. CHARLIE He asked me to start putting together a search. I thought about Elizabeth Etcheberry but the German accent. And then Beverly Casey's been secretary to two ambassadors. Sue Po, who worked for the head of the OPM. Jerry Walters-- but I don't think he'll be comfortable with a man. SAM You'll find somebody. CHARLIE How've you been? SAM Fine. CHARLIE Okay. If you think of anybody in the middle of the night. SAM Yeah. CUT TO: INT: LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Josh and Toby come in with Leo. JOSH Hey. LEO We spent millions of dollars developing a pen for the astronauts that would work in zero gravity. Know what the Russians did? TOBY Used a pencil? LEO They used a pencil. What do you need? JOSH We're actually here separately. This is a coincidence. LEO Okay. JOSH We have to move faster on the welfare bill. LEO Yesterday you told me we were fine. JOSH We are fine, but the women's groups will have their day in the sun. LEO Women's groups? JOSH One particular women's group for sure. LEO Josh is there nothing you can do to tame that woman? JOSH Hey... LEO How scared should I be? JOSH Not at all. I'm just saying... LEO It's going to be fine? JOSH Yeah. LEO 'Cause it's a body blow if we lose the floor vote. JOSH We're not going to lose the floor vote. LEO You? TOBY The President needs to call the Archbishop and tell him we can't be at the fund-raiser. LEO I know. TOBY He needs a reason. LEO We can use the same thing we were going to use with Chigorin to get out of Helsinki. JOSH That's exactly what we do. No, it takes care... We get the leadership to schedule the welfare vote for next week on the day we're supposed to be in New York. We can't go 'cause we got to work the vote and the early vote gives Amy no time to mobilize. LEO Done. JOSH This is good. LEO Toby, an encouraging word from you to Sam wouldn't be totally out of line. TOBY Sam doesn't need to be patronized. He'll shake it off. LEO It'd make him feel better. TOBY I don't want him feeling better. I want him feeling mad. Is there anyone you'd rather have as a blood enemy less then Sam? That's how I want him. LEO [smiling fondly] You know, it was a screw up, but I got to say I love the way he did it-- full speed, bam. Like there's a Sam Seaborn-shaped hole in the wall. BARTLET [comes in] They've got something for us. LEO Excuse me. CUT TO: INT: THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY Bartlet and Leo are already inside. BARTLET Did we solve immunity? MAN 1 Sir... BARTLET Did we solve it? MAN 1 Yes, sir. DAVID But it doesn't matter. BARTLET Why? DAVID The judge would throw out the case. The entire chain of evidence leading us to Shareef originates with the testimony of a Chechnyan prisoner. BARTLET Yeah. MAN 1 His testimony was reached after prolonged physical abuse by Russian soldiers. BARTLET He was tortured? MAN 1 Yes, sir. BARTLET Well, I'm no lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that's inadmissible. MAN 1 Yes, sir. BARTLET We'll come up with a less aggressive way of... We'll cancel his trip here obviously, but we'll come up with something. That's the ball game. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY Leo and Fitzwallace are sitting across from each other. LEO This is always when you say something. FITZWALLACE Nah. Have you changed shampoo? You have, I can tell. LEO I like to look good for you. FITZWALLACE Well, I appreciate it. Can you tell when its peacetime and wartime anymore? LEO No. FITZWALLCE I don't know who the world's leading expert on welfare is, but any list of the top has got to include me and I can't tell when it's peacetime and wartime anymore. LEO Look, international law has always recognized certain protected person's who you couldn't attack. It's been this way since the Romans. FITZWALLACE In peacetime. LEO Yes. FITZWALLACE The battle of Agincourt this was the French fighting against the British archers, this was like a polo match. The battles were observed by heralds and they picked the winners. And if a soldier laid down his arm he was treated humanely. LEO Yeah. FITZWALLACE And the international laws that you're talking about, this is where a lot of them were written. At a time in a place where a person could tell between peacetime and wartime. The idea of targeting one person was ridiculous. It wouldn't have occurred to the French to try to kill William Pitt. That all changed after Pearl Harbor. LEO I don't like where this conversation's going. FITZWALLACE Leo. LEO In the Situation Room, Fitz? FITZWALLACE We killed Yamamoto. We shot down his plane. LEO We declared war. FITZWALLACE If Dietrich Bonhoeffer had been successful... LEO And the plot to kill Hitler was an internal rebellion. FITZWALLACE ...there would've been statues built of an assassin. We'd have to explain that to our kids. LEO I'm going to get back to the office. FITZWALLACE We measure the success of a mission by two things: Was it successful and how few civilians did we hurt. They measure success by how many. Pregnant women are delivering bombs. You're talking to me about international laws? The laws of nature don't even apply here. I've been a soldier for 38 years. And I found an enemy I can kill. He can't cancel Shareef's trip, Leo. You've got to tell him he can't cancel it. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT Donna walks up to Josh. DONNA Hey. Excuse me, I'm looking for Josh Lyman. Do you happen to know...? JOSH They're getting telegrams two to one against. I just met with two Congressmen. Amy got in going in 24 hours. DONNA Two to one against? JOSH Yeah. I'm not talking about just a couple either. DONNA It'll be already. Sam walks by. DONNA Excuse me, Sam. SAM Hey. You just got back from someplace, right? DONNA Bismarck. DNC platform hearings on dropping North. SAM Just from the state, right? DONNA Not the compass. SAM Yeah. DONNA The Chairman was a guy named Harry Conroy. SAM Yes. DONNA He said, "Tell Sam Harry Conroy said get up off the dirt." SAM I am up off the dirt. DONNA Okay. SAM I am. CHARLIE Hey. DONNA How you doing? CHARLIE [to Sam] You got a second? SAM Actually, I'm crashing a deadline. CHARLIE I was going to pick your spirits up. SAM My spirits are up. CHARLIE 'Cause I can do magic. SAM really? TOBY Excuse me. DONNA Hey. TOBY Can I get the room for a minute? CHARLIE Come see me about that magic. SAM Will do. TOBY The first election I ever worked, you know was Bronx Borough President. There was some questions about my guys tax returns, so we called a press conference. It was 104 degrees that day on Bronx Boulevard. And I thought with a tax thing, the shorter the better, so I turned off the air-conditioning. SAM Did the press end it fast? TOBY Not the press so much as the candidate fainted. SAM Well, you changed the story. TOBY Yeah. I don't even think I ended up voting for him. Now, you screw up was worse and on a much bigger stage. SAM I'm fine. TOBY Yeah. 'Cause this is no time for the starters to be on the bench. SAM Yeah. TOBY All right. Toby begins to walk out of the room but stops and turns around. TOBY I read the Everglades pitch from Muriel and Jane. You're right, it's probably a pass. SAM No, that's the memo I'm writing now; I don't think so. TOBY I think anything tactical makes us look bad. SAM Well, we should get used to it. We go on TV, we do a better job at selling it then the other guy. And we win the bigger argument which is Ritchie is with Florida's special interests. And we do it right, we've forced him into defending polluters. I think Jane and Muriel are right. I also think it's the right thing to do. Ginger? GINGER Yeah. SAM I'm printing this now. You'll get it out? GINGER Yeah. TOBY All right. SAM Thanks, though. TOBY Sam? SAM Yeah? TOBY You're still mad, right? CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT Josh is on his way to the Oval Office. CHARLIE Well, she needs good skills. 110 ten words a minute. And discretion, obviously. A willingness to put this first no matter what. But there's an X-factor, right? JOSH Yes. CHARLIE What is it? JOSH It's unknown. That's why it's called an X-factor. CHARLIE Yes. JOSH An intangible... CHARLIE I've got the lady. JOSH Hmm? CHARLIE I've got the lady. I know who's the lady going to be. I've got the lady. Josh walks into THE OVAL OFFICE. BARTLET Josh, what the hell did you do to this welfare vote? JOSH Well, we scheduled it for Wednesday night. BARTLET Why? JOSH Two reasons, sir. The first was to get you out of the Catholic Charities event in New York. BARTLET I'm going to that. JOSH Governor Ritchie's accepted an invitation. BARTLET I know. LARRY Sir, none of thought it was a very good idea... BARTLET The fund-raiser was my idea. I've known the Archbishop for 20 years and I'm not playing politics with the church. Did anyone want to ask me abut this? You've got me running the vote from the mezzanine floor of a Broadway theatre. Where are we in the vote? JOSH Well, to be honest, we're slipping a little bit. BARTLET We are? JOSH Yes, sir. BARTLET Why? JOSH The women's groups are raising... BARTLET [angrily] True or false, Josh: My life would be better right now if you and your girlfriend swapped jobs? Why is it for every good thing you do around here, we've got to endure three screwiest. JOSH Well, I'm sorry about the... BARTLET Sorry doesn't get me 218. It doesn't get back the ad that slipped through your office any more then it gets back tobacco which you gave away for lunch money. And why the hell don't you know what Ritchie's commitments are before you get anywhere near my schedule? I've got the Presidential Box at a cattle call. Win the damn vote. JOSH Yes, sir. BARTLET I've got a G-8 briefing. JOSH Thank you, Mr. President. CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - NIGHT C.J. and Simon walking to her house. C.J. That was a fun party. I'd wish you'd come inside. SIMON I'd wish you'd let me use the car. C.J. It's two blocks. SIMON That's not the point. C.J. You're not big on fun, are you? SIMON Me? C.J. Yeah. SIMON I'm nothing but fun. What are you doing wrong right now? C.J. Walking on the wrong side of you. SIMON Yes. C.J. [switches sides] We couldn't just be two people who are walking home at the end of the night? SIMON We are. C.J. You know you told me a few days ago that you were at Rosslyn and I never said anything. I should have said something. SIMON Nah. C.J. What was your, um, what was your job right then? SIMON To take the shooters down. C.J. I guess I figured. SIMON I had a pretty good angle on the left. Which was Ray Beckwith. C.J. Which one was Beckwith? I get them mixed up. SIMON The 15-year old. C.J. Did you hit him? SIMON A lot of people shooting at him. Yeah I hit him. I know I did. I killed him. See? And you said I can't be fun. C.J. I just like your smile is all. I wouldn't mind seeing it more. They lean in to kiss each other but stop. SIMON I can't. C.J. No, yeah, no... SIMON You know I can't. C.J. I was just, you're right, 'cause walking in these heels... SIMON Yeah. C.J. Aren't you supposed to be walking in front of me? SIMON In a crowded place, but... C.J. We feel free to take chances. SIMON I'll walk in front. C.J. Forget it, I'm home. SIMON Look... C.J. Can we drop it? SIMON Sure. I'd just like to say... C.J. I say can we drop it, you say sure and then we don't drop it. SIMON Okay. PAM THAYER This is Thayer, four past midnight. I've got Flamingo from Donavon. SIMON All right, take it easy Pam. PAM Goodnight, boss. [to C.J.] Ready? C.J. Yes. CUT TO: INT. WLC BUILDING - NIGHT Josh is waiting downstairs as Amy and a few colleagues walk down. JOSH It's got to costing you an awful lot of PAC money. AMY You didn't want to come up? JOSH It's after midnight; they wouldn't let me up. AMY We were working late. JOSH Yes, you are. You know for every vote on the left you grab, I got to get one on the right. You know what that does to the bill? AMY Yeah, so we've been phone-banking the Bible Belt telling them how weak the abstinence provisions are. JOSH I've seen you level hotel ballrooms screaming about how ridiculous abstinence is. AMY I don't want to sleep with these guys, I just want there vote. JOSH Amy, when these things are over and we win, you know who's job it is to pay a visit to the people who weren't with us? AMY What happened? JOSH Nothing. AMY You just threatened me, honey. What happened? JOSH I'm saying that just 'cause you have Sherry Lansing's platinum card doesn't mean you go toe-to toe with the people... AMY Josh. JOSH ...who are writing the federal budget when they need you. AMY You going to put the women's movement out of business? JOSH There's a bigger picture. There's an election in November and you are a player in a political party. AMY If you win by selling out the party who cares who wins? "Jed Bartlet: Not quite as mean-spirited as the other guy." Doesn't really send me running to my polling place. JOSH All right. AMY Are you coming over? JOSH I have to go back to the office. [starts to leave] AMY [louder, after him] We ought to be able to talk about this. JOSH Yeah. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT Leo walks in. LEO Mr. President. BARTLET What are you doing here? It's 1:00 in the morning. LEO I called over to the residence. They said you were in the office. BARTLET You were home? LEO Yeah. By the way, I signed off on canceling the trip. I signed off on setting their vote. BARTLET You came over here to stand in front of Josh? LEO No. It's almost 8:00 AM in Qumar. You shouldn't cancel the trip. You should tell me to call the State Department. BARTLET Why? LEO What are the alternatives? BARTLET What are you... LEO What are the alternatives? Are we going to attack Qumar? BARTLET Maybe. LEO Now? We could kill all the armed teenagers we want, we still won't have Shareef. Let's get some more intelligence, let's some more counsel. BARTLET More counsel is going to help me violate international law. LEO It's pretty easy to say this is a war scenario. BARTLET It's pretty easy to say anything is a war scenario. LEO This is... BARTLET The war on poverty. It's a slippery slope. LEO Stop it. BARTLET What? LEO Just stop it already. This is the most horrifying part of your liberalism. You think there are moral absolutes. BARTLET There are moral absolutes. LEO Apparently not. He's killed innocent people. He'll kill more, so we have to end him. The village idiot comes to that conclusion before the Nobel Laureate. BARTLET Il Principe has justified every act of oppression... LEO This is justified. This is required. BARTLET Says who? LEO Says me, Mr. President. You want to go ask some more people, they'll say so, too. BARTLET Well, a mob mentality is just... LEO Not a mob. Just you. Right now. This decision. Which by the way is one of self-defense. Let Shareef come here and we have options. Cancel the trip and we have none. That's all we're talking about right now. BARTLET There are moral absolutes. Make the call. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 3.20 -- "We Killed Yamamoto" Original Airdate: May 15, 2002, 9:00 PM EST Transcript by: Irene and the Vault October 8, 2002