Presidential Chief of Staff Leo McGarry (John Spencer) needs five more House votes to pass a bill restricting the sale of automatic firearms — but the cost might be too high, especially if he has to go to the unpredictable Vice President (Tim Matheson) to help put them over the top. The staff’s annual financial disclosure statements prove to be thorny for Toby (Richard Schiff), whose innocent technology stock purchase last year proved to be wildly profitable, which raises eyes due to his association with an expert in the field. In addition, Leo’s long hours on the job cause an unforeseen crisis at home, and the President (Martin Sheen) unintentionally mixes up the potent medications he receives for his ailing back.
THE WEST WING 'FIVE VOTES DOWN' TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN STORY BY: LAWRENCE 0'DONNELL & PATRICK CADDELL DIRECTED BY: MICHAEL LEHMANN TEASER FADE IN: INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT MONDAY NIGHT Bartlet is speaking at a dinner. He stands behind the podium while important people in fancy clothes listen to him. Hanging behind him is a banner that says 'Practical Idealism'. BARTLET One night he went in and set the briefcase down and said, 'Bess, why do you suppose it is that only sons-of-bitches know how to lick a stamp?' [laughter and applause] The point is, friends, you've got to write the letter, you've got to send a fax, you've got to pick up the phone and call Western Union. You've got to contact your Congressional representative... Backstage, Leo is watching the speech as his phone rings. He answers it, while Bartlet continues in the background. BARTLET You've got to say 'Mister, I've got a friend who's neighbor is dead... LEO McGarry here. BARTLET '...Madam, I've got a neighbor whose friend is dead, whose husband is dead, whose mother is dead, kids are dead! Kids are dead! LEO What are you talking about? BARTLET '...and I wanna know, mister. I wanna know, madam... LEO How did it happen? BARTLET ...how you intend to vote on Wednesday, so that I'll know how to vote next election...' LEO Well how did the wheels come off this thing? BARTLET You gotta ask 'em. You gotta ask 'em! [Applause. Josh joins Leo backstage.] LEO We lost five votes. JOSH What? LEO We lost five votes. JOSH Give me names. LEO I don't got them yet. Get on the phone. JOSH [groans]Oh, man! JOSH gets on the phone. Somewhere backstage, Toby is watching the Bartlet on a T.V. screen. BARTLET You know, I had a civil procedure professor who said once... TOBY Take a beat. [pause] There you go. BARTLET He said, 'When the law is on your side, argue the law; and when the facts are on your side, argue the facts... Leo and Josh are both talking on their phones, with Bartlet on T.V. screens in the background. LEO But it's not in cement. BARTLET ...When you don't have the law on your side, when you don't have the facts on your side, bang your fist on the defense table as loud as you can.' Well, we've got the law on our side now, and we've got the facts on our side now... JOSH Yeah, this is Josh Lyman. Please call me. I need to know what happened. BARTLET ...bang our fist on the defense table, but we're not listening any more. We're not having that any more. We're gonna win on Wednesday. We're gonna win on Wednesday! Thank you all. [The crowd stands up and applauds.] God bless you, and God bless America! Bartlet works his way out of the room while 'Happy Days Are Here Again' plays. The staff follows as they all walk through the back hallways. Sam shakes Bartlet's hand. SAM Fantastic. BARTLET Thank you. Bartlet continues down the hall with his Secret Service AGENTS. Sam joins Toby as they continue to follow the President. SAM Good job. TOBY [unenthusiastic] Yeah. SAM You didn't like it. TOBY I thought it was fine. SAM I thought it was a hell of a lot better than fine. TOBY [still unenthusiastic] It was good. SAM It was outstanding! TOBY He blew the D section. SAM Toby, they're still on their feet cheering. TOBY Yeah, I said it was fine. C.J. [walks up] Sam, nice going. SAM Thank you. Tell him. [indicates Toby] C.J. Why? SAM Well- TOBY Because Sam wrote two and a half paragraphs and I wrote thirty-seven pages. C.J. Still... TOBY He blew the D section. C.J. I thought it was inspired. TOBY Why do you keep saying stuff like that to me? C.J. [laughing] Just to watch your face turn that color. [They all go down the stairs.] JOSH [from behind] C.J.! C.J. [drops back] Hey, your little fan club was out in full force tonight. JOSH Well, they like me in my tux. C.J. Do you think I have an unusually large neck? JOSH What the hell? C.J. I'm just asking, 'cause one of the... JOSH Stop talking. C.J. What's up? JOSH I want you to look calm while I'm telling you this. C.J. Telling me what? JOSH We lost five. C.J. What do you mean? JOSH 802. Five votes jumped the fence. C.J. [going buggy eyed] Are you kidding me? JOSH Nice job looking calm. C.J. Are you kidding me? JOSH Leo just got off the phone with the whip. Last nose count, we're five votes down. C.J. What the hell happened? JOSH We don't know. C.J. Give me names. JOSH We're finding out. LEO [from behind] Josh. JOSH Yeah? SAM [walks ahead to Mandy] Hi there. MANDY Hi. SAM 'Happy Days Are Here Again'? MANDY He likes it. SAM Who? MANDY The President. SAM We try and avoid having the President make aesthetic decisions. MANDY I made the decision. SAM Right. And I don't mean to step on your toes, but you might want to rethink marrying the lines 'Kids are dead. Kids are dead!' and 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' MANDY It's optimistic. SAM I'll say. Bartlet is shaking hands with someone, and then joins the group. They go down the stairs again. BARTLET Thank you. Good night. [to Toby, in front of him] Toby! TOBY Sir. BARTLET What'd you think? TOBY I thought my work was outstanding, Mr. President. BARTLET I thought you would. TOBY Thanks for asking. [pause] Couldn't help but notice you got a little extemporaneous there in the D section. BARTLET Oh, you noticed that, did you? TOBY Yes sir, I did. BARTLET Yes. I did a little polish right up there on my feet. TOBY Yes indeed. BARTLET Right in front of everybody. I looked to the side at one point, you know. I half expected to see you coming at me with a salad fork. TOBY Well, but for the secret service agents restraining me, sir. BARTLET Yup. Thank God for the secret service. TOBY Bless their hearts... BARTLET [sees a couple getting friendly in the hall] Hey there, fella. She deserves a nice room and some supper. TOBY You like doing that, don't you sir? BARTLET [smiles] Yeah. [Toby laughs.] Hey, Charlie! CHARLIE [comes forward] Yes, sir? BARTLET What'd you think of the speech? CHARLIE Me? BARTLET Yes, you. CHARLIE Uh, I thought it was- TOBY He means the text of the speech, Charlie, discounting the little improv in the D section. BARTLET I mean the entire speech, Charlie, and in particular the delivery. CHARLIE I thought it was excellent. BARTLET and TOBY See! Toby laughs again. BARTLET See, I think what Charlie's trying to say is that in this case the singer outdistanced the song. TOBY Really. Well, what I heard Charlie say was that the text was user-proof, although you did your level best to disprove that in the D section. BARTLET You know what, Toby? TOBY Sir. BARTLET You're what my mother calls a pain in the ass. TOBY Well, that's what my mother calls it too, sir. CHARLIE Oh, Mr. President. BARTLET Yes, Charlie. By the way, did the First Lady call? CHARLIE The First Lady called at eight forty, sir. She wished you luck and told me to tell you to take your back medicine. BARTLET My back is fine. CHARLIE I have it here, sir. BARTLET Those damn things make me goofy. CHARLIE Mrs. Bartlet seemed quite adamant. I'd describe her tone as being... BARTLET You don't have to describe her tone to me, Charlie. I've been married to it for 32 years. The whole group comes out of building where a crowd is waiting for them. They head for their cars. Secret Service Agents are everywhere. CHARLIE Sir, I don't want to get in trouble with the First Lady... BARTLET Give me the medicine, Charlie. [takes the medicine and sticks it in his pocket] Thank you. Have a good night. I'll see you in the morning. CHARLIE Yes sir. BARTLET [to the crowd] Thank you all. Bartlet waves to the crowd and gets into his limousine, as Josh and C.J. walk by towards another car. GIRLS IN THE CROWD We love you, Josh! JOSH Thanks! C.J. [to girls] It helps not to know him! SECRET SERVICE AGENT [into radio while tapping the car] Here we go. Move it out. The car engines start. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT Sam, Toby, Mandy, and C.J. are sitting around a table, still in their fancy clothes, eating Chinese food. Leo and Josh are both on the phone. C.J. Leo, your food's getting cold. Want me to bring it over? Leo shakes his head and continues talking on the phone. MANDY Seriously, I have never had dumplings quite this good. JOSH [plaintively] Isn't my food getting cold too? C.J. We ate your food. MANDY C.J., you have got to try this. C.J. Oh thanks. Try some of this. TOBY [under his breath] Here it comes. C.J. Yum! Oh, Sam, you gotta try the General Chow's chicken. MANDY And the Kung Pow chicken. C.J. With the sauce. [offers the food. Sam takes a taste.] MANDY Oh, you gotta have it with the sauce. SAM [with mouth full] That's delicious! C.J. You didn't try it with the sauce. TOBY Will the two of you... shut up? MANDY [to Toby] Wanna try the spicy crispy beef? TOBY I'm really very happy with the food that I've got. Leo gets off the phone and walks over to the table. He starts dishing up. C.J. Botrell? LEO It's not Botrell. I've only got two, but Botrell isn't one of them. Katzenmoyer and Wick. MANDY I could've called that. LEO Sam, slide me a soda please. Sam slides a soda to Leo. Josh hangs up his phone and walks over to the table. He has ditched his jacket and untied his bow tie. JOSH Everyone's someplace else. All I got was O'Bannon. LEO I didn't get O'Bannon. That's three. JOSH Who'd you get? SAM Katzenmoyer and Christopher Wick. JOSH Chris Wick? LEO Yeah. JOSH It's got to be a mistake. Who told you that? LEO Lee Tamaki and the minority whip. JOSH They've got bad information. There is no way Chris Wick jumped the fence. LEO The President just told a ballroom full of people and anyone who reads a newspaper that we're gonna pass 802 on Wednesday. We've got a 72 hour fight. TOBY How do we do that without making noise? MANDY What do we care about noise? LEO There's two things in the world you never want to let people see how you make 'em: laws and sausages. MANDY Got it. First of all, obviously don't involve the President. LEO Absolutely. This is us. [pause] C.J., what's the press room going to be talking about in the next few days? C.J. Financial disclosures. TOBY That time again? C.J. It's that time again. JOSH What are you worth there, Toby? TOBY [dryly] Well, I own this tuxedo, and I've got twenty-three bucks in my pocket. MANDY [giggles] That's good. LEO Financial disclosure it is. MANDY No, I mean, that's good. JOSH She's right. MANDY C.J. feed them human interest, not just, 'Look, we're disclosing assets.' People will really get a kick out of reading about how much money you guys have, especially when they find out you don't have any. TOBY It's a pretty humiliating way of taking one for the team, isn't it? MANDY They're going to love you for being broke, Toby. TOBY I found that. I found that women especially can't get enough of my 1993 Dodge Dart. LEO How do we get the votes? SAM Well, setting aside Christopher Wick, and I agree with Josh. Someone's getting that wrong. Katzenmoyer and O'Bannon I buy. I'm going to guess the other two are Tillinghouse and LeBrandt. That's what we're going to hear tomorrow. Now the two of them are going to vote together on this, so we're really only going to need to get to one, and whether it's Tillinghouse or LeBrandt, and it should be Tillinghouse, we're gonna need help. JOSH Yeah. LEO Who? SAM You're not going to like it. LEO Who? SAM The Vice President. LEO No way. JOSH Leo... LEO No way. JOSH Tillinghouse and the Vice... LEO I'm not using Hoynes. MANDY Actually, Leo, I have to agree... LEO [looks at his watch] What time do you have? My watch says two o'clock? SAM [looks at his watch] It's two o'clock. LEO Did someone pay for this? MANDY I got it. LEO Make sure you turn in a receipt. I gotta go home. [as he leaves] Toby, Sam, beautiful work. SAM Thank you. TOBY [points at Sam with chopsticks] Two and a half paragraphs. [points at himself] Thirty-seven pages. CUT TO: EXT. LEO'S HOUSE - LATE NIGHT Leo's car pulls up to his house. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Leo walks in and puts down a paper on a table. His wife, JENNY walks halfway down the stairs in her nightgown. JENNY Where've you been? LEO What do you mean? JENNY The event was over at 10:30. I thought you were gonna come straight home. LEO I'm really sorry, Jenny. JENNY What happened? LEO We're five votes short on 802. JENNY [exasperated] And what could you possibly do about that at two o'clock in the morning that you can't do during normal business hours? LEO I can do things, Jenny. I wake people up. I meet with key staff. It's a long... JENNY Leo... [pause] Come to bed. LEO Yeah, I'll be right up. [sees a box on the table, picks it up and looks at it] What's this? JENNY It's a wristwatch. LEO For me? JENNY Yes. LEO From you? JENNY Yeah. LEO For what? JENNY [sighs] Our anniversary. LEO looks terrible. JENNY [cont.] Come to bed. FADE TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY TUESDAY MORNING Toby is sitting in his office talking with a woman named LEELA from the White House Counsel's office. LEELA Unusual, don't you think? TOBY I honestly couldn't say. LEELA I'm saying, only owning one stock issue. TOBY Yes. LEELA It's pretty unusual. TOBY And I'm saying I really couldn't say. I have no background or education in the stock market. I'm a speechwriter. LEELA You're the communications director, Toby. You can't tell me you have no... TOBY I can tell you, Leela. Ask the Treasury Secretary. Ask the Chairman of the Federal Reserve. I'm a total novice at this. LEELA Toby... TOBY I have never owned a share of stock until last year. LEELA What made you buy the stock? TOBY I use the website. I like the company. LEELA Five thousand dollars worth? TOBY That's right. LEELA And now the stock is worth one hundred and twenty-five thousand? TOBY Leela, I'm as surprised as anybody. I didn't know until the accountant called your office. LEELA Did you know that seventy-one percent of the increase happened the day after Cal Poly professor Theodore McGregor testified to the Commerce Committee on the future of Internet stocks? TOBY Of course I didn't. I'm telling you that I've never paid any attention... Someone knocks at the door. TOBY Yes? Carol, pokes her head in Toby's door. CAROL Excuse me, Toby. TOBY Yeah. CAROL Sam says they've got all five. TOBY Tillinghouse? CAROL Yeah TOBY Thank you. Carol leaves while Toby writes something on a pad. LEELA White House Counsel's office is going to want to investigate. TOBY Leela, I've got forty-eight hours to a crucial floor vote. Is there any way that...? LEELA Toby, you're the one who arranged for McGregor to testify in front of Commerce in the first place. TOBY I grew up on the same block as Ted McGregor. He's very well respected- LEELA No, I understand. But market analysts widely attribute the jump in technology stocks to the testimonies of, among others, your boyhood friend. [incredulously] Are you telling me you didn't know what he was going to say to the committee? TOBY I'm telling you that not only didn't I know what he was going to say to the committee, not only didn't I care what he was going to say to the committee, but if he had sat in my office while I typed up his testimony for him. [yells] I wouldn't have understood what he was going to say to the committee! LEELA Toby. TOBY What! LEELA Friend to friend. TOBY [calms down] Yeah. LEELA You know that manipulating the stock market, or trying to or conspiring to manipulate the market in any way...is a federal crime, right? TOBY Are you saying I should be talking to a lawyer? LEELA Toby, I'm saying you're talking to one right now. TOBY looks worried. CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Josh and Sam are leaving the Oval Office. They pass Mrs. Landingham. JOSH So what's the range of what we're talking about? MRS. LANDINGHAM Congratulations, Josh. JOSH Thanks, Mrs. Landingham. SAM What's she congratulating you on? JOSH I don't know. They walk out to the HALLWAY. SAM What's the range? JOSH Yes. SAM Votes are expensive. O'Bannon's going to want the farm subsidies revisited, Katzenmoyer's gonna go back to the federal tax exempt metro link. We're talking about unions, defense contracts, possibly agency appointments and my point is that the clock's running, and we're no closer to answering the question. JOSH Which question? SAM How we get five votes without giving away everything in the store. A woman passes by. WOMAN Congratulations, Josh. JOSH Thanks. SAM What the hell's going on...? JOSH We do it by giving away nothing in the store. SAM We can't... JOSH I say nothing. SAM What're you saying? JOSH L.B.J. never would've taken this kind of crap from Democrats in Congress. He'd have said, 'You're voting my way, in exchange for which, it is possible that I might remember your name.' [stops walking] Pal, we need to win. And I mean win. We need to take a curtain call and a victory lap. And that's how we get momentum. We get it by being tough. We give away nothing. That's what I'm taking to Leo. SAM And Chris Wick? JOSH Chris Wick, I own his ass. They walk into JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA to cheering and shouts of 'Congratulations'. Donna walks up. JOSH I sense I'm being mocked. DONNA Congratulations, Josh. JOSH What did I do? DONNA You won our award for best gift valued over twenty-five dollars on the financial disclosure report. JOSH Really? DONNA Yeah. JOSH What won it for me? DONNA The 1189 dollar Viennatelli silk smoking jacket from Miss Sarah Wissinger. JOSH Ah, yes. DONNA You're also the runner up, by the way, with the 345 dollar antique scrimshaw cigarette holder, also from Miss Sarah Wissinger. JOSH Well, Sarah was very fond of me. DONNA I'd imagine with that smoking jacket and the cigarette holder, you were quite the dandy. JOSH All right, this was fun, but Sam and I are busy making critical decisions, and I'm sure you have a lot of typing to do. So I'll talk to you later. DONNA Bye. [walks off] Sam and Josh keep going, right past Josh's office. JOSH I'll take care of Chris Wick. SAM Where are you going? JOSH [stops and looks at Sam] Where are you going? SAM I was following you. JOSH I was following you. [pause] All right, don't tell anyone this happened, okay? Josh heads back towards his office as Toby comes around the corner. TOBY Sam! I've got a problem. I need to talk to you for a few minutes. SAM Sure. [heads off with Toby] Leo and Margaret, come in from the entrance. LEO It can be Dom. It can be Kristal. She likes them both. MARGARET Which do you like? LEO I don't drink champagne. The important thing is that it be in a high hat. MARGARET What's that? LEO It's the silver bucket that rests on a tripod. In fact, the whole meal should be under sterling silver. MARGARET They'll know what that means? LEO Yeah. MARGARET How about music? LEO I'll put on a record. MARGARET You don't want a violinist? LEO To play the violin? MARGARET Yeah. LEO Is that what people get now? MARGARET I know it's available. LEO'S OFFICE. Margaret follows Leo inside. LEO No. 'Cause after the initial thing wears off there's just a guy with a violin in my house. MARGARET Right. LEO Harry Winston's sending down the choker. MARGARET It'll be here this afternoon. LEO It's the right size. MARGARET We can only hope. LEO My wife's got a great neck. MARGARET This will certainly call attention to it. LEO Would you stop? MARGARET You spend too much money. LEO And you can squeeze the life out of a nickel better than any ten people I know. MARGARET Well, excuse me for not having made forty thousand a pop on the lecture circuit. LEO Stop reading the disclosure reports! They're none of your business. MARGARET They're going to be printed in the newspapers in two days. JOSH [knocks and comes in] Leo? LEO Josh, do women like violinists? JOSH You thinking about taking lessons? LEO No, I mean to listen to next to the table. JOSH Gets a little weird after a minute, doesn't it? LEO That's what I thought. JOSH Is it Jenny's birthday? LEO [quietly] I forgot our anniversary. JOSH In that case I'd shift into gear and bring on the Julliard String Quartet. LEO [to Margaret] Call the guy. MARGARET Perhaps Mrs. McGarry would enjoy you in a nice smoking jacket. [looks pointedly at Josh] JOSH Leave. LEO Call the guy. Margaret leaves. JOSH I'm going to see Katzenmoyer. LEO When? JOSH Right now. LEO What're you gonna give him? JOSH Nothing more than a wake up call. I want your permission to kick his ass. LEO You want to dangle his job in front of him? JOSH Yeah. LEO No. JOSH I wanna let him hear the branch creak. LEO We do that. It doesn't work. We can't do it again. JOSH If it doesn't work, I back off. If it doesn't work, we give Katzenmoyer a metro link and we let O'Bannon order off the menu. If it does work, I think we get the other four votes no problem when word gets out we're not screwing around. LEO [gives in] I should sell tickets to this meeting. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT. CAPITOL BUILDING - DAY Josh and CONGRESSMAN KATZENMOYER are strolling along in front of the Capitol Building. KATZENMOYER You gotta understand the people in my district, Josh. JOSH Your constituents like the Tech 9 and the Rutger Mini 14, do they? They go quail hunting with an Uzi? KATZENMOYER I won with fifty-two percent of the vote. From the moment I'm sworn in I need to raise ten thousand dollars a week just to run a reelection campaign. JOSH And you're not doing so well. KATZENMOYER Averaging sixty-five hundred. That's money I can just squeak by with. The NRA makes me a target in the next election. I lose, plain and simple. Ask me two years from now. I'll be there for you. JOSH Fifty-five thousand more people will be shot and killed with guns two years from now, but that's very much beside the point. KATZENMOYER What is your point? JOSH Forgive my bluntness, and I say this with all due respect, Congressman, but vote yes, or you're not even going to be on the ballot two years from now. KATZENMOYER How do you figure? JOSH You're going to lose in the primary. KATZENMOYER There's no Democrat running against me. JOSH Sure there is. KATZENMOYER Who? JOSH Whomever we pick. KATZENMOYER You're bluffing. JOSH [shrugs] Okay. [starts to walk away. Katzenmoyer looks worried.] KATZENMOYER I'm in your own party! JOSH Doesn't seem to be doing us much good now, does it? KATZENMOYER It's an incumbent Democrat. You'll go to the press and endorse a challenger? JOSH No sir. We're going to do it in person. See, you won with fifty-two percent, but the President took your district with fifty-nine. And I think it's high time we come back and say thanks. Do you have any idea how much noise Air Force One makes when it lands in Eau Claire, Wisconsin? We're going to have a party, Congressman. You should come, it's gonna be great. And when the watermelon's done, right in town square, right in the band gazebo... You guys got a band gazebo? KATZENMOYER Josh... JOSH Doesn't matter, we'll build one. Right in the band gazebo, that's where the President is going to drape his arm around the shoulder of some assistant DA we like. And you should have your camera with you. You should get a picture of that. 'Cause that's gonna be the moment you're finished in Democratic politics. President Bartlet's a good man. He's got a good heart. He doesn't hold a grudge. [puts on sunglasses] That's what he pays me for. [walks away] CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY Sam and Toby are in the office talking. Toby is sitting on the couch. Sam is standing in front of him. SAM 125,000 dollars? TOBY Could you stop saying that!? SAM Sure. TOBY How much trouble am I in? SAM Well, there's two kinds of trouble here: actual trouble and PR trouble. TOBY Talk about actual trouble. SAM You're in no actual trouble. TOBY Really? SAM Absolutely not. TOBY Good. SAM But I'd hire a lawyer anyway. TOBY Why? SAM Because technically you've committed a felony punishable by imprisonment and fines reaching into the millions. TOBY [gets up to pace] All right, let's move away from actual trouble for a second and let's talk about... SAM Perception. TOBY Yes. SAM We've done nothing wrong, yet the perception of those who would choose to glance only at a snapshot would be embarrassing. TOBY Say nothing of damaging to the President. SAM [brightly] Indeed. TOBY Why are you talking like this? SAM Because I can't help but be reminded of a bright and energetic young White House deputy who took no end of admonition and grief because of a woman he was friends with. TOBY I totally backed you up on that! SAM Which is why I couldn't be happier to help you. It's like being able to do something for my older brother. I'm your guy on this. What's your level of confidence? TOBY [glumly] Absolutely none. SAM Who else knows about this? TOBY Anyone who saw the report. SAM Everybody has the report, but you really have to study it to have... C.J. [comes to the open door] Excuse me, Toby. I was heading out for lunch and I'm a little short. You wouldn't happen to have 125,000 dollars I could borrow, would you? [dissolves into laughter as she walks away] SAM I got your back on this, buddy. TOBY I am so... completely screwed. CUT TO: INT. BRIEFING ROOM - MORNING C.J. is standing at the podium addressing a small number of reporters. C.J. 145 dollar Armani cravat, which I'm pretty sure is a necktie. It was a gift from his brother-in-law. He gave it away to the Salvation Army. Information I'm sure the President would prefer his brother-in-law did not have. Laughter. REPORTER C.J., I'm curious about the President's farm in Manchester. The property value increased seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. What's that due to? C.J. Secret Service improvements. REPORTER Can you do into detail please? C.J. The property now includes a helipad and the ability to run a global war from the sun porch. Laughter. Josh comes in and stands to the side, waiting for C.J. to finish. C.J. That's all for now, folks. Later this afternoon we'll do Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman. [joins Josh and head out] JOSH Thanks for the promo. C.J. They really can't get enough of you. HALLWAY. They walk out. JOSH I got Katzenmoyer. C.J. He's back? JOSH Along with O'Bannon and LeBrandt. C.J. You got three! JOSH Chris Wick's waiting for me right now. I don't know what his story is, but I'm not that worried. C.J. You worried about Tillinghouse? JOSH I can't get him without the Vice President. Leo's got to lighten up on that. C.J. and JOSH walk inside the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE where Donna finds Josh. C.J. Get Wick first. And then we'll deal with it. [walks off] DONNA Josh. JOSH Yeah. DONNA Congressman Wick is waiting in the Mural Room. JOSH I know. DONNA He's been waiting twenty minutes. JOSH I know. DONNA You have a legislative liaison meeting in fifteen minutes. JOSH I know. DONNA And then the East Asia briefing. JOSH I know. DONNA All right. Well, then this entire conversation served only as a reminder. JOSH Actually, it only served as a colossal waste of time and energy. Keep up the good work. Josh goes inside THE MURAL ROOM. CONGRESSMAN CHRIS WICK, a very young looking man, and his staff are waiting. JOSH Congressman. WICK Dude! The young Congressman shakes Josh's hand, and then starts to introduce him to staff. WICK Uh, John... JOSH Right. [to staff] Guys, could you wait outside for a minute, please. The Congressman and I want to talk about old times. WICK Go ahead. JOSH [watches as the staff leaves] Thanks. Thanks a lot. Could you close the door please? [to Wick] Is that supposed to impress me, you have a staff? WICK Josh... JOSH I told the House minority whip he was crazy. No way is Chris Wick jumping the fence. Do you have any idea how stupid this makes me look? WICK Uh, look. About that, dude. JOSH Shove it, dude. We're not in a frat house anymore. WICK What the hell, man? JOSH Name for me please the weapons banned in this bill and why you feel they should be legal. WICK Look, I realize I should have called... JOSH Let's start here. Name for me please the weapons banned in this bill. WICK If you'd let me explain... JOSH You don't have a clue. WICK No. That's not true. JOSH Mac 90. WICK Listen... JOSH The PCR. NFR. Anything ring a bell? WICK My aides were supposed to... JOSH They're both copycats of the AR 15 assault rifle that was banned two years ago. It's the exact same gun. WICK Calm down... JOSH It's back. They just changed the grip. How 'bout the Pat Maxi? WICK Semi-automatic, muzzle barrel... JOSH [yells] It's a grenade launcher! WICK Yes, I'm trying to... JOSH You know, I realize as an adult not everyone shares my view of the world. And with an issue as hot as gun control I'm prepared to accept a lot of different points of view as being perfectly valid. But we can all get together on the grenade launcher, right? WICK Josh... JOSH I put you in your seat. I got you elected to the House of Representatives. WICK Yeah, and now you guys think I'm on the leash. Look, I get taken for granted, Josh. I've one photo op with the President. One. Me and sixteen other freshmen. That makes me weak. JOSH You're not serious. WICK I've been here over a year. Huh. Where's the courtship? This isn't ego. A relationship with the White House is currency around here and I need some. JOSH You're voting down a measure that would restrict the sale of deadly weapons because nobody invited you to the cool kid's table? WICK Got your attention. JOSH You know, I'm so sick of Congress I could vomit. [starts to leave but turns back] What do you want? WICK A round of golf. JOSH President doesn't play golf. WICK What does he play? JOSH Chess. WICK Over brandy. With the White House photographers and we're fine. JOSH He's going to kick your ass, you know. WICK Whatever. You know, I really don't appreciate you calling... JOSH Chris, you're a Congressman. You've gotta make that real. This time it was me in the Mural Room. Trust me when I tell you, you do not wanna have this conversation with the guy who works next door. [leaves and sees the staff waiting outside] You guys take care. [walks away] FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Leo, C.J. and Mandy are admiring the gorgeous pearl choker Leo bought for his wife. Toby is seated, and Sam walks in the door. MANDY Wow! LEO Wow is right. C.J. It is so beautiful. SAM Excellent choice, my friend. LEO Stop looking at me like that. You're talking about Jenny. SAM [backpedaling] My point being only that it should flatter her neck in ways that should please you. C.J. Can I try it on? LEO No. MANDY Can I rub it against my teeth? LEO No. TOBY Could we possibly talk about me? C.J. Are you saying I'm going to stretch it? JOSH [comes in] Leo, I got four out of five. I'm absolutely convinced we need the Vice President to get Tillinghouse. C.J. We're all agreed on that. LEO No. JOSH This needs a Texan. LEO I have a different idea. JOSH What? LEO I go to Richardson. MANDY You've already been through this with Richardson. JOSH The entire caucus. Let's not get 'em any more pissed off at us than they are already. LEO I'll talk to Richardson alone. JOSH You have to do it quietly and right now. LEO [calls] Margaret! JOSH Call me as soon as you've got it. [leaves] MARGARET [enters] Yes sir? LEO I need to see Mark Richardson out of the office. Margaret leaves. SAM You know, Toby. You could afford to buy one of those now if you want. TOBY There's literally no one in the world that I don't hate right now. Everyone laughs except for Toby. CUT TO: EXT. THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL - DAY CONGRESSMAN RICHARDSON, an imposing African American, is walking with Leo near the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. RICHARDSON Let me guess. Josh got Katzenmoyer and the rest of them back in the boat. You came to me instead of Tillinghouse because you don't wanna use Hoynes. LEO We need this one, Mark. RICHARDSON I'm voting no, Leo. LEO Mark, it's all we could get right now and you know it. RICHARDSON You didn't work hard enough. LEO We did. RICHARDSON What happened to the Tech DC 9 and the Tech 22? What happened to the Striker 12 and the Street Sweeper? LEO We had to lose 'em. RICHARDSON You never fought for 'em. LEO We have to do this inch by inch. You know how this works. RICHARDSON No, I know how you guys work. LEO That is out of line, Congressman. Guns are number one on my list of priorities and I've never moved the President off of that. RICHARDSON Keeping the White House strong is number one on your list of priorities. LEO If the White House isn't strong, it doesn't really matter what number two on my list is. God, Mark. The bodies being wheeled into the emergency room are black. These guns aren't going to Scottsdale, Mark, they're going to Detroit, they're going to Philadelphia. An entire generation of African American men are being eaten alive by drugs and poverty. RICHARDSON Well, I'm encouraged to hear the White House has discovered there's a drug problem in this country. I mean your penetrating insight is matched only by the courage displayed in the authorship of this bill. LEO Mark, for God sake... RICHARDSON Not the three-inch grip, but the two-inch grip. With the forty-gauge barrel and the thirty round clip, not the twenty round clip. With a three-day wait to run a check to see if you're crazy. As if wanting the gun wasn't a pretty good heads up in the first place. No, this is for show. And I think it's an unconscionable waste of the taxpayer's money to have it printed, signed and photocopied, to say nothing of enforced. No, I want the guns, Leo. You write a law that can save some lives. I'll sign it. In the mean time, please don't tell me how to be a leader of black men. You look like an idiot. [walks away leaving Leo looking stunned] CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY Mandy is reading the financial disclosures. Josh is standing behind his desk. MANDY Someone gave you a year's supply of fruit? JOSH Yes. MANDY Why? JOSH There are people who like me. MANDY Why? DONNA [pokes her head in] It's Leo. JOSH [picks up the phone] What happened? [listens, then groans] MANDY That's it. He needs to talk to Hoynes. We'll set up a meeting. JOSH Yeah Leo. We're going to set up a meeting for you with the Vice President. [listens] Good. CUT TO: EXT. LEO'S HOUSE - NIGHT TUESDAY NIGHT Leo's car pulls up to his house to find a taxi waiting. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Leo comes in and finds Jenny's bags sitting by the door. He walks over to the dining room and sees the dinner he ordered untouched on the table. LEO Jenny? JENNY [walks into the room wearing the choker] I'm still here. LEO What's going on? JENNY Leo... LEO What's going on? JENNY Honey, I'm so sorry you went to all this trouble. LEO It wasn't any trouble. JENNY [sighs] I can't do this anymore. This is crazy. I don't want to live like this. I just can't. LEO I'm sorry about the anniversary. I just... JENNY It's not the anniversary. It's everything. It's the whole thing. LEO This is the most important thing I'll ever do, Jenny. I have to do it well. JENNY It's not more important than your marriage. LEO [emphatically] It is more important than my marriage right now. These few years, while I'm doing this, yes, it's more important than my marriage. I... I didn't decide to do this myself, Jenny. There were many discussions... JENNY I think if you can find the time to... LEO I'm five votes down, Jenny! And I need to win. I met with the staff... JENNY You made the time. LEO I made the time tonight. JENNY You didn't make the time tonight. LEO I hired a whole... JENNY Margaret phoned to confirm your nine o'clock meeting with the Vice President. LEO [beat] I was going to slip out for 45 minutes... JENNY Leo... LEO I was going to be right back. JENNY I can't. Really. LEO I don't suppose we could postpone this discussion until... It's just the past couple of days... JENNY I have to go now. LEO Okay. JENNY [puts on jacket] I'll be at the Watergate. LEO Okay. JENNY And I'll talk to you later. LEO [with a catch in his throat] You'll call me? JENNY Yeah. [starts to pick up bags] LEO You... you want me to carry that to the cab? JENNY It's okay. [opens door] LEO [almost in tears] Call me before you go to sleep. JENNY Okay. Jenny shuts the door behind her, leaving Leo looking devastated. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. THE VICE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - NIGHT Hoynes is sitting in his office reading a newspaper. His secretary, JANEANE comes to the door. JANEANE Excuse me sir, Leo McGarry's here. HOYNES Send him in. [gets up and greets Leo as he walks in] LEO Good evening, Mr. Vice President. HOYNES Come on in. Thanks, Janeane. LEO Thanks. Janeane leaves. HOYNES What did you need to see me about? LEO Um... I came in to talk to you about 802. We lost five votes. HOYNES I know. LEO We got four of them back, but I was stupid with Richardson. And now it's Tillinghouse, so I wanted to talk to you about that and... HOYNES Leo, are you feeling okay? Sit down. Go on. Sit down. [They both sit.] LEO Jenny and I are splitting up and it just happened and I'm feeling a little, um... HOYNES [calls] Janeane! Janeane appears at the door, waiting for instructions. LEO If I could just have a glass of water. HOYNES Janeane, could you get me a glass of ice water please. [to Leo] Leo, it's going to be fine. These things happen. LEO Yeah. HOYNES I mean, do you... you wanna talk about it at all? Leo shakes his head in answer as Janeane returns with the water. LEO Thank you. [takes a large drink] Anyway... HOYNES I'll see Tillinghouse. LEO [surprised] Yeah? HOYNES I'll see him tomorrow morning. LEO You'll deliver him? HOYNES It's a done deal. LEO I don't need to tell you we need this win. HOYNES I think we're home. LEO Thanks, John. I want you to know the President and I appreciate it. [starts to leave] HOYNES Leo. Do you mind if I ask you a question? LEO What? HOYNES When was the last time you went to a meeting? LEO A.A.? What meeting could I possibly go to? HOYNES Mine. LEO John, tell me you are not showing your face- HOYNES Leo, I have got my own meeting. Every week. The downstairs office here at the O.E.O.B. at 11 p.m. There are nine of us three senators, two cabinet secretaries, one federal judge and two agency directors. There's an agent outside, the whole thing looks like a card game. LEO Do I have enemies in that room? HOYNES All our people. LEO I had no idea. HOYNES Neither will anyone else. You should think about it. Leo nods and gets up to leave. HOYNES Now, are you driving? LEO Uh. No, I've got my guy. HOYNES Good. Good evening. I'm sorry about Jenny. LEO Call me after Tillinghouse. HOYNES It's in the bag. LEO Good night John. HOYNES Good night Leo. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY WEDNESDAY MORNING Josh leaves his office, where Mandy is waiting in ambush. They head for the Oval Office. MANDY Hi there. JOSH How you doing? MANDY Sarah Wissinger? JOSH Yes. A smoking jacket and a cigarette holder. Both declared items. I am clean as a whistle. MANDY You received these gifts on July 3rd. JOSH I'm sensing trouble, but I can't quite... MANDY You and I didn't break up until July 9th. JOSH Ah, there it was, right in front of my face. MANDY She was giving you presents on July 3rd? JOSH You knew I knew Sarah. MANDY I didn't know she was giving you presents. JOSH They weren't by way of saying 'Thanks for sleeping with me' if that's what you mean. MANDY [walks ahead of him into Oval Office] Don't talk to me. Mandy and Josh enter THE OVAL OFFICE, where Toby, Sam, and C.J. are waiting. JOSH Hey. TOBY What's going on? JOSH Hoynes is having breakfast with Tillinghouse. MANDY Sarah Wissin-slut gave him the jacket on July 3rd. JOSH I really thought a nice by-product of not going out with you anymore would be that you wouldn't yell at me anymore. MANDY That was a bit unrealistic, wasn't it? JOSH Where's the President? TOBY Haven't seen him. Leo comes in from his office. Everyone turns to look at him. C.J. Leo, how'd it go? LEO What do you mean? JOSH Last night. LEO [realizes what they're talking about and puts on a good face] Oh. Oh, great. C.J. She liked the choker? LEO Yeah. JOSH And the violinist? LEO Uh. You-You're right. After a couple of minutes it's strange having him there. But, uh, you know um... [faking smile] She ate it up, so... They all congratulate him. Then a pause. TOBY Where's the President? LEO His back is pretty bad today. He canceled the morning. He'll stay in bed and make some calls. We should move this to my... Leo stops as Bartlet enters from outside. He's wearing jeans and a Notre Dame sweatshirt and is looking slightly drugged. BARTLET Hey! LEO Mr. President. I thought you were staying in bed. BARTLET Oh, I feel fine. LEO Uh... Maybe you should get back to the residence. BARTLET Hmm? LEO I said, maybe you should get back to the residence. Maybe you should lie down. BARTLET Absolutely no need. I'm fine. What's going on here? SAM Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Mr. President. Merely a perception issue regarding Toby and the financial disclosure. BARTLET I like to... [mimes rolling sleeves] Roll up my sleeves and you know... [pause] ...get involved. C.J. Mr. President. Did you by any chance take your back pills? BARTLET I don't mind telling you C.J. I was in a little pain there. LEO Which did you take, sir, the Vicadin or the Percocet? BARTLET I wasn't supposed to take 'em both? C.J. Okay. Mr. President, we're going to have someone take you back to bed. BARTLET No no no. Sit sit sit. All sit down. Bartlet sits between Toby and Sam. BARTLET [cont.] One of you's got a problem and I'm here to help. You guys are like family. You've always been there for me, always been loyal. Honest, hard working, good people, and I love you all very much. I don't say that often enough. So tell me what the problem is, Toby. [puts his hand on Sam's knee] SAM [surprised] I'm Sam, sir. BARTLET Sam, of course you are. He puts his arm around Sam as they all watch incredulously. TOBY Sir. Sir... The situation basically is this. I arranged for a friend to testify to Commerce on Internet stocks while simultaneously, but unrelated to that, bought a technology issue which, partly due to my friend's testimony, shot through the roof. BARTLET Toby. [pause] Toby. Toby. Toby. [pause] Toby's a nice name, don't you think? TOBY [to Leo] Could we possibly do this meeting at another time? Leo starts to get up. BARTLET No, no, no, no. Please, Leo. I know my body. I mean, you know, my muscles are not, you know, but my mind is sharp. I can focus. I'm focused. You all know that about me. Here's what I think we ought to do... [long pause] Was I just saying something? LEO [stands and calls] Mrs. Landingham! MANDY Look, I think we need to run through some options. MRS. LANDINGHAM [comes in] Yes, sir? LEO Get Charlie. MANDY Let's start at the bottom. SAM What do you mean? MANDY There's always resignation. BARTLET Hot damn! Now you're talking. TOBY I think she meant me, Mr. President. BARTLET Ah. LEO Well of course Toby's not going to resign. I think we're making more of this than we... SAM I got it! TOBY I've got a lawyer from the White House Counsel's office- SAM I got it! MANDY What? SAM Counsel's office releases a statement through C.J. Using the strongest possible language we make it very clear that there's been no wrongdoing of any kind. TOBY Yes. SAM But to avoid even the appearance of impropriety, Toby has agreed to reduce his salary for one year to one dollar, and immediately cash out his stock issue thereby relieving the taxpayer of the burden. Toby looks shocked. BARTLET Done. TOBY Wait. LEO Good, Sam. SAM Thank you. TOBY No, no, it's not good. Actually, it stinks. BARTLET Toby, you're a great writer, do you know that? TOBY Well, thank you very much sir. BARTLET Here, give me a hug. TOBY [looks pained] Leo! BARTLET Come on. Give us a hug. [hugs Toby] There you go. CHARLIE [walks in] Excuse me, Mr. President. BARTLET Charlie! CHARLIE Mr. President, I left you alone for two minutes. BARTLET Charlie's a great name. CHARLIE Thank you. Sir, you have to go back to bed. BARTLET I'm going. I'm going. [gets up] Before I go, please let me just say this. [sighs] I'm seriously thinking about getting a dog. LEO Well, feel better Mr. President. Charlie leads Bartlet out as everyone grins after them. BARTLET Maybe an Irish setter, Charlie. What do you think? CHARLIE I think that's great sir. SAM [to Toby] So, how do you feet there, big guy? TOBY [dryly] Like I just got screwed with my pants on. SAM Excellent. CUT TO: INT. THE VICE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - DAY Hoynes is having breakfast with CONGRESSMAN TILLINGHOUSE, a Texan with a very nasal accent. TILLINGHOUSE Honest to goodness, John, this isn't a political maneuver. HOYNES I know. TILLINGHOUSE I'm voting my conscience. HOYNES I know. TILLINGHOUSE You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. Two hundred and forty million guns out there. How're you gonna get them back? HOYNES You can't. TILLINGHOUSE Of course not. And as long as they've got a gun, I want my wife to have a gun, I want my daughter to have a gun, and damn it, I want one too. HOYNES Makes perfect sense. TILLINGHOUSE You might wanna mention to Josh Lyman that Congressmen don't appreciate being bullied like ill-behaved school children. HOYNES Yes. TILLINGHOUSE Katzenmoyer, O'Bannon, LeBrandt, this new kid, Christopher Wick. These are grown men, with pride and dignity. They can't be manhandled. HOYNES They're pretty pissed, are they? TILLINGHOUSE Behind closed doors they're screaming bloody murder, and are talking about political retribution. HOYNES I don't blame 'em. TILLINGHOUSE Reality is reality. HOYNES Yes. Which is why I'd like very much for you to do the following, Cal. I want you to vote yes on the resolution. TILLINGHOUSE [surprised] John? HOYNES And you might want to mention this conversation to Representatives Katzenmoyer, O'Bannon, LeBrandt, and Wick. TILLINGHOUSE [smiles] Why, John, you do seize the moment, don't you? HOYNES You've got a roll call. TILLINGHOUSE Tell me something. What's in it for me? HOYNES Right now? TILLINGHOUSE Yeah. HOYNES Nothing. TILLINGHOUSE Then why am I handing you a personal political victory? HOYNES Because I'm going to be President of the United States one day, and you're not. CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - NIGHT We see the night view of Washington, D.C., while various news reports are heard. REPORTER 1 [V0] The restrictions, while not considered sweeping, do include the Mini 9 and the Rutger 14. Again, White House senior aides had hoped that this would serve as a much-needed victory for the President, but it's the Vice President who seems to be receiving most of the credit from some Congressional Democrats... REPORTER 2 [V0] ...were quick to praise Vice President John Hoynes for stepping in and securing the one vote victory... REPORTER 3 [V0] Mark Richardson, leader of the Congressional black caucus, a man, I should add, who's seldom at a loss for words, had no comment tonight. None. You have to ask yourself, is this an intentional snub to his old friend Jed Bartlet? CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT Leo, Toby, Josh, C.J., Sam, Mandy and Donna are watching the telecasts. MANDY Unbelievable. SAM I don't believe it. MANDY You loosen the ketchup bottle and he pops the top off. SAM And keeps the ketchup. C.J. Sorry, Leo. You saw this one coming through the Holland Tunnel. LEO We got what we deserved. It was hubris and we got what we deserved. [gets up to leave] Night everyone. Everyone says good night. Leo walks away, but turns back to Josh, who's not looking happy. LEO Listen. We won. [leaves] TOBY Where's the President? C.J. He's asleep. TOBY Wake him up. Josh leaves. C.J. Toby. TOBY Wake him now. C.J. Let's leave it till tomorrow, Toby. Let's leave it till tomorrow. C.J. fiddles with a Magic Eight Ball. CUT TO: INT. THE VICE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - NIGHT Hoynes is sitting at his desk. Janeane comes to the door. JANEANE Sir. Uh, Josh Lyman is here. He was wondering if he could see you a moment. HOYNES Sure. JOSH [walks in] Evening Mr. Vice President. HOYNES Josh. Nice victory. JOSH Are you talking about the bill or are you talking about my smoking jacket? HOYNES [laughs] I heard about that. No, I was talking about the bill. JOSH It's a crappy law. HOYNES Nah. JOSH No, it is. I should know. I helped write it. HOYNES You did very well. JOSH I'd say it's roughly the equivalent of fighting the war against tobacco by banning certain color matchbook covers. HOYNES [laughs] Well, these things happen slowly. JOSH I'd say you did well, sir. In fact, you might be the only one who did. I just came by to say congratulations. JANEANE [comes to the door] Mr. Vice President. HOYNES Right, Janeane. I'm on my way. [gets up and puts on coat] Josh. JOSH Yes sir? HOYNES [walks to Josh and pats him on the shoulder] Welcome to the NFL. Josh watches him leave. CUT TO: INT. OLD EXECUTIVE OFFICE BUILDING - NIGHT Leo walks down a flight of stairs into a basement hallway of the O.E.O.B. There is a Secret Service Agent standing by the door. AGENT Something I could help you with, Mr. McGarry? LEO [looks apprehensive] Yeah. I'm here for the card game. The agent nods and opens the door. LEO Thank you. Leo walks into the room, looks around nervously, and closes the door behind him. FADE OUT. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 1.4 -- 'Five Votes Down' Original Airdate: October 13, 1999, 9:00 EST Transcript By: Cindy Dechief