Leo (John Spencer) tries to convince an unenthusiastic President Bartlet (Martin Sheen) about the merits of an expensive and errant missile defense system while the chief executive ponders the political benefits of chiding hard-core environmentalists over the actions of eco-terrorists when he addresses their convention. Meanwhile, Bartlet endures the formalities of accepting the appointments of a range of foreign ambassadors but he enjoys one in particular — the presentation of the charming Lord John Marbury (Roger Rees) who returns as Great Britain’s new U.S. ambassador. In addition, C.J. (Allison Janney) treads lightly when she is dispatched to New York to dissuade a comedian, Corey Sykes (Rocky Carroll), who once uttered a well-publicized but offensive joke in the President’s presence from performing at the annual Will Rogers dinner.
THE WEST WING "THE DROP-IN" TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN STORY BY: LAWRENCE O'DONNELL JR. DIRECTED BY: LOU ANTONIO TEASER FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY Military personnel are standing and sitting around the table. Leo enters. LEO Are we patched into the Pentagon? COLONEL CHASE Yeah. LEO Can we hear them? COLONEL CHASE Yeah. LEO We can hear what they're saying at command? COLONEL CHASE Yeah. Leo looks around the room impatiently. LEO Why can't I hear anything? An officer holds up hand in a 'wait' gesture. LEO Guys, why aren't we hearing anything? MAN [on radio] 1.2 seconds to target launch... LEO Okay, why don't you just tell me to shut up? MAN 1 [on radio] We have a target launch sequence. MAN 2 [on radio] Go flight. MAN 1 [on radio] Kwajalein Atoll, how do you read? MAN 3 [on radio] We read you 5 by 5, command. Positive target launch sequence. LEO Here we go. MAN 1 [on radio] Target launch in 5, 4, 3, 2... Target is aloft. MAN 2 [on radio] We confirm target launch. LEO How long do we have? COLONEL CHASE Two minutes, ten seconds. LEO [looks at his watch] I'm going to see if I can get the President to watch this. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY The President and the next Thailand Ambassador and his family are inside. BARTLET Mr. Sumatra, I understand you're a sports fan. SUMATRA Yes, sir, Mr. President. Golf. BARTLET Okay. Well, golf's not a sport. It's fine. Don't get me wrong but let's not you and I confuse it with things that men do. SUMATRA [smiling] Yes, sir. BARTLET You know, we're going to Bangkok in June, I think. [to Charlie] June, Charlie? CHARLIE [checks his palm pilot] Yes, sir. SUMATRA You're staying at the Oriental? BARTLET Best hotel in the world, right? SUMATRA Your own James Michener wrote many of his books at the Oriental and one of his typewriters remains in the suite they named for him. BARTLET Is that right? SUMATRA Yes, sir. BARTLET [to Charlie] Make sure I see that. CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET [to diplomatic aide] Tom? TOM Mr. President, it is with great pleasure that I present his excellency, Tada Sumatra of Thailand and by request of the secretary of state ask that you accept his credentials from King Rhumibol Adulyadej [Bartlet accepts the papers from Sumatra.] as Thailand's ambassador to the United States. BARTLET Mr. Sumatra, I accept your letter of credence from King Adulyadej and by affixing my signature and seal, [signs the paper] do hereby declare you to be an ambassador extraordinary and plenipotentiary. [Sumatra bows and accepts the credentials back.] May our people know peace and prosperity. [They shake hands.] Congratulations. SUMATRA Thank you, Mr. President. BARTLET We've some gifts here and we're going to stand for pictures. TOM [directing Sumatra] Ambassador, right here. Sumatra's wife joins them for the photographs. BARTLET [to Mrs. Sumatra] Madam, congratulations. CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Charlie enters. CHARLIE He's got another two minutes and then I've got to pull him. MRS. LANDINGHAM Okay. LEO [enters] Hey, Charlie, is he done? CHARLIE He's got about another two minutes. LEO I'd like him in the situation room. Can I pull him? CHARLIE Should I tell him it's an emergency? LEO It's not an emergency, just time sensitive. CHARLIE Okay. [walks into the Oval Office] LEO [to Mrs. Landingham] What are you looking at? MRS. LANDINGHAM You're testing that preposterous contraption again. LEO It's not preposterous. It's not a contraption and mind your own business. MRS. LANDINGHAM In my day, we knew how to take care of ourselves. LEO Well, in your day, you could pretty much turn back the Indians with a Daniel Boone musket, couldn't you? MRS. LANDINGHAM Ah, sarcasm. The grumpy man's wit. LEO Sharpen a pencil, would ya? BARTLET [enters from Oval Office] What's up? LEO The target's in the air. They're going to launch the intercept any moment. BARTLET And I'm sure someone will come along soon thereafter and tell it didn't work. LEO Why do you gotta take that attitude? BARTLET Cause it's not going to work. LEO What do I get if it works? BARTLET What do you get? LEO Yes. BARTLET Well, I can't make you Thailand's ambassador to the United States because I just signed that guy's letter. [points to Oval Office] LEO Come with me to the situation room. Leo turns to leave. Bartlet looks skeptically at Mrs. Landingham, then follows Leo downstairs. BARTLET You know what you are? You are the Charlie Brown of missile defense. The Pentagon is Lucy. LEO I'm not familiar with the reference. BARTLET Peanuts. Charlie Brown. LEO I've heard of them. I'm just not conversant in them. BARTLET Why? LEO I've never read the comics. BARTLET Leo, were you born at age 55? LEO I know there's a dog. BARTLET Charlie Brown wanted to kick a football and Lucy would hold it, except she'd pull it away at the last minute and Charlie Brown would fall on his butt. LEO That's funny? BARTLET No, but each time Lucy would find a way to convince Charlie Brown that this time she wouldn't pull the ball away. But she would and, once again, Charlie Brown would fall on his butt. LEO And that's funny? BARTLET Its' satirical. LEO What's it satirizing? BARTLET The DOD bringing you to the Situation Room every time they run a new missile test so that you come to me and tell me how great it works so I'll put money in the NMD system. LEO You should put money in the NMD system. BARTLET It doesn't work. LEO It will work. One day soon. LEO There're a couple of three star generals in there. Call any of 'em Lucy and you're on your own. They enter THE SITUATION ROOM. BARTLET Hey, where are we? GENERAL 1 The kill vehicle is on a clear trajectory. LEO What's the time to the target. GENERAL 1 Fifty seconds. Colonel, could you walk the President through? COLONEL CHASE Yes, sir. Mr. President, approximately 3 minutes, a missile was launched with a simulated nuclear warhead from the Kwajalein Atoll in the South Pacific. BARTLET And it's going to hit my garage in New Hampshire when? COLONEL CHASE Well, sir, once the missile cleared cloud cover, it was detected by the early warning satellites, which launched an interceptor, or kill vehicle. MAN 1 [on radio] 10 seconds to SRB separation. OFFICER SRB separation is solid rocket boosters separation. That means a high-resolution radar on the ground has gotten a lock on signal from the kill vehicle. MAN 1 [on radio] Go SRB separation. MAN 2 [on radio] Confirm solid rocket booster separation. MAN 1 [on radio] Kill vehicle's away. Coming over a 044. MAN 3 [on radio] 20 seconds to target intercept. MAN 1 [on radio] Go flight. BARTLET So what happens now? LEO In 20 seconds, it collides with the nuclear warhead. BARTLET Where? LEO Outer space. COLONEL 17 miles above the earth's atmosphere. BARTLET Okay, but we don't have anybody out there right now do we? LEO Sir... BARTLET When we stay at the Oriental in Bangkok, we have to check out Michener's typewriter. MAN 1 [on radio] Intercept in 5, 4... OFFICER Here we go. MAN 1 [on radio] 3, 2, 1. Silence. As everyone hangs their heads, an officer sighs. BARTLET Is that silence a pretty good sign? LEO No. MAN 1 [on radio] Negative intercept. GENERAL Have we got sensor readings yet? COLONEL CHASE No. MAN 1 [on radio] Negative intercept. KM warhead has overshot it's target. BARTLET It was just enthusiastic. LEO By how much? GENERAL Uh, Leo... LEO [sternly] By how much did it miss the target? GENERAL Colonel? COLONEL 137. LEO We missed the target by 137 feet? COLONEL Miles. LEO [looks at him, incredulous] We missed it by 137 miles?! BARTLET When you consider the size of outer space, Leo, that's not so bad. COLONEL Sir? BARTLET By the way, the words you're looking for are "Oh good grief." [walks out] SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY An aerial view of outside of White House. CUT TO: INT. THE BRIEFING ROOM - CONTINUOUS C.J. is on the podium. C.J. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's a very lovely ceremony. It's relatively informal, the ambassadors are led into the Oval Office, probably with a few friends and family. They chat for a few moments with President, maybe exchange some gifts, and they're officially presented by the State Department's Chief of Protocol, who asks the President to accept the ambassador's credentials and the President signs a letter to that effect. [points to a reporter] Yes? REPORTER 1 C.J., you're accepting four new ambassadors this week. Is there an order or protocol in which they're seen? C.J. There is! It's the order in which they arrived in Washington. This morning the President saw Ambassador Sumatra of Thailand, then will be Peter Hans of Sweden, followed by her Excellency Renee Ernesto of Argentina, Noah Jolla of Burkina Faso and the newly named British Ambassador to the United States will be arriving in the United States just as soon as he's been newly named. REPORTER 2 I thought it was gonna be... REPORTER 1 Yeah. REPORTER 2 I forgot his name... C.J. Anthony Brass. REPORTER 1 Yeah. C.J. Anthony Brass cited family obligations at home, and withdrew his name over the weekend. REPORTER 3 Yeah, but weren't they gonna replace him with... C.J. Sir Christopher Nealingroach, yes. Sir Christopher has been diagnosed with a rare form of encephalitis, contracted during his recent posting to Kenya. REPORTER 1 So who's the new British ambassador? C.J. I don't know. As soon as the State Department tells me, I'll know. In the meantime, it's pool photographs only until tomorrow night when there'll be a cocktail reception for the new ambassadors. That's all. [Reporters get up and leave] Does anybody wanna know who's been here the longest? The Dean of the Diplomatic Corps...anybody? Guys, you know I study these things just for you! It's Prince Vandaar Ben Sultan of Saudi Arabia. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS C.J. is talking to Carol. C.J. I could have also told them that Burkina Faso has a population of eleven million and in even years they host Africa's largest crops market. CAROL: Yes. C.J. I need a chance to use that knowledge. SAM [comes up from behind] C.J.! C.J. passes paper to Carol, who leaves. Sam walks with C.J. C.J. You know the chief crops of Burkina Faso? SAM No. C.J. Millet, sorghum, rice, peanuts and cotton. SAM [beat] You should mention in your afternoon briefing that we've accepted a last minute invitation for the President to address the Global Defense Council tomorrow night at the Sheraton. C.J. I thought we passed on the GDC. SAM Well we passed on it three months ago when we thought the President was going to be in South America. But the trip got canceled and they lost their keynote speaker, so we're gonna use this to launch CARE, and that's what I want you to announce at the afternoon briefing. C.J. CARE? SAM Yeah. C.J. Ok... SAM Clean Air Rehabilitation Effort. C.J. Yeah. SAM You don't know what it is. C.J. It's an effort by which we clean the air and rehabilitate it. SAM Okay, how could you... C.J. I'm not involved in the nuances of environmental policy! SAM Which will come as a relief to environmentalists. C.J. Sam! SAM I'll brief you later. C.J. I knew the crops of Burkina Faso! SAM I'll brief you later. Sam leaves C.J. and walks into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Bonnie, Ginger, and several other people are seated around the table with notepads and laptops. SAM Have we heard from Toby? BONNIE No. SAM Do we know if he's landed? BONNIE No. SAM How is everyone doing in here? BONNIE They're doing fine. SAM Is global warming a real environmental condition, or merely a temporary anomaly? Is it a global threat, or the exaggerated claim of alarmists? The time for such debate is over. As of today, it shall be the unequivocal position of the United States government that global warming constitutes a clear and present danger to the health and future well-being of this planet and all its inhabitants. Did somebody get that? GINGER Yes. SAM I didn't see anyone writing. BONNIE We already wrote it. SAM I just added a thing! GINGER We got it. SAM I just added "the time for such debate is over." GINGER We got it! SAM It sets up the whole reveal. GINGER Yes. SAM Okay. 22 trillion in benefits versus one half a trillion in compliance costs we're making sure that's right? BONNIE Yes. SAM We're making sure in a couple places? BONNIE They're making sure. SAM I wanna cite three different sources. BONNIE Fine. SAM And we don't know if Toby's back? BONNIE Sam! You'll know as soon as he's back! Toby walks in in a coat and carrying luggage. GINGER [holding a cell phone] Sam... SAM Is it Toby? GINGER: Yeah... SAM Can I have the phone? GINGER [points] He's standing right there. Sam turns and sees Toby in the HALLWAY. SAM Thanks. 22,000 fewer respiratory related hospital admissions? I don't wanna use the stats unless I have three sources. [walks over to Toby] How was your trip? TOBY It was fine. [clears throat] What's goin' on? SAM The President's gonna speak at the GDC conference tomorrow night. TOBY I'm sorry? SAM He's gonna launch the... TOBY What are you talking about? SAM He's gonna launch CARE. TOBY Since when? SAM Their keynote speaker fell through. TOBY When was this decision made? SAM Last night. TOBY Why wasn't I involved? SAM You were in Kansas City. TOBY I have a telephone. SAM Toby! TOBY I have a damn telephone Sam! SAM Frankly, I didn't think... I thought there'd be a consensus. TOBY Who was at this meeting? SAM It was me, Carl Todd of the EPA, James Siskin was there... Toby we've been looking for an opportunity to launch... TOBY Leo wasn't there? SAM No... been looking for a platform for this, the opportunity... TOBY Let me understand... SAM ...presented itself. What's the problem? They go into TOBY'S OFFICE. TOBY There are a number of problems, anyone of which I could have told you about, had you gotten me on the phone! Well, one thing, we already blew off the AFL CIO, cause we told them the President was gonna be in South America. SAM The President was gonna be in South America, now he's not. TOBY Instead, he's speaking for labor's good friend, the environmental lobby! SAM No... TOBY Also, he's the President of the United States, he's nobody's understudy! You've got him goin' out there like... Joey Bishop! SAM I gotta say, I hear all that, but the President, he's very enthusiastic. TOBY Of course he's enthusiastic. SAM I'm sayin', I wasn't in there twisting his arm! I told him this opportunity has opened up, that we had enough notes so that I could finish the speech in time. He asked us a few questions, we answered them and he said yes! TOBY Alright... I don't... alright. SAM It's gonna be a good speech! TOBY Yeah. GINGER [enters] They need you. SAM Thanks. [leaves] GINGER How was the trip? TOBY Fine. I need to see Leo. GINGER Yeah. Ginger leaves as Toby picks up the phone. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY Josh is standing against the wall by the door, while talking to C.J. on the speaker phone. C.J. It's not gonna be Sir Christopher Nealingroach. JOSH [sounding strained] I heard! C.J. I said it's not gonna be Sir Christopher Nealingroach. JOSH And I said I heard you! CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS C.J. But I like to say Sir Christopher Nealingroach. JOSH Who's it gonna be? C.J. I'm waiting to hear from someone at the State Department. JOSH Me too. C.J. Maybe it'll be Sir Christopher Nealingroach. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JOSH Can I stop talking to you now? C.J. What are you doing? JOSH I'm standing with my back straight against the wall. C.J. Why? JOSH I was told by the doctors it would relax me. The door opens. Donna enters and hits Josh with the door. DONNA Josh... [turns and sees him behind the door] C.J. Gotta go! [hangs up] JOSH Yeah. DONNA Are you ok? JOSH Yeah. What? DONNA Is it true that Leo can't stand a guy named Lord John Marbury? JOSH Why? DONNA A reporter asked me. JOSH What's a reporter doing talking to you? DONNA He's a friend of a friend. JOSH Leo McGarry has nothing but respect and affection for John Marbury. DONNA That's what I said. JOSH Good, 'cause Leo thinks he's a lunatic. DONNA He's very handsome. JOSH That may be so, but Leo thinks he's a lunatic. DONNA Are you threatened by his brilliance? JOSH No. DONNA You seem to be threatened by his brilliance. JOSH How do you know he's brilliant? DONNA I saw his picture. JOSH I'm not threatened by his brilliance, nor am I threatened by his good looks. DONNA What about his charm? JOSH I'm not threatened at all... DONNA I'm sorry, I meant Leo. JOSH Neither Leo or I are threatened by his brains, his looks or his charm. He is, however, a lunatic Brit and we're grateful there's an ocean between us. DONNA There isn't anymore. JOSH There isn't what? DONNA An ocean between you. JOSH Please, don't tell me... DONNA He's the new British ambassador to the United States. JOSH [sounding strained again] Yeah... [gets up] DONNA He's dreamy. [walks over to the door] JOSH I'm just gonna, you know, stand next to the wall for a while longer. DONNA Okay. She throws the door open, which slams into the wall very close to him, and leaves. Josh groans. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY Josh is sitting at his desk while Toby knocks on the door and enters. TOBY Josh. JOSH Okay, what I need people to do is knock. TOBY I did knock. JOSH But you didn't wait for a response. TOBY Why would I? JOSH 'Cause, I could have been relaxing by standing behind that door. TOBY [beat] All right. JOSH How was your trip? They walk out of the office and head through JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA. TOBY It was fine. So we're pitchhitting at the GDC conference. JOSH For the record, I didn't think it was a good idea and I said so. TOBY And it seems to have helped. Look, we can't appear to be at the beckon call of the environment! JOSH We could try insulting them. TOBY Yes. JOSH I'm kidding. TOBY I'm not! JOSH What do you have? TOBY Environmental terrorists burned down a ski resort and the GDC didn't comment. JOSH Why did environmental terrorists burn down a ski resort? TOBY To save the lynx. JOSH The links? TOBY Yeah. JOSH Environmental terrorists burned down a ski resort to save a golf course? TOBY It's an animal. JOSH Sam's going to have strong objections. TOBY I know. JOSH All right, you want me to talk to Leo? TOBY I'm going to talk to him. I want you to talk to C.J.. JOSH About what? TOBY The Will Roger's dinner is going to ask Cornelius Sykes to host. JOSH [stops and faces Toby] You're kidding me! TOBY Nope. JOSH He didn't laugh at the joke. TOBY Talk to C.J. JOSH Yeah. [turns away to leave] TOBY Why do you relax by standing behind the door? JOSH [comes back] I'm not standing behind the door, I'm standing with my back straight against the wall, so that if... TOBY I don't care. [leaves abruptly] JOSH 'kay. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Leo is talking on the phone, while Toby enters. LEO Keith. Keith, I can't tell him that. I can't tell the President that nine out of ten things went right, he's going to say, "Yeah, but we didn't hit anything!" Would you please? Thank you. [hangs up the phone, to Toby] We had an NMD test this morning. We were successful in nine out of ten criteria. TOBY We missed. LEO Yeah. TOBY By how much? LEO We were trying to shoot down an incoming intercontinental ballistic missile; once you miss, it really doesn't matter by how much. TOBY I suppose. LEO A hundred and thirty-seven miles. TOBY [rolls his eyes] Sam just told me about his speech. LEO Which speech? TOBY The GDC. LEO Yeah. TOBY Leo. LEO [defensively] I wasn't in the meeting. TOBY How did that... LEO I wasn't in the meeting! It happened fast. TOBY I'm saying how'd it... LEO It happened fast. Sam pitched it, and the President wanted to do it. TOBY Leo, how could you not be in that meeting? LEO 'Cause I'm trying to get the President to warm up to a missile shield that's supposed to save humanity and there's a limit to the number of rooms I can be in at once! You want to file a complaint? TOBY No. LEO Good. TOBY Here's what I think... LEO Screw the environmental lobby? TOBY [angry] Did I say that? Did I say, 'screw the environmental lobby?' LEO You didn't say anything. TOBY That's right, and before I even open my mouth, you decide I'm going to say 'screw the environmental lobby?' LEO I apologize. TOBY There's an extent to which we've gotta screw the environmental lobby. LEO Yep. TOBY A clear and public demonstration that the President's not beholden to them isn't a bad idea right now. LEO You think he should walk into their ballroom and smack them around? TOBY I really do, for thirty seconds out of a fortyminute address announcing the initiative they love. LEO How do you think they're gonna feel about the 30 seconds? TOBY Not that good, but that's the point. We don't have to move to our right if there's an opportunity to spank the people to our left. LEO Anything in particular we want to spank them for? TOBY Failing to publicly admonish acts of eco-terrorism. LEO The GDC doesn't engage in acts of eco-terrorism. TOBY Yes, but they fail to publicly admonish those who do. LEO For example? TOBY A 12 million dollar Colorado ski development that was under construction was set on fire because it threatened the habitat of a rare local lynx. LEO Is a lynx a...? TOBY I don't know. I... I think... I think it's like a possum or something, and it doesn't matter... LEO All right, tell Sam to find a place to out it. TOBY I don't want it in the advanced text. I don't want Sam and his fourteen objections. It should just be a drop-in. LEO I'll talk to the President. Anything else? TOBY 137 miles. LEO Yeah. TOBY Is that a lot? LEO Yeah. TOBY Okay. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY C.J. is sitting in the first row, a few reporters with notes behind her, Sam is perched on the windowsill. They are going over his speech. SAM We have 30 minutes at the ballroom after the speech to spin and obviously, the next morning as well. Among the things you want to be emphasizing are what? REPORTER 1 [chewing a sandwich] America is the world's biggest emitter of carbon dioxide. SAM We have 4% of the population. We are responsible for 25% of the Greenhouse emission. [stands] How are we going to reduce those levels of Greenhouse emissions, you ask? C.J. Through the Clean Air Rehabilitation Effort. SAM Yes, which you can read about in bullet points, beginning on page 11. Please don't skip the footnotes, and please, don't just read what's underlined. The reporters sigh. Sam munches on a baby carrot. C.J. Question. SAM [chewing] Yes. C.J. Were you able to get girls to go out with you in High School? SAM Yes. C.J. Really? SAM [returns to the windowsill] Under these regulations there will be a cap on the volume of CO2 a company could emit in a year, but what's the good news? REPORTER 2 If the company comes in lower than the cap, they could sell the balance of their emissions allowance to another company. SAM Creating what? REPORTERS 1 & 2 A cash incentive! SAM A cash incentive. Can you tell us anything else about that, C.J.? C.J. No, but I can tell you that lumber, cocoa beans, aluminum and petroleum products are the major exports of Cameroon. Sam stares at her. Josh opens the door and peeks in. SAM [shocked by C.J.'s lack of caring] Then we're all set. C.J. Yeah. JOSH Can I have her for a second? SAM Yeah. C.J. [to Josh] Why do you ask him and not me? JOSH He looked in charge! C.J. Of where I go? JOSH Can we... please? C.J. and Josh walk outside and close the door. C.J. Did you hear they named John Marbury British Ambassador? JOSH Yes, I did. C.J. Lord John Marbury? JOSH I know, it's got to be like Davy Jones himself is showing up. C.J. Ok, don't make fun of Davy Jones, all right? He once wrote me a letter. He took that kind of time. And he still tours! Plus, my love for John Marbury is real, it's not a schoolgirl crush. He calls me [gently] 'Princepessa.' JOSH Does he? C.J. Yeah. JOSH Well, he calls Leo 'Gerald.' C.J. He's eccentric. JOSH Yeah. C.J. What do you need? JOSH Janice Barry is saying they're going to ask Cornelius Sykes to host the Will Rogers' dinner. C.J. They know for sure? JOSH They're going to ask him on Monday. C.J. They're going to stir this up again. JOSH Yeah. C.J. He didn't laugh at the joke! How many more ways are there for me to say that? He didn't laugh at the joke! JOSH You guys are friends. I was thinking... C.J. We're not friends. JOSH You know each other. C.J. I don't hang out with Corey Sykes! JOSH Yeah, but you know him! C.J. [beat] Where is he? JOSH He's in New York, doing standup. I thought since you were going to be there, you... C.J. I'll see him tomorrow night. JOSH Thank you. [turns to leave] C.J. He didn't laugh at the joke! JOSH [turns to her while walking away] You'll see him tomorrow night? C.J. Yes. From offscreen right, Donna catches up with Josh. DONNA Josh! JOSH [walking backwards] Could you see that a meeting is arranged for tomorrow night in New York with C.J., Cornelius Sykes, and no one else? DONNA Yeah. C.J., standing in front of the closed door of the Press Room, yells. C.J. Thank you! Donna and Josh are walking through the HALLWAYS. DONNA I was thinking... JOSH Yeah? DONNA When Marbury gets here... JOSH Yeah? DONNA You can encourage him to introduce me to any royal and single men he might know. JOSH That's a good idea, I'm gonna do that. DONNA You're not really though, are you? JOSH No. Donna makes a pouting face, and they part. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Bartlet is accepting papers from the newly named ambassador of Sweden. The ambassador's wife and two children are in the room, so is the Presenter and a few men with cameras. BARTLET I think a lot of people don't realize that Swedes have lived in Sweden more than 5,000 years longer than nearly any other European people. AMBASSADOR That's right, sir. BARTLET In fact, Gothic tribes from Sweden played a major role in the disintegration of the Roman Empire, did they not? AMBASSADOR They did. BARTLET So you've got that to answer for! AMBASSADOR [smiling] Yes, sir! Bartlet laughs. Leo enters the office. TOM Mr. President, it is with pleasure that I present his Excellency Peter Hans of Sweden, and by request of the Secretary of State ask that you accept his credentials from king Karl Gustav as Sweden's ambassador to the United States. BARTLET [puts his eyeglasses on] Mr. Hans, I accept your letter of credence from king Gustav, and, by affixing my signature and seal, do hereby declare you to be an Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary. [returns the papers] AMBASSADOR Thank you, Mr. President. BARTLET Congratulations. [They shake hands.] TOM Mr. Ambassador. [shows Hans to a spot next to Bartlet] Family, please. They pose for pictures. Leo shakes hands with Hans. LEO Congratulations, Ambassador. AMBASSADOR Leo. LEO Is he still holding you responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire? AMBASSADOR Oh, yes. LEO Welcome to my world. I'll see you at the reception, right? AMBASSADOR Yes, sir. LEO Congratulations. TOM This way. The ambassador leaves with his family, everyone else exits. BARTLET Sweden has a 100% literacy rate, Leo, a hundred percent! How do they do that? LEO Well, maybe, they don't and they also can't count. BARTLET Maybe. LEO [hands him some papers] I really think you should know... BARTLET Yes? LEO That nine out of ten criterion that the DOD lays down for success in these tests were met. BARTLET The tenth being? LEO They missed the target. BARTLET [with sarcasm] Damn! LEO Sir! BARTLET So close. LEO Mr. President. BARTLET That tenth one! See, if there were just nine... LEO Look, the tracking software on the KM vehicle clearly acquired the read on both the target and the decoy. Charlie walks in and gives Bartlet a blue folder. LEO And, for the first time ever, successfully rendered a clean identification differential. BARTLET Leo, seriously, when they were telling you that on the phone, how stupid did you think you'd sound saying that to me? LEO This project needs money! BARTLET It doesn't work. LEO Neither did several phases of Apollo 11, but Neil Armstrong claims it was a success. BARTLET Do we have to decide this right now? LEO No. BARTLET Okay. LEO So, about the GDC speech... BARTLET [putting his glasses on and reading] Yeah? LEO Since we're giving them exactly what they want, Toby thinks it's not such a bad idea if we signal our independence as well. BARTLET How? LEO A drop-in. Eco-terrorism that's gone unadmonished by the GDC. BARTLET For example? LEO A ski development in Colorado that threatened a rare lynx was burned in protest. BARTLET And we can't take it for granted that everyone pretty much fundamentally opposes arson? LEO A year and a half ago you stood in the Mural Room and took Al Caldwell's head off because the Christian League hadn't publicly admonished religious extremists. BARTLET It would be hypocrisy not to hold our friends to the same standard... LEO Yes. BARTLET Yet it feels strange to score political points by doing the right thin. LEO Yeah. BARTLET [gruffly] I'm victim to my own purity of character. LEO Whatever. [beat] We'll get you some information on the lynx, which is a kind of a possum, I think. BARTLET Okay, well, it's not a kind of a possum, so why don't you get me that information. Toby doesn't want it in the speech? LEO Just the drop-in. BARTLET Did you hear? LEO About Marbury? BARTLET Ain't it great? LEO Yes, sir. And I assume you're enjoying my suffering? BARTLET Absolutely. LEO Anything else? BARTLET No. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. [walks out] BARTLET [shouts after him] 2,000 environmentalists are going to try and kill me tomorrow night! Charlie enters again. CHARLIE We should go, sir. BARTLET They're going to come at me with vegan food and pitchforks! CHARLIE [while they walk out] That doesn't really sound like something people do. BARTLET Still, I'd like you to get between me and any boiled seaweed you see coming my way. CHARLIE Yep. Toby is waiting outside and walks with the President. Charlie is walking behind them. TOBY Mr. President. BARTLET Leo has just talked to me. TOBY About the GDC tonight. BARTLET Yeah, I'm not doing this for the politics, I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. TOBY Well, I'm doing it for the politics. BARTLET A lynx isn't a possum. TOBY I think it's in the possum family. BARTLET It's a cat. TOBY Oh, and we don't have enough of those. [Bartlet smiles.] BARTLET How did Sam feel about this? [beat] Toby? TOBY This isn't government camp, it's not like... it's not important that everybody gets to play! They stop and face each other. BARTLET I'm not going to tell you how to run your office, Toby. TOBY Thank you, sir. BARTLET [beat, resumes walking] Vegan food. Coming at me all night long. As they leave, Toby spots C.J. who is wearing her coat and has a briefcase. TOBY C.J.? C.J. Yeah. TOBY Where are you going? C.J. New York, New York, Toby. The town so nice they named it twice. TOBY What are you doing there? C.J. I'm receiving the Matrix Award from New York women in communications. TOBY For what? C.J. I discovered a comet. What do you mean, 'for what?' Past winners, by the way, include Cokie Roberts, Diane Sawyer and Ms. Leslie Stahl. TOBY Josh talked to you about... C.J. Yeah, I'm meeting him for a drink after the thing. TOBY You briefed on the Clean Air Rehabilitation...? C.J. Yeah. TOBY Okay, you might need this: [reads from his pocketbook] 'The President has always spoken out against moderate groups not taking responsibility for extremism, and he isn't going to stop with the environmental lobby. Friends are honest with each other.' [hands C.J. the piece of paper he read from] C.J. He's gonna do a drop-in? TOBY Yeah. C.J. I'll see you tomorrow night. [leaves] Bonnie opens the door next to which Toby is standing. BONNIE Hey, Toby, you want to see the speech? Sam's writing a good one. She gives him the copy of the speech. Toby looks over it. TOBY Oh. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY SAM [fixing his tie] Climate changes have accelerated. Glaciers are shrinking. Polar sea is... what? TOBY [from communications office] It's thinning. SAM The polar sea ice is thinning causing a rise in sea levels round the globe. TOBY And what do we say when they say, "But changes in the Clean Air Rehabilitation effort seriously choke the auto, trucking and utility business"? SAM [walks to Toby] $22 trillion in benefits produced versus a half trillion in compliance costs. [keeps walking past Toby] TOBY Public health benefits? SAM We'll make that clear. [turns back to face Toby] Where's C.J.? TOBY She's in New York. SAM What's she doing in New York? TOBY She had a lunch - media women... women of media? SAM That was this afternoon. TOBY She had to stay around. SAM So it's just me? TOBY Yeah. Call me from the place. SAM Yeah. He walks out of bullpen and into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM and picks up a copy of the speech. GINGER Well, it's the 12th draft. Whether or not it's the final draft is up to you. SAM Is that sass? GINGER Yeah. SAM Okay. The difference between a good speech and a great speech is the energy with which the audience comes to their feet at the end. Is it polite? Is it a chore? Are they standing up because their boss is standing up? No, we want it to come from their socks. We've got a half an hour. Let's read it again. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Leo and Josh are inside. LEO Every time one of these tests fails, congressional Democrats jump on it as a reason to kill the program. JOSH You're not going to turn the President around on the missile shield. LEO Well, I'm not going to turn him around today. And probably not tomorrow. But as long as somebody has the money to keep trying to make it work, then I'm fine. MARGARET [walks in] Leo? LEO Yeah? MARGARET There's someone here to see you. LEO Who? MARBURY [VO] Gerald? LEO Oh, God. MARBURY [enters] Gerald! Old friend! LEO Good to see you, ambassador. They shake hands. Margaret leaves. MARBURY It's as if the gods themselves insist we be not long apart, you and I. LEO They do seem to strongly insist upon that, yes. MARBURY Your assistant, Margaret, is looking positively buxom. LEO Thank you, I'll tell her. MARGARET [VO] Thank you. MARBURY [turns in her direction] Yes, well done! [indicates a woman behind him] Oh, my aide, Caprice. CAPRICE [shakes Leo's hand] How do you do? LEO Leo McGarry. JOSH Good to see you, ambassador. MARBURY God bless you, Josh. The prayers of millions were answered. JOSH [a little stunned] Thank you, sir. MARBURY I have come. LEO Yes. MARBURY I am Lord John Marbury, along with my aide, Caprice, and I am hereby presenting my credentials in the fervent hope... LEO John, we do that later with the President. MARBURY Excellent! [hands papers back to Caprice] LEO I will tell you, though, that I personally welcome you and I look forward to our new partnership. MARBURY As do I. LEO I know we've had our differences in the past but I think you know I respect you. I congratulate you on this auspicious occasion. As a matter of fact, the timing of your arrival couldn't be better. MARBURY How so? JOSH Leo's trying to convince the president to give the NMD more time. LEO And you're an expert in the field. And I hope I can count on your support. MARBURY You may hope for it but you'll not have it. LEO Why not? MARBURY Because the NMD is an absurdly wasteful military boondoggle that will never produce a working missile. It violates any number of elements of the ABM treaty. And any argument you make in its defense will surely be moronic. JOSH Ah, detente. MARBURY I'm sorry, Gerald. LEO We're going to have this out. MARBURY Excellent. LEO Let's go get you knighted or whatever the hell it is we do. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL LOBBY IN NEW YORK CITY - DAY Cornelius Sykes is meeting with C.J. COREY SYKES Hey. C.J. Hey, how you doing? COREY Not bad. C.J. Thanks for taking the time. COREY Yeah, I've gotta get back pretty soon. C.J. I won't take long. [They sit.] COREY You wanna stay for the show? C.J. I gotta get the 7:00 shuttle. COREY You want something to drink? C.J. Uh, a club soda. COREY [to waitress] Alicia? Can I get a club soda? C.J. Oh, I haven't seen the movie yet. COREY You should see it. It's good. C.J. That's what everybody's saying. COREY Well, I appreciate that. C.J. [laughs] So, you know, this is about the Will Rogers dinner. COREY Yeah. C.J. They're going to ask you to host and obviously the President's going to be there. [beat] We appreciate the support. COREY You want me to say no. C.J. We think the press'll go back two years and bring up the whole... COREY Let'em. C.J. I don't want to. Uh, you know how I feel about you. You know I don't mean you disrespect. COREY You don't? C.J. No! COREY I've raised money for you. I've registered voters for you. I've done commercials for you. And I voted for you. Because of something I never did wrong two years ago, you don't want to be on the dais with me? C.J. That's not... COREY It takes a special kind of arrogance not to think that that's not disrespectful. The waitress puts their drinks on the table. COREY Thanks, Alicia. [to C.J.] Make your case. I've got to be funny in a while. CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - DAY MARBURY It missed by 137 miles?! LEO Yes. MARBURY It could have missed by 37 fewer miles and it still would have missed by 100 miles. It doesn't work. LEO That depends on what your definition is. MARBURY My definition is precisely the same as everyone else's. BARTLET [walks in with Josh and Charlie] John! MARBURY Mr. President. BARTLET [shakes his hand] It's good to have you here. MARBURY Your servant, as always. BARTLET What made you decide to take the post? MARBURY Oh, I don't know. I suppose it was possible I was drunk. JOSH Reasonable bet. BARTLET Listen, I gotta go a few blocks across town to give an address on global warming and the future of our planet. That's not something you're interested in, right? MARBURY Good God, no. BARTLET Okay. Well, stay here and fight with Leo about something. We'll get you some dinner. I'll be back in an hour. We'll do your thing and then enjoy your reception. MARBURY Excellent. LEO Indeed. CHARLIE Here we go. Leo, Bartlet and Charlie leave. MARBURY An hour, did he say? JOSH Yes. MARBURY I'll need some amusement. DONNA [enters] Good evening, your lordship. MARBURY Excellent. CUT TO INT. HOTEL LOBBY IN NEW YORK CITY - DAY C.J. Corey... COREY Hang on. C.J. No, wait a second... COREY Let me finish. C.J. It was not a benign joke. COREY C.J.... C.J. You don't tell benign jokes. COREY It's a matter of... C.J. It was a joke about New York City cops shooting black men. COREY I'm a black man. I'm in a room full of rich Democrats in an election year. What you thought I was going to talk about airline food? C.J. It was a political fundraiser in the heat of a national campaign. You weren't doing a 2 a.m. set at Catch a Rising Star. COREY [insulted] You know how many years it's been since I worked Catch a Rising Star? C.J. You made the joke, and inoffensive as you think it may have been, there was enormous pressure on the candidate to disavow your remarks and he did not. COREY And I'm supposed to be... C.J. Corey... COREY And I'm supposed to feel good about that? That he didn't disavow me? That I wasn't disavowed? C.J. We were courting law enforcement, Corey. Don't be naive. COREY You were also courting the black vote, C.J.. I'm not naive. C.J. What did you expect us to do? COREY I expected that when I was called, in any number of places, a Hollywood sleaze, that you might have said a few words, maybe, on my behalf. I expected that you were going to say, "We in the Bartlet campaign do not believe Cornelius Sykes is a Hollywood sleaze. We believe he's a world class humorist and millions of Americans agree. We believe his humor can be disconcerting to some but those who are making noise right now are feigning their concern in an effort to frighten white men." But what you said was, "He didn't laugh at the joke." C.J. Corey... COREY He did laugh at the joke. C.J. Yeah. COREY He laughed at the joke, C.J.. I've been doing this for 20 years. You don't think I'd know if I had him? I killed that night. That was a very big deal for me. To play in front of that audience? To get that man to laugh? And the next day my parents read in the paper that I am Hollywood sleaze. But that's okay cause the candidate didn't think it was funny. C.J. [looking uncomfortable] I understand. COREY I don't want to cause any trouble for the President. You knew that when you walked in here. I'll pass on the dinner. I'll tell'em it's cause I can't get out of a booking. But the president laughed at the joke, C.J.. I killed that night. C.J. [smiling] You did. Okay, I gotta go. COREY I'll see you next time. CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - NIGHT Toby walks through. TOBY Is the President offstage yet? BONNIE Just about. TOBY Anyone know how it's going? GINGER Toby? TOBY Yeah? GINGER [holds up the phone] It's Sam. TOBY Yeah. [walks into his office and picks up the phone] Yeah? CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY IN THE SHERATON - NIGHT The President finished his speech. Sam is standing near the door. SAM [disappointed, into phone] He admonished them. TOBY Sam... SAM He went off the speech right at the end and slapped them down for not speaking out... TOBY Yeah. SAM ...on eco-terrorism. TOBY Listen. SAM He just flew off the speech. TOBY Sam, listen. SAM Something about a Colorado ski resort. TOBY Sam, are you listening? SAM Talk to me. TOBY Here's what you say, "Friends are honest with each other. The President has always spoken out on moderate groups not taking responsibility for terrorism and he isn't going to stop with the environmental lobby." SAM Okay. TOBY You got that? SAM Yeah. TOBY [hears clapping] What's happening? [pause] Sam, what's happening? SAM [standing outside the room, his back to a wall, looking mournful] They're not standing. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Donna and Lord John Marbury are walking. DONNA So you're actual royalty? MARBURY Yes. DONNA It's not just an honorary thing? MARBURY No, in fact there's little honor attached to it at all DONNA Tell me about yourself. MARBURY Well, my mother was a descendant of the third of the nine children of Victoria. Victoria was the granddaughter of George the third, who was the great-grandson of George the first. George the first was the great-nephew of Charles the first, who was the son of James the first, and James' mother was Mary, Queen of Scots. DONNA And are you and Caprice an item? MARBURY Why, no. CHARLIE [walking up between them] Mr. Ambassador? MARBURY Is he back? CHARLIE He's back, but he's receiving credentials from Her Excellency Renee Ernesto of Argentina and asked for your patience. MARBURY Then my patience he shall have! Sam walks by and catches up with C.J., who has just walked in, still in her hat and coat. SAM C.J.! C.J. Yeah. SAM You just get back? C.J. Yeah. SAM You heard what happened? C.J. Yeah. Here's what it is: the President has always spoken out on moderate groups not taking responsibility for extremism, and he isn't going to stop at the environmental lobby. Friends are honest with each other. [as Sam stops walking] Sam? SAM Have you spoken to Toby? C.J. When? SAM Since after the speech tonight C.J. No. SAM Okay. C.J. They're setting up for the reception? SAM Yeah. CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - NIGHT Toby and Leo are inside. TOBY Sixty billion dollars can be spent on other things. LEO I'm all for retention pay. I'm all for health benefits. I'm all for procurement. TOBY I'm talking about Abrams' tax and Apache helicopters, which we know work. LEO An Apache helicopter will not stop a Shahab3 longrange stiletto, or a North Korean ICBM. Sam passes by outside. TOBY Well so far neither can anything else. [calling outside] Hey, Sam? LEO I'm going back in there. Toby walks out of office and up to Sam. TOBY Have you been getting questions? SAM I'm sorry? TOBY Have you been getting questions? SAM Yeah. TOBY From the press, or...? SAM The press'll be tomorrow. TOBY So who's asking? SAM The chairman of the GDC. Four Congressmen. The Secretary of the Interior. Who'd you think would be talking to me? TOBY Then what did you...? SAM I said, "Sometimes friends have to be honest with each other." I said exactly what you told me to say, which, coincidentally, is exactly C.J. told me to say, which is remarkable when you consider that C.J. was in New York during the event and didn't speak to you afterward. I mean, it's almost as if there were people who knew it was going to happen. TOBY Sam... SAM Get away from me. Sam walks out of office and to the OUTER OVAL OFFICE. He stands for a moment, then the door opens and Charlie walks out. CHARLIE Hey, Sam. SAM Is it possible I could get in for just a minute? Toby appears in the hallway looking in. He shakes his head at Charlie. CHARLIE He's pretty tight right now. I don't think I can get you in. Sam looks over his shoulder and spots Toby, who walks away. Sam gives Charlie a betrayed look, then leaves. CUT TO: INT. RECEPTION HALL - NIGHT Music is playing. Donna and Marbury are chatting. MARBURY Oh, well, yes. Oh, certainly. There's uh, Edward, Earl of Ulster. He's the son of Richard, Duke of Gloucester, who's the son of Henry, Duke of Gloucester. DONNA Edward, Earl of Ulster? MARBURY Yes. DONNA Do you think he'd like me? MARBURY Do you date younger men? DONNA Sure. How old is he? MARBURY Five. DONNA Okay, well let's stick a pin in that for a moment and move on. Leo walks up. LEO Hello. DONNA Hello. LEO Am I interrupting? MARBURY Not at all. DONNA Ambassador Marbury was just telling me about how royal men are schooled in the ways of courtship. King George III, for example, sailed his bride up the river Thames to music that was specially composed. LEO Yeah. That was just a few years before we opened up a big can of whoopass on him at Yorktown. MARBURY Leo, I- [as Donna slips away] LEO How can you look at North Korea, which 24 months ago fired a Taepodong missile...? MARBURY Uh, which failed... LEO And with some modifications it'll be able to reach Alaska. MARBURY Well I don't live in Alaska, I live in England, which by the way is not protected by the shield. Not that anywhere else is at the moment, either. You've also forgotten that we're both signatories to the '72 ABM treaty, which the shield is in clear violation. You've forgotten that it will compel China to strengthen their nuclear arsenal. You've forgotten that the European allies have strong reservations about the shield. And you've forgotten that it doesn't work. LEO You know what I haven't forgotten? MARBURY What? LEO That we opened up a big can of whoopass on you at Yorktown! MARBURY All right. CHARLIE [coming up to them] Leo? LEO Excuse me. MARBURY Excuse me. DONNA [passing by Charlie] I'm going to correspond with Edward, Earl of Ulster, once he learns how to read and write. CHARLIE Okay. CUT TO: INT. WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT Sam is having a drink. Alice, the waitress, comes up. ALICE Here you go. TOBY No, no, Alice. I got it. SAM It's all right. TOBY No, I got it. ALICE You want a beer? TOBY Yeah. Thanks. He hands her money, and she leaves. TOBY You don't ever go into the Oval Office mad. SAM Look... TOBY No, no, no. No, Sam. You don't ever go in there mad SAM I think the President's remarks were ill advised, to say the least. TOBY You're wrong. SAM The drop-in's the story now, Toby, not the energy package. TOBY The energy package doesn't need to be a story; it's going to be a law. SAM You don't think we're going to need the environmental lobby? TOBY I think we need them, I just don't think we're going to lose them. SAM And I think you're tragically misguided. TOBY Sam... SAM Many, if not most, environmentalists are absolutists who will use this insult to pull their support under cover we cut a deal in Detroit. TOBY Well then they can grow up, Sam. Use this insult? They just got the energy package they wanted, they just got the president at their dinner, and they should shut up! SAM Well you should explain it to them just that way, Toby, cause they're really pretty receptive to that argument. TOBY When they look down the ballot and see the alternatives, they get receptive in a hurry. SAM Was there anything else, or can I sit here now? TOBY [standing to leave] You can sit here. I'll see you tomorrow. SAM Yeah. TOBY Sam, I'm looking at opposition polling that scares the hell out of me. I'm looking at internal numbers that change by the hour. I'm listening to economists who tell me there's weather... SAM You left me out. TOBY [sighing] Yeah. SAM You think I'm the reason you got beat on the Leadership Breakfast? TOBY I got creamed, Sam. SAM You think I'm the reason? TOBY I don't want that discussion. SAM Then what are you doing here talking to me? Now you want the discussion. You and the president may think they deserved it, but this cynicism of attacking your friends for political protection offends them and it offends me. It offends you, and there's really nothing I can do to make you feel better about that. TOBY We can't govern if we don't win. SAM You should've talked to me about the numbers more. TOBY Anyway. I have this beer... SAM Yeah. TOBY I was just gonna sit down and drink it. SAM Yeah. TOBY I mean, we don't have to talk or anything. SAM Yeah. Toby and Sam sit in silence. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT Bartlet walks in and speaks to Leo and Josh, who are waiting for him. BARTLET That was Chairwoman Shelly Lubis I just got off the phone with. Before that was a conference call with Jamie Schwartz of the Environmental Defense Fund, Bryce Davis of the Sierra Club, and three Democratic Congressman from the Subcommittee on Energy and the Environment. The number of different words they had for "manipulative," Leo, there's no way they didn't have a thesaurus open in front of them. Bryce Davis said if I keep this up, he's going to encourage Seth Gillette in a thirdparty bid. LEO What'd you say? BARTLET I said for fifty bucks and a ride to the airport, Gillette could have the job right now. LEO What'd you say? BARTLET I politely reminded him that it's probably not a good idea to threaten the president. [yelling] Nancy! [to Leo] I want to know when you're pushing me towards the missile shield it's not because you want me to look strong on defense. NANCY Yes, sir? BARTLET Would you tell Charlie I'm ready? NANCY Yes, sir. LEO I'm not. I'm pushing you to the missile defense shield cause I think it works. BARTLET Based on what? LEO Confidence. And the understanding that there's been a time in the evolution of everything that works when it didn't work. JOSH You know, can I say this? Why don't we just give the sixty billion dollars to North Korea in exchange for not bombing us? BARTLET It's almost hard to believe that you're not on the National Security Council. JOSH I know. I feel like they're missing an important voice. The door opens. Lord Marbury enters with entourage. MARBURY Good evening! BARTLET John! Let me explain why you've been waiting. I have to see people in the order they arrive, and you got beat by Argentina. MARBURY Oh, uhh... Well, yes. BARTLET You also lost out on preferred seating for the State of the Union. MARBURY I'm required to attend the State of the Union? BARTLET Yes! MARBURY Then attend it I shall. BARTLET Okay, Tom? TOM Mr. President, it is with pleasure I present His Excellency, Lord John Marbury of Great Britain, and by request of the Secretary of State, ask that you accept his credentials from Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, as Great Britain's Ambassador to the United States. Bartlet takes the folder from Marbury. BARTLET Where are you on the missile shield? MARBURY Well, I think it's dangerous, illegal... fiscally irresponsible, technologically unsound, and a threat to all people everywhere. BARTLET Leo? LEO I think the world invented a nuclear weapon. I think the world owes it to itself to see if it can't invent something that would make it irrelevant. MARBURY Well, that's the right sentiment, certainly a credible one from a man who's fought in a war. You think you can make it stop? Well, you can't. We build a shield, and somebody will build a better missile. BARTLET Well, it's a discussion for serious men. They say a statesman is a politician who's been dead for fifteen years. I'd like us to be statesmen while we're still alive. Lord Marbury, I accept your letter of credence from Queen Elizabeth, and, by affixing my signature and seal, do hereby declare you to be Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary. They shake hands. MARBURY Well, thank you, sir. Marbury turns and shakes hands with Leo. LEO Congratulations. MARBURY God Bless America. LEO God Save the Queen. BARTLET Let's go. The photographers snap pictures of Bartlet and Marbury as they pose. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 2.12 -- 'The Drop-In' Original Airdate: January 24, 2001, 9:00 P.M. EST