President Bartlet (Martin Sheen) consults a psychiatrist (Adam Arkin) for a troubling sleep disorder — and gets a sobering personal assessment — while C.J. (Allison Janney) lobbies hard to help secure the release of a White House reporter who’s been taken hostage on assignment in the Congo. Elsewhere: Toby (Richard Schiff) knows he will be visited by his irate ex-wife (Kathleen York) when he writes an inflammatory speech that condemns Islam for fanaticism; Sam (Rob Lowe) asks Republican lawyer Ainsley Hayes (Emily Procter) to review a proposed act that calls for payment of U.S. back dues to the United Nations in exchange for special requests; Donna (Janel Moloney) is stunned when she is offered a prestigious and well-paid new job outside the White House.
THE WEST WING "NIGHT FIVE" WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO TEASER FADE IN: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - NIGHT Camera pans past Charlie at his desk in the background and Stanley sitting waiting in the lobby. FRIDAY 10:05 PM Josh pushes in through the double doors. JOSH Stanley. STANLEY [standing] Josh. JOSH Your flight was all right? STANLEY It was fine. JOSH How are you? STANLEY Me? JOSH Yeah? STANLEY I'm fine. JOSH [looking down at Stanley's bags] These are your things? STANLEY Yeah. JOSH [heading out] I'm going to put them back in my office. STANLEY Should I go with you? JOSH No. I'll be right back. Stanley nods to himself and stands waiting. Josh returns a moment later. JOSH They'll be all right back there. STANLEY Where should we go? JOSH You ever seen the White House? STANLEY Just the little I saw when we talked last year. JOSH Follow me. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Josh leads the way through the double doors. JOSH [gesturing as he talks] This is the communications bullpen where Toby Ziegler and Sam Seaborn work. The rest of the ommunications and speech-writing work across the alley in the Old Executive Office Building. He turns and leads Stanley into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. JOSH And here comes the actual Sam Seaborn. What's going on? Sam comes into view. SAM Leo's reading it, and we're going to send it out in about ten to fifteen minutes so Toby's been banging around. JOSH What are you doing? SAM Banging around. JOSH [nodding toward Stanley] This Dr. Keyworth. SAM Sam Seaborn. They shake hands. STANLEY Nice to meet you. SAM Did you have a good flight? STANLEY Yes. SAM Anybody you know on the plane? STANLEY No. SAM Okay. [to Josh] I'll see you. Sam exits. JOSH [calling after Sam] Yeah. [gesturing, talking to Stanley] Uh... that's Leo's office. It has a private entrance into the Oval Office, but we'll go in here. He leads Stanley away. STANLEY [thoughtfully] The driver asked me the same question. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS JOSH What? STANLEY Did I know anybody on the flight. JOSH Yeah, he wanted to know if you had talked to anybody on the way here. Josh stops at the Oval Office door and opens it. STANLEY I didn't. JOSH [smiling] I know. [beat] This is the Oval Office. Stanley goes in THE OVAL OFFICE, and Josh follows. JOSH That's the Resolute Desk. It was built from the timbers of the H.M.S. Resolute and given to Rutherford Hayes by Queen Victoria to thank the U.S. for finding the abandoned ship. [beat] We're going to go over to the residence, but I'm going to take you out through the portico. He walks on. STANLEY [hanging back] Josh? JOSH Yeah? STANLEY Wouldn't you like to sit someplace and talk? JOSH Yeah. STANLEY Why the tour? JOSH You don't think this is interesting? STANLEY I think it's fascinating... JOSH If somebody sees us, I'd like for them to see me giving you a tour. Josh heads for the door. They exit to the PORTICO and Josh shuts the door behind them. STANLEY Who built the White House? JOSH It was designed by an Irish architect named James Hoban, who won the job in an open competition. It was built largely by slaves. They just found the pay receipts a few weeks ago. STANLEY The slaves were payed? JOSH Their owners. [indicating the residence door] Right through here. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY IN RESIDENCE - CONTINUOUS JOSH [cont'd] It wasn't until Buchanan was visited by Edward, Prince of Wales that he decided it wasn't enough rooms for guest, but it took another forty years to move all of the office space out of the Residence. You're really seeing something, Stanley. Tours don't go up into the second floor of the mansion. STANLEY Are you sure it's okay? JOSH Yeah. [pointing] We're gonna go in here now. This is the President's private study. STANLEY His private study? JOSH Yeah. CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - CONTINUOUS STANLEY Okay. [indicating the door] Should we... close the door? JOSH No, that's all right. STANLEY So, tell me how you've been feeling. JOSH Good. Leo enters through the open door. LEO Stanley. STANLEY [turning] Hey, Leo. [They briefly shake hands.] LEO Getting a tour of the place? STANLEY [nodding] Yeah. LEO You show him the North Portico? JOSH Leo likes to show people the soot stains on the North Portico. LEO From when the British torched the place. STANLEY They haven't repainted? LEO Not that. You know when Dolly Madison heard the cannon fire, she evacuated the building, but she already had the table set for a forty-person dinner party. So the British soldiers ate, then they set the building on fire. STANLEY So... the food didn't go to waste. LEO [grinning] That's right. [beat] How was your flight? STANLEY It was fine. LEO Did you know anyone on the plane? STANLEY [after a moment] You... didn't bring me here to talk to Josh, did you? LEO No. STANLEY Who did you bring me here to talk to? BARTLET [VO] Dr. Keyworth. Stanley turns to see the president standing in the doorway. BARTLET [cont'd] Did you know anyone on the plane? SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - NIGHT STANLEY No, no sir. I didn't know anyone on the plane. Bartlet nods. LEO [leaving] We'll leave you alone. Josh files out past Stanley. BARTLET [to Leo] The speech is going out? LEO In a few minutes. BARTLET Okay. Bartlet closes the door and turns to Stanley. BARTLET I'm Jed Bartlet. STANLEY Stanley Keyworth. BARTLET I guess we knew that? STANLEY Yes, sir. BARTLET I've been having trouble sleeping. STANLEY I'm sorry? BARTLET You understand that this is an election here, right? I mean by itself who cares? The President's having trouble sleeping, he talks to a doctor, but with the MS and the hearings and you're a psychiatrist... STANLEY Yeah. BARTLET [nodding] Okay. He walks past Stanley. STANLEY I'm not an expert in sleep disorders. BARTLET Yeah. STANLEY I'm a tramua specialist. BARTLET Yeah, we know you. You helped Josh out last year? STANLEY Josh was shot. BARTLET Me, too. STANLEY Is that why you can't sleep? BARTLET How would I know? STANLEY That's a fair point. BARTLET Thank you. [sits] STANLEY Well, Mr. President, um... [takes a seat opposite Bartlet] Tell me about the nature of your sleeping problem. BARTLET I can't sleep. STANLEY What happens when you try to sleep? BARTLET I stay awake. STANLEY How long has it been? BARTLET Four nights. STANLEY You haven't slept in four nights? BARTLET Right. STANLEY That must be hard? BARTLET Yeah. STANLEY Have you tried taking a sleeping pill? BARTLET The third night. STANLEY It didn't work? BARTLET Not 'til the next morning in the middle of a national security briefing. STANLEY Oh. That's no good. BARTLET [getting up] Stanley, I think you're under-selling yourself when you say you're not an expert in sleep disoders. 'Cause you've been right straight on the money so far. He goes over to the desk to get a cigarette. STANLEY How many of those do you smoke a day? BARTLET [lighting up] Not many. STANLEY 'Cause nicotine will keep you up at night. BARTLET Never has before. STANLEY It could be now. BARTLET [looking down at the cigarette] You think if I put this out, I'm gonna fall asleep? STANLEY [after a beat] No. BARTLET Then let's move on. STANLEY All right, um... Let's rule out some things. Physical factors. Bartlet walks over to the TV on the wall and fiddles with it for a moment. STANLEY [cont'd] Do you have arthritis? BARTLET No. STANLEY Heartburn? BARTLET No. STANLEY Irregular breathing or periodic muscle contractions? Bartlet walks back over to his desk and starts lifting things to look beneath them. BARTLET No. STANLEY All right. Lifestyle factors. BARTLET I'm sorry. Before we get to lifestyle factors, I'm just gonna turn this on. He walks back to the TV with the remote and turns it on. C.J.'s face appears on the monitor. BARTLET [cont'd] It's a closed-circuit thing. I'm at the U.N. on Monday. REPORTER [VO] [very faint] And when will Air Force One be leaving? C.J. [getting louder as volume increases on the screen] Leaving Andrews at 8:00 for the 9:30 address to the General Assembly. REPORTER 2 [VO] When do we see copies? BARTLET When we're done writing it. CUT TO: INT. PRESS ROOM - CONTINUOUS The same view of C.J. on a different monitor. The camera pans around to show the press. C.J. [looking up] I'm sorry? REPORTER 2 When do we see copies? C.J. Sunday night. REPORTER 2 Has the State Department reviewed it? C.J. I imagine we'll be getting their reviews any minute. REPORTER 3 Anyone else? C.J. Key members of House and Senate Foreign Relations. REPORTER 3 And we see it Sunday night? C.J. You see it Sunday night. That's it everybody. That's a full lid. Have a good weekend. REPORTERS Thank you, C.J.. They start to leave, and C.J. comes down from the podium. LEONARD WALLACE [approaching] C.J.? C.J. Hey, what are you doing here? WALLACE Listen, I'm missing a reporter. C.J. Who? WALLACE Bill Price. C.J. Isn't Billy in the Congo? WALLACE [nodding] Yeah. C.J. Come back here. She heads away and Wallace follows. They walk together down the CORRIDOR. WALLACE He files story by satellite phone through the New York Bureau at a predetermined time. He's missed two deadlines in a row. C.J. Does he miss deadlines? WALLACE Not one in seven years. C.J. What does State say? WALLACE It's Friday night, and I'm having trouble finding people. C.J. What about the other end? WALLACE I've talked to the embassy in Kinshasa. They're getting into it, but this is the Congo. C.J. What do you think has happened? WALLACE I think he left the Capitol. C.J. Without written permission from the Ministry? They come to a halt. WALLACE How would he know he needed that? C.J. By reading State background notes. WALLACE Does that sound like Billy? C.J. No. WALLACE C.J., the first fifteen minutes, they're the most critical in a war zone abduction. C.J. I know. WALLACE If we could get him delivered to someone higher up... C.J. Well, I'm going to go talk to Leo. WALLACE I know Billy's been a pain in the ass to you guys for three years, but Billy has a wife and two kids. So, if you could see clear to forgetting about... C.J. I don't care that he's been... Look, I'm going to get into this, but if he's missed two deadlines, then his fifteen minutes was yesterday. WALLACE I know. C.J. I'd call his wife. WALLACE Yeah. C.J. walks away and through another set of double doors. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT Leo is at his desk reading pages from a folder while Toby paces back and forth. LEO Toby? TOBY Yeah? LEO The pacing. TOBY Yeah. He stops. After a moment, he sighs heavily. LEO Okay, now the standing still is bothering me a little bit. Toby sits down. TOBY [after a moment] This is the fifth time you're reading it. Are there words in there you don't understand? Leo slips his glasses off and gives him a look. TOBY Of course there wouldn't be, 'cause you can't rise to a position like yours without.. Toby sighs, then stands up and starts pacing again. TOBY Look, this is exactly what we said we wanted it to be. We said we were tired of reading about the President's scattershot foreign policy. We said - you want to fillet me for this, fine - we said when we go to the U.N., we were gonna... LEO I think it's great. TOBY We said we were gonna... Yeah? LEO I do. [grinning] You know your wife's going to have something to say about it, though. TOBY My ex-wife. LEO Yeah. TOBY Why do you call her my wife? LEO It bothers you. TOBY Everything bothers me. LEO Yeah. TOBY But you pick that? LEO Yeah. [after a moment] Toby, the night of the Iowa Caucus when you got back, did you and the President have a... conversation that night? TOBY Yeah. I... When he got back, for a minute. LEO What did you talk about? TOBY Nothing. LEO He seemed kind of upset about it. TOBY It didn't go well. LEO What was it? TOBY It was personal. LEO It was personal? TOBY Yeah. LEO Well, that always works well with him. TOBY What has he said about the speech? LEO [looking at him, surprised] He thinks it's great. He hasn't said anything to you? TOBY We haven't talked in a little while. LEO Toby, what the hell went on in there? TOBY Don't worry about it. LEO Okay. I'm gonna to read this again. TOBY Sure, 'cause it's the sixth time. LEO Yeah. Toby leaves, and meets C.J. coming in. C.J. Hey. TOBY Did you read it? C.J. It's great. TOBY Thank you. C.J. Someone's going to get an ass-kicking from the missus. TOBY Listen- C.J. shuts the door on him. LEO It's what we asked for, you know? We're gonna have to get ready for it. C.J. Yeah... something else has come up though. LEO What? C.J. sits down opposite him. C.J. Leonard Wallace just came to see me. Billy Price is on assignment in the Congo, and he missed two deadlines. he hasn't gotten anywhere with State. The embassy in Kinshasa confirmed that a Belgian tv crew shooting outside Goma saw an American captured by MaiMai rebels. LEO Hasn't State had a travel advisory out for, like ten years? C.J. Twenty-four. LEO What the hell is he doing there? C.J. Reporting a story no one is paying attention to. LEO Why don't we talked to the Congolese attache? C.J. He's on his way. LEO Okay. C.J. gets up and leaves. CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN - NIGHT TOBY [coming in] He liked it. SAM [standing reading] Yeah? TOBY He liked it alot. Mostly what I wrote. Not so much what you wrote. He stops in the doorway of his office. SAM Yeah? So how long do you think before the old lady comes by to give you a whooping? TOBY Her office called already, didn't they? SAM You bet, baby. Toby sighs. TOBY You probably want to rethink calling me "baby," right? SAM [chuckling] Yeah. Toby disappears into his office, and Sam looks up as Ainsley comes in, very dressed up. SAM Whoa, Nellie! AINSLEY Hello. SAM Hayes, you could make a good dog break his leash. AINSLEY I was at a social function. SAM Americans for the Preservation of Family Values and White People? AINSLEY The Federalist Society. SAM A hootenanny. He heads towards his office and Ainsley follows. AINSLEY I was paged. I was told to come in. SAM Yes. 32-50 is a consolidated appropriations act that we want to drop in the U.N. speech for Monday morning. I need you to review the final legislative language so we can shop it around the Hill over the weekend. Sam looks through files as Ainsley slips off her wrap and drops it. AINSLEY What does it call for? SAM Uh, I don't know. AINSLEY Sam. He hands her some papers. SAM It authorizes payment of nine hundred and twenty-six million in U.N. dues over three years for an exchange in the reduction of U.N. bureaucracy as well as peace-keeping assessments by the General Assembly. AINSLEY And what are we concerned about? SAM Well, the language was drafted by Republicans. AINSLEY [reading] We're inscrutible. SAM I just want you to look for legal land mines. AINSLEY Like what? SAM I don't know. A ban on German food, or hidden amendment saying how annoying the French are. AINSLEY How about this? We drop out the U.N. entirely and use the 926 million to take everybody in the country out to brunch? SAM [nodding] Why don't you write that suggestion in the margins? AINSLEY [taking the file and leaving] I'll be in my office. She turns, revealing that the dress has a very low-cut back. SAM [admiringly] Whoa. I didn't even see that thing from the back. Ainsley walks out, passing CELIA WALTON in the bullpen. CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE OFFICE - NIGHT STANLEY Well, that takes care of lifestyle factors. What about... environmental factors? Stanley is still seated while the president straightens up from fiddling with the fire. BARTLET [folds his arms] Like what? STANLEY Too much light in the room. BARTLET Nah. STANLEY Extremes in room temperature. BARTLET No. STANLEY Noise. BARTLET Noise? STANLEY You know, planes flying overhead, that kind of thing. BARTLET Planes aren't allowed to fly over the White House. STANLEY You haven't slept in four nights. BARTLET Right. STANLEY How much sleep do you usually get? BARTLET Four or five hours. STANLEY Well, we've been through physical factors, lifestyle factors, and environmental factors. That leaves us with... BARTLET Psychological factors. STANLEY Yes, sir. BARTLET What were the odds? STANLEY Right. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. BAR - NIGHT CASEY [VO] So, you got a few minutes? DONNA [VO] Just a few minutes, actually. CASEY [VO] What's going on? Camera pans up to reveal Donna seated at the bar with a man, CASEY REED. DONNA Well, we're at the U.N. on Monday giving a new foreign policy speech that's going to stir some things up, but the thing is, it was a relatively small circle of people that who were consulted on the speech and that circle got wider tonight, so it'll be a weekend of bartering and Josh is usually one of the point men on that so... CASEY You need to get back to the office. DONNA I have a few minutes. How have you been? CASEY Great. DONNA You guys survived? CASEY The dot.coms didn't run out of steam. DONNA They didn't? CASEY Just hype. DONNA I see. CASEY Do you? DONNA No. CASEY [chuckling] It's easier to start out now. DONNA Why? CASEY There's less pressure to be an success overnight. Which brings us to... this. He pulls out a business card and hands it to her. DONNA [reading] "Capitolscoop.com." CASEY It'll track legislation, profile people in power, shine a spotlight on special interest behind the scenes. DONNA Gossip. CASEY Not gossip, hard subststance. Public policy. That's why we need all the help we can get. DONNA I doubt I can get Josh involved - it'd be a conflict. CASEY No, I don't want Josh. I want you. DONNA I'm sorry? CASEY I want you. DONNA We'll I don't know where I'd find the time for something like... It's Friday at 11:00. I'm bascially on a lunch break right now. CASEY You don't understand. I'm talking about full time. Issues Director for "CapitolScoop.com." DONNA Well, I... I'm... surprised and I'm flattered, but I'm, you know, not at all qualified. CASEY That's not true. You've been Josh Lyman's traffic cop. That's like an M.A. in power-brokering. You know the Hill. You know every corner of the White House. You know every pressure point ten miles from the Potomac. He writes something down and slides it over to her. DONNA Is this is your operating budget? CASEY It's your starting salary. Donna looks up at him. CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN - NIGHT Sam comes out of his office waving a sheet of paper. SAM [calling] Ginger? CELIA WALTON [VO] She's not here. SAM Is Bonnie here? CELIA They went to get something to eat. SAM Have we met? CELIA No. I'm Celia Walton. [They shake hands.] SAM Sam Seaborn. You're one of the people who was sent over for the week? CELIA Yeah. SAM We appreciated your helping out. CELIA I go where I'm told. You mind if I say something to you? SAM No. CELIA The way to talked to that woman before. SAM What woman? CELIA I don't know her name. The 'dog on a leash'. SAM That was Ainsley Hayes. She's an Assicioate Counsel. CELIA Yeah. It was rude, it was inappropriate, and it was offensive. SAM What did I do? CELIA You demeaned her. SAM No, we're friends. It's a completely mature... you know... Also, she started it. CELIA Whatever. SAM Well... Okay. He heads into his office, then turns and comes back out. SAM I wasn't demeaning her. I was complimenting her. CELIA She's an Associate White House Counsel and you're complimenting her on her sexuality? SAM She looked good in that dress I thought. CELIA Okay. Andy Wyatt comes marching in, and glances into to Toby's office. ANDY Where is he? SAM Congresswoman? ANDY Where is he, Sam? SAM Toby? ANDY Yes. SAM I do not know. ANDY Liar. SAM You want to talk about the speech? ANDY I and members of the House International Relations Committee, yeah. I couldn't help but notice that your fingerprints are all over this too. You and Toby want to be responsible for starting World War III? SAM No. ANDY Well, you're gonna. SAM I was having a good night until, like, three minutes ago. ANDY Where is he? SAM I don't know. ANDY You said that already. SAM But, you've asked me again and I still didn't know. ANDY May I wait in his office? SAM Better his than mine. He sighs and turns back to Celia. SAM What were we talking about? CELIA [looking up from where she sits at her computer] Look, I'm just a temporary hand here for a week but I don't think it's a joke or anything. SAM And you say Ginger and Bonnie are out getting something to eat? CELIA Yeah. Toby comes into the bullpen. TOBY I need these distributed. He hands a set of files to Celia at her desk. SAM Andi's in your office. TOBY [quietly annoyed] You let her in my office? SAM Yeah. TOBY What the hell did you let her in my office for? SAM Okay, well, I'm going to step out for a minute and... not be in this area anymore. Sam walks off. Toby hesitates outside his office for a long moment, then open the door and goes in. Andy is sitting perched on his desk, holding a copy of the speech. ANDY I don't get how you could do this without consulting people. TOBY Come on in. ANDY I don't get how you think you can... TOBY [closing the door] We consulted plenty of people. What do you think, Sam and I create foreign policy around here? ANDY I don't know. You, Sam, Abbott, Costello. TOBY We brought in... For three weeks... ANDY Did you bring in anybody from State? TOBY Yes. ANDY Who? TOBY The Secretary of State. Since when did you get to come in here? ANDY I am the third ranking member on the damn committee. TOBY This is a Presidential address, Andrea, not a camel. ANDY A what? TOBY A camel. A horse built by committee. Andy flips through the speech. ANDY [reading] "Freedom must run deeper than the free flow of capital. Freedom must mean more than the free trade of goods and services. The world will be free..." TOBY I read it. ANDY "The world will be free when we have freedom of speech for every nation..." Toby sits down on the sofa. TOBY In fact I wrote it. ANDY "The world will be free when there is freedom to worship for everyone. The world will be free..." TOBY Andi... ANDY "...When we finally shake off the rusted chains of tyranny..." TOBY Yes. ANDY "...Whether in the guise of facist dictatorships..." TOBY You getting nervous? ANDY "...Or economic slavery, or ethnic hostility..." TOBY A little nervous? ANDY "...Or..." Wait for it... "the crushing yoke of Islamic fanaticism." Gentlemen, start your engines. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT C.J. walks towards Leo at the desk. C.J. Billy's wife is already here. She's in my office right now. LEO Is she very upset? C.J. She's... There is a knock on the door and then MARGARET enters. MARGARET Leo? LEO Send him in. C.J. She's with Leonard. LEO Come in. McKENNEN LOBOKO enters and shakes hands with Leo. LEO Everybody, this McKennen Loboko the Congolese atache. LOBOKO McKonnen. LEO I'm sorry. Mr. Loboko, you know our situation. We've got an American reporter who we believe was taken by the Maimais. LOBOKO He shouldn't have been traveling without proper documentation. C.J. The MaiMais care about proper documentation, do they? LOBOKO [turning to face her] I beg your pardon? C.J. If his paper were in order, he wouldn't have been abducted at gunpoint? LOBOKO We haven't been introduced. C.J. I'm C.J. Cregg. I'm the White House Press Secretary. That guy sat in my room for a year, his wife's sitting in my office, his two kids are sitting at home, and I want him back. LOBOKO You think I have him in my briefcase? C.J. This is a shakedown, so tell us how much money, and where does it go. LOBOKO The Congolese government doesn't negotiate with murderers. C.J. The Congolese government is a myth. LOBOKO I can't talk to this woman. LEO Mr. Loboko... How much money and wher does it go? FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT Rain falls and lightning flashes. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT Donna enters in her coat, carrying an umbrella. JOSH [looking through files] Where have you been? DONNA I told you I was going out. JOSH For an hour? DONNA Well... yeah. JOSH There's an editorial on sugar subsidies in the International Herald-Tribune. Make sure Leo's got a copy. Also, make sure you send me home with a Congressional facebook. Donna hangs up her umbrella, and shrugs off her coat to hang it up as Josh walks past. DONNA Why? JOSH I'm still mixing up Cooper and Hooper. DONNA Why? JOSH 'Cause Cooper sounds a lot like Hooper. What does it matter? Just... Josh heads into the doorway of his office an starts rifling through papers. DONNA I got offered a job tonight. JOSH [not turning] What do you mean? DONNA You know Casey Reed? JOSH No. DONNA We went to college together. JOSH That's where you were? DONNA Yeah. JOSH At a job interview? DONNA It wasn't a job interview. We were meeting for a drink. JOSH What's the job? Donna goes over to the pigeonholes and starts sorting through post. DONNA He has an internet start-up. JOSH What kind of site? DONNA Commentary. He asked me to be Issues Director. JOSH Issues Director? DONNA Yeah. JOSH For an internet start-up. Donna walks back towards her desk. DONNA Dot.coms aren't dying, just the hype. JOSH Really? DONNA Yeah. JOSH Sounds like the hype's alive and well, too. DONNA I suppose. JOSH You suppose. DONNA Yeah. JOSH [coming out of the doorway] You can't be thinking about taking a job that may not be around a year from now? DONNA This job may not be around a year from now. JOSH He offered you money? DONNA Yeah. JOSH Well, all I can offfer you is a title bump. DONNA Like what? JOSH Senior Assistance to the Deputy Chief of Staff for Strategic Planning. DONNA That's my title now. JOSH Then I can't offer you a title bump. The sugar subsidy editorial and the facebook, okay? Cooper and Hooper. Josh walks away, and Donna looks after him for a moment before walking off. CUT TO: INT. AINSLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT Sam enters through the double doors behind her while Ainsley sits at the desk, consulting several books. She is now dressed in ordinary office clothes. SAM What do you need? AINSLEY There's a thing in this we need to be careful of. SAM What? AINSLEY They say they'll approve a new scale of peacekeeping assessments if there's a cost-sharing mechanism, but it isn't fully addressed here. You're gonna want me to rewrite some of this language before the president goes to the U.N.. SAM [thoughtfully] Mm. AINSLEY What? SAM Let me ask you something. Before, when I said that you were enough to make a good dog break his leash, you understand that men, we're the dog, right? I was the dog? AINSLEY I understood the metaphor. SAM Okay. AINSLEY The peacekeeping assessment has to be based on per capita income of each country, with category J countries paying the least at a ninety percent discount. SAM I meant it to make you feel good. AINSLEY It did. SAM Although I certainly meant it. AINSLEY I appreciate it. SAM I didn't mean to demean you. AINSLEY I kind of need you to listen along. SAM Okay. AINSLEY Category A countries will be paying a premium, actually over-paying to cover the discounts for category J states. SAM Yeah. AINSLEY So we need to be more specific about Category A. It's gonna be important. SAM I was told that I demeaned you. AINSLEY You didn't. SAM I was told that I did. AINSLEY By whom? SAM By someone named Celia. AINSLEY She's mistaken. SAM You sure? AINSLEY If I felt demeaned, I'd be among the very first people to know it. SAM Terrific. AINSLEY Here are my notes. SAM I'll rewrite them now. You'll stick around? AINSLEY What else would I do on a Friday night? SAM [leaving] I don't like to pry. CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - NIGHT ANDY America doesn't have a monopoly on what's right. And even if we did, I think you're gonna have a tough time convincing the Arab world. TOBY Well, we'd like to talk to them about it. ANDY That ought to do the trick. TOBY It's worth a shot. ANDY The U.S. Constitution defends religious pluralism. It doesn't reduce all of Islam to fanaticism. TOBY Neither foes the speech. It calls fanaticism fanaticism. ANDY Toby... TOBY It's fanaticism whether we call it that or not, so were going to call it that. We respect all religions, all cultures. ANDY To a point. TOBY Yes, to a point. Grotesque oppression isn't okay just because it's been institutionlised. If you ask me, I think we should have gotten into the game three, four decades ago, but they're coming after us now, so it's time to saddle up. ANDY Toby... TOBY We do know what's right. ANDY This is why they hate us. TOBY There's a lot of reasons why they hate us. You know when they're gonna like us? When we win. He leans back against the wall. CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE- NIGHT Wallace and Bill Price's wife, JANET, stand waiting. C.J. comes in and they both rush to meet her. WALLACE C.J.... C.J. Okay... JANET PRICE Please tell me what's happening. C.J. Janet, we're working some back channels right now. I think if you can make yourself comfortable here, we might some news in an hour or so. JANET The government's going to give these people some money? C.J. No, we can't buy them off directly, but what we do is, we offer to withhold money from their enemies. JANET And if that doesn't work? C.J. Your husband is employed by a billion dollar corporation. WALLACE Janet, Mrs. Carlson would pay... whatever. JANET Ransom. WALLACE Yeah. C.J. Let's not get that far right now. Listen, your clothes are wet. Can I get you some... JANET No, no, I'm fine. C.J. [turning to leave] Okay. Okay. JANET I- I should stay here? C.J. Yeah. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - NIGHT STANLEY Insomnia's a pretty common symptom of depression. Are you depressed? Stanley is still seated whilst Bartlet pours himself a drink. BARTLET No. STANLEY I didn't think so. Some people or predisposed to insomnia in times of acute stress. Are you under any stress? Is there any stress in your... job at all, or...? [beat] But seriously folks, has there been an unusual amount of stress lately? BARTLET Well, Congress was investigating me. STANLEY Yeah. BARTLET And I was censured. Then I had to give the State of the Union. STANLEY Yeah. BARTLET I'm running for reelection. STANLEY Mh-hmm. BARTLET Things are blowing up everywhere, and I have chosen the General Assembly of the U.N. to define a tougher foreign policy. Not unusually stressful, no. He swigs his drink, then sets it down and returns to his seat. BARTLET I don't like the word "stress". It's a Madison Avenue word. It's something that can be cured with flavored coffee and bath bubbles. STANLEY So, you don't feel stress? BARTLET I have a job I like, and my family's healthy. STANLEY That doesn't mean you're not entitled to feel stress. BARTLET Stress is for other people. STANLEY What other people? BARTLET I'm saying it's not stress. I was feeling stressed five nights ago, too and I slept fine. STANLEY So what happened four nights ago? BARTLET I want my money back. STANLEY [after a moment] This is a very unusual conversation. BARTLET I get that a lot. STANLEY I'd imagine. BARTLET So, what do you charge? STANLEY Three hundred and seventy-five dollars an hour. BARTLET For three hundred and seventy-five dollars an hour, you ought to bring your own damn lingerie. STANLEY I do. BARTLET There's a great story about Arthur Miller. "Death of a Salesman" had just opened on Broadway the night before, and he was walking around his old neighborhood in Brooklyn and he see's a hot dog vendor that he went to high school with, and he says, "Hey, Jimmy, it's me, Arthur Miller." And the hot dog vendor says, "Artie, how you doing? What you been up to?" And Miller says, "I'm, you know, I'm a playwright." And the hot dog vendor says, "Hmm, play writing, I should've gone into that." Three hundred and seventy-five dollars an hour. STANLEY Yes, sir. BARTLET For what? STANLEY I don't really know. Bartlet lays his head back and sighs. BARTLET I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I'll be tired and I'll lie there and it doesn't happen. STANLEY What happened four nights ago? BARTLET I won the Iowa Caucus. STANLEY Anything else? BARTLET That's not enough? STANLEY Mr. President... If you were any other patient- BARTLET Say what you'd say to anyother patient. STANLEY I'd say, screw around if you want, but it's your money, it's about to be my money, and I sleep fine. BARTLET [sitting up] I had a conversation with one of m aides that night after we got back from Iowa. He called me on something. STANLEY What? BARTLET Well, I guess we talked about a lot of things. Who we think the Republican challenger is gonna be be, and imcumbency and campaign stategy, strategic overview, but the long and short of it is, my father never liked me at all. There is a long silence. STANLEY Well, at least we're closer to my area now. BARTLET Yeah, I'd thought you'd enjoy that. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Charlie limps through the double doors. CHARLIE [to himself] Ouch. He heads gingerly into the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE and drops into a seat. Sam sees him come in. SAM Charlie? CHARLIE Yeah? SAM Are you in pain? CHARLIE No. SAM Charlie? CHARLIE Yes? SAM Have you been playing basketball? CHARLIE Yes. SAM Did you get beat? CHARLIE No. SAM Charlie? CHARLIE Yes. SAM Who'd you play? CHARLIE Doesn't matter. Sam comes over and sits on the edge of the desk. SAM Ed? CHARLIE Nope. SAM Larry? CHARLIE No. SAM Jack? CHARLIE No. SAM Did you get beat by Manny? CHARLIE No. SAM Who? CHARLIE Deanna. Sam walks over to the coffee machine as Charlie tries to get more comfortable. SAM Your sister? CHARLIE Yes. SAM Your little sister. CHARLIE She plays varsity, Sam. SAM Girl's varsity. CHARLIE She played a finesse game. SAM Man, you can't walk. He comes back carrying his coffee. CHARLIE Yeah. I don't know what's happening to my life. SAM Listen, I can tell you're down in the dumps, but let's talk about me. CHARLIE Okay. SAM If your sister was getting ready for a night out, and I said, "Deanna, you're enough to make a good dog break his leash," would you think I was a cad? CHARLIE I'd think you were a hick. AINSLEY [approaching] Sam... SAM Hang on. Because of the sentiment or the expression? CHARLIE It's my sister? SAM Yeah. CHARLIE I'd beat you up. SAM You and how many Girl Scouts? CHARLIE If I could stand up... AINSLEY Sam... SAM But if it wasn't your sister? CHARLIE Then you're fine. SAM [to Ainsley] He says I'm fine. AINSLEY You're not, 'cause this isn't quite right. SAM Still? AINSLEY It needs to be clear that the total assessment is down to 25 percent from 27 percent for Category A. SAM We've been in this fight. Celia enters the bullpen. AINSLEY But if we pay before... SAM Hang on. Here she is. Celia, I asked Ainsley and she said she didn't mind at all. Plus, Charlie said he's fine with it. CELIA Charlie's a man. CHARLIE Damn right. Celia heads for her desk. Bonnie and Ginger both return. AINSLEY Sam? SAM Yes? AINSLEY We need to be clear we are not going to take a bath when other countries can afford to take on more. SAM Yes. AINSLEY This is important. SAM Yeah, I also thinks it's important to make clear I am not a sexist. CHARLIE And that I'm all man. AINSLEY You're Celia? CELIA [looking up] Yes. AINSLEY He's not a sexist. She turns back to Sam to continue the argument. CELIA If you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power. AINSLEY I'm sorry? CELIA I said, I'm surprised you're willing to let you sexuality diminish your power. AINSLEY I don't even know what that means. CELIA I think you do. AINSLEY And I think you think I'm made out of candy glass, Celia. If somebody says something that offends you, tell them, but all women don't have to think alike. CELIA I didn't say they did, and when somebody said something that offended me, I did say so. AINSLEY I like it when the guys tease me. It's an inadvertent show of respect that I'm on the team and I don't mind it when it gets sexual. And you know why? I like sex. CHARLIE [surprised] Hello. AINSLEY I don't think that whatever sexuality I may have diminishes my power. I think it enhances it. CELIA And what kind of feminism do you call that? AINSLEY My kind. GINGER [from over her shoulder] It's called Lipstick Feminism. I call it Stiletto Feminism. SAM [intrigued] Stilettos? AINSLEY You're not in enough trouble already? SAM I suppose I am. CELIA Isn't the point that Sam wouldn't have been able to find another way to be chummy with a woman who wasn't sexually appealing? AINSLEY He would be able to, but that isn't the point. The point is that sexual revolution tends to get in the way of actual revolution. Nonsense issues distract attention away from real ones: pay equity, child care, honest-to-God sexual harrassment and in this case, a speech in front of the U.N. General Assembly. So, you, [to Sam] 25 percent on the assesments for Category A. You... [Charlie looks up.] I don't know what your thing is. [turns to Celia] And you, stop trying to take the fun out of my day. With that, I'm going to get a cupcake. SAM [after a moment] Well, for the moment at least, I'm going to do what she's telling me to do. He heads towards his office. GINGER We're at O.E.O.B. SAM Okay. Bonnie wanders off somewhere. Charlie sits tapping his fingers for a moment. He gives Celia a little wave. CHARLIE How you doing? CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Donna pours two cups of coffee. She takes them in to C.J.'s office where Janet is waiting. DONNA There. [places one cup on the table] It's not the best in the world, but it's hot. JANET I'm sorry, I didn't ask you your name before. DONNA Donna. JANET Really? DONNA Yeah. JANET Our daughter is Donna. DONNA How old is she? JANET She's seven months. And her brother Harry is three. Three and a quarter. He'd want me to say that. [beat] How does it work with the money, do you know? DONNA I don't. I'm an assistant here. JANET Bill's written... I know he's written negetive things about the President... DONNA [shaking her head] No. JANET And he and C.J. don't really... DONNA Nobody cares about that tonight. JANET Okay. DONNA And you want to know a secret about C.J.? But you can't tell your husband this, really. She battles with them everyday, but she loves reporters. She's very protective of them and it, it doesn't matter whether... you know? Janet nods, and reaches forward to pick up her coffee cup. CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - NIGHT TOBY [VO] It took... ANDY [VO] Wait. TOBY It took... Andrea, it took three days to get the language through NSC and the NSA. ANDY [VO] Yes. TOBY It isn't coming out of the speech. ANDY I didn't think it was. TOBY Then why were we here for an hour? ANDY Several members have drafted an insert. Will you look at? TOBY [after a beat] Sure. She goes over to her bag and pulls out a sheet of paper. ANDY This will follow your paragraph. He comes over to read it from her. TOBY [reading] "Our goal is neither to preach nor proclaim American values. We have deep respect for our Islamic brothers and sisters and we have a great deal to learn from the values of... tolerence and faith that are deeply held throughout the Islamic world." So this is your way of saying any resemblance the previous paragraph may have had to foreign policy is purely coincidental? ANDY That's right. TOBY Guess what? ANDY What? TOBY Our goal is to proclaim American values. ANDY This speech isn't supposed to be about ideology. It's supposed to be about reality. TOBY I think the President will decide what the speech is suppose to be about, but the reality is, the United States of America no longer sucks up to reactionaries, and our staunch allies will know what we mean. ANDY We don't have any staunch allies in the Arab world; just reluctant ones. We've a coalition held together with duct tape! A coalition without which we cannot fight! TOBY Nobody's blowing off the coalition, and that coalition will be plenty strong. ANDY Oh, when we win? TOBY That's right. ANDY What's Egypt going to think? Or Pakistan? TOBY That freedom and democracy are coming soon to a theatre near them, so get dressed. He sits on the edge of his desk. ANDY Toby... you guys are on a thing right now. And I'm behind you. You know I'm behind you; a lot of House Democrats are... TOBY Not enough. ANDY And plenty of Republicans. But this one moment in time, you have to get off your horse and just... simply put - be nice to the Arab world. TOBY Be nice? ANDY Yes. TOBY Well... How about when we, instead of blowing Iraq back to the seventh century for harbouring terrorists and trying to develop nuclear weapons, we just imposed economic sanctions and were reviled by the Arab world for not giving them a global charge card and a free trade treaty? How about when we pushed Israel to give up land for peace? Andy sits down, and puts a hand to her forehead. TOBY How about when we sent American soldiers to protect Saudi Arabia, and the Arab world told us we were desecrating their holy land? We'll ignore the fact that we were invited. How about two weeks ago, in the State of the Union when the President praised the Islamic people as faithful and hardworking only to be denounced in the Arab press as knowing nothing about Islam? But none of that is the point. ANDY What's the point? TOBY I don't remember having to explain to Italians that our problem wasn't with them, but with Mussolini! Why does the U.S. have to take every Arab country out for an ice cream cone? They'll like us when we win! He stands up and starts pacing. TOBY Thousands of madrassahs teaching children nothing, nothing, nothing but the Koran and to hate America. Who do we see about that? [beat] Do I want to preach America? Judeo-Christianity? No. If their religion forbids them from playing the trumpet, so be it. But I want those kids to... look at a globe. Be exposed to social sciences, history. Some literature. [beat] I'll like us when we win. ANDY [after a moment] Okay. She stands up and collects her things together. TOBY Let me take another look at the softer language. Andy takes it out of her bag and hands it to him, then leaves. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Donna walks along, and C.J. and Wallace meet her. WALLACE How's she doing? DONNA She was asking how the money works... I didn't know. C.J. It's not money, actually, it's a promise to honor international sanctions against the export of something called "Col-Tan" by the Rwandan Army. DONNA What's Col-Tan? C.J. It's a mineral they have a lot of in Congo. When you refine it, it's a necessary component of cell phones and pagers, and the Rwandans and Ugandans smuggle it illegally. Josh approaches the three of them. JOSH Listen. WALLACE What do you know? JOSH Akin Wamba, who's the Maimai rebel commander, sent word through a crew that was filming in Goma. C.J. [lowering her head] Oh, God. JOSH Yeah. He was killed in an ambush. Embassy Kinshasa's going to get the body. C.J. and Wallace walk into her office as Josh turns and heads back where he came from. Donna watches through the doorway as they break the news. JANET No, please... No! No. Oh, no. Oh, my... Oh, my God. Oh, God, no... Donna turns and looks up the corridor to where Josh stands watching her. He gives her an unreadable look for a moment, then walks away. CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENTS PRIVATE STUDY - NIGHT STANLEY [VO] It can't be easy being you. The camera pans around to where Bartlet sits opposite Stanley. BARTLET I told you... STANLEY [VO] I don't mean the job. I meant, uh, you know, being inside your head. BARTLET What's wrong with my head? STANLEY I don't know. BARTLET Of course not. That would be three hundred and eighty-five dollars an hour. STANLEY They keep moving the goalpost on you, don't they? Get A's, good college, Latin honours. Get into the London School of Economics. Get a good teaching job. Ivy League school, tenure. Now you gotta publish, now you gotta go to Stockholm. BARTLET It's not good for a person to keep setting goals? STANLEY It probably is, but it's tricky for somebody who's still trying to get his father to stop hitting him. BARTLET Well, I'm told that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. STANLEY Yeah, but that's most men. That's not you. That's the other people, the ones who feel stress. You're destined for something else. BARTLET I have abilities. STANLEY And now you have an opportunity to use them. BARTLET I think I have. STANLEY That room I passed down the hall, on the left, it's got a name, right? BARTLET I think you're talking about the Lincoln Bedroom. STANLEY Right. This is a hell of a curve you get graded on now. Lincoln freed the slaves and won the Civil War. "Thank you. Next! And what will you be singing for us today, Mr. Bartlet?" "Well, we've had six straight quarters of economic growth." BARTLET That's not easy. STANLEY Okay. BARTLET It's not easy. STANLEY I believe you. BARTLET I think I've made tough choices. STANLEY I think Lincoln did what he thought was right, even though it meant losing half the country. I think you don't do what you think is right if it means losing Michigan's electoral votes. BARTLET You don't know anything. STANLEY I'll be the first to admit that. BARTLET I'm not trying to get my father to like me. STANLEY Good. 'Cause it's never, never gonna happen. Look, we're done for the night. He stands up and gets ready to leave. BARTLET What? STANLEY [glancing at his watch] We've been here for two hours. It was a double session. We're done for the night. BARTLET Stanley, I hate to put it this way, but I'm me, and you're you, and we're done when I say we're done. STANLEY No. [beat] I think you could use some assistance right now, sir. Use me, don't use me, but all I can offer you is this: I'll be the only person in the world, other than your family, who doesn't care that you're the President. [beat] Our time is up. He goes to the doors, opens them, and leaves. The agent outside closes them, leaving Bartlet alone in the room. After a moment, he stands and walks over to his desk, where his cigarettes lie beneath a framed photo of his father. He lifts one out, looks for a moment at the painting of Lincoln on the far wall, then turns away and lights up. He stands by the window, watching the storm. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 3.13 -- "Night Five" Original Airdate: February 6, 2002, 9:00 PM EST Transcribed by CK1Tzar and Nomad July 5, 2002