While President Bartlet (Martin Sheen) and his staff debate the appropriate response to a controversial new sex education study, there are fears that the parents of a murdered gay teenager should be excused from attending the signing of a hate crimes bill because of the father’s embarrassment about his son’s homosexuality. Josh (Bradley Whitford) and Sam (Rob Lowe) meet with an appropriations subcommittee which is investigating Josh’s lack of cooperation in the White House staff drug probe — all of which is designed to expose Leo’s (John Spencer) former substance-abuse problem. Toby (Richard Schiff) relishes his verbal duel with some congressmen who have held up the newest appointments for the Public Broadcasting Corporation. C.J. (Allison Janney) is advised to save a few embarrassing stories for release on Friday to blunt the effect on the media over the weekend, but she also finds time to continue her frisky flirtation with a White House reporter, Danny (Timothy Busfield).
THE WEST WING "TAKE OUT THE TRASH DAY" WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN DIRECTED BY: THOMAS SCHLAMME TEASER FADE IN: INT. PRESS BRIEFING ROOM - NIGHT C.J. is carrying out the last press briefing of the day. C.J. ...weather permitting we'll be in the rose garden. REPORTER 1 And weather permitting means? C.J. If it's not raining. REPORTER 1 C.J.... C.J. I know. REPORTER 2 It's gonna be 22 degrees out there. C.J. I know. REPORTER 2 I don't know why you people... C.J. This President is from New England and I think it's time we all started getting used to that. At least, that's what he told me this morning. What else do we have here? There will be 15 pen recipients. The President will sign the bill with 15 pens, and I guess someone on my staff wanted you to know that. DANNY C.J.? C.J. Tell me you don't have a question about the pens. DANNY C.J., I have a question about the pens. C.J. Yes, Danny? DANNY Josiah Bartlet has 13 letters in it, how's the President gonna use 15 pens? C.J. Danny... DANNY I just.... C.J. You know you were the only one in the room doing the math on that, right? DANNY I, I just... C.J. Only one in the room. DANNY My readers expect a little bit more. [laughter] C.J. [leafing through notes] 15 pens, 13 letters, they must have stuck something in here about... Yes... he's gonna... interesting... he's gonna literally dot the I" and cross the "T"s. DANNY Thank you. C.J. Freakboy. DANNY Thank you again. C.J. Jonathon and Jennifer Lydell, the parents of Lowell Lydell, have been added to the guest list; also added to the guest list are senators... Mandy watches from the back. REPORTER 3 C.J.? C.J. Yeah? REPORTER 3 That still on? C.J. What still on? REPORTER 3 The Lydells. C.J. Yeah. REPORTER 3 There's a rumour that the Lydells aren't big supporters of the President, and they were, er, reluctant.. C.J. I've heard that too, and I don't know where it got started; it's ridiculous. The President's signing hate crimes legislation, Jonathan and Jennifer Lydell's son was killed for being gay. They're obviously going to... Mandy watches anxiously. REPORTER 3 Just asking. REPORTER 4 I heard the same thing. C.J. The Lydells are coming. REPORTER 3 And they'll be available to the press? C.J. Yeah. Where was I? REPORTER 2 Senators. C.J. Breach and Larkin. Senators Breach and Larkin will be attending as well. Mandy watches C.J. on the T.V. C.J. Listen, you've been a great audience, don't forget to tip your waitresses. That's all the news today, you're outta here. C.J. leaves the room and Mandy joins her as they walk together. MANDY I kinda wish you hadn't done that. C.J. Done what? MANDY Guaranteed the Lydells. C.J. They're not coming? MANDY They are coming, I'm just not sure we're gonna want them there. C.J. Mandy! MANDY I flew out to St Paul; I sat in their kitchen. C.J. I spoke the mother on the phone. I spoke to her twice! MANDY The mother's fine. C.J. What's wrong with the father? MANDY He doesn't say much. C.J. That's it? MANDY Sometimes that's an indication... C.J. He doesn't say much? MANDY C.J.... C.J. Their son was just murdered Mandy! Did you want him to wear a campaign button? MANDY I do at the bill signing and I'm saying the reticence he exhibited in his kitchen... C.J. Are you listening to yourself? MANDY They're flying in in the morning. Sit and meet with them and tell me what you think. C.J. You want me to audition the Lydells? MANDY Yes. And I'd also like you to cut me some slack. C.J. Fine. Mandy walks off and C.J. walks into her office, stopping to talk to Carol. C.J. Carol? Dotting the "I"s and crossing the "T"s, thank you for that. CAROL We do our homework. C.J. You misspelled senator. Josh joins C.J. in her office. C.J. Hello. JOSH We've got a bit of a sticky wicket. C.J. Please don't tell me I'm staying here and working late tonight. JOSH I need you to read a report. C.J. I'm a woman in her prime, Josh. I'm a prime woman. JOSH There's no doubt about it, but I need you to read this anyway. C.J. What is it? JOSH We want Congress to sign off on funds for a hundred thousand new teachers. They say, fine, but you gotta stipulate that in Sex Ed classes.... C.J. Abstinence only? JOSH Yes. C.J. I would no have trouble passing such a class. JOSH We commissioned a report about a year ago on Sex Education in public schools, and, well, this is it. [drops the report on C.J.'s desk] C.J. What's it say? JOSH It's not good. C.J. How's it not good? JOSH It says basically that teaching abstinence only doesn't work- that people are going to be prone to have sex whether they're cautioned against it or not. C.J. Well, what are they recommending? JOSH Something called "abstinence plus". C.J. Abstinence plus? JOSH Yes. C.J. What's that mean? JOSH Well, Sam's renamed it 'everything but'. C.J. Everything but? JOSH Yes. C.J. Ah. JOSH Yes. C.J. They want teachers to teach... JOSH Yes. C.J. And so the sticky wicket joke was...? JOSH A regrettable pun. Should I order you some food? C.J. Y'know, I can't remember the last time I got home before midnight. JOSH By the way, pages 27 to 33? A couple of things every girl should know. C.J. Get me a salad. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY Danny walks in. C.J. is inside. C.J. Hey. DANNY Want to have dinner? C.J. With you? DANNY Yes. C.J. I have to read a report on Sex Education. DANNY Hey... C.J. I'm anticipating any joke you could possibly make right now, and I'm not finding any of them funny. DANNY You know, eventually you're gonna have to go on a date with me; you can't just keep grabbing me and kissing me. C.J. I didn't grab you... DANNY Well, you can, like I'll mind or anything... C.J. I didn't grab you. You grabbed me! DANNY First time. Second, third and fourth times you grabbed me. C.J. That's because... DANNY All week long, just randomly grabbing me and kissing me. Like I said, I applaud the spirit, but I think there's, there's better things ahead. As I'm sure you're about to read. C.J. What do you want? DANNY I want to know about an advance man for the Vice-President who took a Navy helicopter to Pebble beach to shoot 18 holes. C.J. Are you kidding me? DANNY No. C.J. How do you know about this? DANNY A White House source. C.J. What kind of White House source? DANNY The anonymous kind. C.J. I'll find out about it. DANNY Do it properly would you? I got a helicopter pilot who sat around for four hours on the taxpayers' time while your advance man hit every sand trap in Carmel. C.J. Okay. DANNY See ya. C.J. Wait. [grabs and kisses Danny] Okay, you can go now. DANNY No problem. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Carol is holding food. DONNA Josh? [to Carol] Did they burn the hamburger? CAROL I told them well-done. DONNA He likes it beyond well-done. He likes it burnt. JOSH [comes out of his office] Yeah? DONNA Food's here. JOSH Did they burn the hamburger? DONNA Yes. JOSH Did you check? DONNA I am not checking your food. JOSH Let's go. DONNA [picks up the box of food] No, no, I'll carry it. [walks with Josh] JOSH I like it where if you dropped it on the floor it would break. DONNA What's 'Take Out the Trash Day'? JOSH Friday. DONNA I mean what is it? JOSH Any stories we have to give the press that we're not wild about we give all in a lump on Friday. DONNA Why do you do it in a lump? JOSH Instead of one at a time? DONNA I'd think you'd want to spread them out. JOSH They've got X column inches to fill, right? They're gonna fill them no matter what. DONNA Yes. JOSH So if we give them one story, that story's X column inches. DONNA And if we give them 5 stories... JOSH They're a fifth the size. DONNA Why do you do it on Friday? JOSH Because no one reads the paper on Saturday. DONNA You guys are real populists, aren't you? JOSH The salad's for C.J.. They walk off in opposite directions. CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY Toby is working at his desk. Sam enters quietly. TOBY Yeah? SAM There is a town in Alabama that wants to abolish all laws except the Ten Commandments. TOBY I saw it. SAM Well, they're gonna have a problem. TOBY Because the Constitution prohibits religious activity in any form connected to Government? SAM Good point! Two problems. TOBY Sam, I'm busy here! SAM I just mean that some of those Commandments are pretty hard to enforce. TOBY What is it? SAM I just got a call asking me if I wanted to comment on a story that's gonna run in the Georgetown Hoya tomorrow. TOBY The student newspaper? SAM A sociology professor has been teaching what the paper, at any rate, feels is racist stuff. Too much funding for Head Start, welfare mothers, and... TOBY And why are they talking to us? SAM Zoey's in the class. TOBY Who cares? SAM This minute? The Georgetown Hoya. Tomorrow...? TOBY The President's daughter got an idiot sociology professor, and we gotta... SAM I'll talk to Zoey. TOBY Please. [long pause] What else? SAM Coveting thy neighbour's wife, for example. How are you going to enforce that one? TOBY Sam! SAM We never have our chats anymore, Toby. TOBY What chats? SAM Our late night chats! TOBY Did we ever do that? SAM [beat] No. LEO [enters] Fellows? SAM Hey. LEO My office. Leo walks down the corridor, closely followed by Sam and Toby. SAM Leo, did you know there's a town in Alabama that wants to... LEO Yes. SAM What do you think? LEO Coveting thy neighbour's wife's gonna cause some problems. SAM That's what I said. Plus, if I were arrested for coveting my neighbour's wife, I'd probably bear false witness. LEO'S OFFICE. Josh is on a chair eating. Leo, Sam and Toby enter. JOSH Hey. LEO Josh! This Sex Ed report could not have possibly come at a worse time. JOSH I know. LEO A hundred thousand school teachers... JOSH I know. LEO He's going to sign the hate crimes bill! TOBY He didn't write the thing, Leo. LEO I'm saying I wish we'd have gotten some heads up it was coming, and what was in it. TOBY Well, that horse left the barn! LEO We're going to have to deal with it tomorrow. TOBY Yeah. LEO What else? What's this thing on the Hill? JOSH Sam and me, we're meeting with Bruno from an appropriation sub-committee that has jurisdiction over the White House budget. LEO Is this about me? JOSH Technically, it's about me. They want to know why I withheld information gained during Inspector Javert's drug search... Yeah, it's about you. TOBY Um... Can I just say a word about that? LEO No. TOBY It was absolutely the right thing to do under the circumstances. LEO I understand. You're going with them? SAM Yeah. LEO Okay. I'm sorry I've made you guys have to... SAM Leo... JOSH Please! CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Donna, Carol, Cathy, Ginger, and Margaret are huddled and talking. DONNA First of all, you don't know that for sure. CATHY She just said... MARGARET Guys! CATHY She just said she knew that for sure! DONNA She said, she knew it in her heart, which is very different from someone saying... GINGER I know it for sure. CATHY She just said it. CAROL Someone needs to tell their boss. MRS.LANDINGHAM [comes out of the Oval Office] Excuse me. MARGARET Good evening, Mrs Landingham. MRS LANDINGHAM What are you girls doing? MARGARET We're just... talking, Mrs. Landingham. MRS. LANDINGHAM You all work for very important people. This is not a place for gossip. You understand me? ALL Yes Ma'am. Mrs. Landingham exits. DONNA She said she knew it in her heart. You know how many things I've been wrong about in my heart? CATHY Yeah, but she's right about this one. Aren't you? JOSH [comes out of the Oval Office] Well, here's a group of federal employees. [walks] DONNA [following Josh] Can I talk to you? JOSH Sure. DONNA In Sam's office? JOSH We'll need to ask Sam, don't you think? DONNA I need Sam, too. JOSH [to Sam, passing] Sam! SAM Yes, sir? JOSH Donna needs to talk to us, and it doesn't look good. They begin to walk to Sam's office. DONNA This Vice President's advance man, with the golf clubs and the helicopter? JOSH Chad Magrudian? DONNA Yep. JOSH Didn't he used to work for us? SAM He kept screwing up. JOSH How? SAM He advanced the Puerto Rico trip and spent a half a day scuba diving. Which was nowhere on the President's itinerary. He advanced the New York trip and got impossible tickets to something that the President had no intention of seeing. JOSH He's working for Hoynes now? DONNA Yeah, just recently. SAM He played 18 holes on Pebble Beach. DONNA Which, technically, is what he's supposed to do. SAM He wasn't supposed to take a Navy helicopter and make it wait. JOSH Well, what does this have to do with us? DONNA We know who leaked the story. Josh closes the door to Sam's office. CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY C.J. is on her couch reading the report. Toby walks in and sits across her. C.J. Hi. TOBY You remember Chad Magrudian? C.J. The advance man? TOBY Yeah. He took a ride... C.J. I know about this already. The round of golf? TOBY How do you know? C.J. Danny got it from a White House source. TOBY Danny gave it to you? C.J. Any problem with that? TOBY As long as it wasn't the other way round. That was a joke! C.J. It better have been. What else? TOBY C.J.... C.J. What else? TOBY There's going to be a thing with Zoey. Her sociology professor's teaching some things, and we're going to get her out of class. C.J. Okay. TOBY You can dump that out with the trash. C.J. Okay. TOBY And I was kidding before. C.J. I don't leak stories to Danny. If you don't believe me, ask Danny. TOBY I do believe you. C.J. Good. TOBY You okay by yourself? C.J. Why wouldn't I be okay? TOBY Okay... Night. Toby leaves as C.J. watches him. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Toby, Sam and Josh are waiting. JOSH Her name is Karen Larsen. She worked on the Vice-President's campaign and in his public affairs office. Aides thought she was getting a bit of a crush on Hoynes, so they moved her further away. TOBY Where? SAM Glad you asked. TOBY Personnel? JOSH Yeah. TOBY How high is her FBI clearance? SAM High enough. JOSH I think we've found our man. TOBY Sam, have a talk with her when you get back from the Hill. SAM Yeah. CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Bartlet and Leo walk in from the PORTICO. LEO The way the European Union's set up, the rules favor the import of bananas from Latin American countries that used to be European colonies. BARTLET I don't want to spend the whole day talking about bananas. Good morning Nancy, good morning Mrs. Landingham. MRS. LANDINGHAM Good morning Mr President. Did you say you wanted a banana? BARTLET No. MRS. LANDINGHAM Nancy, run get the President a banana. BARTLET I really don't want a banana. NANCY A Are you sure, Sir? BARTLET Yes, thank you. MRS. LANDINGHAM They've got lots of potassium. BARTLET I'm done talking to you now. Bartlet and Leo walk in THE OVAL OFFICE where Toby, Sam and Josh are. They stand up. BARTLET Good Morning everyone. Sit down, sit down please. LEO The point they're gonna make is that the rules discriminate against bananas from poorer Latin American countries. BARTLET Are we a poor Latin American country? LEO No. BARTLET Then why am I having this conversation? LEO Because the bananas grown in those countries are sold by American companies. BARTLET I'm in trouble with Chiquita and Dole? LEO Well, it's not you so much as... Yeah, it's mostly you. BARTLET Toby. TOBY Yes, sir? BARTLET We have appointed five people to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. Republicans in the House, as well as an alarming number of Democrats, have been holding up those appointments. TOBY I've been fully briefed. BARTLET As far as I can tell, their reluctance has little, if anything, to do with bananas. TOBY I'm meeting with some key people this afternoon. BARTLET You're all set? TOBY I was raised on Sesame Street. I was raised on Julia Child. I was raised on Brideshead Revisited. Their legacies are safe in my hands. C.J. is standing in the doorway, giggling. TOBY [to C.J.] You've got a problem? C.J. [laughing] You watched cooking shows? TOBY I watched Miss Julia Child. C.J. Okay. LEO C.J.? Mandy talk to you about the Lydells? C.J. Yeah. BARTLET You're going to sit with them? C.J. When they get in this afternoon. BARTLET And talk to the father. C.J. Yes, sir. BARTLET The mother too, but I'm concerned about the father. C.J. Sir, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly is the nature of your concern? LEO Mandy says he's withdrawn, that he doesn't say much. C.J. I don't understand... His son was just killed. LEO His son was just killed because he was gay. C.J. And...? BARTLET This is no time to out a guy in front and center who's embarrassed that his son was gay. C.J. Really? LEO Fathers and sons, C.J.. This guy sells dental supplies in the Twin Cities, so how enlightened do you think he's going to be? C.J. Yeah... but his son just died. BARTLET Sit and talk to them. C.J. Yes, sir. LEO Was that it? C.J. Mr. President, I was wondering if you had an opportunity to look at the Sex Education report? BARTLET I haven't had chance yet. C.J. Because it's very dramatic and I think we should talk about the right form with which to present it to the public. BARTLET Give me a chance to look it over and we'll talk at the end of the day. C.J. Yes, sir, thank you. Everyone starts to leave. BARTLET Josh and Sam, wait up a second. Leo, don't go away. [follows Josh and Sam into the hallway] [to the agent outside] Excuse us a second. Thank you. The agent walks off. BARTLET [to Josh and Sam] What time are you going up to the Hill? JOSH Noon. BARTLET I want to pre-empt a hearing. I don't want it. I don't want it for Leo. I don't want it for his family. I don't want it for us. They know that, and they're gonna play "Let's Make a Deal." Don't take anything off the table until you've talked to me. You understand? JOSH Yes, sir. BARTLET Okay. Unless a war breaks out, I'll be spending much of my day talking about bananas. SAM Godspeed to you, sir. BARTLET Thank you. JOSH Thank you, Mr President. BARTLET Alright. [goes back into the office to join Leo] Is Simon Blye coming in to meet with you today? LEO How did you know that? BARTLET I broke into your secret schedule compartment and took infrared photos with my compact camera. [sits] LEO Sir... BARTLET Margaret told me. Look, why are you meeting with that man? LEO He's a good friend. BARTLET No, he's not. LEO He's been a good friend to me. BARTLET In good times, Leo. It's not hard to like a guy when he's doing well. The measure of a man is, how does he behave when things are otherwise? LEO I need some counsel. BARTLET That you couldn't get from me? Or Toby, or Josh, or Sam, or C.J.? LEO I didn't mean that, Mr. President.. BARTLET I know you... LEO And of course, your counsel is valued above all else. I just meant, I can use all the help I can get. BARTLET You put a lot of faith in people, Leo, and I love you for that. I just don't want to see you get disappointed. LEO Yes, sir. BARTLET Especially now. LEO Yes, sir. BARTLET Okay. LEO [leaving] Oh, at some point, you've got to read the Sex Ed report. BARTLET I will. LEO Thank you, sir. BARTLET Thank you. CUT TO: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY Danny is typing. C.J. enters. C.J. Hey. DANNY Hey. C.J. Tell me something. DANNY Okay. C.J. Are we off the record? DANNY Sure. C.J. Are we? DANNY Yes. C.J. Feels like we're still on the record. DANNY I don't flick a switch or anything, C.J., we're off the record. C.J. [turning to leave] Never mind. DANNY What was it? C.J. It was nothing. DANNY I want to make it very clear that I have no objection to the kissing. C.J. I understand. DANNY I didn't want you to think it was a problem for me. C.J. There won't be any more kissing. DANNY I'm sorry to hear that. C.J. Is it possible that a father could be embarrassed about his son being gay, even after his son was murdered? DANNY Yes. C.J. Possible to the extent that he'd be disinclined to support a law that would impose stiffer penalties upon the perpetrators of hate crimes, including the ones who tied his 17 year old son to a tree and threw rocks at his head? DANNY Yes. C.J. It eludes me. DANNY I know. C.J. Okay. DANNY Are you going to tell us about the advance guy and the helicopter? C.J. I'll have information for you Friday. DANNY You're gonna dump it in the Friday trash. C.J. He's a C-level aide to the Vice President, Danny. He's resigning. You want to run a special section? DANNY Just minding the peoples' business. C.J. A job you're uniquely suited for. DANNY Thank you. C.J. Goodbye. DANNY Okay... [stands face to face with C.J.] See ya. C.J. Okay, you should go now. DANNY I work here. C.J. Yes, then... I should go. DANNY Okay. [watches C.J. leave] CUT TO: INT. CAPITOL HILL - DAY Josh and Sam are sitting inside a large conference room, opposite Congressman BRUNO and two of his aides. BRUNO This isn't a trial, this isn't a deposition, you won't be sworn in, you're not on the record. There will be no record. I sit on the House appropriation subcommittee for White House budget and management. Many of my colleagues, as you can imagine, are asking that hearings be held to determine if there was any wrong-doing on the part of senior White House staffers in covering up Leo McGarry's past problems with alcohol and drugs. I want to see if we can avoid that, as I'm sure you do as well. SAM Yes, sir. BRUNO So, what happened? CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY Leo is sitting at his desk. Margaret walks in. MARGARET Leo? LEO Is he here? MARGARET Yes. LEO Send him in. Leo's good friend, SIMON BLYE walks in. Margaret leaves. SIMON Leo. LEO Simon. Thanks so much for coming. SIMON Of course. LEO Was there any trouble getting here? SIMON No, no. LEO How's Meredith? SIMON Spending all her time in the country now. LEO Well, you built the house, Simon. SIMON [laughs] Well, I know you're busy, Leo. Why don't we talk about you? LEO Okay. CUT TO: INT. CAPITOL HILL - DAY Josh and Sam's meeting continues. SAM This past November the 21st, Congressman Lillienfield announced, in a sort of reckless fashion, that one in three White House staffers was on drugs. BRUNO Yes. JOSH We were in the midst of announcing our nominee for the Supreme Court, so there was a certain amount of... BRUNO You didn't want to blow the moment? JOSH Yes. BRUNO You can speak candidly here, Josh. JOSH Thank you. BRUNO Did Toby Ziegler ask you to investigate the claim? SAM 'Investigate' is a word that gets us into some trouble. BRUNO Ah. You conducted interviews with staffers to determine... JOSH There's a first clients. BRUNO Right. If there were any staffers using drugs, or if anyone knew of any staffers using drugs. JOSH That's right. BRUNO And Claypool subpoenaed the paperwork on the interviews? JOSH Under the Freedom of Information Act. BRUNO Okay. I've got your, er, Claypool deposition here and I want to talk about it for a moment. SAM Sure. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY SIMON Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn. It's my understanding they're met with Bruno's people right now. LEO That's right. SIMON Trying to avoid a hearing? LEO Yeah. SIMON They won't be successful. LEO Josh and Sam are pretty good. And Bruno's a reasonable guy, so... SIMON There's going to be a hearing Leo, and it'll take months and it'll be awful. We're gonna hear stories about booze, and pills, and God knows what you did... LEO Simon... SIMON The President's got a budget to pass, he's got to get Mendoza confirmed, and in nine months he's got to get a Democratic congress elected. Leo. LEO Simon, did you come here to tell me you think I should resign? SIMON Yeah. LEO I've offered the President my resignation; he won't accept it. SIMON He's blinded by friendship, and he's being foolish, and you should point that out to him. LEO Simon, I'm just taking a guess - is there an op-ed piece coming out that I should know about? SIMON In tomorrow's Post. I wanted to let you know as a courtesy as we've been friends for so long. I have a copy with me... LEO No, I don't need to see it. I know what it says. For the good of the party, for the good of the President, a leading Democrat comes out in the Post and calls for my resignation. That probably won't get much attention... SIMON Leo... LEO ...and it will definitely not distract from the President's agenda. SIMON Now, hang on a sec... LEO I haven't seen you making the rounds on the Sunday morning talk shows in a while, Simon. I'm glad I could help out! SIMON I was hoping this would go differently. LEO Tell me something - where's your grave concern for country, party, and President, when you're out whoring for Atlantic Oil? SIMON I'm insulted by that. LEO Well, God, I sure didn't mean to hurt your feelings! SIMON I do not... LEO [standing up, as Simon tries to interrupt] I think you should walk out of here now. As a matter of fact, I think you should run. Simon stands, and leaves the room. LEO Oh God. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. CAPITOL HILL - DAY Sam and Josh are still in the meeting on Capitol Hill with Bruno and his two aides. JOSH For how long? BRUNO After the midterms. SAM That's almost a year. BRUNO Yes, sir. JOSH You want the White House to keep it in a drawer for a year? BRUNO Yes, sir. JOSH Why? BRUNO I don't want the debate. Nobody does. Nobody wants to support it. Nobody wants to oppose it. Nobody wants the debate - not until after the midterms. JOSH We put this thing in a drawer for a year and you can guarantee us... BRUNO ...that there will be no hearings in the House, yes. SAM The President will never go for it. BRUNO Yes, he will. JOSH Leo McGarry hasn't done anything wrong. Neither has anyone else. The hearings aren't going to turn up anything. We're not frightened enough to suppress... BRUNO Oh, stop it. Honest to God. It doesn't matter what the hell the hearings turn up. It's a hearing! This one is drugs so it's sexy. This is Geraldo's dream come true. So don't get up with me okay? I am throwing you a rope - something I'd like the two of you to remember next time you're mouthing off on Face the Nation. You can't get anything done cause House Republicans are vindictive. [to aides] This is what happens you put teenagers in the White House. [to Sam and Josh] You guys screwed this up from the beginning! You should have been there first on McGarry. You should have had the White House counsel's office run the internal investigation. You've come remarkably close to perjury in this Claypool deposition. I'd like to run hearings on the two of you being stupid. But I don't have that kind of time. Here's the phone. I'm sure the President is waiting for your call. Excuse us. Bruno and the aides stand up and leave the room. Josh and Sam stay sitting there. CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY Toby and C.J. are in a meeting with Congressional aides. FEMALE AIDE Toby, your argument isn't with us. We watch PBS. We like PBS. But we also work with Congressmen who have constituencies who want to know why the federal government is subsidizing television for rich people. TOBY It's not television for rich people. MALE AIDE Oh, Toby... TOBY It's not television for rich people. In fact, the public television audience is a fairly accurate reflection of the social and economic make up of the United States. [reading] One-quarter of the PBS audience is in households with incomes lower than $20,000 a year. Blacks comprise 11% of the public television audience and blacks comprise 11% of the commercial television audience. [Carol enters the room and C.J. looks up.] 47% of PBS viewers have a high school education or less [Toby looks up as C.J. stands up to join Carol in hallway], which is one percent better than the commercial TV audience. So what are you talking to me about? In the HALLWAY, C.J. talks to Carol. C.J. Are they here? CAROL They're in the Mural Room. C.J. Why don't you get Mandy? CAROL Do you know where she is? C.J. She's in the Oval Office having what must be a very comfortable conversation with the President. Carol smiles and walks down the hall. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY Mandy and the President are in the Oval Office reading the same report. BARTLET [reading] "The majority of young people move from kissing to more intimate sexual behaviors during their teenage years. More than 50 percent engage in petting behavior.'' [to Mandy] That's what I think it is, right? MANDY Yes, sir. BARTLET "By the age of 14, more than 25 percent have touched a girl's..." I won't say that word. [he scribbles on the report then reads silently.] Not going to say that. [scribbles] MANDY Okay. BARTLET [reading silently] Not going to say that. [scribbles] MRS. LANDINGHAM [just enters the room] Excuse me, Mr. President? BARTLET Yes? MRS. LANDINGHAM Mandy, the Lydells are waiting in the Mural Room. MANDY Does C.J. know? MRS. LANDINGHAM She's waiting outside. MANDY [to Bartlet] Mr. President? BARTLET Go. MANDY Thank you, sir. BARTLET Thank you. Mandy leaves. MRS. LANDINGHAM Would you like to share what's in that report, sir? BARTLET With you? MRS. LANDINGHAM Yes. BARTLET No. MRS. LANDINGHAM May I ask why not, sir? BARTLET Because I'd rather not be in therapy for the rest of my life. MRS. LANDINGHAM Very well, sir. [leaves] BARTLET [reading silently] I won't say that word. [scribbles] CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - DAY Mandy and C.J. enter the room. JONATHAN and JENNIFER LYDELL are waiting inside. C.J. Mr. and Mrs. Lydell? MRS. LYDELL Yes. C.J. I'm C.J. Cregg. And you've already met Mandy? C.J. and Mandy shake hands with the Lydells. MRS. LYDELL Yes, how do you do? C.J. Please sit. [They all sit.] We want to thank you for coming such a long way, particularly so soon after this unspeakable tragedy. MRS. LYDELL Well, we're glad to be here. C.J. Mrs. Lydell, that's why we asked to talk to you for a minute. It was Mandy's impression - and perhaps it was mistaken - that you and your husband... uh... have some reservations about appearing in support of the President. I hate to have to put it so bluntly, but is that true? MRS. LYDELL C.J., we strongly support the hate crimes law the President is signing tomorrow night. C.J. Mr. Lydell? MR. LYDELL Yes? C.J. I'm sorry. I was asking... Mr. Lydell, I don't know how else to put this. But if you appear in front of the press to be at all embarrassed about your son's homosexuality... I guess... let me just say this, do you support the President? MRS. LYDELL Yes, we do. MR. LYDELL No, we do not. MRS. LYDELL Jonathan.... MR. LYDELL No, that was really the last... [Mrs. Lydell tries to protest] No, we do not. The hate crimes bill is fine. Who gives a damn? It's fine. I don't care. If you ask me, we shouldn't be making laws against what's in a person's head but who gives a damn? I don't understand how this President, who I voted for, I don't understand how he can take such a completely weak-ass position on gay rights. MRS. LYDELL Jonathan... MR. LYDELL [touches his wife's hand] Gays in the military, same-sex marriage, gay adoption, boards of education - where the hell is he? I want to know what qualities necessary to being a parent this President feels my son lacked? I want to know from this President, who has served not one day in Vietnam - I had two tours in Vietnam. I want to know what qualities necessary to being a soldier this President feels my son lacked? Lady, I'm not embarrassed my son was gay. My government is. Mandy and C.J. look away from the Lydells, apparently uncomfortable. MANDY [to the Lydells] Will you excuse us for a minute? C.J. and Mandy walk out to the HALLWAY, closing the door behind them. C.J. Mandy... MANDY We're going to have to send them home. C.J. They'll be fine. MANDY [incredulous] They won't be fine! C.J. Mandy... MANDY You heard the man. This thing is going to be over and the press is going to surround them. C.J. So, the press surrounds them. He says what he says. MANDY [surprised] What are you talking about? C.J. He made a reasonable point. And maybe, given the circumstances, he's got a right. MANDY To talk to reporters on our dime? C.J. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. MANDY You are the White House press secretary. C.J. They said they support the bill. MANDY C.J.! C.J. [overlapping Mandy] What else... I'm saying... MANDY Get it together! C.J. [beat] Yeah. All right. All right. I know. I know. MANDY We have to tell them. C.J. I know. MANDY I'll go let them know. C.J. No. No, I'll do it. MANDY Okay. C.J. opens the door to THE MURAL ROOM, enters and closes the door. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY Toby continues his meeting with the Congressional aides. FEMALE AIDE I've got news for you Toby. When PBS claims that a majority of households are weekly viewers they use the Nielsen index. That's based on diaries. MALE AIDE Those results always show vastly higher PBS viewing than the numbers gathered by the automated boxes. FEMALE AIDE Why? Because... TOBY Because people want to claim they're more sophisticated than they are. FEMALE AIDE That's right. TOBY Look... MALE AIDE Wait, wait, hang on. There's one other thing. Product licensing for Big Bird dolls and Fuzzy Bear toys? TOBY Fozzy Bear. MAN Oh, oh whatever. TOBY [with increasing agitation] It's Fozzy Bear, not Fuzzy Bear. MAN Product licensing for this merchandise brings in over $20 million a year, none of which goes to PBS, all of which goes to the show's producer, the Children's Television Workshop. Now this is a company whose Chief Executive earns high six figures in salary and benefits per year, yet the show is subsidized by taxpayer dollars. TOBY It's a perfectly reasonable complaint. WOMAN And? TOBY I don't care. MAN Toby... TOBY We're gonna see to all those things. In the meantime, a time when the public is rightly concerned about the impact of sex and violence on TV this administration is gonna protect the muppets, we're gonna protect Wall-street Week, we're gonna protect Live from Lincoln Center and by god, we are going to protect Julia Childs. WOMAN Toby... C.J. knocks on one of the doors. TOBY Hang on. Toby crosses over to where C.J. is waiting outside. C.J. I got a message you wanted to see me? TOBY I've got good news. C.J. What? TOBY Josh and Sam cut a deal on the hill. No hearing for Leo, he's gonna be out of the woods. C.J. Oh Toby, that's, that's great. TOBY I gotta get back in there. This is just too much fun. CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - DAY Inside, looking out toward Cathy's desk, Cathy sees something to her right, she crosses to Sam's door and knocks. CATHY Sam? SAM Cathy, there is a small town in Alabama that wants to pass a law saying if I don't honor my father I go to jail. What do you think about that? CATHY How do they know if you're honoring your father or not? SAM Yeah, I think they've overlooked that. CATHY She's here. SAM Send her in. KAREN LARSON, a quiet woman in her 20's, enters, looking apprehensive. SAM [crossing in front of his desk] Are you Karen Larson? KAREN Yes. SAM I'm Sam Seaborn. KAREN I know. SAM [shuts the door with a loud bang] The advance man you ratted out doesn't work for us anymore Karen, he works for the Vice President. Kind of screwed yourself there, didn't you? KAREN I didn't... SAM You trying to win one for the Vice President? KAREN I didn't... SAM Were you? KAREN I wasn't... SAM I've got four witnesses, Karen. I've got Ginger in my office, I have a guy from political liaison and I have two wire service reporters. Were you trying to protect your boss? KAREN Mr. Seaborn... SAM There are people here that say you've been acting funny. Like you're guilty and you've got something to hide. They think you're the one who leaked the story about the advance man. I'm thinking something different. KAREN Mr. Seaborn, I had absolutely nothing to do with the reporters finding out... SAM I don't give a damn about the round of golf. I don't give a damn about the helicopter. I don't give a damn about the advance man. [Karen looks to the floor] Karen, look at me. [pause] Were you the one who leaked Leo McGarry's personnel file to Lillianfield and Claypool? KAREN [realization dawning] Oh... SAM What? KAREN Mr. Claypool is a family friend... SAM CATHY! [Cathy opens the door.] Take her back to her office and stand there while she cleans out her desk. [walks to the door, then turns over his shoulder to Karen] Security's going to throw you out of the building in fifteen minutes [leaves] CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY Bartlet comes in and approaches Mrs. Landingham. BARTLET Mrs. Landingham. MRS. LANDINGHAM Yes sir? BARTLET You're not going to believe this but I think I'd actually like a banana. MRS. LANDINGHAM I'm afraid not sir, no. BARTLET Why not? MRS. LANDINGHAM You were offered one earlier, sir, and you were snippy. BARTLET I wasn't snippy! MRS. LANDINGHAM I'm afraid you were, Mr. President. [looking toward the oval office] C.J.'s waiting, sir. BARTLET Thank you, Mrs. Landingham. He crosses into THE OVAL OFFICE and shuts the door. BARTLET She withholds food from me. C.J. Mr. President, I hate to keep jumping up and down on this, but... BARTLET The sex-ed report. C.J. Yes sir. BARTLET We're gonna leave it alone for a while. C.J. Sir, when you say... BARTLET [busy at his desk] After the midterm elections. C.J. That's a year from now. BARTLET Yeah. C.J. We're gonna stick it in a drawer? BARTLET It's a pretty incendiary report. C.J. You don't think we have an obligation to present the information? BARTLET [crosses out to stand in front of her] It's not gonna play well at a PTA meeting, C.J. It says we should be teaching kids to have sex. C.J. It does not, Mr. President, excuse me sir, but it does not. BARTLET Of course it doesn't. But that's how it's going to play. C.J. The report is very direct, sir, it says with holding knowledge about having sex doesn't prevent teenagers from having sex, it prevents teenagers from having sex safely. And it says offering information about safe sex doesn't increase the rate of sex, it increases the rate of protected sex. BARTLET [in a somewhat patronizing tone] C.J. C.J. We commissioned this report, Mr. President. These people are doctors; we asked them a question. How can we put it in a drawer just cause we don't think people are going to like the answer? BARTLET C.J., getting it through this congress, a body which at the moment, will only give federal funding to sex education programs that teach abstinence only. C.J. We have an enormous pulpit from which... BARTLET [raising his voice] And we will avail ourselves of that pulpit but we will do it after the midterm elections. C.J. [a pause, realizes] I think I understand. BARTLET I needed to get Leo off the hook, C.J. C.J. It's the deal Josh and Sam made. BARTLET Yes. We'll deal with it after the midterm elections. C.J. I understand. BARTLET [back behind his desk] I was hoping you would. C.J. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Umm, several members of the press already know, I think, the report came back to us and... BARTLET Yeah. Well there's nothing wrong with telling them we got it. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. We got it, we're looking at it, we're studying it. Throw it out with the trash. C.J. Yes sir. BARTLET Thanks, C.J. C.J. Thank you sir. [almost out the door, but stops and turns back to face Bartlet] Mr. President? We could all be better teachers. BARTLET I know. C.J. leaves, as Bartlet removes his glasses, looking pensive. CUT TO: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - NIGHT C.J. is sitting on the back steps leading out of the press area. Danny enters, from the back room. DANNY C.J.? C.J. Hi. DANNY What are you doing? C.J. Hmm? DANNY What are you doing? C.J. [thinking] I was... uh.... nothing. DANNY O.K. C.J. Danny? DANNY Mmhmm? C.J. If you call Mr. and Mrs. Lydell in St. Paul and ask them why... DANNY Don't. C.J. Look... DANNY Don't leak me a story. C.J. I wasn't. DANNY I've seen this look on the face of four other press secretaries before you. You've got a story in the trash this week that's a story, you want it out there and someone said no. C.J. There all stories this week. DANNY That happens sometimes. C.J. Four other press secretaries and you never took a free lead? DANNY No I always took a free lead. C.J. Then... DANNY Not from you. C.J. Why? DANNY Cause twenty minutes from now you're gonna remember you're a professional and you're not gonna like me anymore. C.J. [thinking this over] What makes you think I'll like you now? DANNY I don't know. But as long as you keep grabbing me and kissing me what the hell do I care? C.J. Good point. DANNY If there's a story, I'll find it. C.J. No you won't. DANNY How do you know? C.J. [Standing up] Cause we've gotten very good at this. DANNY Yes, you have. C.J. Yes, we have. C.J. heads into the briefing room, Danny follows. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT Leo is at his desk watching television. CAROL [on T.V.] Please, take your seats folks, the press conference will start in two minutes. Please, take your seats... MARGARET Leo? LEO Yeah? MARGARET Karen Larson is here. LEO Thanks. Leo turns off the T.V. as Margaret leaves. Karen Larson enters, holding a box with her personal items. LEO I'm Leo McGarry. KAREN Yes, sir. LEO I wanted to meet you and I wanted you to meet me. KAREN Yes, sir. LEO Would you like to put down your things and talk for a minute? If you don't, I understand. Karen places her box on the table and turns back to Leo. LEO When you read in my personnel file that I had been treated for alcohol and drug abuse, what went through your mind? Karen, it's okay, you can say it. The worst thing I'm empowered to do is fire you and I've already done that. KAREN My father drank a lot... LEO [nodding] So did mine. In fact he died from it. He came home late one night very drunk, my mother was yelling at him. I'm not sure about what, but I heard the yelling downstairs from my bedroom. She came upstairs and he went out to the garage and shot himself in the head. KAREN Is that why you drank and took drugs? LEO I drank and took drugs because I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. KAREN How long did it take you to get cured? LEO I'm not cured. You don't get cured. I haven't had a drink or a pill in six and a half years, which isn't to say I won't have one tomorrow. KAREN What would happen if you did? LEO I don't know. But probably a nightmare the likes of which both our fathers experienced. And me too. KAREN So after six and a half years you're still not allowed to have a drink? LEO The problem is, I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks. KAREN Are things that bad? LEO [laughing slightly] No. KAREN Then why? LEO 'Cause I'm an alcoholic. KAREN I don't understand. LEO I know. It's okay. Hardly anyone does. It's very hard to understand. KAREN You're not like what I thought you would be like. LEO You haven't answered my question yet. When you saw my personnel file, when you saw I'd been through treatment, what when through your mind? KAREN My father used to... [She falters. It's obvious this is not a subject she's comfortable discussing] You have all these important decisions to make in your job, every day, all the time, decisions I can't even... people's lives. LEO Karen, what you did caused a lot of problems; for me, for the President, and for a lot of people we don't even know. But I'm not sure it wasn't a little bit brave. Did you like working at the White House? KAREN Yes, sir. LEO Okay. Then why don't you go unpack your carton and you and I will give each other a second chance? KAREN [smiles, then nods] Okay. She picks up her box and quietly leaves. Leo pauses, then turns back to the television to watch C.J.'s briefing. C.J. [on T.V.] Just a few more quick things, Chad Margrudien has submitted his resignation to the Vice President's office putting an end, I hope, to that affair. We expect the President's appointees to the Board of the Corporation of Public Broadcasting to be confirmed early next week. Oh, I have I not here that Jonathan and Jennifer Lydell won't be able to be at the bill signing ceremony later this evening. There was some family business that required them to go back to St. Paul. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 1.13 -- 'Take Out The Trash Day' Original Airdate: January 26, 2000, 9:00 PM EST